Older siblings at the birth.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 11:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone done this/going to do this? My three year old told me yesterday out of the blue that she wants to be there when the baby comes out. We've talked about where babies come out on the mommy's body before I got pregnant but I'm not entirely sure I know how I feel about her being there. I'm willing to entertain the idea but my husband, well he's really not into it. So. What are you guys going to do or what have you done about this? I'll be at a birthing center, not at home, and can have someone there with us to take her out of the room should she get upset (I've been giving it a tiny bit of thought). I know there's a long time to decide and she could change her mind by them but I have a nasty habit of over thinking important decisions so over think this I must!!!! She watches birth shows on tv with me : and is really interested when they give birth in bathtubs! She thinks that all babies come out in water now
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#2 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 12:14 PM
 
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I'm planning another homebirth with my family present. My children, if they wish, can be present for the birth. We'll do reading and talking about birth. As it is, my 4 year old likes watching some of the more tasteful births on youtube with me...so I'm sure he will enjoy being there. It helps that my twin sister is due 3 months before me, so she can help to pave the way with the 'baby was in her belly and now it's not' issues.

Emily: Homebirthin' mama to 3 boys and a girl.
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#3 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 12:18 PM
 
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I think she would LOVE it!We always invite our kids to our births,and a caregiver each that is focused on their positive experience.Last time, we gave them each a disposable camera, and it was very fun!Our oldest slept thru our second baby's birth.(who knows how!)And at our third birth,nobody belived the baby was actually comming, so they took the kids on a ride, and they got home in time to see the placenta birth.Last time was the camera's, all were there, and thrilled.We just announced I'm pregnant to them last night and they are SO exited!
By way of preperation, I just bring the kids into the whole experience.All the appointments,all the conversations,we watch lots of births,including our own,and it's just the most natural, normal thing ever.And I honestly belive we have no rivalry between 4 siblings because they have never been uninvolved.

I also cannot imagine a better experience to help us guide them thru their teen hormones than them seeing firsthand in a non-pressure way,before they ever cared, what sex means, and when in life it would be most appropriate.

:::
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#4 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 01:35 PM
 
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I had my 2 older boys and my 2 nephews (similar in ages to mine) at my 3rd son's homebirth. He was born in the afternoon, so they were all awake and in and out. My oldest was 6, and couldn't care less about the actual birth, my 4 year old nephew was ENTHRALLED and watched the whole thing and kept asking questions, and our 2 year olds were oblivious.

It really depends on the individual child. I don't think it's a bad idea to have kids there unless something traumatic happens, which isn't likely. KWIM? ANd you do need someone there to be "in charge" of any kids who are present, so they can answer questions, make sure they don't get scared (if you make a lot of noise, etc), and take them out of te room if they get bored or upset.
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#5 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 03:16 PM
 
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I'm going to leave it up to my 2.5 year old (she will be when the baby is born). She's pretty opinionated.

Our neighbors have 4 kids, now all grown, but the mom has a great video of the birth of #3 in a birth center with the other two kids watching. So sweet!
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#6 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 03:39 PM
 
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my older two were just outside the hospital room with the door open when Ellie was born. We didn't have any issues except that Ellie came out pretty blue looking and my son (then 8) was concerned, I forgot to mention that might happen and it was ok. My MIL took him out in the hall and explained that the baby was fine After that he came back and was very interested.

This time we are birthing at home, and my oldest (13) has said she wants to be here, at my appt with the midwife monday she was very excited to let the midwife know she wanted to be present and didn't wanna leave when mom has the baby. I figure since she has a boyfriend this can be great birth control too. Obviously we have already had the talks and such and she is a smart girl, but this should have a more lasting impression on her

My son says he will stay upstairs and to call him when baby arrives, I think he just doesn't wanna see mom naked but will probably be present if we have the waterbirth like planned.

as for my 3yr old, I will have someone here for her, to take her if needed, she s very much a mama girl and very very empathetic when she sees someone sad or in pain so not sure how she will handle it..

jeez, I wrote a book, LOL!
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#7 of 24 Old 11-22-2007, 03:55 PM
 
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dd was present when ds was born. well, she was in the house and came in right after he came out.

i'm not sure how i feel about it right now. they are of course, welcome to be here. i was pretty loud when ds was born, though, and i think i might have scared dd a bit. she was worried about me. she was 2.5 when he was born. we have talked about it a lot, so i guess as the birth gets closer i will let her decide what she wants to do, and ds will probably do whatever she does because she is like, a superhero to him.
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#8 of 24 Old 11-23-2007, 12:23 AM
 
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We discussed it when I had ds. My dd had watched a ton of birthing shows with me throughout my pregnancy, but we opted against having her there. I was going for a VBAC. We knew that there was a very real chance of something going wrong and me needing a repeat c-section. I explained that to her beforehand. She knows that she had to be cut out and the whole time we said we were hoping that her baby brother would be able to be pushed out. My mom took her when I was in labor. Then my mom left her with my dad and came back to be there for the end of my labor and the birth. She went to get her right after and dd was there within an hour. Would have been quicker, but the highway was closed down because of an accident.

I really don't know this time. I'd love to have dd there if we could. I'm not terribly loud and I don't swear or anything during labor. She's 8 now and REALLY into biology. She loves watching all kinds of medical shows, especially birth shows. I think it would really depend, though, on the circumstances. I don't think I'd have ds there. He's really "skittish" and wouldn't be interested in that kind of thing. I think it would upset him a LOT to see me in any kind of pain. And if they had to wheel me away for a c-section, he'd absolutely freak out.

It's definitely something I think everyone needs to decide for themselves. Every child is different, just as every labor and family is different. I do think that everyone involved needs to be completely "on board" with it all. Especially in a non-hb situation.

Tiffany, loving wife to Matt, Mommy to Samantha (10/99), Tevin (8/04), Cadence (6/08) and babymooning with our sweet little Lauren 6/24/10
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#9 of 24 Old 11-23-2007, 09:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the stories ladies. My husband and I talked about it a little in the car on the way to his mother's yesterday (thank goodness for naptime in the car) and he's way more open to the idea now. So yay!
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#10 of 24 Old 11-23-2007, 09:17 AM
 
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Ryan was 3 3/4 when Nate was born. He was right there through the whole thing, holding a flashlight (during the daytime), and helped cut the cord.
A.J. was 2 1/2 and was oblivious. He went upstairs and watched tv. He didn't want anything to do with it.
I think if she's interested then by all means try to include her if you are comfortable with it.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#11 of 24 Old 11-23-2007, 09:50 AM
 
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I think it's great to make it a family affair as long as the kids are interested. My DD will only be 19 mo when her younger sibling is born so she will probably be in the house but not in the room. (too young I think).
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#12 of 24 Old 11-23-2007, 11:57 AM
 
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My son will be 4 by the time the baby comes, and I plan on having him at the birth.

Mother to two great kids. &
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#13 of 24 Old 11-23-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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My two oldest children REALLY want to be at the birth. My son will be 6 1/2 and my daughter will be 4. I will have one care person for each of them so that if they want/need to leave the house, they can.

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#14 of 24 Old 11-24-2007, 02:16 AM
 
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I want both of my children present.. Im hoping for a homebirth.. but if it ends up a hospital birth then I will drag my children along.. If it means having my youngest sons nurse there then so be it
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#15 of 24 Old 11-24-2007, 02:28 AM
 
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My ds1 was present for the birth of dd, he was 10 then. Both of them were present for the birth of ds2, ds1 was 12, dd was 2. I chose to have my dp be the presence for dd given her personality, I was happy to rely on the female friends present for support but it wasn't necessary. DD was great, she slept through all night (almost unheard of at the time!) and was kissing me when I leaned over the edge of the pool. She had a great view of ds2 emerging body and cried out excitedly "oh he's here, he's here"
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#16 of 24 Old 11-24-2007, 10:13 AM
 
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last time my oldest was 18 months old and was not present for the birth. It was a hospitol birth and the whole place freaked her out quite a bit anyway. She spent the day at teh playground with her mimi & popo (my IL's).

this time we;ll be giving birth at home, and my 2 DD's will be 4 and 2.5 at the time. So far we are not sure. It depends. My youngest especially is very sensitive to things happening to mommy. I'm nto sure she would deal well with labor or birth - and my need to comfort her would be a distraction. My oldest.. I think she'd love it.
So we'll ahve my in-laws on hand agina - and play it by ear.
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#17 of 24 Old 11-25-2007, 10:37 PM
 
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I have had all my children at the birth of their sibling. My oldest has been there for all six of the youngers. I, of course prepared them in advance, but they would not miss it for the world. The only one that the youngers missed was my sixth, and that is because my labor was only an hour and fifteen minutes and it was very early in the morning. Otherwise they would have been there too.

They really enjoy being there, and the bonding with the baby begins immediately. I have never regretted having them there.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#18 of 24 Old 11-26-2007, 12:53 AM
 
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I was there for all three of my mom's homebirths ( I was the first), and I have to say that my siblings and I have always been very close.I'm really glad I got to be there. I am seriously considering Dd being there-I've never been in labor though,so i'm not sure when i am going to be like, and Dd likes to have LOTS of attention, she's also very sensitive to "scary" or upset situations-This is still a topic on the table.
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#19 of 24 Old 03-02-2008, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bump up for Hulajenn!
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#20 of 24 Old 03-02-2008, 01:52 PM
 
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My 3 girls will be at home during the birth and are more then welcome to be present if they want to be. My oldest is 6 and she really wants to be there so as long as they are comfortable I am comfortable. On the plus side I am really really quiet in Labour so they hopefully won't be to concerned or scaried

S Momma to:8:5:4:1.5 and: May 29 2010 loving wife to C:
:::: ::: formally mom_2_3_girls
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#21 of 24 Old 03-03-2008, 12:20 PM
 
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I personally don't want dd (4.5yo) around much for active labor because I need no extraneous noises or distractions during that time. But I definitely want her here for the birth. I'm having a home birth and will have family take her out somewhere until birth is imminent. Fortunately I live a block from the mall, parks, and Chik Fil A play area so she can stay close until its time.
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#22 of 24 Old 03-04-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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I've had my children at my last three births. They've ranged in age from almost 2 - 6.5 years. The younger ones need an adult helper. For the most part, they stayed out of the room. The older one particularly likes being at the birth and is quiet as well as helpful (gives me drinks and such).

My kids know that if my eyes are closed (birthing wave or hypnosis practice) they must be quiet. I've really enjoyed how family-oriented my last babies' births have been. I feel that we've had fewer issues with adjusting to the new baby since the other children see exactly where the baby came from and that it's OUR baby.

Homeschooling Mom of 5 dds reading.gif

Planning my fifth natural birth using Hypnobabies for baby boy coming in June 2012! nocirc.gif

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#23 of 24 Old 03-08-2008, 08:33 AM
 
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I'm planning for DD (4yo) to be at the birth. When signing the paperwork for a homebirth last week, DH said "but what about DD" as if that would somehow be harder if it were a homebirth. I told him that I was looking into hiring a doula for her/us. DD is looking forward to helping at the birth by bringing me washcloths and water.

I just wish we had a "better" support person for her. My first two choices just aren't possible and we're new to the area and don't really have friends yet and I can't imagine having our parents at the birth or anywhere near me at that time. My first choice was/is my brother's girlfriend, but she is starting a new job in July and can only really help on the weekend (hear that baby, come on the weekend!) and my second choice wasn't so serious, but was my cousin. I thought it would be neat if she could come stay with us for a month and care for DD, but she's not really old enough and would absolutely need support of her own, so that doesn't really help.
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#24 of 24 Old 03-08-2008, 01:49 PM
 
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If I'm able to have a hb, I'm not sure what we'll do w/ my then 23mo dd. My mom (who dd is close to) will be there for her, but she is VERY attached to me & I don't see her being willing to stay in another room while I labor. & if I hear her crying for me in another room or trying to get my attention in the same room, I think that could make for a very dysfuntional labor. I'm really unsure...
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