Leaving DDC---UPDATE ADDED - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello ladies...I will for the most part not be participating here any longer. I have decided to seperate from my husband and between taking a full load of classes this summer and caring for my kiddos I just am not going to have the time to be here. Let alone leaving my husband changes all of my birthing plans, and will be having a hospital birth now...I just cannot handle reading a bunch of beautiful birth stories when mine will be everything but beautiful.

I am so proud of this group by the way....still no babies yet...we ROCK!! You are all a bunch of very wonderful stron women and I wish you the best at the end of your beautiful journies.
Alicia

 

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#2 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 11:18 AM
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do not forget your own strength and beauty, btw.

it takes a lot of strength to do what you are doing, and it is possible to have a beautiful hospital birth (though i think it takes a lot more effort)--so no worries.

definitely strive to spend a bit of time on you, time enjoying the summer and the end of your pregnancy! good luck with everything!
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#3 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 11:39 AM
 
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you can and will have a beautiful birth in the hospital.

But I do see where it'd be painful to read about people having the births you've been dreaming of.

Take care of yourself, take care of your family, and please stay around until the birth stories start. It's selfish of me, but I hate to lose your knowledge sooner than absolutely necessary.
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#4 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 11:41 AM
 
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Good luck to you mama--you will be missed. I am sure you will have a lovely birth, even if it is not 'perfect', or even far from it, for you will have a lovely child to bring home. (This is all so apparent for me now, of my 4 IRL friends who have been pregnant with me these last months, I am the only one still pg, you are right that this DDC is Sooooo fortunate that way, my friends have represented so many of the possible perils-- late m/c, life-incompatible chromosomal abnormalities, emergency delivery/induction for a babe who had stopped growing in utero at 3 1/4 pounds. SIGH.) Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I'm hoping for you the best birth experience possible!
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#5 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 12:38 PM
 
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Awwww mama. I don't know the reasons for your decision to leave your h but I did it last year after realizing I was being emotionally and verbally abused. It was an easy decision once I realized I couldn't go on living the way I was. Since leaving, I have found peace, joy and confidence in my abilities (and my soul mate who is the father of this baby ). I realized I am a strong woman. It has been a very positive experience for me overall even though there have been some bumps in the road. The single mama's board here on MDC has been a wonderful resource. PM me if you need someone to talk to.
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#6 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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I don't even know what to say other than you will surely be missed.

Good luck, mama! You'll do great.

Nik! Mama to Evelynn Rose 08/19/08 and Autumn Lily 11/02/10
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#7 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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Take care of yourself mama. Your birth will be beautiful. We'll be thinking of you.
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#8 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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Alicia! You can and will have a beautiful birth
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#9 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 05:50 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear about this. I hate that you and hubby are breaking up and that you are leaving the DDC but I understand. Your birth experience can still be whatever you want it to be. Don't lose sight of that. You know that when ever you are ready to return, we will all be here for you. And when you go into labor, we'll all be cyber chanting for you.

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#10 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 10:39 PM
 
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{{{BIG HUGS}}} I wish you all the best during this difficult time. Sorry to see you leave, but I understand. Your birth WILL be beautiful. It will be yours and no one else's and that is gorgeous in its own right. I wish you all the best!
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#11 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 11:00 PM
 
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I wish you could stay regardless....

we will miss you Alicia you can still have a beautiful hospital birth, so if you have your baby, please post something in here I will love to know how it went and how are you doing in general!

God Bless!
Enith

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#12 of 29 Old 06-15-2008, 11:36 PM
 
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Sorry to hear things are not working out with your husband. I can't imagine going thru a divorce or seperation while pregnant. You hang tough, mama!

I do think your birth can be a wonderful experience in a hospital, welcoming a child into the world is beautiful no matter what.

Take care.

I'm Deborah, mama to Aidan, 11/02, Sean, 9/04 (my T21 SuperBoy), and Eleanor, 8/08.
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#13 of 29 Old 06-16-2008, 02:13 AM
 
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I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this - especially right now. I know your birth will be beautiful though, despite the circumstances. You will still have your sweet baby, no matter where you give birth. *hugs* Please keep in touch when you can, to let us know how everything is at least.
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#14 of 29 Old 06-16-2008, 09:31 PM
 
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I am so sorry mama. Your birth might or might not be whatever your vision of a perfect birth is, but either way, your baby will be beautiful and amazing and if you don't get the birth you wished for, you know how quickly the importance of that will fade as the reality and love of your baby in arms grows.

Whichever way it goes for you, best of everything. And so sorry about your current situation.

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#15 of 29 Old 06-16-2008, 10:44 PM
 
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I am sorry to hear about your situation I am in a similar situation myself and am planning to leave my husband also. I just have not decided if it will be before baby is born or after. Do you have any friends who can go to the hospital with you for support? I wish all the best for you. You are one brave mama
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#16 of 29 Old 06-17-2008, 03:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alicia9178 View Post
Hello ladies...I will for the most part not be participating here any longer. I have decided to seperate from my husband and between taking a full load of classes this summer and caring for my kiddos I just am not going to have the time to be here. Let alone leaving my husband changes all of my birthing plans, and will be having a hospital birth now...I just cannot handle reading a bunch of beautiful birth stories when mine will be everything but beautiful.

I am so proud of this group by the way....still no babies yet...we ROCK!! You are all a bunch of very wonderful stron women and I wish you the best at the end of your beautiful journies.
Alicia
You should really take a look at this:
http://navelgazingbirthstories.blogs...tos-words.html
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#17 of 29 Old 06-17-2008, 01:17 PM
 
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Alicia,
I am sorry that this is a tough time for you. I wish you well. If you haven't read Gentle Birth Choices already, I suggest you do now. There is quite a bit of 'having a good birth at the hospital' information in it. And... I see no reason for you to leave our ddc unless your time is so restricted that you don't have 5 minutes a week to check in with us. We are all planning a "perfect" birth, but as we ALL know not every birth is what we plan. They are all still births and all still very important. I hope you reconsider that choice. I wish you many blessings with the process of leaving your husband. I hope it can be as gentle on you and the children as possible.

Wife to James mom to dd(1999) ds1(2001)and ds2(7/08)
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#18 of 29 Old 06-17-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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You will be missed! Best of luck in your new path!!
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#19 of 29 Old 06-17-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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Not in your DDC, but : for you.

Feel free to pm me if you need anything.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#20 of 29 Old 06-17-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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I am sorry to hear that you are separating from your husband but I hope that you know that you can still have your HB. Be empowered! You are woman! Can do it confidently either by yourself or with a friend at your side. Good luck! You will be in my T&P.

Chelci

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#21 of 29 Old 06-19-2008, 04:50 PM
 
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Alicia, do check in whenever you can. I'll miss you very much.

Strength and peace to you.

It looks like we're having a c-section now and I'm coping with a lot of feelings, but I also believe that this can be a beautiful experience. Any thing you need to do to protect yourself and be strong for yourself and your children is a beautiful thing. Even a hospital birth.

Please tell us when she's born. We want to hear!

We'll really be thinking of you and wishing support and moments of peace for your family.
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#22 of 29 Old 06-20-2008, 12:13 PM
 
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Good luck with everything. I'm sure all will go well.

Take care.
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#23 of 29 Old 06-20-2008, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Update:
So the past week has been a challenge. It has been very emotional on many different levels and I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to simplify. DH and I spent a lot of time talking and I told him that I thought that he needed to leave as I really do not trust his reliability right now as he has been walking out on us if we argue, and with the end of pregnancy quickly approaching I just have horrible fears of him not being there if there was an emergency. A little background...right before our last DD was born a little over 2 years ago, my husband started leaving like this and even left for over 24 hours when I was 10 days past my C-section. It turned into a pattern that almost tore our marriage apart. He went through a very aggressive, depressed, and violent time and was diagnosed and hospitalized for severe clinical depression when my last DD was 3 months old. He was very suicidal and it was a very scary time for our family. He was also very abusive towards me, which I can tell you got real old real fast...and resulted from a multitude of injuries emotionally and physically.
He has been much more stable, but seeing things like him leaving sends me into a protective panic mode, as I just cannot put myself or my kids through that again. Now...he is not violent, explosive, or depressed at all...it is just the leaving seems to be an emotional trigger for me that I cannot handle.
I told him all of this and he really has taken the time to look at how I feel and validate my feelings. He is not willing to leave as he thinks tht it would be a horrible time to seperate with a baby on the way. I do have to agree, and told him that I need his 100% participation. What he asked in return is that I drop 2 of the 4 classes I am taking as he says that i have been increasingly stressed since I started school. I guess it is not a bad compromise, as there has to be some give and take.
This pregnancy has been so hard on me emotionally. Planning a homebirth is such a mixed blessing in a way for me. Managing this diet has been so hard for me as I am SO TIRED of eating the same things over and over. I have gotten to a point that I take one slightly high blood sugar as a personal failure, which I know is insane, but I feel like I have to be a Nazi on myself to ensure a safe delivery of this baby. The ironic thing about all of this is I can bust my butt for all of this time and then have an emergency that blows the whole homebirth out of the water...and may even result in a C-section. DH says that is where I have to have faith and just take the leap and hope for the best.
Interestingly enough DH told me something lastnight that is so true, and kind of insightful. I was very upset and crying over how we are going to make this birth work and how maybe we should just give up. He told me that he truly believes this birth is going to forever change me and will have a huge emotional impact on me...whether that be negative or positive. I tried to argue that no matter how or where we have Kasey we still get the same baby...but he said back that it is not true that no matter where she is born that she will not get the same mommy. Maybe he is ok to keep around, sometimes he does kinda say something that makes me feel better.
I would not say we are at all "stable", but after 11 years of marriage I think he is fair to ask for some time before we make such a huge decison.
Alicia

 

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#24 of 29 Old 06-21-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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Alicia,

thank you so much for the update. I am very glad you and your dh are able to talk and work things out. I have been seperated and reconciled and it just seems so amazing that sometimes just talking open and honestly will lead us down the path of working on things. I am glad he is willing to work it out.

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#25 of 29 Old 06-21-2008, 01:45 AM
 
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Talking is good.
Talking, as you did it, with specific discussions and agreements about actions is even better.

WHEN you get through this, you guys will be much much stronger as a couple.

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#26 of 29 Old 06-21-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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I'm so glad you are working through this; the compromise of dropping classes sounds like a good one...Hope everything works out w/ you and your dh.

Prayers for a beautiful and peaceful birth.
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#27 of 29 Old 06-21-2008, 02:15 PM
 
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Thank you for updating us! I have been thinking lots about you.

That's great that you are talking openly about everything. You know that old saying that communication is the key to a good relationship may sound cliche` - but its so true!

We are here to vent to whenever you need it.

If things get back to the point of being violent though, like in the past, just be sure you and the kiddos are safe.
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#28 of 29 Old 06-21-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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Dear Alicia,

What you are going through sounds so tough. It seems to me that you are doing everything you can to make sense of things and work things out. Just know we are here for you in whatever aspect we can be. Have strength and remember to be compassionate and loving towards yourself.
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#29 of 29 Old 06-23-2008, 04:53 PM
 
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That's really good Alicia. I certainly hope everything works out for you. Take it from someone going through something right now and really thinking about removing someone from her life...the father of her child.

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