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#61 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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I just can't believe you would knowingly walk into a place you KNOW is going to try their hardest to keep your baby away from you for 3 hours at a time. Well..any amount of time, actually. i just can't wrap my mind around the concept that they have told you "you will only get to see your newborn baby every three hours" and yet you are going to willingly step foot inside this place???? I'm not trying to be critical, i'm just amazed at the..i guess desperation? fear? you must have at UCing that THAT option seems like the better choice in your mind. It boggles me and makes me very sad that you are in that place. I can't imagine being in that place. Inconceievable.

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#62 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Maybe I'm incredibly fortunate. We live in a rural community with no hospital, but 5 hospitals less than an hour away. All have different rooming configurations.

If I were unhappy with my hospitals policy, I would carefully check out the other hospitals, and "show up" at whatever hospital I agreed with. If you are in true labor, they won't transfer you, and most PPO or medicaid insurances will pay for where every you happen to give birth (mine would pay for all but 1 of the hospitals, and they would pay for that one if it was an emergency and I couldn't get anywhere else). When asked why I wasn't at my "home" hospital, I would just say I "happened to be in the neighborhood" when my water suddenly broke, or whatever.

I don't have the time or energy to launch a one woman crusade against a whole hospital (bravo to those of you who do!!!). I have been known to write letters, and would probably do that.

Sorry for crashing your DDC.

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#63 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
The truth is, "policies" like these exist because most mothers do NOT want their baby to be in the same room as them. They want someone else to take care of their baby while they rest. How incredibly selfish is that? Most of the mothers I know (and in my family) have this point of view, I don't say anything... but secretly it makes my skin crawl.
This is soooo true. I worked for a while in a hospital that got a new l&d/postpartum manager. She did away with routine nursery stays, and she encouraged rooming in. Like strongly encouraged rooming in. The way it should be, right?

There were so many complaints to the higher ups in the hospital that not only did the hospital reinstate the newborn nursery (with dedicated nursery nurses), but they fired the manager, and then they had a huge publicity campaign to let the public know that in their oh-so-wonderful hospital, you could leave the baby in the nursery anytime you wanted, and the nurses would care for him/her. The public was so happy, and they came back to the hospital in droves.

I didn't last long at that hospital.
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#64 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by huskermommy View Post
I wouldn't care. I've done it before and they tried to scare me with the whole "insurance won't cover it" thing. My insurance did end up covering a portion of the bill but not as much. When it comes to my kids and whether or not insurance is going to pay its an easy decision for me. Those first few hours/days are so important.

I know for some they may not feel this way, but I personally would not subject my child or myself to this kind of treatment just because I would have to literally "pay" for it in the long run. I'd rather make payments for years.
That seems drastic to me--it doesn't seem like an easy decision. I think the first step is to call and talk to the nurses and see what the actual policy is. I can't imagine paying and paying for services that you are supposed to have! But I do think that most of the time you can leave fairly quickly without being AMA, and I don't think, even in the hospital, that anyone is going to take your baby away from you against your will. I would try being as nice as possible about it before the birth and then having a support person with you to be as mean as necessary after.
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#65 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 03:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
I just can't believe you would knowingly walk into a place you KNOW is going to try their hardest to keep your baby away from you for 3 hours at a time. Well..any amount of time, actually. i just can't wrap my mind around the concept that they have told you "you will only get to see your newborn baby every three hours" and yet you are going to willingly step foot inside this place???? I'm not trying to be critical, i'm just amazed at the..i guess desperation? fear? you must have at UCing that THAT option seems like the better choice in your mind. It boggles me and makes me very sad that you are in that place. I can't imagine being in that place. Inconceievable.
I think that's a bit harsh. We don't know all of the circumstances. My first two babies were born in a small town in the mountains, and I didn't have a choice in hospitals. There was only one available.
Also, it's taken me 3 births to finally become comfortable with planning a homebirth with this little one (my 4th). I would not be comfortable with an unassisted birth at this time. That's not to say I don't agree with it (I really enjoy reading all the successful stories), or couldn't give my support to a friend who was planning this for her own birth. I really believe that all of us here are trying to make the best decisions for our babies. For some this will mean a hospital birth, for others a homebirth (assisted or unassisted).
Maybe the original poster can turn her dilemma into a positive experience after all, by paving the way for other mother/baby pairs who wish to room in for the future! That would be so awesome!
Most of the people who have replied pointed out how archaic this kind of thinking is, so hopefully it's time for them to start making exceptions. I'm also hoping that the Dr. misunderstood, and that when the op discusses this with the hospital, she finds out there's a lot more flexibility regarding this policy than previously thought.

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#66 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 03:31 PM
 
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I think that's a bit harsh. We don't know all of the circumstances. My first two babies were born in a small town in the mountains, and I didn't have a choice in hospitals. There was only one available.
Also, it's taken me 3 births to finally become comfortable with planning a homebirth with this little one (my 4th). I would not be comfortable with an unassisted birth at this time. That's not to say I don't agree with it (I really enjoy reading all the successful stories), or couldn't give my support to a friend who was planning this for her own birth. I really believe that all of us here are trying to make the best decisions for our babies. For some this will mean a hospital birth, for others a homebirth (assisted or unassisted).
Maybe the original poster can turn her dilemma into a positive experience after all, by paving the way for other mother/baby pairs who wish to room in for the future! That would be so awesome!
Most of the people who have replied pointed out how archaic this kind of thinking is, so hopefully it's time for them to start making exceptions. I'm also hoping that the Dr. misunderstood, and that when the op discusses this with the hospital, she finds out there's a lot more flexibility regarding this policy than previously thought.


I don't think you (the OP) should feel bad about preferring a hospital birth for any reason. It is YOUR choice, just as it would be your choice if you preferred a homebirth. I think you're in a good place right now to deal with this problem BEFORE you're in labor! Proactive discussion with the hospital might be all you need.
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#67 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BetsyS View Post
This is soooo true. I worked for a while in a hospital that got a new l&d/postpartum manager. She did away with routine nursery stays, and she encouraged rooming in. Like strongly encouraged rooming in. The way it should be, right?

There were so many complaints to the higher ups in the hospital that not only did the hospital reinstate the newborn nursery (with dedicated nursery nurses), but they fired the manager, and then they had a huge publicity campaign to let the public know that in their oh-so-wonderful hospital, you could leave the baby in the nursery anytime you wanted, and the nurses would care for him/her. The public was so happy, and they came back to the hospital in droves.

I didn't last long at that hospital.
Oh my gosh!! Nice.



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Originally Posted by mchalehm View Post
That seems drastic to me--it doesn't seem like an easy decision. I think the first step is to call and talk to the nurses and see what the actual policy is. I can't imagine paying and paying for services that you are supposed to have! But I do think that most of the time you can leave fairly quickly without being AMA, and I don't think, even in the hospital, that anyone is going to take your baby away from you against your will. I would try being as nice as possible about it before the birth and then having a support person with you to be as mean as necessary after.
Leaving the hospital early may seem drastic to some, but a lot of us could not imagine them "keeping" our children away from us either. So I guess what I was trying to say is that if this is indeed the policy and there's no budging on the hospital side, then I would absolutely LEAVE as soon as it was possible, regardless if my insurance was going to cover it. We can make more $$, we can't take back that precious time with our babies. I've already since paid off what we owed the hospital and honestly, I probably would've left even sooner! But they kept pulling DH out of the room and pushing more scare tactics on him. I finally convinced him that it was my body and I knew what I was doing and I would not put myself in danger.

I'm looking at it from the view point of them possibly giving my child formula, binkies, letting them cry, etc. If you're not there in the nursery, there's no way to be 100% sure of what is going on. In fact, a lot of nurseries have the blinds closed. Not all, but some.

If it is their "policy" to take the baby, then I can see them trying to "enforce" that policy. I'm not saying they're going to rip the baby out of your arms, but I'm sure they're not going to be all peachy about it either!

I can't imagine paying and paying for services that you are supposed to have!

I guess I'm not sure what you're saying exactly. : That you can't imagine paying the hospital if you decide to leave AMA? What do you mean by "supposed to have"?

I think OP definitely needs to have someone else there with her if she is going to stay. Someone who can stand their ground. I hope you find a positive solution to this and I am soooo glad that you know before actually having to go through it w/out any warning!

Tabitha, married to my best friend Steven - Mama to 6 little ones and another on the way!
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#68 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by huskermommy View Post
I can't imagine paying and paying for services that you are supposed to have!

I guess I'm not sure what you're saying exactly. : That you can't imagine paying the hospital if you decide to leave AMA? What do you mean by "supposed to have"?

I think OP definitely needs to have someone else there with her if she is going to stay. Someone who can stand their ground. I hope you find a positive solution to this and I am soooo glad that you know before actually having to go through it w/out any warning!
I just meant that, if it were me and it were a choice between having to put up a fight to keep my baby in-room and paying out of pocket for the hospital stay, I'd put up the fight and make sure it was covered. It's a personal choice, of course, but I worry enough about money as it is and accruing debt for that reason would make me insane!

But I agree with the pp that at least you have enough warning to talk to whoever you must in order to get things set up ahead of time, and to make sure there is a supportive person with you to act as your advocate. You can say no; even if you are told ahead of time that this is the way they handle things, you can still say no. It's not like you're asking them for anything that requires MORE work on the part of the staff, and if their policy is different for private rooms, it's not even a matter of them worrying (without grounds) about liability. Just tell them the baby is not leaving your arms and that is that. (Assuming, of course, that it even becomes an issue; many things like this, in my experience, are either not accurate or far more flexible than talking to one person might suggest.)
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#69 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by huskermommy View Post
Those first few hours/days are so important.

I know for some they may not feel this way, but I personally would not subject my child or myself to this kind of treatment just because I would have to literally "pay" for it in the long run. I'd rather make payments for years.

Sorry, but the entire life of a child is important.

Not everyone has the desire or ability to make payments for years. It makes much more sense to be proactive with the hospital and your OB by arranging things in advance. Arrange with your OB that you want to leave ASAP.

While I COMPLETELY disagree with the hospital policy, many many many women were separated from their babies after birth and still went on to parent them successfully and their children bonded. Mother's whose babies have to go to the NICU or mother's whose own medical condition necessatates the separation still go on to bond, parent, and nurse their children. I don't really think most people "pay" for it over years.

The AP philosophy places an inordinate amount of pressure on new parents. Separations are not good, but if they happen, you can still be a good parent and your child will still love you. Heck, you will most likely be able to nurse as well.

Oh and insurance companies have mandated minimiums for hospital stays. You do not have to stay that long however by any means.
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#70 of 73 Old 06-14-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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Hello,

This is just a reminder that the DDCs are *support* boards.

The OP stated quite clearly that her birth choices are limited this time around.

She is *not* required to explain that.

Invading the DDC to get into a debate about someone's birth is not at all appropriate. Please put the focus of this thread back on the OP and her situation and do NOT debate with her or others in this thread.



Thanks

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#71 of 73 Old 06-15-2008, 02:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mchalehm View Post
I just meant that, if it were me and it were a choice between having to put up a fight to keep my baby in-room and paying out of pocket for the hospital stay, I'd put up the fight and make sure it was covered. It's a personal choice, of course, but I worry enough about money as it is and accruing debt for that reason would make me insane!

But I agree with the pp that at least you have enough warning to talk to whoever you must in order to get things set up ahead of time, and to make sure there is a supportive person with you to act as your advocate. You can say no; even if you are told ahead of time that this is the way they handle things, you can still say no. It's not like you're asking them for anything that requires MORE work on the part of the staff, and if their policy is different for private rooms, it's not even a matter of them worrying (without grounds) about liability. Just tell them the baby is not leaving your arms and that is that. (Assuming, of course, that it even becomes an issue; many things like this, in my experience, are either not accurate or far more flexible than talking to one person might suggest.)
Ok, I can see what you were saying now. I guess I get stressed out easy by hospital environments anyway so to me that would just be another thing to deal with. Lets just hope the OP doesn't have to deal with this or can find a solution.


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Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
Sorry, but the entire life of a child is important.

Not everyone has the desire or ability to make payments for years. It makes much more sense to be proactive with the hospital and your OB by arranging things in advance. Arrange with your OB that you want to leave ASAP.

While I COMPLETELY disagree with the hospital policy, many many many women were separated from their babies after birth and still went on to parent them successfully and their children bonded. Mother's whose babies have to go to the NICU or mother's whose own medical condition necessatates the separation still go on to bond, parent, and nurse their children. I don't really think most people "pay" for it over years.

The AP philosophy places an inordinate amount of pressure on new parents. Separations are not good, but if they happen, you can still be a good parent and your child will still love you. Heck, you will most likely be able to nurse as well.

Oh and insurance companies have mandated minimiums for hospital stays. You do not have to stay that long however by any means.
Oh of course the whole life of the child is important!! ITA! But obviously the OP has shown concern over the fact her child may be away from her for longer periods of time than what she had anticipated. It's not as if she or the baby has a medical issue that requires them to be seperated.

I also agree that she should try to work something else out before she goes to the hospital. I was just saying that if nothing could be worked out, then I would absolutely leave as soon as I could.

Oh! What I meant by paying for it in the long run, I meant money wise. As in even if it meant I had to make payments to the hospital since insurance decided not to cover it.
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#72 of 73 Old 06-15-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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Meowee, have you had a chance to talk with the L&D department? I've been : that your OB totally misrepresented the situation and it was more like "if you choose to use the nursery, they'll bring the baby to you at least every three hours".

And it isn't going to matter anyway because you'll have a totally problem free birth, no difficulties, and get checked out like 3 hours after the birth without having to do AMA and they won't even try to take your baby to the nursery.
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#73 of 73 Old 06-15-2008, 10:42 PM
 
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