What does your DP do when the babe screams at night? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
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This might be a totally odd question, but here goes:

DD, for some reason I haven't figured out yet, is a real screamer at night. During the day she sleeps a lot, wakes up for a nice short, quiet feed, then goes back to sleep. But at night after her feed she becomes a thrashing ball of angry baby - it usually takes an hour or more to get her to settle down and go to sleep.

We got DH some earplugs, but really these don't work much. Instead, he has been sleeping on the couch every second night or so. I mean, one of us might as well get some sleep, right? Still, we both feel really weird about it. I miss having him in my bed but at the same time, don't see what he can do other than be woken up if he stays.

What do your DP do when you're up all night? Is there some way they can help? Do they sleep through it? Anyone else have a DP that just sleeps somewhere else? :

I feel like I'm managing my family badly, you know?

Charlotte, mommy to Maggie (July 15th 2008) and Una (July 19th 2011)!
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#2 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 02:20 PM
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At first dh would wake up and offer sympathy...and then pretty much go back to sleep. Occasionally, he is up for a pee so he'll change a diaper (I'm glad I have some fitteds and aio's on hand because he just can't get the hang of prefolds, lol). Mostly though, since he's back to work, he gives me a nod, tells me to get him up if I need him and then is snoring within a minute or so. If for some reason ds has nursed and is just wide awake, I do feel that I could ask dh to soothe him for a while while I get a few zzzz's. This most often happens around the 11pm to midnight range when dh would be awake anyway and I'm exhausted from the day.

If your dh is a light sleeper, I wouldn't feel bad about him sleeping elsewhere on occasion, especially if he is the breadwinner and has to work in the day. This phase shouldn't last too long anyway, things should quiet down for you in a few weeks. With my first child, I often left the room and went into the nursery to sit in the rocking chair. We don't have a nursery this time so we just make do.
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#3 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 02:20 PM
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First of all, , you're not managing your family badly!

Me, DH and DD all sleep in the same bed. I know what you are talking about with the "ball of angry baby", lol.

Usually I try to let DH sleep, I know what you mean by wanting at least one of you to get some rest. But sometimes I just want to lay in bed for just a few minutes, sometimes those few minutes make a difference! So I will ask DH to get up and change DDs diaper and then walk her around a little bit-in the other room- to see if he can get her calmed down. Even if he just gets her calmed down to eat, it really helps me out.

I have a new "rule" for DD which is that if she is upset and thrashing- I don't try and nurse her right away. I always get her calmed down before nursing. Because I have learned that if she is upset, she is just too upset to nurse well and trying to nurse her just prolongs the crying ultimately. My routine is this- fresh diaper, swaddle tightly and then rock until sleepy or until she is calmed down and showing signs of wanting to eat (bobbing head, rooting). This has really helped us.

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#4 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 02:27 PM
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With DS1 DH slept on the couch the first few weeks if it got loud/lengthy. This time around he works 3rd shift

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#5 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 03:49 PM
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mine usually gets up. he will help me change diapers or the sheets if i have leaked so much milk everywhere. he does sleep on the couch, though, cause we have a queen bed and i'm already sleeping with baby and two other kids. so it's crowded. the bedroom is right off the living room, though.

my baby isn't so angry at night, he just wants to be awake and look around and stuff. and he wants you to talk to him. lol. so we sit there at 3am chit chatting with him.
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#6 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 03:56 PM
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my DP rolls over and goes back to sleep usually. last night he actually got up, changed a diaper, got the bouncy seat (nothing else would sooth baby!) and then went back to bed. i was so proud of him. with ds 1, he never, i mean never lent a hand, this time has been sooo different
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#7 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 04:38 PM
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Mine lays right next to me in the bed. When we get up in the morning, he asks me how the night went.
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#8 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 06:13 PM
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s I'm going through a phase of feeling like I'm managing my family poorly as well. Not so much with DH, but trying to balance a newborn, my other DC, and household duties. It's not happening!

Anyway, my DH is one who could sleep through a train wreck. He has become a little lighter sleeper since we had kids, so it does actually wake him now when we have a rough night. For the most part, he sleeps through it and I don't mind since he has to get up early for work. Then there are those really rough times when, after several hours, I'm spent and just need him to give me a break. Generally he doesn't offer, but will take over if I ask. I can tell he's not thrilled about it, but understands and doesn't complain. Weekends he tries to give me more relief.

Last night he came in, after a very long day and lots of overtime, at 12:30am. She had been fussy all evening and he took over the minute he walked in without me asking and stayed up with her until 2. Then he was up for work around 5ish. Poor guy!

I would (and do) have a rough time when DH isn't in bed for some reason. I had to adjust just going to a king from a queen size bed because it felt like he wasn't there. I'm the light sleeper though and wouldn't be able to sleep through it at all, so if the shoe was on the other foot I'd probably have to sleep somewhere else.

Maybe a compromise is the answer? Work nights he gets a good nights sleep and days off he sleeps with you? Either way, I wouldn't feel bad. This too shall pass!
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#9 of 18 Old 07-30-2008, 11:53 PM
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Mostly he snores. Unless DD1 wakes up and wants someone and then he usually ends up in her bed since her new thing is she doesn't want to be in our bed anymore. We find we are playing musical beds lately---sometimes we all end up together, sometimes DD1 ends up in our bed and I don't feel like rolling people over when I get back in, so DD2 and I go in DD1's bed...we just do what we need to do. As pp said, this too shall pass. (I JUST wrote that in another thread before I read this one!!)
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#10 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 01:56 AM
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Originally Posted by BetsyS View Post
Mine lays right next to me in the bed. When we get up in the morning, he asks me how the night went.
Ha! That's my DH too! To be fair, he gets up with DD in the am and I get to sleep.

If your DH is needing some couch time right now, don't feel bad! Every single part of having a new one is an adjustment and you just need to figure out how they fit in your life....it will work itself out soon! (And maybe the crying time will end for ya! )

Linzie~~wife to Eli 10.1.06, mama to Summer 5.06 and John 7.08
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#11 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 06:04 PM
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Mine wakes up on the morning and goes well last night went well: Hudson could scream and nurse all night and he'd sleep through it. when he's home he's off work because he works out of town so he usually sleeps till atleast 10am and it drives me nuts!

S Momma to:8:5:4:1.5 and: May 29 2010 loving wife to C:
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#12 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 01:56 PM
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DS2 was like this I would sometimes have to take him out of the bedroom and put him in his swing so he'd go to sleep and then when I'd try to put him in his bed he'd wake up. So pretty much I nursed him to sleep next to me so he felt snuggled. DH would sleep through it all if I didn't wake him up. Sometimes I just had to have him help. DD now she is sleeping great so it is almost too good to be true and I keep waking up to see if she's awake! She is sooo different, I think after making it through w/ an lo that won't sleep you get used to not sleeping all the time? and when you do it feels odd

Now that I think of it one night I was sooo tired and breaking down. DH had to get up to work at 4am and hadn't had much sleep so I moved the swing in our bedroom and that is where he slept most of the night.
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#13 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 02:05 PM
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Lately my DH has been offering suggestions when she starts to cry like "maybe she needs to be burped" or "maybe she just doesn't want to eat right now" - I love my DH but it makes me just want to whoop him upside the head! Oh yes, thank you for that suggestion you just made from your cozy place in bed :

I shouldn't complain because my DH is awesome but for some reason his little suggestions (like I didn't think of burping her myself- good Lord) just really PMO.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#14 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 03:20 PM
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We get up and go to the nursery now. We have a co-sleeper attached to a king size bed. DH mostly sleeps through it, but yesterday morning I was just too tired to get up and nursed him in bed. Lately he has become a noisy eater so we woke DH up about 30 mins before his alarm. He wasn't very pleased... rather growly in fact. I find it is easier for me to just get up and go than try to manage the baby and keep him quiet and DH is all huffy and flipping over and rearranging his pillows and whatnot so I know he's awake.

On the other hand, when we first started coming to the nursery I would kind of doze off in the recliner and be startled awake by this giant man looming over me. He would get lonely and get up to come find us. Kind of defeats the purpose!

I have some milk stored up and this weekend DH is going to take over one of the morning feeds so I can get some more sleep. We'll see how it goes.
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#15 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 04:12 PM
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Nothing. The baby doesn't cry at night too much, once he starts to fuss breast goes into mouth and all is right in the world.
My favorite though is when my DH says, "So why is he crying"? Ugh....

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#16 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 04:22 PM
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When I had my second dh slept in dd's room during his paternity leave. We had the same thought that he might as well get a good stretch of sleep.
He was a lot more helpful during the day and I could nap all I wanted.

I actually liked the extra room on the bed

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#17 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 06:41 PM
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DD is super chill at night and we figured out nursing pretty quick so we didn't have that angry baby stuff going on as much as with DS. This time around, DH sleeps, I get her latched and go back to sleep. I'm not feeling unrested.

DS (our first) was a different story - and thankfully, DH was very helpful. We took turns with the rocking, pacing, patting and generally supported each other. DH also did most of the diapers. I figure that I put the food in the baby, he could deal with it coming out (since he doesn't have boobs, but he does have hands). In general, I think nighttime parenting should be shared as much as possible (when not feeding related)...wait for teething at night - that's awesome!!!

However, DH is an arborist (climbing and removing/pruning trees in the urban landscape) which is pretty dangerous job (heights + chainsaws) so I need him to be rested and alert for work. When he's working, I try my best not to disturb him at night.

As for your comment about getting pissed off by DH's comments, Jenna - IME we would get so pissed off at each other at night. We'd have wicked mini-fights at night while half asleep and dealing with a screaming baby. In the morning, we'd both go "whoa, sorry about snapping at you last night. I was so freaking tired." We tried really hard not to let those night-fights carry over to the day time, but crap, it was hard sometimes!

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#18 of 18 Old 08-02-2008, 12:33 AM
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dd2 is definitely more high needs at night than the other 2 were. 2 am to 6 am seem to be prime time for her to be awake, sometimes screaming other times just content and awake. dh has been off work through today, luckily.

most nights i just have him go downstairs and sleep on the couch, that way he can get some sleep and get up when DS (almost 4) and DD1 (2) get up in the morning. when dd2 falls back asleep, usually between 6-8 am, then i'll go back to sleep with her. next week when he goes back to work will be interesting.

last night i was exhausted and getting frustrated and dh was up all night long with insomnia and a bit sick anyway, so he took dd2 downstairs and let me get some sleep until she wanted to nurse again. then he took the morning shift with the older kids while she and i napped until 1130, then i got up and took all the kids to the park : while he got a nap.

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