Shower for 3rd child- tacky or no? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 03-09-2008, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
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I have never had a baby shower. Partially because we didn't have any friends in the area and all our relatives lived in other states when we were having first 2 dc.

We've given away all our baby stuff, as we thought we were pretty much done having kiddos, definitely were not planning to have any more til dh was done with school, at the very least. This baby totally took us by surprise.

So, is it too tacky to have a shower with this baby? I'm normally not for all the froofroo girly stuff, ie I didn't have a wedding shower or anything either, but I think it might be nice to have one baby shower in my life.


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#2 of 23 Old 03-09-2008, 03:51 PM
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Some will think so, I don't.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#3 of 23 Old 03-09-2008, 03:57 PM
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Nope not at all... I think all babies need to be celebrated... And especially since you have nothing... we have stuff but still know of some other stuff we will be adding on this time

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#4 of 23 Old 03-09-2008, 04:37 PM
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I wouldn't throw a "shower" for yourself, but if someone is offering, I see no reason to decline. If you'd like to have one, but no one offers, consider just having a baby welcoming party or something like that instead.

(I'm crossing my fingers that *someone* will offer to throw me one this time around too.... but not holding my breath)

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#5 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 12:15 AM
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I think you should casually mention to people that you've never had a baby shower. If I heard this about one of my friends who was expecting her 3rd, I'd have one in a heartbeat!
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#6 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 05:37 AM
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I don't think it'd be tacky... i've also never had a baby shower as my DH's relatives have some superstition about it being bad for the mama and baby.

Mum to DS (8yrs), DD (6yrs), and DS(3.5yrs). kid.gif

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#7 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 10:03 AM
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The people who define a shower as "a party that celebrates the baby" will say no. The people that define a shower as "a party that celebrates a woman's transition into motherhood" will say yes. The conflict occurs when people don't realize there are two definitions for the term "baby shower."
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#8 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 10:40 AM
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I've been to a baby shower for baby #7. I see it as the celebration of each life.

If you think some of your friends will be offended, you can ask the hostess to ask for "out of the box" gifts on the invitation--stuff like used clothes, casseroles, diapers (in my circle, it's common for second and third babies to get diaper showers), things like that. You could also ask her to make a big deal about "celebrating this life" on the invitation.
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#9 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 10:43 AM
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Not tacky!! Every time you become a mother you should be celebrated. And, every child deserves to be celebrated. Is this child NOT special just because it is the 3rd one?? Or, would you agree that your transition into a mother of three is not significant??

Have a shower or a blessingway!! You deserve it. It is affirming. You need any show of love you can get when you are pregnant and especially before you take on 3 kiddos!!

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#10 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 10:53 AM
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A shower/blessingway/party can be what ever you want it to be. A friend of mine and my SIL want to throw a "shower" for me and this is my 5th (I want meals, playdates for the sib, and someone to fold laundry!!). My last pregnancy my mw and some friends put together a blessingway basket for me.
Include the other siblings - specials books, games and activities they can do when the baby arrives...
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#11 of 23 Old 03-10-2008, 12:13 PM
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If you are defining a baby shower as a party with food that people come to celebrate your baby, then no.

But I think by "baby shower" you mean a party where people come to celebrate the baby but also bring a gift. I personally do think it is rude to have this type of baby shower more then once, especially if the children are within 3 years of age.

Now before everyone jumps down my throat, I think you have a unique situation. You have never had a baby shower before, and you dc #2 is 4 years old so it makes sense that you wouldn't have your baby stuff anymore. I think in your situation its okay and if someone is offering to throw you one you should go for it!

I guess the reason I think 2nd, 3rd, ect baby showers are rude is that IME, the mother is usually having the type of baby shower where the invitation comes with 3 or 4 little "I registered here!" cards so you know you have to bring a gift. You go to the shower with your gift, play some really dumb games and then watch the mother open gifts for 2 hours, knowing in your mind that you just did this two years ago! I have been in this situation too many times and I would be lying if I said it didn't rub me the wrong way. I have actually been invited to many second child baby showers that are "gift card showers" the invitations read something like " So and So is expecting baby in July, they already have all the baby stuff they need so please bring a Target gift card" WTH? I just see that as incredibly greedy.

Like I said, some circumstances are different. A friend of mine had a baby shower last year for her son, it was her 3rd dc. Her 2nd dc was 5 years old. She did have some baby stuff but it was all from her first dc who was 7. I was happy to attend her shower and I actually bought her something she wasn't registered for- a car seat because she was planing to use the one from her first dc. She was very grateful and it was a joy for me to attend that shower.

Anyway, I am totally rambling about this, I just have been to soooo manny 2nd and 3rd showers for people who still had LO's in diapers with a house crammed full of baby stuff. I just always thought the point of baby showers (the kind where the expectation is to bring a gift) is to help the new parents get started and lessen the expense by everyone helping out a little by bringing a useful gift. I love this idea. I do not love the idea of being forced to buy a $25 gift card so the parents can buy disposable diapers for their 2nd dc until they run out of gift cards, I think that is taking advantages of your friends.

Okay, end of rant, I'm getting all worked up about this. LOL.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#12 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 12:35 AM
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I didn't have one with my 3rd but only because my husband came down with Mono 4 days after she was born and was sick for 2 months and I get sad everyime I look at the spot in her baby book. Its a celebration of a new life being brought into the world.... I suggest having it after the baby is born and making gifts optional

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#13 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 12:47 AM
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If people are offended they don't have to come. I don't know why its such a huge faux pas. In our culture we give gifts for all occasions. Why not get some cake in return!?

In my case my kids are all going to be 3 yrs apart. We thought we were done. We don't have any baby things other than a few pieces of clothing I kept for sentimental reasons and some newborn diapers I forgot to give to sil.

I gave all my newborn, small, and all but the medium prefolds to my sil.
The infant car seat is gone.
The jumpy thing ds liked is gone.
We had a bouncer for a safe place to put them while mommy showered or cooked and that's gone.
Clothes are gone.
Most toys are gone.

And my medium and large diapers that are left are worn out.

Honestly, we can't really afford to have this baby if we are going to buy everything new.

With my tax money I bought a mei tai carrier. I sold some of my knitting things and bought a wrap carrier.
I used some tax money to just now buy a dozen bumgenius one size diapers. Hopefully ds will potty learn soon but if not I can use these for both kids.

I do have friends that have said they will pass on their baby clothes to us but they both had girls so we can hope ours is too!

I also have two friend insisting on giving me a shower. People bring gifts anyway, even if you don't have a shower people give you gifts!

So yes, I made a registry. It will make things easier for people to find.

If you want to see it, you can see for yourself that its not frivoulous. It has a few items that we could really use, I love that Amazon let's you rank the importance of the items, and a few that we don't need but were cheaper so people of all budgets can get ideas.

And I'm so blessed I got to take a few items off already. A friend is giving us her Britax Husky for ds so that we can use his old 5-40lb for the new baby. I was set to use that from the beginning but then read that most 5-40lbs don't accomodate newborns that well until they reach 10lbs or so. I'm hoping we can borrow a safe infant seat from a friend instead.

So it may be in violation of ettiquette but I will glady accept the party that my friends are throwing because she loves to throw parties and when I'm huge pregnant and feeling so overwhelmed trying to put things together I'll appreciate having all my friends around supporting me by simply being there, passing on their used baby items, or giving me a new gift of something we could really use.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#14 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 02:12 AM
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I don't think it's a big deal at all....whenever I hear of someone being pg, I always hope they'll have a shower! I have a friend that's on her 3rd and I'm planning on giving her a gift whether she has a shower or not!

Megan: I didn't realize Amazon had a baby registry....I'm going to set one up now!

It's not like we need that much, but it's nice to give people an idea. Can't hurt, anyway!

Linzie~~wife to Eli 10.1.06, mama to Summer 5.06 and John 7.08
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#15 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 09:17 AM
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I didn't have a shower until my 3rd. But since we had everything we needed, I requested a scrapbooking shower, where everyone brought something for a scrapbook for the new baby. It was great.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#16 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 10:25 AM
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Though I didn't let my sister throw me a shower for #2 `cause I didn't like being the center of attention for #1. Ah well.

Last summer I attended a #3 shower for a friend of mine. It was actually a lot of fun BECAUSE she already had all the stuff she *needed*. It really freed up the gift-givers to buy all the silly, nonsense, adorable baby stuff we all drool over.
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#17 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 11:33 AM
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If you don't like calling it a shower, call it a pregnancy party or a baby welcoming party. I think it's totally fine and personally I think every baby deserves a party, with or without gifts!
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#18 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 05:46 PM
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I'm having a "shower" but i'm not asking for gifts. I just want everyone to come over and help me start this baby's scrapbook. For DD#1 we had a little scrapbooking table to the side and everyone made a page and put alittle note on the back. It was SOOOO helpful after she was born i was able to document her first year with very little effort. so now that's what i want for every child from here on in. LOL
I say have your shower. People who are offended don't have to come.

Ivette; DH Nick since 1997, DD Ari 12/06, DD Jojo 07/08, 05/10, #4 EDD 4/29/11.
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#19 of 23 Old 03-11-2008, 08:03 PM
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ivette, that's such a good idea!

I don't think there's anything wrong with a shower for each one. i don't particular like showers, but i love the idea of celebrating the child coming into the family. And as far as gifts, i've had 4 showers and may have a 5th for this one. we always end up giving all of our stuff way rather than keep it in storage...we can't stand the idea of someone in need of something that we can help them with, but not bc we "might" need it some day. needless to say we never see it again, but we've been the recipients of so much generosity its just not an issue.

if you were around here i would help throw you one if i wasn't on bedrest
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#20 of 23 Old 03-15-2008, 02:40 AM
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I had one with #1, and I will probably have some kind of shower or welcome to the world party with this one. I gave all my baby stuff away, because I thought I would be in school for a few years. I ended up withdrawing from school and now #2 is on the way. All I have left from ds is a shoebox full of sentimental items. I enjoy going to baby showers for whatever number baby; I love an excuse to buy little baby things.

Mother to two great kids. &
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#21 of 23 Old 03-15-2008, 04:07 PM
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I dont think its tacky at all. I want to do a shower but not really for gifts or anything just to celebrate.. I need to get my butt in gear though because by gosh Im doing this time while still pregnant...

I had one with my first.. but the only people that showed up were the hosts.. My son was already born and was a preemie and I didnt want kids around my baby so I asked for no kids.. Well people didnt like it so nobody showed up

With my second.. He was also born when the shower was done. It was just a few family members at that one.

This time.. I dont know who will show up but Im just going to make it a huge party.. Nobody has mentioned doing one and time is running out for me so Ill be planning the party soon.

I dont think its tacky at all even to ask for gifts though..
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#22 of 23 Old 03-15-2008, 04:19 PM
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I think if you have the opportunity for a shower and you want it, go for it! I think this whole experience should be celebrated even if you've already been through it. It's a whole new human being growing in there after all!

Divorced mama to baby girl (7/5/06) and baby boy (8/5/08) Into anything fun and creative!
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#23 of 23 Old 03-15-2008, 10:53 PM
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I agree...not tacky. We are having a "sprinkle" instead of a shower offered by my best friend. My first shower was for DD over 4 years ago, and only 1 of my current girl friends was able to come, and only 5 family members. I have since donated almost everything or sold it to pay for infertility treatments. This baby is a miracle because I got pregnant as soon as we started adoption proceedings. She is doing a sprinkle instead because we already bought all of the big stuff recently and don't need much. I won't be adding registry cards, people know where to check if they really like, but I don't really expect gifts, though some filler stuff would be nice.

I agree the people who have them after having one 3 years or less ago are a bit annoying, but only is registries are mentioned.
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