Are you finding out? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 11:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It seems like most mothers on here are finding out the gender but is anyone else as conflicted about finding out the gender but me? I really want to know but part of me would love to be surprised since this is my first child. I want to experience the shock of finding out the sex but I'm also a natural planner and like to know. I'm so sick of hearing everyone say they can't buy anything until they know the sex but I just request gender neutral stuff. I guess I'm caving into the peer presure but I dont know. I'm just a little frustrated. I'm tempted to tell the tech to just write it down on a piece of paper and I'll seal in an envelope. That way, when we want to know, we can.

*sigh* I'm so confused. What did you mothers do with your first? Please share you're tales.

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#2 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 11:55 AM
 
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We wanted our first to be a surprise. It really is the greatest surprise ever! We had a lot of fun with it. Our families went crazy, but we had fun

We do want to find out this time around, though...so we can get some shopping done if our son's clothes won't be able to be reused

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#3 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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We wanted to know with our first one and in two weeks we gonna hopefully find out No2's gender. We're just too curious to not find out. I don't think I could sleep if I didn't know. BUT I'm thinking about not telling our families. We'll see. We'll probably be way too excited to not spill it...

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#4 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 12:15 PM
 
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We did not find out with our first two and aren't finding out with this one either!!
It was amazing to find out at the birth and I wouldn't want it any other way.
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#5 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 12:17 PM
 
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I am completely torn this time. With Jacob, I didn't even need the u/s to tell me he was a boy - I just knew. Can't explain it, but I was right. With Liam, I was convinced he was a girl so when the tech said boy I was like are you sure?? So she printed me a pic with his little winkie - and yes I still have those 2 pics in a little frame - the upper & lower body Now with Peanut, I was convinced we were having another boy, but then I thought girl, then boy so I really have no idea. This will most likely be our last baby, so I can't decide if I want to know or have that last true wonderful surprise

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#6 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 12:38 PM
 
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AKA...
I think it would be amazing to wait and find out if that is truly what you want to do.
I must share a thought with you--we found out the gender at the u/s this past week and I am still recovering from the shock of being completely wrong about my very strong feelings that it was going to be a boy. I'm not disappointed about a girl at all, but the whole time I had been calling it "he" and only really thinking about little boy stuff to buy, etc. I said to someone else about this that I am glad I found out now, because I was SO convinced that I was right, and if I had gone the whole time without spending any time picturing/imagining a girl, I would have been in for a huge shock and overwhelm at the birth that could have been really hard. So my advice is, if you are having a strong intuition one way or the other, BUT you are deciding not to find out ahead of time, please please seriously consider the other side of the coin, and spend just as much time getting comfortable with that also so that you are really mentally prepared for either way when it's time! Basically, don't get as attached to your intuition itself as I did!

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#7 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 01:23 PM
 
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I am preg. with my 4th and so far we have not found out with any of them. Family does go a little crazy not knowing but it is the ultimate surprise in life I think. The moment we found out what each baby was when we got to hold him/her was such an awe inspiring moment full of I was right's for which one of us was right. I have hand an online pole in the past to make voting for the sex of the baby fun for famiy and that has always been a blast. For us, even though we have had 2 girls and one boy and I have gotten rid of all things baby, it woudl be nice to know what the sex is for garage saling this summer, but it just isnt' even an option for us to find out before hand. I love surprises in live and honesly I just don't get that many of them, so I love this part of pregnancy. Oh, and when I was preg. with my first, for my shower I seemed to get a lot of the baby items i needed verses baby clothes, like some of my friends who were expecting their first and knew the sex. Good luck with what ever you decide!
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#8 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 03:08 PM
 
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We're finding out on the 21st of April.For us, it will be an amazing, exciting surprise no matter when we find out. Plus, I'd like to be able to plan a bit clothing wise.

I think it depends on what YOU want. If you decide not to find out and end up feeling like you just have to know, you could always call your OB afterwards.
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#9 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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This is our third, and we are not finding out this time (we did with the first two). We are very excited about not finding out. I know what you mean about people complaining that they want to buy a baby outfit but it's hard when they don't know the gender (my mom is constantly telling me this!). But, if you look, there is alot of really cute yellow, green, and khaki/tan stuff out there. Plus, you just the need the basics at first - people can always run out and get you some pink or blue things once the baby is here! It's a very personal choice, and you should do what feels right to you
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#10 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 04:04 PM
 
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we didn't find out with the first 3 and I loved it! It was so much fun not knowing, having everyone go crazy and having so much anticipation at the birth and the fun phone calls to everyone after the birth. I felt like maybe the anticipation helped me push through the birth. That being said, however, we did find out this time! Never even considered it with the first 3. Then with this one we just decided to find out and I don't know why but I am glad we did because while I would have loved either "kind", I had a strong preference for a girl and I wanted the time to adjust my thinking if it was a boy.
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#11 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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In the beginning, I really wanted to keep it a surprise. I REALLY wanted to.

I have mine on Wednesday next week and I'm sure we're going to try to peek if the baby cooperates. My hubby and I always peeked at our Christmas presents, so I guess babies are no different. Maybe we'll change our minds again.

If we weren't sure, we were going to flip a coin in the parking lot. Best 3 out of 5.
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#12 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 06:11 PM
 
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This is my 3rd and have waitied for the big day for all of them including this one. No u/s to tell me
I think either way it will be a surprise for you. some people have baby rooms and things like that that they want gender specific so it helps to know in the way of shopping. I love the excitement of waiting to see one of the few mysteries still left in life and it is fun to have friends and family join in on the guessing game

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#13 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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I'm not finding out and I'm not conflicted.
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#14 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 06:58 PM
 
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These are probably our last and we did know with the other three, so it is going to be a surprise~

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#15 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 07:49 PM
 
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We want a surprise and it is driving my family and friends nuts. Whenever someone asks me how they are supposed to buy stuff for baby without knowing the gender, I tell them to get us some diapers, lol. I will probaby get items off of my registry as opposed to clothes at the shower and I am fine with that too. I am a totoal control freak planner, but dh convinced me that waiting would be a great suprise and a nice intro to motherhood for me. Helping me accept that sometimes things happen that are out of my control. He is right and I can wait to look at my little one and be surprised.

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#16 of 21 Old 03-14-2008, 09:04 PM
 
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I found out w/ my first three. I'm conflicted too. Like you, I'm a planner! But in this instance, we are planning MAJOR things. We're doing some room additions on our home and we're kinda banking on the fact that this is a boy so we can bunk the boys/girls in a room together. That way we only need 2 bedrooms for kids instead of 3-4. At the same time, I've registered for 'gender neutral' items b/c in a way, I don't want to know! lol For now I'm saying let it be a surprise (for me) but I may change my mind later!

I agree that there is something special about finding out at the birth. If that's where your heart is leading you then you should absolutely do it!
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#17 of 21 Old 03-15-2008, 01:46 AM
 
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Our first 2 were a surprise. We decided to find out the gender since we needed to have an u/s & for us with the 3rd, we were happy with anything, but didn't mind knowing ahead.
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#18 of 21 Old 03-15-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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We didn't find out with our first two and loved having it a surprise. Drove our families nuts too. My Mom said kind of wistfully after she found out we were expecting #3, "I suppose you aren't finding out this time, either?" Nope!

I know so many old wives tales about predicting gender, because it seems nearly everyone (especially older people) has a way to determine boy/girl. No kidding, I'll be walking in the grocery store and a little old lady will ask me what I'm having. When I say I don't know, she'll say, "Oh it's a boy because you're caring high." Or whatever. Kind of fun actually.

Aside from that not knowing ahead of time gives me a chance to fall in love with the baby, without feeling wistful for one sex or the other. With my second baby, I was somewhat hoping for another boy, because my brothers were close in age and have a wonderful relationship. They are each other's best friend. Our little one was born (I caught) and just melted when I saw the little face. I held the babe close to me, and didn't even know the sex for the first few minutes. Our daughter is such a blessing, and I am glad to have her without feeling the disappointment I might have felt if I were to know 20 weeks in advance.

So that's my take. It works for us, but I do understand wanting to know in advance!

As far as planning goes. If you must do a nursery (my Mom thought it was requisite- though we didn't use it for over a year!) Noah's ark, bears, primary colors, Beatrix Potter themes work well for either boy or girl.

Clothes... babies look darling in creams, soft browns, yellows, and greens too! Add a 'pink' or 'blue' blanket and you're set! Or just wait to buy clothes until after the baby comes, no rush! There are lots of other things to buy that are not necessarily gender specific. Car seats, books, slings, swings, diapers, burp cloths, bassinets, nursing pads, infant care items (nail clippers, thermometers, etc), and more for instance. Like someone else said, you get more of the bigger ticket items and fewer clothes. A bonus I say!

Good luck! I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for you.

Boy what a long winded response for such simple question! Heh.
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#19 of 21 Old 03-15-2008, 12:55 PM
 
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I understand your thoughts on finding out. I always thought I'd be one of those "I'm going to wait" type people. This is my first and up until a few days ago I was still wanting to wait.

The other day I was at my 16 week check-up and although there wasn't supposed to be a u/s my OB wanted to check in on a cyst she had found during my 12w scan (good news is that it's getting smaller). While she was there she looked quickly at the baby's heart and then asked it I wanted to find out the gender. I asked we could wait because my husband wasn't there and we had yet to decide it we were going to find out.

When I got home and told DH that I could have found out he told me how someone at work had suggested that if you find out the gender early you get three big surprises during the pregnancy.

Surprise 1#: YAY we're pregnant!
Surprise 2#: YAY it's a ....!
Surprise 3#: YAY the baby is here!

I can understand what she was saying. In the end I think we'll all make the decision that is right for us. But to tell you the truth...now that I know I could be finding out in four weeks at my official 20 week scan I'm very excited.
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#20 of 21 Old 03-17-2008, 01:00 PM
 
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AKA-
I saw your other posts that say you decided you are finding out! And that you are hoping for a girl How exciting. It sounds like this decision will bring some peace of mind for you.

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#21 of 21 Old 03-17-2008, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yea, I think we're going to go ahead and find out. But don't hold me to it. I keep changing my mind every hour. LOL

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