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#1 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, ladies. When dh and I found out a few weeks ago that we were expecting, we both were so excited. We've been married 3 1/2 years; he's 34 and I'm 29; this is a planned for, prayed for, hoped for baby. Why wouldn't I be excited? We told some of our family over Christmas, and they all are thrilled for us. Then I had my first midwife visit last week. All went well with the visit. I really liked the midwife, and she said baby and I seem very healthy. But I think hearing that the pregnancy was healthy made things more real for me. Later that day I felt anxiety beginning, and it's increased since then. I'm not anxious about not being a good parent, etc. I'm more worried that we should have waited another year or two to enjoy time to ourselves because now this baby will always be part of our lives, etc.

It took my parents a few years of miscarriages, lost twins, etc., to have healthy babies born, so I thought it might take me a while too. Instead, I have what seems to be a healthy pregnancy and now, when I should be so thrilled that things are going so well, I've been taken off guard by this anxiety. I've struggled with anxiety in the past and, because of that, thought I might deal with post-partum depression, but I really didn't expect to be dealing with so much pre-baby anxiety. Is anyone else dealing with more than just normal nervousness?
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#2 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 03:20 PM
 
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Megan started an excellent thread about this topic in the general "I'm pregnant" forum. People were very forthcoming with their stories and I know that, for me, reading the thread was a great relief.

I think that any 'irrevocable' change or decision can bring with it a great deal of stress, second thoughts, regrets, etc.; I don't think that what you're experiencing, especially in conjunction with all the woes the first trimester of pregnancy can bring, is at all unexpected or abnormal.

Hang in there, mama-to-be. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel like you need it, but don't feel guilty about the way you feel. I think it's normal.

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#3 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 04:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Goldfinch. I have seen Megan's thread, but hers was geared toward women with unplanned pregnancies. I would understand anxiety over an unplanned pregnancy, but I've been caught off guard by such anxiety over a planned pregnancy.
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#4 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 04:26 PM
 
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I think its very normal to feel what you are feeling especially with the first baby, even if it was VERY planned. It can be strange to all of a sudden have all your dreams come true, a healthy preg & baby all so fast, no M/Cs. I think it can throw you for a loop, wondering if you made the right decision to take the path that you are now on, NO turning back. Looking at what a different life you will have in 9mths, its like a train heading toward a new life and your along for the ride. But that is what is great about human pregnancy, you get 9mths to become accustom to the idea of a new life and new baby, by the end of it you just CAN'T wait to get started and have that baby OUT(especially since you are HUGE)! In the beginning it is just a MAJOR adjustments, give yourself time to grieve in a sense the change of lifestyle your family will be going though and focus on the amazingness of bringing a new life into this world. :

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#5 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 04:53 PM
 
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I think it's totally understandable to have feelings of "Oh God, what have I DONE?" It's all so irrevocable, you know? Your life is changing forever, and it can be hard to adjust to that.

Hormonal changes in pregnancy can also intensify moods and anxieties. In my last pregnancy, I had some intense anxiety attacks and other out-of-control mood episodes in the second trimester especially. I would know that I was overreacting, but I still couldn't get myself under control. I found that, of all things, increasing my protein intake really helped with the intense mood issues. My midwife told me to have three protein meals and three protein snacks a day, and my mood stabilized after that. Others have found vitamin B6 to be helpful.

If these anxieties continue and aren't helped by diet changes, consider looking for a counselor or therapist to talk to.

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#6 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 06:54 PM
 
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i went through the same thing me and hubby were married 3yrs before we got pregnant and it was plainned and once that happen i was in shock like it is healthy going good but it will never just be me and hubby alone in the same bed together or in the car or just us going out to eat

but like people said u ahve 9 months to adjust and by the 6th month i would see people out with their kids and go to places that had a lot of familys and tell myself that is going to be me and hubby and that is what i want

and i have to say once i started seeing families together it opened my eyes and i knew this is what i wanted

and u can still get the date nights alone once the new baby is here it takes plainning but it can happen and i have to say i love date nights but the whole time we talk about our son and we r like asking each other what do u think he is going hahahah

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#7 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 07:20 PM
 
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i'm so sorry that you are having anxiety. you're definately not alone in your thoughts. i too have been a huge mix of emotion. even though i've wanted a second child for years, and haven't been successful until now, i am plagued with worries. i find that during the day i embrace it and look forward to the baby, but when night comes - esp. middle of the night - i get really anxious thoughts about if the baby will be ok. oh it's a lot of work. money worries. will i be as good a mom to this baby? it's intense at night.
i'm going to try the protein idea. and a lot of faith.
i hope we both get freedom from the worries, and begin to really relax and enjoy this pregnancy.
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#8 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 07:23 PM
 
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You are experiencing normal anxiety about becoming a parent - please don't ever think you are alone in this! Especially since you've had issues with anxiety in the past, please keep yourself in check and if you think you are starting to have feelings beyond your control, ask for help from those around you, and continue to post about what you're feeling here.

Hang in there!
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#9 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 07:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Thanks, Goldfinch. I have seen Megan's thread, but hers was geared toward women with unplanned pregnancies. I would understand anxiety over an unplanned pregnancy, but I've been caught off guard by such anxiety over a planned pregnancy.
I forgot that the thread was more about unplanned pregnancies -- apologies.

When I found out about my first pregnancy, which happened after 4 years of ttc, I wept. Not tears of joy, relief, or disbelief -- just real, terrified, sad tears. I really think it's a totally normal reaction, if not the most common one.

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#10 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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I think that the little sad about being a little pregnant has room for anyone a little not always terribly excited about the latest pregnancy.
I'd also say if anxiety is an issue for you get supports ASAP so they are in place for when the baby comes, if you can look at your options now for diet, medication, herbs, a support system it might help the transition from being a nervous pregnant mom to a zen calm mom of a newborn (if you find that magic bullet let us all know

8 might be enough
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#11 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 09:25 PM
 
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I think it is totally normal. I am preggo with #3 and I have cried for every positive test that I have taken! LOL! We are blessed with lovely children and I do enjoy being a parent, but I also get a bit freaked about a baby. You can make time later to be with your DH on your own. You would be surprised at the number of people that will want to watch your sweet babe. Hope you feel less anxious soon! Hang in there as a pp said, you have 9 months to adjust and it will be a blessed. Don't hesitate to get outside help if you need it too.
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#12 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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Me too. This pregnancy was planned and I was happy when I found out, but I'm having trouble coping with it. I always feel sad and resentful because of the symptoms, even though I try to put on a good face for my family. And I get very, very scared. Mostly of not being able to handle it, of things getting chaotic, of money worries, of ppd, of not having marriage time. We've wanted a third baby for years, and I sometimes now mourn for my family of four. I think to myself, two children is perfect, why did I get myself into this, I love having just two, they're big and potty trained, etc... But yes, I felt this with both my other pregnancies, so now I realize that a lot of it is hormonal for me and just my comfort level with change.

What helps me, besides eating (even in the middle of the night, if there's anxiety a light snack or just some milk or oj for blood sugar can really stabilize things), is trying to connect with the baby. Instead of thinking about it all in the abstract and the future, just calming down and breathing and talking to the baby who is with me now and telling it that I love it and welcome it.
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#13 of 21 Old 01-07-2008, 11:29 PM
 
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Oh god, I totally understand this. My pregnancy was not only planned, but worked for and paid for through monthly shipments from the sperm bank. (I have the most interesting consumer debt of anyone I know...) And yet, when I finally got those two coveted lines, I totally panicked. It was such a disconcerting experience, having wanted something so badly, and then freaked out so completely once I got it.

You are really not alone in this. Once I began talking to my other friends, I discovered that many of them experienced the same thing. I think it's a very normal experience. And as one person said to me, of course you're sad about how your life is going to change. If there were no loss to mourn, it wouldn't have been a very good life, now would it?

Pregnancy is also a crazy hormonal time, and, for the first month especially, I found it very hard to think and feel like a "rational" person. But, you're going to be okay. Just remember that it's okay to feel whatever you feel, and that we're all here to support you.

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#14 of 21 Old 01-08-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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I understand your anxiety but a new baby is a lot easier to carry around and still *do* things thatn a toddler! I would be more stressed over lossing your "life" then.

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#15 of 21 Old 01-08-2008, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, ladies. Thanks for your responses. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. This is just an issue I've never really heard people discuss before. I hear a lot about post-partum depression, but I haven't heard about such negative feelings in the midst of a planned pregnancy. Really, though I was excited about the pregnancy at first, I haven't been at all happy or excited about it for the last several days. I've already made an appointment with a counselor I've seen before, but she can't see me until early next week. I think I may let my midwife know what's going on too. My dh and my parents are so concerned and supportive, but I know they don't know how to help me.
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#16 of 21 Old 01-08-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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#17 of 21 Old 01-08-2008, 12:49 PM
 
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Just as a side note: Try DHA rich fish oil supplements. DHA supports healthy brain and spinal cord/nerve development now, during the beginning of pregnancy for the baby. As an added bonus, it helps mom with all of the emotional side effects of pregnancy, like anxiety and other mood swings. It can't hurt to try.
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#18 of 21 Old 01-08-2008, 01:10 PM
 
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I understand your anixety and if you'll read my blog and some of my posts on here, I have gone through some mess. But the good thing is, there is a great support base here on MDC and you should take advantage of it. I'm glad and admire you for sharing your feelings. I can guarantee you that there is at least one other person going through the exact same thing. It will be ok.

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#19 of 21 Old 01-08-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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I think I understand Zookum. I just understand in a different way.

My baby is also longed for and prayed for. But I never expected that I'd be in constant pain. (Muscle problem I didn't know I had.) While I don't regret this baby, I REALLY regret being pregnant - kwim? It sucks.

I want so badly to just enjoy being pregnant. I assume that's you too.
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#20 of 21 Old 01-11-2008, 09:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just wanted to say thank you for all of your support this week. I still am having trouble being happy about this pregnancy, but it really helps to know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way.
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#21 of 21 Old 01-12-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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My first pregnancy happened a lot faster than I thought it would. I had just started a business when we decided to try, thinking it would take a while. 3 weeks later I tested positive. My business partner turned out to be a lot less reliable than I had thought, and things fell apart quickly. 8 weeks after opening my cafe, my dream, it closed again, and we had been doing really well.

I got depressed. And looking back I really should have gotten some counseling because nobody realized how bad it was for me. I needed some support other than my really overworked dh.

Don't feel guilty about mourning the loss of what might have been for you. Depression during pregnancy is not talked about often, but I think it is actually really prevalent. I'm glad you have some resources to draw on and I wish you the best.

ETA: There's usually a thread about pregnancy depression over on the PPD board. Here's a recent one.
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