Do you think that some people think having a baby is like taking a poop? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just reading various threads around MDC and thinking of my personal experience with some family members and I really think some people think having a baby is like taking a poop!

You push the baby out, wipe up and BAM you're done, now you just hang with the baby! I'm thinking about my BIL that wants to come to the hospital and wait in the waiting room and then come in right after the baby born (which BTW is NOT happening). I honestly don't think he gets that there is a recovery process.

Sorry I just needed a little bit of humor....but I'm partially serious here....

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#2 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 01:02 PM
 
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Yeah, I do think people are really unrealistic when it comes to birth and recovery.
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#3 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 01:12 PM
 
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Well, it FEELS like taking a poop...the size of a bowling ball!!! And with #2 and #3 there wasn't much more to it than that for me, I was lucky. #1 was harder though.

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#4 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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I'm finding I'm getting the opposite reaction from people - they think birth and recovery is almost IMPOSSIBLE and there's no way I am going to be able to handle anything. I'm really getting sick of being told how I'm not going to be able to cope with the pain, and how sleep deprived I am going to be, and how little I am going to want to see anyone! I'm a very strong, take-charge woman with excellent coping skills... I really don't think I'm going to desolve into a needy, disoriented wimp just because I have a baby. >.<

And it's funny how many of these opinions on BOTH sides of the fence come from people who don't have/will never have kids...

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#5 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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I think for the most part that people realize that there is a recovery process. I remember when I had my son, I was expecting tons of visitors, and hardly anyone came. I heard weeks later that it was because everyone wanted us to be able to get our rest and all that... but truthfully, as long as they didn't expect me to do anything, I enjoyed the company. I was so thrilled to share in the joy of our new baby. Maybe I was just lucky, but it seems to me that if you have a relatively normal labor and delivery... meaning no c-section or anything drastic like that, it's not that big of a deal to have people over... within reason. But then again, I ALWAYS enjoy people at my house, and I ALWAYS enjoy talking, so maybe it's just me.

In any case, if you don't want your brother in law there, make sure he's not. But I would give him an estimate on how long it is before he can see his new little niece or nephew... I'm sure that he's very excited if he's planning on waiting in the waiting room.
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#6 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by HidaShara View Post
I'm finding I'm getting the opposite reaction from people - they think birth and recovery is almost IMPOSSIBLE and there's no way I am going to be able to handle anything. I'm really getting sick of being told how I'm not going to be able to cope with the pain, and how sleep deprived I am going to be, and how little I am going to want to see anyone! I'm a very strong, take-charge woman with excellent coping skills... I really don't think I'm going to desolve into a needy, disoriented wimp just because I have a baby. >.<

And it's funny how many of these opinions on BOTH sides of the fence come from people who don't have/will never have kids...
People are so rude! When I had my son, my cousin was telling a checker at the grocery store about the whole birthing experience (because my cousin was there) and the checker said to her, "I never thought Melissa would be able to handle it without any drugs." I was so infuriated... who the hell does she think she is that she can say what I can or can not handle?!?! The only thing she knows about me is that I like paper freaking bags! Oh, I was so angry. Anyone who says something along those lines to me I give them an earful... that ANY woman could do it if they just got it out of their head that they need the pain medication... that it's not that big of a deal and that they should maybe step outside of the box every once in awhile. Ugh! That just disgusts me when people think they know your body better than you do!!! Don't worry... you'll show them!
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#7 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JennaW View Post
You push the baby out, wipe up and BAM you're done, now you just hang with the baby!
Whaddya mean, that's exactly how it's going to be! And if you try to persuade me otherwise, I'm just going to stick my fingers in my ears and go LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU....

What is it with experienced mothers wanting to share their birthing horror stories? Every single mother I know has had some horrible tale featuring more gore than a Friday 13th movie to gleefully divulge. I need to hear it, why exactly? How is that helping? I'd much rather spend the next 7 weeks happily thinking it's all going to go fine as I don't think there's really any benefit to expecting the worst. I guess I'm an optimist by nature?

Like Hidashara, everyone's convinced I'll cave and have an epi soon as the first contraction hits, especially my mother. But then, most people are convinced I won't cope with breast feeding or cloth diapering either. I have such wonderful supportive people around me!!
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#8 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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Oh, forgot to add: Like taking a poop was pretty much how my SIL's birthing experience was. She didn't even know she was pg til she was past 26 weeks and she never got big or uncomfortable. We went to visit her the day after the birth and she was sitting up in bed in a ward full of other new mothers. She'd had about an hour's labour and barely needed to push, so announced loudly to us that "Birth's easy and there's no reason for people to make such a fuss, it doesn't even hurt."

If looks could kill...
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#9 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 06:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LoobyLoo View Post
I'd much rather spend the next 7 weeks happily thinking it's all going to go fine as I don't think there's really any benefit to expecting the worst. I guess I'm an optimist by nature?
Good! Please please continue your optimism! Don't let people make you think otherwise! Most likely everything will turn out great!!

FWIW, all my births have been wonderful and no one who was with me, including myself, doubted for a moment that I could do it. You can do it too.

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#10 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 06:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LoobyLoo View Post
"Birth's easy and there's no reason for people to make such a fuss, it doesn't even hurt."
Ummmmm..... What's her address so that I can go SMACK HER??

No, my births haven't been "easy" - 25 hours worth with 2 hours pushing with DD, really bad back labor with DS so that they had to give me oxygen because I was almost blacking out - but they haven't been horrible, either. And ya know what?? No matter how "bad" labor is (Which this time it's going to be PERFECT, right??? Right??? Someone hurry and agree with me! ), these sweeties are SO worth it that I don't care what other people tell me - easy or hard. It's MY birth experience and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!

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: Proud Momma to Katelyn (4-02), Calvin (4-06), and Ashley (7-08) :
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#11 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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My dh always says "poop out a baby" instead of have a baby and it annoys me because he's just playing at being a guys guy when he says that and he's actually way more in touch with the reality than that. Your thread title made me laugh though.

I'll tell you how my first recovery was like in case that helps anyone. It was in the middle. Lots lots lots to adjust to and to get used to. But I was at home and relaxed and well taken care of.

The first couple of days we were utterly exhausted: laboring all night, unexpected hospital stay, D&C, anemia, baby crying all night for first two nights because my milk wasn't in yet, getting a fever and crazy engorgement when my milk came in. Plus I had post-partum bleeding for 6 weeks and had to get the hang of breastfeeding. Like everyone says. We were in a haze and in retrospect totally disoriented.

I was also IN LOVE with my family (dh & ds) and definitely loved it that we had so much time to just be together, alone, to cuddle and cry over how much we loved this tiny thing. I'm a private person and if we would have had a lot of guests, I would have really craved that alone time.

Dh was off work for 2 weeks and he did everything house related - laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes. But baby slept a lot so we both had lots of time for resting and other things too. Dh did a lot of building in his shop and renovating too. We napped. I sewed. I surfed the net. I read. It wasn't debilitating and horribly difficult but we were consciously in vacation mode (relaxing and not getting up to much, certainly not our normal schedule).

For two weeks we didn't have to make any dinners between the food train we set up and what I had pre-frozen. That helped so so much.

We were also riding the baby high though and wanted everyone to meet our son. We had about 1 visitor a day and they were usually part of our food train so they came for about an hour (nice short happy visit) and they would bring us dinner so we didn't have to cook. And then they would leave.

It was the perfect balance of help, visits and alone time.

Both of our families live far away. Dh's parents came out when ds was a week old and only stayed the weekend. Our place was tiny and they did stay with us but they did everything short of our laundry. They were not a problem in any way. My parents didn't come until ds was 6 weeks old and they stayed with my sister. I didn't mind the ILs coming so soon after the birth but the ONLY reason that worked was that the visit was short and they did all the cooking and dishes and didn't expect any kind of hosting!!

Having a baby IS a big adjustment and your body DOES have to heal. But, it's true, it's not catastrophic. Especially if you plan and have support. It could be very, very difficult though if you don't have good support and you are getting pressure and unwanted visits from family/friends.

The need to hole up with your new little family and just bond is a very primal one I think. It should not be underestimated.

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#12 of 17 Old 05-22-2008, 11:58 PM
 
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I have a male friend who has repeatedly compared childbirth to take a really, really, big dump. (or at least asked if that's what it's like...over and over again)
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#13 of 17 Old 05-23-2008, 09:14 AM
 
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My 1st DD, from my 1st marriage.....ok

My EX-MIL came out to visit when she was about a week old (I hated that woman even then) and I had Pre-E and gained a TON of weight. Like 118-185 and she commented about how 'SHE'D lost aoo the weight almost a week after birth and I must have gained so much weight, and why didn't I want to take her to the Royal Gorge and walk around for 4 hours a week later. Ha, she's a b***h and she's not my MIL anymore.

So I'd say it depends on the person and what their closeness is with you and DH. kwim?

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#14 of 17 Old 05-23-2008, 11:31 AM
 
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My EX-MIL came out to visit when she was about a week old (I hated that woman even then) and I had Pre-E and gained a TON of weight. Like 118-185 and she commented about how 'SHE'D lost aoo the weight almost a week after birth and I must have gained so much weight, and why didn't I want to take her to the Royal Gorge and walk around for 4 hours a week later. Ha, she's a b***h and she's not my MIL anymore.
Wow this sounds very very familiar!!! My MIL lives in Denmark so it was when he was about three weeks old these comments were made, but holy crap! You need rest after you give birth! Not wandering around (in my case) the mall for hours on end! Not to mention the fact that it's like impossible to breastfeed when you're new to it in a mall! So he was starving, I was exhausted, and they wanted to go in Dillards!!!

Then came the comment about how much better I must feel now that I'd gotten up and walked around a little. No...really I feel like crap! 10 times worse than yesterday! It was six months after he was born that I got to feeling really well again! Can you imagine how crappy I still felt when he was three weeks old!

This time I'm putting my foot down. Ain't no way I'm going ANYWHERE I don't wanna go until I'm ready! *crosses fingers and knocks on wood* Even if I don't have Pre-E this time.
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#15 of 17 Old 05-23-2008, 12:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by HidaShara View Post
I'm finding I'm getting the opposite reaction from people - they think birth and recovery is almost IMPOSSIBLE and there's no way I am going to be able to handle anything. I'm really getting sick of being told how I'm not going to be able to cope with the pain, and how sleep deprived I am going to be, and how little I am going to want to see anyone!
I am so there with you! I asked people for recommendations on child birth classes and all I kept getting back was that they are a waste of money because "when the pain hits, all that will go out the window". It may have for you but I would rather be informed on various methods because I might find something that works for me. Just stupid. I say we all just focus on our selves and let things happen as they should. Our bodies know what to do and we can't control that.

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#16 of 17 Old 05-24-2008, 02:27 AM
 
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Well, that's how pushing is, at least! It's all the same muscles to me

But yeah, I mean, depending on different circumstances recovery can be harder for some, but for me? I was never really sleep deprived with either of mine, managed to get co-sleeping and nursing down pretty quickly, and knew how to change a diaper on the bed in the middle of the night in 30 seconds flat without waking up all the way

I was just fine, a little sore for a day or so, but really, just so happy to have my baby and not be pregnant anymore that "recovery" was nothing!

People are suck jerks, with their stories and weird issues. I don't understand their NEED to try to upset people.
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#17 of 17 Old 08-07-2008, 12:11 PM
 
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My hubby and my dad were saying how it was like taking a poo with hemeroids(?spelling)

I told them they were crazy. I had my first and then I told them they were definitely crazy. There's no way they could understand the pain involved. Of course the pain is well worth it but it is not funny for them to compare taking a poo to child birth like they think it is.

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