For Those Birthing at Home... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 05-06-2008, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What are your plans for your older kiddos if you have any? I am trying to deicde what to do with the kids when this baby makes her grand appearance.
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#2 of 21 Old 05-06-2008, 10:50 PM
 
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Well...I only have one dd who will be newly 3 when her brother arrives. She is really into the baby and birth and I've been preparing her to be around for it. That being said I am also going to have one person appointed to take care of her and another as a back up in case it makes sense for her to be somewhere else. She's been catching my baby for weeks now so I'm really hoping that she'll be around and awake to greet her brother!
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#3 of 21 Old 05-06-2008, 10:59 PM
 
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This is a good question and one I've been giving a lot of thought to. At first I figured I'd just have the boys go with my SIL as she only lives about 7 minutes away, that way if things got too intense for a 5 & 3 year old, it would be a quick exit. But lately I've been thinking to just keep them home with us. This is definitely one of the perks with homebirth - my hospital stay was so disruptive for my first, and DH was admitted last year for a cardiac collapse that they autmoatically associate a hospital stay = bad; but being at home I figured would help ease the transition. My only concern about them being home is that they'd be scared or that I'll traumatize them somehow

I'm very interested to see what other mamas who've BTDT have to say

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#4 of 21 Old 05-06-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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Ds will only be about 3 so we'll definitely have a friend come over to be with him. He adores her so I bet it will be fine. If the birth occurs in the middle of the night though, who knows!

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#5 of 21 Old 05-06-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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Last time we had a friend that offered to come over and be with dd during the birth. Labor got intense around midnight and dd was sleeping. She didn't wake up until around 4:30am from labor noises and I don't think I was even making any noises until around 4am when I was in transition (I think that's what it was). At that point dh went in the living room with her as I didn't want him talking to me and felt more comfortable having him be with dd. I had ds around 5:30 and we never called any additional support. dd watched the end of the pushing and stood quietly while he was born.

I think it was good for her to watch.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#6 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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DD will only be 19 months old... my sister will be staying with us to care for her during the birth and we'll just see how it all goes!
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#7 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 12:49 AM
 
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My kids are 4 yrs and almost 2 yrs, so I don't feel like they should be present. I don't want them to be scared when mama is in pain/making noises. But my 4 yr old is so interested in it and is helping me prepare for the baby and says she will help when the baby comes, etc. So I think we'll kind of play it by ear. I am planning to have my dad come and take the kids back their house and my mom will stay. I'm kind of hoping I go into labor at night, so the kids can stay and then wake up to their new brother!

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#8 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 01:30 AM
 
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We have one DS who will be a few weeks shy of 4 when this babe comes. I plan on sending him out to play with DH for the duration of the labor, and have the MW call them in when I'm crowning. I am not so much worried about what DS will do during the birth, as I feel that I've prepared him pretty well for what's going to happen (although it's possible he will just get on my nerves as he usually does ), but sending him out to play will occupy DH, who would likely freak out a thousand times worse than DS ever could.
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#9 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 03:22 AM
 
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...but sending him out to play will occupy DH, who would likely freak out a thousand times worse than DS ever could.


I don't have any older babes... I'm just worried about what I'm going to do with DH!

Nik! Mama to Evelynn Rose 08/19/08 and Autumn Lily 11/02/10
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#10 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 10:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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See, my concern is I have a 8yr old dd who wants to be there, and a 5 year old ds who has NO interst in wanting to be there. He thinks it is gross...and at 5, though I tell him it is not gross, that is how he feels and I am not going to push him. I then have my 2 and 4 yr old dd's who I pretty much know I do not want there. I am very torn on my 8 year old being there. Something about it just does not make me all that comfortable. Though I really want her to see a natural birth, I just do not really want it to be mine...sounds dumb I know. I just think I will feel inhibited with her there. I am truly hoping I labor through the evening and night and they will be asleep.
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#11 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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There are children's books you can get to help children prepare for homebirth. We have "Welcome With Love". It depicts the mama in different positions, the midwife setting up the equipment, the loud noises mama makes and the placenta and cord. That book plus the loads of birth videos we watched to prepare for the last baby had my 5 and 2 year old (at the time) dc ready and excited. We will do the same this time around. What a great gift to give our sons and daughters to see normal birth (as long as they are interested). Sibling rivalry is reduced when the children understand that the baby came from mama and didn't just appear from the hospital after days separated from mama. One of the videos that I show in my classes "Children At Birth" states... we have come to realize that it has been a mistake to exclude father's from birth, is it possible that it is a mistake to exclude children as well?... Of course this won't be the case for every laboring woman or her family.
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#12 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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Maagpie, thank you for the book recommendation! My 5.5 yr old son and 2 yr old daughter will be home. Last time my son was asleep and I was happy for this but I think it might have made his sister a bit more special if he had seen the birth. I will also have a friend here if its daytime who the kids adore.
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#13 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 12:06 PM
 
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Had to share this cute story - Liam (almost 4) was sitting with me on the computer last night and we started talking about Elias being born, and he asked me "if we were going to the hostible () for him to come out of my tummy" and I said "no honey, mommy's going to have Elias here at home." I asked him if he wanted to be home with me for his birth and he says, "I'll be in my room then you bring him in and I hold him." It was just so cute to hear that I plan on asking our 5 year old, too just to see what the response is, but I think I'm really leaning towards keeping them home.

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#14 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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We have a 9 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son and I'm pretty sure we're going to have them here for the birth. I spoke with our midwife and she said it shouldn't be a problem. We are going to have plenty for them to do. As I think about it the only time I will be completely unavailable is during the pushing and at 9 & 7 they can handle themselves for a while until my husband or a midwife can attend to their needs. I will have easy make, small mess foods available and some 'new to them' toys to open up every once in a while. But, if we have an emergency or if one of them really can't handle it, I will have my mom and dad on call to come and pick them up immediately. I don't know how comfortable I would be with smaller children at home unless I had someone I felt really comfortable watching them while I was in labor. Good luck, and just remember that what you need is to do what YOU feel right about.

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#15 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alicia9178 View Post
I am very torn on my 8 year old being there. Something about it just does not make me all that comfortable. Though I really want her to see a natural birth, I just do not really want it to be mine...sounds dumb I know. I just think I will feel inhibited with her there.
You could always videotape it and show it to her later. Or if that still makes you uncomfortable, Youtube is a goldmine of homebirth videos!
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#16 of 21 Old 05-07-2008, 03:07 PM
 
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I will be birthing at my mother's house since it makes DH feel better about the home birth thing since she lives directly across the st. from the hospital, so if my son doesn't want to be there he can go upstairs and watch tv or play. But as of right now he wants to be with me and I want him with me. For me I think if he's not with me I'll be less relaxed.

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#17 of 21 Old 05-08-2008, 10:04 AM
 
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My son will have just turned two. I'm playing it by ear. If I go into labor and deliver in the middle of the night, then hopefully he'll be asleep the whole time. If I start to labor during the day and cannot relax enough, my ILs or close-by friends will come and pick him up then he'd spend the night at my ILs that night.
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#18 of 21 Old 05-09-2008, 02:31 AM
 
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My son will be 4 (just) when this baby comes. My mom is coming for the birth and her job is to keep him happy during the labor/birth. I will also have 2 friends he is comfortable with, my massage therapist for awhile and my dh. Oh and my mw. That is my labor team. My ds has seen some birth videos and told me he wants to get in the water with me when the baby is born (mostly water birth videos and he was also born in water at home). I think he will be fine with the birth but I am worried he will get needy and/or tired and drive me crazy during the labor. That is where my mom and friends come in. I am looking forward to him being a part of the day. Whether he is there when the baby is born or not, we will see but I am not ruling it out or going to force it either way.

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#19 of 21 Old 05-09-2008, 02:51 AM
 
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my parents are coming from Panama with my niece. So I guess my girls will be busy, or just depends of the time I am in labor or giving birth. Who knows. Since I am having a water birth I probably will have them in the pool for a while if they want to, but also if I want to too lol! I do want to have my mom, dh and midwife with me in the room. So probably my kids will be around for a few minutes in and out who knows!

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#20 of 21 Old 05-09-2008, 01:41 PM
 
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DH's son, almost 16, is special needs and is going to stay with his mom in another city for the last few weeks of my pregnancy until the baby arrives. One of my worries about giving birth at home was that DH's son would walk in while I was naked or get into something and make a big mess if not being supervised (we have been unable to find anyone willing to babysit him for us ) or if I needed to transfer to the hospital, we'd have to ask one of the hospital staff to look after him. So we're sending him off for a few weeks. My son is 4 and I'm just going to play it by ear with him. My sister is 15 mins away and can take him if needed. My mom is 2 hrs away and will probably come up to help with DS at my sister's house until I call them to come see the baby.
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#21 of 21 Old 05-10-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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My daughter will be exactly 3.5 years old when the baby is born and she will be here with us during the birth. She is very excited about it and if my MIL mentions the hospital my daughter informs her that the baby will be born at home (I love it). I am not worried about her getting scared since she has seen me through two very bloody miscarriages and if she can stand to see blood gushing out of me (who can keep their 2.5 year old out of the bathroom) I think she can handle a mostly baby/some blood experience.

That being said I do have a friend and my in laws who can stay with her if it becomes necessary.
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