trying not to freak out - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 12:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, I'm having a little problem. First of all, I am trying to stay pregnant for as long as possible, since I have a didelphys uterus (almost two, essentially) and have had all of my other three early. I have been doing everything under the sun to prepare for and prevent preterm labor.

Well, my midwife is really wondering if I only have one baby in there...we have both heard two heartbeats three times in a row, so I'm finally going in for an ultrasound today to find out. If I'm having twins, this makes it
SOOOOO much harder to go even close to full term, and it probably means that I just lost my homebirth that I have been planning so carefully.

If I'm not having twins, it's possible that I could end up with a GD diagnosis, because whatever is in my tummy is feeling pretty big for 29 weeks, which could also cause me to lose my homebirth.

My "boyfriend" is really trying apparantly, but he just doesn't get it. He didn't understand yesterday when I was home doing my whole preterm labor routine that it's really serious. He says to me, "Oh, your uterus is just stretching". Like he knows my body better than I do! I've had two preterm births....I know what I'm feeling....and he thinks I'm just overreacting to be a drama queen.

I want to sit around and cry....but I know that can start cramps.

I just need some love and compassion. I know I can handle anything that happens, It's just frustrating to try so hard and have things falling apart again...I have planned a homebirth every single time.....

I know it's more important to end up with healthy babies, I know. I'm just really bummed, that's all.
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#2 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 12:18 PM
 
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Oh mama, don't you worry. You just try to focus on the positive and wait to hear from the midwife. Everything will be ok and if it isn't, then you deal with that when you come to it.

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#3 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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s mama

Tabitha, married to my best friend Steven - Mama to 6 little ones and another on the way!
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#4 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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I am having a really hard time keeping it together tight now as well, minus the health issues. I think some (most) men just cant even begin to fatham what we are going through. We will get through this, one day at a time, right? All my love, you are not alone :
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#5 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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#6 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 02:19 PM
 
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#7 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 02:57 PM
 
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Lots and lots of ((HUGS)) and PT that things work out! Keep us posted. We're here for you.
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#8 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm feeling a little better, thanks for the support. My bf emailed me a really lovely article about birth hormones and the value of undisturbed birth. It makes me think maybe he really does care, and he just doesn't know how to show it.

I guess I will just believe that everything is going to be okay until further notice.

thanks!
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#9 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 04:11 PM
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You have every right to feel bummed and bad about this situation. Yes, your baby/babies are still in there but you know what, it is okay to say something sucks or be bummed because it isn't going the way you wished it would. I think sometimes just accepting that yes--this isn't going the way I want it to and YES this really sucks is what you need. Finding someone to vent to that will listen and validate your feelings is what you need.

I have been doing the whole hospital pre-term labor thing/magnesium/bedrest/house arrest and now I have a postpartum gallbladder surgery to look forward to and this whole process started with years of infertility treatments. And you know what--it sucks. Nothing has gone how I pictured it or wanted and yes it sucks big time. AND NOTHING is worse than when I dare vent a little to someone and I get the lecture, "the only important thing is that your baby is still inside, that other stuff doesn't matter...blah blah blah". Well since we are the mothers to these babies, no one knows that more than us so spare me the lecture and just let me complain a little because sometimes that is what you need to get through a moment, a day, a week.....
So, you hang in there. It is okay you are upset about things possibly being taken away from you. It is okay that you have wishes and dreams beyond having a healthy baby. There is nothing selfish or wrong about that and those that tell you there is, obviously had everything work out the way they wanted to.

As equal-opportunity as I am, the other thing I have come to realize is that men and women are really different. My DH IS trying (in his own way) with this whole bedrest/house arrest thing but if I have to hear him complain that he only gets to golf once a week or has hardly gone fishing yet this spring, or doesn't get to go to a lot of movies... because of our "situation"--while in the mean time I have to pee in a cup in the kitchen b/c I can only go up the stairs twice per day on bedrest, I think I will scream.

So hang in there. One day at a time. I am crossing my fingers that things work out for you as you pictured them. If they don't, we'll take it one moment at a time and we'll go from there.
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#10 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 04:37 PM
 
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Wishing you lots of support & love surrounding you.

Spark and her four firecrackers.
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#11 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 06:07 PM
 
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Prairie - I'm sorry you aren't feeling liek you are getting enough support! I hope that you can find that support you are needing soon!! Best of luck to you with your ultrasound! I'm sure you prolly know by now, already?! (It's 2 in the afternoon in Arizona...) I'm sorry that you might be losing your homebirth! Sucks when thigns don't go the way we want them, but, like you said, whatever gets yoru baby (babies) here nice and healthy...

Many prayers coming your way, love!!! s

Wife to Kevin (8-1-98)
: Proud Momma to Katelyn (4-02), Calvin (4-06), and Ashley (7-08) :
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#12 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 06:21 PM
 
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Tell us when you know!!

Lucky wife to DH and mom to DS (10/02) and sweet DD (7/08) and DSD (3/93) and assorted animalia
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#13 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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#14 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 07:47 PM
 
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I hope the ultrasound went well. At least you'll have some answers. Just try to take it one day at a time mama.
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#15 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 08:16 PM
 
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I hope everything went well...maybe he's trying to downplay his concerns so as not to upset you? Sometimes men have a funny way of trying to help. My dh tends to do this. I also think that men never really understand what childbirth, pregnancy, preterm babies etc are like (I didn't until I experienced it) so they will always be a bit in the dark about everything.
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#16 of 24 Old 05-23-2008, 11:01 PM
 
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I hope your ultrasound went well. Sorry your not feeling like you are getting enough support from him. Take it easy and take it one day at time

S Momma to:8:5:4:1.5 and: May 29 2010 loving wife to C:
:::: ::: formally mom_2_3_girls
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#17 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 12:21 AM
 
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I'm not in your DDC but I wanted to send you lots of hugs and well wishes that everything turns out for the best. :

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#18 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 04:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had my ultrasound, my midwife and I had a really good talk on the way down there, and I found out I am having one perfectly healthy baby girl (which is what I was hoping for!) So, I only have to concentrate on cooking one little babe, and keeping her in, and that seems possible. So, we're back on track, I'm feeling much better, and I'm very relieved!

Yeah!

Thank you so much for the support and kind words.

Elf, thank you especially, and just know that I'm still in the bedrest trenches with you! You hang in there too, honey!
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#19 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 08:46 AM
 
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Yay! So glad things are looking better, mama
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#20 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 09:51 AM
 
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Glad to hear that you'll still be able to get the birth you want

Sunny coolshine.gif: gun toting, retired breastfeeding, car seat loving, guitar playing, home birthing and schooling mama to Jakob (10.06), Mikah (07.08) and Korah (07.11). uc.jpg 

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#21 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 11:47 AM
 
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YAY Prairie!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad that things worked out well! (And that you're getting your baby girl!! )

HUGS to you!

Wife to Kevin (8-1-98)
: Proud Momma to Katelyn (4-02), Calvin (4-06), and Ashley (7-08) :
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#22 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 12:15 PM
 
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(Stopping in again) I'm so glad to read your good news!

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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#23 of 24 Old 05-24-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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Mother to two great kids. &
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#24 of 24 Old 05-25-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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So Happy to hear your Ultrasound went well and your having a Girl thats so exciting!!

S Momma to:8:5:4:1.5 and: May 29 2010 loving wife to C:
:::: ::: formally mom_2_3_girls
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