Living Nightmare - FINAL UPDATE #61 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 01:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not sure what to tell y'all. Last night I literally went into shock after this, so I'm not thinking well yet either.

Um, Wed night I spotted - like 2 drops. Thursday afternoon, something like 6 drops. At a friend's house at the time. He drove me to the hospital immediately and dh met me there.

5 hours later... HCG count was decent. VE showed me closed and not currently bleeding. Baby couldn't be found on belly-only ultrasound. After much hunting with the transvag, Baby was found at 6wk5d with no heartbeat. I'm 12 weeks.

Dh and I don't believe it. Literally. It doesn't match up with what my body's been going through. According to the ultrasound, my morning sickness started post-death and my belly grew a lot after-the-fact too. Makes no sense at all. It does not make sense to believe he's gone. He does not make sense to believe he's still in me.

We have a slew of friends very literally praying for a miracle. I am still in the DDC. For now.

Anyway, I did actually go into shock last night - the full-fledged white face, shivering, desperately thirsty weirdness. My seizure problems were the hardest to control I've ever remembered last night (from stress). Slept maybe 4 hours. Fixin' to go try for more. I've hardly cried at all.
__________

I want to continue updating the Who We Are sticky. Otherwise, I need to be away at the moment and process. When new posts are added to that thread, I get notified by email.

However, I also have been occasionally bumping mamas from the main list to the angel baby list. I'm asking one of you to volunteer to PM me with the mama's username when that happens. That'll keep me from needing to actually read the new posts on the DDC.

Thanks in advance. Please lemme know who you (volunteer) are. Just post it in this thread so others know who my contact person is.
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#2 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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I will keep you in my thoughts! Please do your best to relax and try not to worry. Easier said than done, I am sure.
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#3 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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Oh Holly - I am praying for you and your family right now.
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#4 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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Oh Holly. I don't even know what to say, but I am thinking of you and your dh.

April thankful mommy to my boys Big Red 3/06 Little Z 9/08 and happily awaiting the arrival of 10/10 :
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#5 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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#6 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 04:29 PM
 
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oh no.
i know this is the hardest thing. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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#7 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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No Holly, no no no, not Super Baby. I'm keeping you & DH in my prayers. Lots of hugs & love to you both

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#8 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 04:59 PM
 
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I am thinking of you.

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#9 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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Lots of prayers for you.

Mama to a 5.5 yr old boy and a 2.5 yr old girl.  Expecting baby 3 (another girl!) late June
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#10 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 05:07 PM
 
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Oh Holly, if anything could get me to pray, it's this. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#11 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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Thinking of you!
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#12 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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#13 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 05:15 PM
 
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You're in my thoughts and prayers too. Sending you lots of positive vibes...

Divorced mama to baby girl (7/5/06) and baby boy (8/5/08) Into anything fun and creative!
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#14 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 05:53 PM
 
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Oh no! Sending :

Tina - mama to DD1 10.75yrs, DD2 6yrs, DD3 2.5 yrs & baby due in June 2015 and wifey to DH.
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#15 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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You and your baby and your DH are in my prayers. s
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#16 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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Saying a prayer for you!
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#17 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 08:50 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to have to go through. I hope you get answers.
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#18 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 10:00 PM
 
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I am so sorry mama!! If you need anything, please PM me!! I feel so badly!! My thoughts and prayers will be with you!

Erica
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#19 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 10:36 PM
 
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: Thinking of you, hoping for the best.
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#20 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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Sending prayers your way... hoping you can get some rest.
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#21 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meredyth0315 View Post
No Holly, no no no, not Super Baby.
My sentiments exactly.

I need to be crying hysterically and I need to be all giddy because I'm pregnant. But I can't do one while needing the other and I can feel it sending me right back into shock again. I am so sick. AND I'm really scared of what miscarrying will be like - if, of course, that really does happen.

I seem to be finding an emotional compromise by crying my eyes out while saying, "I have to hope. I HAVE to hope..."

Meanwhile, we wait. We just wait to see what happens. But I've truly never been through anything so traumatic. All in 24 hours, I'm having anxiety attacks that are terrifying, had to get a transvag ultrasound as well as a exam by a male doctor, was in the ER, got those ultrasound results, and then promptly went into shock. Gag.

Not only are my emotions reeling, but my whole body is too. All the problems are in my personal bubble - my body, heart, head. I can't get away. My WORD, if only the anxiety/racing heart thing would stop! It's keeping me terrified when I'd otherwise get little breaks to regroup.

Oh Jesus, just let me sleep through it.

Hey, those of you that are praying, thank you so much. Please focus on the anxiety attacks for me.
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#22 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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More and prayers for you.

Mama to a 5.5 yr old boy and a 2.5 yr old girl.  Expecting baby 3 (another girl!) late June
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#23 of 82 Old 01-25-2008, 11:57 PM
 
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I'm praying this is you:
Quote:
If an ultrasound is done at 6 to 7 weeks and a heartbeat is not detected, does that mean there is a problem? No it does not mean there is a problem. The heartbeat may not be detected for reasons that include: tipped uterus, larger abdomen, or inaccurate dating with last menstrual period. ...........If you receive an ultrasound exam after week 6, your healthcare provider will begin to be concerned if there is no gestational sac.
Will be praying more for you tonight
Shiloh who thought she was 11 weeks and is only 8

8 might be enough
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#24 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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Oh, mama. Hoping the anxiety lessens.


Decluttering SAHM of three. Going for 2011 items in 2011.
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#25 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 12:30 AM
 
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Just for thought....Could it be that you do have a tipped or folded uterus and were preg with twins thats why you are still feeling pregnant and have not m/c even though the US found a babe who is much younger than expected and without a HB, could that be the babe you lost but could you still have another one in hiding? I don't know but it just came to mind, many moms of twins say that the doc missed one of the babes on the US so could that be the case here even though one of the babes looks like it has already passed on?

I think the worst part of what you are experiencing from my own experience is just NOT knowing either way for sure. I hope you find your answers so you can begin to move in the right direction, limbo is so hard.

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#26 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 12:37 AM
 
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I'm so sorry.
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#27 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 01:38 AM
 
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Holly, we are all praying for you honey. You rest tonight.

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#28 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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Praying for you right now.
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#29 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 02:08 AM
 
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wish I could hug you tight
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#30 of 82 Old 01-26-2008, 02:13 AM
 
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Oh my goodness, you have been through so much. You and your DH are in my thoughts.
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