What would you think if your DH said this??? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 08:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yesterday I had my 6 week PP checkup, and the big topic was birth control. My obgyn gave me some information on some options and I told her I'd discuss it with DH.

Well, DH totally agreed with me that we didn't want any chemical/hormonal options, esp. while I was bfing. So I said "that basically leaves condoms" and he replied "or, you know, abstinence".

Now, DH and I have never been super sexual people. We've both got really low sex drives and prefer to cuddle and talk, in general. But honestly... we're talking two years before we'd want another child - and I told him this - really??? 2 years with no sex?

It's not even that I feel I have needs that will go unfulfilled. I just find it weird and kinda disconcerting that *he* is willing to go so long with no sex. I don't doubt his commitment to our relationship or anything.... but I'm kinda weirded out!!!

Charlotte, mommy to Maggie (July 15th 2008) and Una (July 19th 2011)!
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#2 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 10:47 AM
 
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Was he talking more about charting once your AF returns? So you'd know which days are fertile and abstain during those few days a month?
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#3 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 10:48 AM
 
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Maybe he meant, we could use condoms, and then there are days when we just don't need to have sex that bad.
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#4 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 12:08 PM
 
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Me and my DH sound a lot like you and your DH, we aren't bunny rabbits for sure although we both enjoy sex when we have it, we can go a long time without it and everything is just fine.

But, if my DH said that I would honestly think he is joking, it is kind of a weird response. Also, it is possible that he meant it different then you received it.

And, just to be TMI, have you considered the pull out method? Could you trust your DH to actually pull out? That is what DH and I use and we have never had one slip up because I won't do chemical BC and DH doesn't like condoms, so that was the compromise.

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#5 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 12:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JennaW View Post
And, just to be TMI, have you considered the pull out method? Could you trust your DH to actually pull out? That is what DH and I use and we have never had one slip up because I won't do chemical BC and DH doesn't like condoms, so that was the compromise.
lol, funny, I never got pregnant in 3 years of the pull-out method, but wound up pregnant after 3 months on the pill!

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#6 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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Yeah, my NP was a little skeptical of me using the pull out method for BC but I told her this was my first pregnancy, it was planned and we have been using the pull out method for 5 years so I figure it works pretty well for us.

Jenna in love with my DH Jon, loving our 2.5 year old, Caroline Tulip, and expecting another little one in August!
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#7 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 01:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
lol, funny, I never got pregnant in 3 years of the pull-out method, but wound up pregnant after 3 months on the pill!
pullout works...but only if he doesn't get lazy and actually pulls out... that's how we ended up with baby #2... it did work for a good two years...

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#8 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 01:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JennaW View Post
Yeah, my NP was a little skeptical of me using the pull out method for BC but I told her this was my first pregnancy, it was planned and we have been using the pull out method for 5 years so I figure it works pretty well for us.
That is our preferred method of birth control as well. I think it worked for us for over 5 years, I'm thinking.... When I mentioned it to my last OB/GYN he laughed and said he would see me soon for a prenatal (this was after my third baby was born). We conceived our 4th on purpose, though. It seems that most people think this is not an effective way to prevent pregnancy, but it's worked for us 100% of the time. Dh still wants to get a vasectomy, and we'll be using the pull out method until then.

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#9 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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To the original poster, I'd be very offended if dh told me he would like to abstain from sex.
Is it possible your dh may have difficulty right now seeing you as a woman, instead of "just" his child's mother? I've heard of men who don't really want to have sex again after watching their wives go through childbirth.
I hope you find a way to work through this.
I've completely lost my sex drive for now, but still enjoy the attention I get from dh. I find it both validating and reassuring.

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#10 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Snugglebugsmom View Post
That is our preferred method of birth control as well. I think it worked for us for over 5 years, I'm thinking.... When I mentioned it to my last OB/GYN he laughed and said he would see me soon for a prenatal (this was after my third baby was born). We conceived our 4th on purpose, though. It seems that most people think this is not an effective way to prevent pregnancy, but it's worked for us 100% of the time. Dh still wants to get a vasectomy, and we'll be using the pull out method until then.

I'm always when I hear things like this. Pull-out may have worked for you, but that does NOT mean it is effective birth control.

Semen is present and flowing during sex before the orgasm/ejaculation. It may only be little droplets that you aren't aware of, but it contains sperm and it can fertilize.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/birth-control/AN00197

Just your friendly public service announcement.
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#11 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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[QUOTE=NoliMum;12048293]I'm always when I hear things like this. Pull-out may have worked for you, but that does NOT mean it is effective birth control.

I've heard that many times before, and read research on it also. For as long as we've been married, we were always open to having a child, so it was not necessary for us to have a foolproof method for birth control. I think when we first used the pull out method, we figured it would be temporary until we decided on something better. We both dislike condoms (for me it's the smell of them that puts me off). However, as time passed and we didn't end up pg, we decided this method worked well for us. Had we ended up pg at any time while using the pull out method, it would have been fine, even when we were not trying to conceive. Things are different now, since we have 4 children and feel that we're done. This is why we have decided on a vasectomy.
My point is that while the pull-out method may not be recognized as an effective method of birth control, it served our needs beautifully. I think it's fair to say that there is an abundance of information on all methods of bc out there, and it's the responsibilty of each individual to sift through that information to find the one that best suits their needs. We were totally comfortable with the risks, but that may not be appropriate for another couple.
Sorry it got so wordy! I tend to be wordy....

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#12 of 14 Old 08-27-2008, 07:27 PM
 
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I know a PP mentioned this but maybe he was talking about NFP and abstaining during fertile times. That is always our *goal* though we're open to life at any time and I'm too lazy to chart, LOL. Anyway - maybe that's what he meant? I'd ask him about it for sure.

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#13 of 14 Old 08-30-2008, 09:52 AM
 
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[QUOTE=Snugglebugsmom;12049436]
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoliMum View Post
I'm always when I hear things like this. Pull-out may have worked for you, but that does NOT mean it is effective birth control.

I've heard that many times before, and read research on it also. For as long as we've been married, we were always open to having a child, so it was not necessary for us to have a foolproof method for birth control. I think when we first used the pull out method, we figured it would be temporary until we decided on something better. We both dislike condoms (for me it's the smell of them that puts me off). However, as time passed and we didn't end up pg, we decided this method worked well for us. Had we ended up pg at any time while using the pull out method, it would have been fine, even when we were not trying to conceive. Things are different now, since we have 4 children and feel that we're done. This is why we have decided on a vasectomy.
My point is that while the pull-out method may not be recognized as an effective method of birth control, it served our needs beautifully. I think it's fair to say that there is an abundance of information on all methods of bc out there, and it's the responsibilty of each individual to sift through that information to find the one that best suits their needs. We were totally comfortable with the risks, but that may not be appropriate for another couple.
Sorry it got so wordy! I tend to be wordy....
Thats us too! Only 3 kids not 4!!!!!!!

Mom to Ds1 (8 1/2) Ds2 (6) Dd (2 1/2)!!!!
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#14 of 14 Old 09-02-2008, 03:08 PM
 
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LOL That *IS* an odd response from a guy!! Now I have always had a much lower sex drive than my DH, but still, we CAN go for a while without and still be good. But I do "give in" to DH more often than I really "need" sex, just to keep him happy, so I think if my DH said this to me, I would be SHOCKED but, to be honest, a bit relieved! LOL (SO bad, I know it!) I just DON"T have a high sex drive and in the early stages of infancy, I have NO drive at ALL!! (Poor DH! LOL)

But maybe he didn't mean a full two years of abstinence. Maybe he just meant more abstinence than the use of condoms? I'd ask him what exactly he meant!

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