Has your partner been helping out as much as you'd like? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 01:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dh has been working a lot at his workplace thus I've not been asking him for the help I'd like to get.

I feel bad asking him to do things at home after working at work for 12-16 hours.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#2 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 02:36 AM
 
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OH my goodness, my dh has been work work working away trying to get our finances a little more stable so he can be around when the baby comes but it has been sooo hard. I am exhausted and have my dd who is 3 and has a ton of energy. I ask him to help but it's impossible because he's simply not around, or too tired when he is. Honestly it has been very difficult and I definitly feel your pain!
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#3 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 02:57 AM
 
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yes : he is so good the poor guy. Comes from work at 6:30 and bathe the girls for me. He won't wake me up in the morning to wake up my oldest, to dress her, to feed her and to take her to summer camp. He is so excited about his baby boy though, finally another man in the house

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#4 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 03:29 AM
 
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I can't complain at all. When DH is home he's so extremely helpful : but his job makes it so he's gone quite often.
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#5 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 04:49 AM
 
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Mine is not helpful with house work or cooking. He's good with the kids, but wont lift a finger when it comes to cleaning. Its really annoying. But I'm a sahm and he works very hard for us. So maybe i'm just being a brat.

 

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#6 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 05:08 AM
 
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Mine is good about taking the girls out of my hair/getting them outside time. Good about buying groceries, but not so much about household stuff. But I sah, so I am trying to get better about nagging/fussing at him.
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#7 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 08:05 AM
 
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I actually feel quite bad about how much DH does around here. I am a SAHM too but he comes home from work and usually cleans the kitchen and starts dinner. He's very involved and hands on with Tristan and really takes on more than his fair share I think of taking care of Tristan once he is home.

He says that he doesn't mind and he enjoys doing these things (well probably not the dishes ) and since I feel so pooped most of the time and/or uncomfortable I let him. I am constantly telling him how much I appreciate it though.
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#8 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 08:30 AM
 
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DH has been wonderful. He has help with baby preparations as well as doing most of the cooking. He also is on footrub duty nightly. Simply awesome...

''''

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#9 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 09:10 AM
 
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I swear my DH gets better the more children we have. He's been absolutely amazing this time around (and I had no complaints in our previous pregnancies) but this time, he's something else.
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#10 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 10:16 AM
 
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In the beginning my DP was not on his job (i'm sure you guys remember my episodes) but since then, he's been nothing short of amazing. He does so much for me and even makes those 1am craving runs if i wake him.

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#11 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 10:30 AM
 
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Yep He helps alot with the care and entertainment of my older kids, and he does alot of the grocery shopping and meal prep. He also understands that sometimes (okay, alot of the time lately) I just feel crappy and want to nap or veg out, and he tells me how great I look
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#12 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 10:35 AM
 
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MY dh has been amazing --- though it hasn't taken any of the workload off of me. He is building a 2nd floor on our house and works on that for about 4 hours every day before he goes to work at 2, then many nights he works up there *after* he gets home from work at 10:30pm. The other night he didn't come to bed till 3am. He is almost done with the drywall in baby's room - we may actually get to paint in there before ds gets here!! We only need the room for his stuff right now, but that will be so nice to have a dust free place.
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#13 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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Wow-we're lucky mamas!
Dh has been pretty good considering he's been quite ill (we've had this nasty cough/cold for weeks) and is working really hard lately...but he's been doling out the foot mssages, stepping it up with DD, bringing me treats, and letting me boss him around He won't really notice when something needs to be cleaned, but he'll do it if I ask him!

fridgeart, lucky mum to E (5) and Ro (2)
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#14 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 01:16 PM
 
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Oh, yes. He has been super helpful. Everyday I make a list of things I want done and he does them. He also takes the kids shopping or to the park or to the inlaws to give me a break. We are having a homebirth so I want the house perfect every night before we go to bed, just in case, so it's been alot of work. Plus my nesting is in overdrive so I keep coming up with projects for him to do like clean the garage, weed the flowerbed, build a duck pen, etc.

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#15 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 01:18 PM
 
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My dh is working his butt off! We are building a house and he is working day and night to get it done for the family. Plus he has his "day job" and at least once a week he takes ds so I have time alone. He doesn't do much as far as the pregnancy help or household help but he is hardly ever home...he's always at the building house. He works until either late at night or even early in the morning, sleeps a little and is back to work the next day. He is getting a little burned out but he is definitely working harder than me right now.

AP, Homeschooling, Part-Time working mom with 3 rambunctious boys fencing.gifbabyf.gifall born with love at home. (04 & 08 & 12).

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#16 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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He's been wonderful, bordering on getting in my way. On his days off I push him to golf with his dad/friends so he's out of my way. I tell him he needs to get in all the golf he can before this kid arrives.
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#17 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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Mine is AWESOME!!!!!!! He does everything but homeschool the kids! We both work at home though. That makes a huge difference.
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#18 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 09:30 PM
 
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Yes, he's been amazing, despite the 14 hour days he puts in at the office. He does a lot of the clean up, and is playing with the kids in the backyard right now while I lounge in bed with the internet and some lemonade.

It's going to come back to me after the baby is born, though. He's a lawyer, and one of his cases will probably heat up soon after she comes. I'm hoping to line up mother's helpers or something for September.
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#19 of 31 Old 07-26-2008, 09:54 PM
 
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He's been wonderful, bordering on getting in my way. On his days off I push him to golf with his dad/friends so he's out of my way. I tell him he needs to get in all the golf he can before this kid arrives.
He's a lucky man ! Mine hasn't been fishing since he got his license in Jan. I really feel bad for him. His wife is not so nice.

Elizabeth, mama to 4 kids and 5 chickens.
The grateful recipient of 3 home water births, 1 being an accidental UC.:
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#20 of 31 Old 07-27-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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I think DH has been great! He was gone for over 2 months for a school but he worked really hard to get the nursery done before he left and he's been working at getting things organized since we got back from vacation. Plus, he's read 2 books that I bought him about fathers/daughters.

I actually thought about it today. We did a bit of cleaning this morning, then did nothing baby related since. We're just hung out and played Wii and watched movies. He/we needed a little break.
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#21 of 31 Old 07-27-2008, 09:25 AM
 
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Yep! Mine is awesome too. He is all over anything I ask him to do and he made more dinners than I did last week and never batted an eye when I said I wanted to go out - : instead of cooking.
I him.

April thankful mommy to my boys Big Red 3/06 Little Z 9/08 and happily awaiting the arrival of 10/10 :
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#22 of 31 Old 07-27-2008, 10:21 AM
 
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Sounds like a lot of great hubbies/future daddies here!

My dh has also been working his butt off this summer, which I appreciate but miss him at the same time. He was determined that this would be the year we replace the deck on our house & I agreed it needed to be done. Once he got into it, though, we realied it is a bigger project than we planned and we also decided to upgrade the deck materials from treated lumber to Trex (a recycled product) and the cost of the project doubled. He took on several extra summer work projects to pay for the extra expense, so not only was he spending every minute outside of work on the deck, he also worked longer.

My boys really missed having daddy around and I did too. No foot or back rubs this pregnancy. He has gone to just a few of my appts with sonos. He feels really disconnected from this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, he's happy about it & can't wait to meet his dd, but it's just different this time. I've done all the baby planning & prepping on my own. I know the stress of the pregnancy expenses has gotten to him too. We certainly didn't expect to have all the extra sonos and dr appts.

Well, I know he's a good daddy and will be there for me and the baby when we need him. There's just so many hrs in a day!

I'm Deborah, mama to Aidan, 11/02, Sean, 9/04 (my T21 SuperBoy), and Eleanor, 8/08.
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#23 of 31 Old 07-27-2008, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm slightly annoyed that he just invited his brother over tomorrow. We will be gone all day for a funeral. I would like to have a reasonably clean house when his brother gets here which means I'll have to work all morning to get it done while I'm getting myself and the kids ready for the funeral or I can do it late tonight after we get home from the funeral.
Either way, its not fun.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#24 of 31 Old 07-27-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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My husband has been great! He works night shift, so he gets home at 7:30am which is when our son gets up, so lately he's been letting me sleep in while he takes care of the morning stuff. SO NICE!!!
We've had a custody issue with his daughter throughout this pregnancy, so that's added a lot of stress and time consuming meetings for him. We are finally done with that though, and we will get to have her here with us more, so that is awesome.
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#25 of 31 Old 07-27-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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Well yes and no lol. I admit he's been a lot nicer about things since our midwife appointment. She was very clear about how my diet needed to be and she saw me one day when I wasn't feeling well and was so concerned that I think it was sort of a kick in the pants for him lol. He's been more attentive lately which has been really nice and he won't let me lift things anymore which is a big change. Overall though I am very happy with how he is right now

7th Heaven here we come! Due date early May
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#26 of 31 Old 07-28-2008, 01:00 PM
 
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I'm slightly annoyed that he just invited his brother over tomorrow. We will be gone all day for a funeral. I would like to have a reasonably clean house when his brother gets here which means I'll have to work all morning to get it done while I'm getting myself and the kids ready for the funeral or I can do it late tonight after we get home from the funeral.
Either way, its not fun.
Will he help you? Our rule is if he invites someone (even family) over, he has to help clean. Sometimes he does it all. Is this a possibility?

Elizabeth, mama to 4 kids and 5 chickens.
The grateful recipient of 3 home water births, 1 being an accidental UC.:
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#27 of 31 Old 07-28-2008, 02:05 PM
 
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Uh, no.

I'm the primary breadwinner in our family and my h works part time as a cook at a local bar and grill (which I have no problem with - I like to work and we don't need childcare because of the flexibility of his job). But if I hear him say that he's tired one more time, I'm going to f'ing sock him. And he has a habit of hanging out after work (ie, sitting at the bar) and I have no way to get ahold of him, which in this stage of pregnancy is a little disconcerting.

To be honest, he's never been the super attentive type while I've been pregnant. He's great with the kids, but sometimes I just need someone to take care of me! :

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." Buddha

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#28 of 31 Old 07-28-2008, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Will he help you? Our rule is if he invites someone (even family) over, he has to help clean. Sometimes he does it all. Is this a possibility?
He did help today and yesterday. I still ended up doing most of it. It was stuff I needed to do anyway to prepare for birth but having bil over put me on a bigger time crunch than I wanted.

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and I have no way to get ahold of him, which in this stage of pregnancy is a little disconcerting.
The bar doesn't have a cell phone? Do you have one you can send with him?
Perhaps make your wishes clear so that he knows you want and need him. Men are generally not as intuitive as women when it comes to others needs.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#29 of 31 Old 07-28-2008, 04:07 PM
 
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He did vacuum last night which desperately needed to be done. He does pretty well once he gets his momentum going. It's just getting him going that can be a challenge (and makes me feel like a nagging mommy ). He hasn't been as attentive this pg - kind of like he thinks since I've done this twice before I should be fine and it's no big deal. He will always run out for my cravings which is nice, though. I can't complain too much, but it's annoying how he always has to remind me "how good I have it". (How much he helps with the kids and *mostly* does things when I ask, etc.)
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#30 of 31 Old 07-28-2008, 05:24 PM
 
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Mine's been good by proxy..
he's paying for the nanny and he's been around somewhat...but emmotionally....I say he can do a lot to be unsupportive but not much to be supportive...really he's so uber pragmatic problem = solution....that I just about give up on expecting sympathy, empathy and pray he doesn't stick foot in mouth.

But he's a great labor coach for me probably as I tend to loose it and panic..
he can keep his cool for the most part...

the cool thing is he's considering delivering this baby himself (midwife asked if he wanted to play catch) ....its an offer he cannot refuse although its a story I WILL NEVER HEAR THE END OF

8 might be enough
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