I'm considering throwing myself a baby shower...is this lame? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 05-20-2008, 07:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So it is 32 weeks and no one has offered to throw me a baby shower, so I'm thinking I might just have one for myself. My mother and sisters live 3,000 miles away, my MIL is so interested in my having a baby(her first grandchild) that she is leaving on a 2 week vacation on the EXACT day of my due date. Not to mention that I am the first one of my friends to have a baby. I've spent the last few weeks feeling bad that 'nobody loves me enough,' except for my wonderful husband. But now I think I might just throw myself a blessingway ceremony.

Any thoughts on throwing yourself a blessingway/baby shower?

Julia, mama to Bumpa 2008, and The Mole 2011

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#2 of 24 Old 05-20-2008, 07:41 PM
 
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I'd ask a friend to do it for you. It would be better that way. If you just want to have a party then do that yourself but don't throw a shower yourself.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#3 of 24 Old 05-20-2008, 07:43 PM
 
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Well, I think this is when you whisper to your DH or your best local friend that no one has offered... just leave it at that & see if she does it or he gets someone to. I'd give yourself just a couple weeks after dropping the hint.

If that doesn't work, then throwing a Pregnancy Blessing Ceremony would be nice. It's kind of tacky to ask for gifts if you're hosting it though. And, Pregnancy Blessing Ceremonies tend to take place close to the EDD... but you should send out invites WELL in advance. Someone might even ask... "Oh, why isn't there a baby shower?" to which you can respond, "It seemed no one wanted to throw us one." (then, they just might!)

Spark and her four firecrackers.
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#4 of 24 Old 05-20-2008, 07:58 PM
 
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Yep, just have a mother-blessing type thing and get together and have food and company. No gifts. That's what we're doing, as personally I'd rather buy the very few things we need myself, esp since most are not available in stores around here.

Sunny coolshine.gif: gun toting, retired breastfeeding, car seat loving, guitar playing, home birthing and schooling mama to Jakob (10.06), Mikah (07.08) and Korah (07.11). uc.jpg 

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#5 of 24 Old 05-20-2008, 10:33 PM
 
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I'd say go ahead and throw yourself one -- thats what we decided because no one was going to throw us one. We just planned a regular party with our friends to celebrate our upcoming birth - plus our housewarming party too since we hadn't done that yet. I was worried about it at first, but then decided that I wanted to celebrate the birth with my friends and didn't need someone to throw a party for me -- also, doing it ourselves meant we can just have a casual fun party and no "baby shower" craziness.

ooooh... and then after we decided this (the party is on July 4th, so it hasn't happened yet) and sent out preliminary invites, a friend decided to throw us a shower. this is nice, because we've moved away from most of our friends and she's having it down where most of them live and will probably catch the majority that wouldn't make it to the party.


So, I say there is no reason to not throw yourself a shower. I probably wouldn't call it a shower - I'd just make a party out of the upcoming life change that you want to share with your friends and I think your friends would be happy to celebrate with you too!

Karen happily partnered mother of 3 beautiful girls (teen/toddler/newborn).
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#6 of 24 Old 05-20-2008, 10:48 PM
 
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My best friend is technically hosting our not shower party, but she is having some major medical issues and unsure when her surgery will be and if she will be well enough to even attend. But anyway, yeah, I asked her to, as she had offered very early on, but I was also very specific about what we would like, too.

We have just about everything we need, the only things I have on the registry are a couple of things that are inexpensive and would be nice to have. But really, I am just asking people for freezer meals, and dinner/dishes for a few weeks after baby is here.

And I am asking people for those Cause you know, I certainly don't need anything else, like onesies, and I could really actually use those things after the baby is here.
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#7 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 12:21 AM
 
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I am middle-of-the-road on this. I think it's awful that nobody has offered to do it for you... and I think if they realized that nobody has, they would jump up. But, since nobody has, I think that the ideas of having a "party" are great. I mean, if I were invited to a "pregnancy celebration" or something similar, I would bring a gift. Or, like another person said, ask if it was a shower, and when I found out there wasn't to be one, I'd offer to throw one. Anyway, I think that there are plenty of options for you to have something like a shower, without actually throwing one. If that makes sense. Good luck!
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#8 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 12:49 AM
 
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I have been pregnant five times and it was baby number three before I got a baby shower. I feel for ya. sorry I am at a loss on what to do too!

~Carla~ LOVING~ LIFE~
Homebirthing, somewhat crunchy, single mom of ~5~.
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#9 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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For our second baby we threw a pretty big party and invited all the family who lived close enough to come. We ended up having a lot of fun. I was pretty disappointed, though, that no one threw us a party instead of the other way around. I completely understand people not wanting to shower us with gifts again, but in my opinion every baby should be celebrated. Having a baby is a joyous time .

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#10 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:04 AM
 
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I threw my own blessingway for DD and it was AWESOME! It was my closest friends and it wasn't about the gifts, it was about my friends coming together to support me and lay their intention to love and cherish our family as we went through the transition.

It was so great to have them there and knowing they'd be there for me.

If you feel like it, then go for it!

*~* A * Mama to C and A * *~* I blog - PM me for the URL
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#11 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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It would be best to call it something other than Blessingway though. A Blessingway is not specifically a mother blessing and it also is a sacred ceremony of the Dine.

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#12 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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I think throwing yourself a traditional baby shower is very tacky. But I also think of showers as "gimme presents" parties. It is one thing if someone throws one for you, but definitely not something you should do yourself.

I am not having a shower, but instead we will be having a "meet the baby" BBQ after she arrives. That way we can invite our family and friends, as well as people who wouldn't normally be comfortable attending a traditional shower, like our male co-workers. No gifts.

I find the people who want to give you gifts because they love you and want to be a part of your pregnancy will do so, shower or not. We have received our crib and change table, playard, and travel system as gifts from close family. Our best friends have given us a cute little dress, and a really loud toy (they have an 8mo, and we have started a battle of the most annoying toys...lol).

So I think there are lots of things you can do yourself.... just don't call it a "shower."

Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

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#13 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:45 AM
 
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I don't think it's tacky to throw yourself a shower. I have never had a shower, like peachy, for my three other kids. this is the last baby I will have. I never have had a rocking chair either. I told my girlfriends this, and they are "throwing" me a shower, but let's get real....I'm the one making the registry. I think all the social etiquette semantics are a bunch of crap.

I know that several of my closest friends are really strapped, and I don't expect anything from them...I've already told them that I am just really happy to hang out with them. And people can get me stuff or not, it's fine. I didn't start out with anything for this baby, because it has been six years since the last and I got rid of all that stuff long ago, so I'm buying it all myself now, and I'm a single mom. If my friends want to help out, they can buy me something I want, which is basically just cloth diapers at this point. Or not. If they don't I will. I don't expect anything from anyone, it's just nice to feel loved and to feel as though you are being cared for and thought of.

I think you can call your party whatever you want, and you don't have to mention gifts, but if anyone asks, you can tell them you have a registry. And if you want to call it a blessingway, I say go for it, because the Dine have their own language, and we're all humans on a planet, and asking for blessings is a wonderful thing that does not need to be defined by anybody but you. (and I say this with absolute respect, as the mother of two native children).

Anyways, I think you should do what makes you feel happy and taken care of and not worry about what other people think.
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#14 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:50 AM
 
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You're first time being pregnant and no one has offered? Sure, throw yourself a party! It's a bummer being so far from family because they're usually the ones that pick up the slack on these types of things if friends don't do it.

*formerly apecaut*, Mom to A, Calliope (stillborn 40 weeks 6/22/07), A and O
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#15 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 11:17 AM
 
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Do It! Several of us in the August DDC are! This is my third baby, and I believe that every baby should be celebrated. So, I'm throwing a Mother Blessing for myself. I mentioned the idea to a few close friends, and they thought it was a great idea. We're doing it at my house b/c I have the best space for it. I ordered and payed for the invites myself, but my friend is the person listed for rsvps. I will also be buying all the food, and three friends will come over early on the day of the celebration to set it up. No frilly decor or shower games, so there isn't much in the way of planning. Just women in my family and close friends (I'm inviting 15 people). On the invitation I did ask each woman to bring a wood or glass bead symbolizing each of her children for the creation of a birth bracelet that I will wear in labor. If people want to bring gifts, they can, if they don't that's fine, too.
Go for it
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#16 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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I am having a shower, but we are also throwing ourselves a "welcome baby" party 6 weeks after she is born. Maybe that would be a good alternative for you since you'll have family in town.
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#17 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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I would mention to some friends first and if no one does it, then do your own. My mom and aunt are throwing me one but I have a separate group of friends that won't make it and we're all going out to dinner and their bringing gifts. Nothing big it's still a great thing to me. I prefer it that way.

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#18 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 01:06 PM
 
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I think the welcome baby BBQ sounds wonderful! I think we'll have to do that too... because we're having a shower, but what fun for everyone to actually get to come and see the new baby. Yup... that's now on my list of things to do... Welcome baby BBQ at my house.
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#19 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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Go ahead a throw yourself a shower and call it that a "shower". for my first baby I threw myself a shower because I'm so picky about what I want and how things should look I knew I would drive my friends crazy. In the end it is just a party and a time for your friends to share in your joy, who really cares who throws it. That's my 2 cents.
BTW
i'm throwing myself another shower this time too. If that's tacky oh well call me the Queen of Tastless.

Ivette; DH Nick since 1997, DD Ari 12/06, DD Jojo 07/08, 05/10, #4 EDD 4/29/11.
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#20 of 24 Old 05-21-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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I think a shower or anything that implies an expected gift is TRES tacky. It's not even arguable in my book. However, I think a baby blessing would be lovely.
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#21 of 24 Old 05-22-2008, 02:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm feeling much, much less sorry for myself compared to last night.

So yes, I am going to throw a blessingway get together at my house around 37 weeks where we will all decorate my belly cast, generally enjoy each other's company and make bracelets/anklets to wear until the baby comes, ohh and maybe make prayer flags too (that is what we did at another blessingway that I went to.)

It is funny to hear people react so strongly negative to the idea of throwing oneself a 'shower.' I guess I stay far enough outside social norms to not have to worry about being 'tacky' to the people that I would be inviting anyways. Plus I would never think of registering for gifts somewhere, even if someone was throwing me a shower, to me, that is 'tacky'. I liked the comment that people who want to give a gift will give a gift no matter what.

Thank-you all.

Julia, mama to Bumpa 2008, and The Mole 2011

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#22 of 24 Old 05-22-2008, 03:42 AM
 
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you go, girl! have a fantastic time, and tell us how it was!
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#23 of 24 Old 05-22-2008, 07:14 AM
 
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oh gosh...im totally guilty of this too. a good friend of mine offered months ago and then hasn't brought it up since....so i brought it up to her....and she's like yeah..well talk about it....so Im making the invites and sending them out for a party at her house that she's hosting....ugh its an utter disaster.....

id rather not do it at all to be honest, but....okay...tacky or not I NEED the presents...DH and I are both young college graduates and we weren't really planning this baby, so we're kind of at a loss. I just want everyone to come celebrate with us...thats all I want...but I know that people want to get us things too...and Im aLL about it, but really I would really love the celebration.

Whatevers....do it yourself I say. Don't call it a shower....don't ask for gifts....they'll come to you if the person really wants to get you something....

Im thinking I'll just have a party for the baby...'shower' madness aside.

okay okay
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#24 of 24 Old 05-22-2008, 10:21 AM
 
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It isn't a "shower" but my mom's group does Mom's Night Out every month and we alternate between dinner out and potluck at someone's house. In June, I am hosting and we are doing Indian food and having a mehndi artist attend to decorate pregnant bellies--mine and two others in the group. It is a party for everyone but the focus will be on the pregnant ladies. This is number two for all of us so it seemed like a fun way to celebrate. btw, I will post belly pix!
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