What do you say? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-10-2008, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When people ask "what" you're having???

I *hate* that question! As I'm getting obviously closer, it seems like complete strangers are feeling more comfortable asking super personal questions... I had a random guy at the gas station ask how dilated I am. :

So far, my standard answer has been "We're hoping for human." Which usually works... the person realizes that they've overstepped and backs off. But, lately I've been running into people who brush my answer aside and keep pestering... so, I'm looking for better responses. Here are some I'm considering:

- A democrat (credit to BrainChild Mag for that one)
- A person that minds their own business


I need help from wittier women than me... Help me out, mamas!
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Old 06-10-2008, 11:46 PM
 
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I just say "a baby, i hope" and they usually laugh.

um, that gas station thing is truly creepy. eeeeeeek. i would have said - ten centimeters, can you catch?
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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someone asked me what I was hoping for "since you already have 2 boys." I said, "A baby. I'd be horrified if it was a puppy or something."

Sounds like a version on a theme, though. Not much wittier than what you already have. It's really annoying to have to field these questions constantly, isn't it?

I also hate the one that goes, "so you must be getting close, eh?" I mostly ignore this one, or just say, "mm-hmm." in a bit of an "um, shut-up" tone.
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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Well we had our baby already, but when I was pregnant and people would ask if we were having a boy or a girl and my dh would say, "hopefully one or the other".

Tara - nurse and wife to a nurse, mama to four, Izak (7/28/99), Liam (9/25/06), Freya (5/28/08) and Luna (5/19/10)
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Old 06-11-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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Eh, I'm in the group that thinks those people are just being friendly and wanting to share in your joy... Not everyone understands that question of sex is too intimate for everyone...

As for the guy and dilation?? He should just KNOW ...

But then look at the world we live in...nothing is sacred!!

If I were you, and I know I'm not...

I'd stick to your whitty comments but then add that you've chosen not to find out. Educate the world! :P
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Old 06-11-2008, 01:34 AM
 
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I just say "A surprise" with a smile, and keep on my way. I'm getting that ? a LOT recently.

If someone asked me how dilated I was I would have laughed and given him a raised eyebrow and not bothered to answer.

Mama to 4 amazing little people, another little expected 3/6/12!
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:04 AM
 
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Haha Tracy, sounds like we think alike. For me it is when the kids ask, "Is there a baby in there?" I say, "I hope so, or do you think maybe it's a puppy?" I am not annoyed. I just think it is funny.

The interesting one I have been getting recently is a simple "Congratulations." I guess because I am obviously close.

The only comment that has really annoyed me was the woman who said I was about to pop. I wanted to say, "No, my stomach is not going to explode. The baby is going to come out my vagina believe it or not."
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Old 06-11-2008, 08:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies!!

Honestly, the question never used to bother me... but, since I'm always out w/ my three girls, it INVARIABLY leads to a discussion of why we *need* a boy or should be *hoping* for a boy. Boys are great (and the U/S says thats what we should guess) but my girls are great too! Plus, I think it's really detrimental to them to discuss such a preference in front of them. FWIW, I think if I had all boys I'd be getting the same thing in reverse, so I don't necessarily think it's completely misogynistic, just ignorant. But, I do have girls so it gets my feminist sense tingling, KWIM?

So, I'm looking for ways to head the person off at the pass and let them know that gender is not something I want to discuss.....
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Old 06-11-2008, 08:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by BirthFree View Post
If someone asked me how dilated I was I would have laughed and given him a raised eyebrow and not bothered to answer.

It really was the weirdest thing... we weren't chatting or anything, just pumping ultra-expensive gas on opposite sides of the same pump. As I was hanging up the nozzle, he looked over at me and asked out of the blue. No preamble, nothing. So weird. I think I looked at him like he had two heads and backed slowly away to my van. People are strange. Although usually I find that to be wonderful, during pregnancy not so much.....................
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Old 06-11-2008, 10:04 AM
 
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Thanks ladies!!

Honestly, the question never used to bother me... but, since I'm always out w/ my three girls, it INVARIABLY leads to a discussion of why we *need* a boy or should be *hoping* for a boy. Boys are great (and the U/S says thats what we should guess) but my girls are great too! Plus, I think it's really detrimental to them to discuss such a preference in front of them. FWIW, I think if I had all boys I'd be getting the same thing in reverse, so I don't necessarily think it's completely misogynistic, just ignorant. But, I do have girls so it gets my feminist sense tingling, KWIM?

So, I'm looking for ways to head the person off at the pass and let them know that gender is not something I want to discuss.....
I got very, very frustrated with this kind of stuff when I was pg with dd. I would be out with my two precious sons and people would say things in front of them..."oh, you must be hoping for a girl!" "what if you have ANOTHER boy??" "omg, two boys, a third would be awful" "you must be crazy" etc etc etc.
It really offended me - the suggestion that I would not be happy because I could be a mom of only boys. I certainly didnt feel that way. So I took a few people to task on it : I would tell them I LOVE being a mom of boys and I hoped that this baby was a boy. And please don't talk that way in front of my boys.
I think that was the worst part - whatever, if that's what they think and want to say, okay, but don't expose children to your stupid gender bias and make them feel like maybe their mama wishes they were something else. I still don't like it when people say 'now you've got your girl!' when I'm out with the 3 kids. Yes, I have a daughter, but she's not more valuable than the other kids, thank you very much. (I haven't actually said that - yet).
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:10 AM
 
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i think that's what gets me about it, too, MamaJava. I have two boys, yes. And, I happen to think they are great! They themselves are hoping for a sister, especially DS1. But, that doesn't mean we won't welcome a 3rd boy w/ just as much love and joy (trying to find a name for him will be another matter all together, but I digress ).

Would I love to have a daughter? Absolutely. But, that's where it gets too personal for me. A stranger on the street doesn't need to know what I dream about for our family. When we decided to have #3, it was with full knowledge that you don't get to pick, so "hoping" is almost pointless, anyway.

I would be horrified if either of the boys ever asked me if I wished they were a girl. poor things.
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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My daughter said it best. People were constantly asking if she wanted a little brother or a little sister. She would say, "I want a little boy or a little girl!" All bases covered!
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:47 PM
 
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well, considering that when I am asked this common question(I do find it somewhat annoying too! ) my son is usually with me, we have this "act" that goes like this:

stranger:"Do you know what you're having?"

mama: "I don't know! Jonah, what do you think? We're pretty sure its not a monkey, right?"

son: "(laughing and rolling his eyes)" ya, ya pretty sure about that!"

mama:"it [I]could[I] be three puppies.....(laughing)"

son:"Noooooooo!!!!!"

mama: "must be baby then!!!!"

lots of laughing, and then the person usually walks away shaking their head!
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Too bad it is so late or I would say get one of those snotty Tshirts. There must be ones that say "No, I don't know what I'm having" or "No I don't care what I'm having" or "Don't ask me what I'm having" or.... You can make them on Zazzle or sites like that, but might not be worth it at this point.
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Old 06-11-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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I usually reply "A human baby we hope, but we're not sure." I hate the inevitable question that follows though: "What are you hoping for?".
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by neomia View Post
Too bad it is so late or I would say get one of those snotty Tshirts. There must be ones that say "No, I don't know what I'm having" or "No I don't care what I'm having" or "Don't ask me what I'm having" or.... You can make them on Zazzle or sites like that, but might not be worth it at this point.
I've seen ones that just have a big ol' question mark over the belly. Pretty cute! The full set has the appropriate symbol for mamas who know. I think it's even too late for me to get one, and besides I'd have to have like 7, since I get this question almost everyday!
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Old 06-11-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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I just say I'm pretty sure it's a baby hopefully not a cat Then they are like wow! You don't know blah blah blah. Yup and I love it that way I know people are crazy I guess most people find out anymore

Mama of 4 all born at home : Mothering
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Old 06-11-2008, 07:44 PM
 
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With a smile, "A baby!"
"No really, a baby. If it's a puppy/iguana/mushroom we'll have problems."
And then usually "No, we don't find out - haven't with the other kids."
Or my 4.5yo will say "Baby spaghetti!" which is one of his name choices for the babe.

It's kinda fun wigging people out because so few people wait and see nowadays that we're the weird ones. Even my midwife and substitute midwife are wondering who'll be on call when I go into labor because I'm like the first or second gal this year to not find out baby's sex. My midwife delivered/attended over 100 babies last year.

And part of why we don't find out? Because we don't care! As long as it's healthy, we're good. While I wasn't exactly sure how to go about dealing with boys after my first was born especially because I didn't know the equipment, I've gotten into my groove. And having a teenage daughter kinda scares the bejesus out of me (I remember my teenage years, yikes), so either way it's going to be a wild ride. And we don't have to grieve/mourn over a wrong ultrasound or major hopes for one sex. But that's just hubby and I - we live on the edge apparently.

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Old 06-11-2008, 07:59 PM
 
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I just go with "a baby"

Or if they ask if it is a girl or a boy I just answer "yes."

I am reallllllllllly annoyed with the question too.

CPST and SAHM to DS (4/20/06) and DD (6/13/08)
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by neomia View Post
Too bad it is so late or I would say get one of those snotty Tshirts. There must be ones that say "No, I don't know what I'm having" or "No I don't care what I'm having" or "Don't ask me what I'm having" or.... You can make them on Zazzle or sites like that, but might not be worth it at this point.
popping in from Sept DDC - I have a tank top that has pictures of a boy and a girl with "It's a suprise!" written below...Works wonders for prying people!

hippie.gifWife to blowkiss.gifJames , treehugger.gifMama to Saraenergy.gif and Robbie bouncy.gif
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