PAL Thread-Pregnant After a Loss - Mothering Forums
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September 2008 > PAL Thread-Pregnant After a Loss
Charmie981's Avatar Charmie981 11:57 PM 01-14-2008
Just wondering if anyone out there is in the same boat I'm in. I'm pregnant, and certainly feeling it, but not quite ready to jump on the "I'm pregnant" bandwagon, given my history. This is my third pregnancy in 10 months and all I can think is "I cannot have three miscarriages in a year, I just CAN'T."

My HCG is good, I'm on progesterone b/c it was a tad low, I'm doing daily Lovenox injections and I'm taking 4mg (not mics) of folic acid in addition to my prenatals. And I'm only 4w, 1d. Surely I have all of the bases covered, right??

And yet I'm still totally freaked out.

ninafrijol's Avatar ninafrijol 12:18 AM 01-15-2008
I hope everything works out for you.
I am to am pregnant after a MC that rocked both my partner and I. He didn't want to try again for a long time. But now we are pregnant! I am so excited.

mama naturale's Avatar mama naturale 12:25 AM 01-15-2008
I know how you feel. I am pregnant but don't want to get too excited just yet. Its almost like I am not really pregnant yet like I have to wait.
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 12:33 AM 01-15-2008
It's hard isn't it? I want to be so excited - but I'm so scared.

I get my first beta back tomorrow and hoping that will provide me with a bit of peace.

I'm glad you started this thread! Sometimes, it's hard to feel like you belong because you know the brutal truth, but you also don't want to rain on anyone's parade, kwim?
dani76's Avatar dani76 12:34 AM 01-15-2008
I have had an ectopic pregnancy, a live birth, a miscarriage, and now this pregnancy. I have good, calm feelings about this pregnancy. Although that doesn't stop me from checking the toilet papre everytime I go to the bathroom. Or from taking daily hpts. Or from silently worrying about every twinge on my left side. But other than that, I'm calm and good.
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 12:36 AM 01-15-2008
Originally Posted by dani76 View Post
But other than that, I'm calm and good.

Charmie981's Avatar Charmie981 12:52 AM 01-15-2008
Josh's Girl, you and I were due in March together. I'm so glad to see you back!

I guess I just have a harsh view of pregnancy. I've been pregnant...this makes...EIGHT times. I have two children. It's so hard to be happy, but so hard not to be happy!

I'm looking at names (you'd think after 2.5 years we'd have them, but we can't decide!), and I keep thinking of "last time." Last time this and last time that. I hate it.

I knew there'd be others out there who understand. I hate that you all understand, but I love the company in my "I'm not so sure how to handle this" state .
frontierpsych's Avatar frontierpsych 01:16 AM 01-15-2008
My first was stillborn full term and my second was miscarried at 10 weeks. Got my fingers crossed this time!
starparticle's Avatar starparticle 01:38 AM 01-15-2008
to all us Mama's in this boat.

This is my second pregnancy after a loss, and it's still as hard as the first time. Let's keep checking in with each other!
sunflwrmoonbeam's Avatar sunflwrmoonbeam 02:34 AM 01-15-2008
Hi. I just posted my intro on the main board, but I very much belong here.

Assuming this is real and I wasn't hallucinating this morning, this is my 4th pregnancy in 13 months. My previous losses were at 4w5d, 7w, and 5w. I'm not expecting to stick around long, and I certainly won't be announcing to the family until I see a heartbeat. But we'll see.

So I'm here, for now. Until proven otherwise.
mamabella's Avatar mamabella 04:25 PM 01-15-2008
Wow to all of you mamas! I have had one m/c (right before this pg) and one chemical pg in 7/07 so I am there with you - I also have low progestrone so I am on Prometrium this time for the 1st 12 weeks...I had a freak out scare this weekend - forgot my pill Saturday night and had one streak of yellowish-brownish mucous on Sunday and another on Monday - I even felt *less* nauseous and tired yesterday and was totally freaking out - but my round the clock toilet paper policing has turned up no further bleeding and I am back to gagging at everything I see so I think I am okay..

On another note, you know you can get pretty cheap pg tests on the internet - I know its stupid but it makes me feel better when I am getting anxious to take one and see that pg line turn up faster and darker than the control line....sorry for the ramble - wishing you all peaceful thoughts and healthy sticky pregnancies!
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 04:46 PM 01-15-2008
Christine - "toilet paper policing" - I LOVE IT!

I just took my eight pregnancy test since Friday.....still pg

Stupid doctor hasn't called yet with my betas though
MommytoHHH's Avatar MommytoHHH 06:33 PM 01-15-2008
Another mama PAL here. I had two miscarriages before my DD, then had my DD, then had another miscarriage in September. My first beta looked good and my progesterone looked great (9dpo beta = 22, p4 = 27.4 - yes, 9dpo ). I'm on 200mg of progesterone/day and I should get my second beta results back tomorrow. Prayers and sticky baby vibes for all of us!
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 07:18 PM 01-15-2008
Oh my goodness HHH - those are some great numbers!
ninafrijol's Avatar ninafrijol 11:56 PM 01-15-2008
Could you ladies help me with what progesterone and beta levels mean? And why is left-side twitches bad?
or direct me to a place where I can research these things.
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 12:30 AM 01-16-2008
Betas are the amount of hcg in your system. HCPs want to see it double every 48 to 72 hours to indicate that the pregnancy is in the proper place and is progressing accordingly.

You need a certain level of progesterone to support your pregnancy until the placenta takes over in the second trimester. If your progesterone level drops, that signals to your body to start shedding the endometrium, essentially resulting in a miscarriage.

I'm not sure why left side twitches are bad - unless you've had a history of ectopics or have another sign indicating it could be an ectopic pregnancy.
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 12:33 AM 01-16-2008
PAL mamas - I need help :

My doctor's office didn't call me back with my results today - in spite of the messages I left. I'm an absolute freaking mess to say the least.

I go back tomorrow morning for another draw - and please send me strong will vibes - I'm not confrontational at all but tomorrow, I have to be my own advocate and demand that they tell me why they didn't call me today. HCPs tend to intimidate me and I just need to stand up for myself and tell them what they did (promising me they would call and not calling) is not acceptable.

This anxiety .... it can't be good for me or the baby.

moderngal's Avatar moderngal 12:47 AM 01-16-2008
I had a m/c last spring. It was awful-- the worst part was that I had hyperemesis even after the heartbeat stopped and we knew it was over. I ended up with a D&E.

So now, even though people say morning sickness is a good sign, I just can't believe it and I really need to see a heartbeat- just for my sanity. I go to the doctor on Thursday (the practice that did my D&E- not planning to stay with them) and I am praying that we see that heartbeat!!
mamabella's Avatar mamabella 02:17 PM 01-16-2008
Josh's girl - hugs to you! And you know what? Stop worrying about what that office thinks of you. You leave messages once an hour or more if you need to - you are absolutely right you MUST be your own advocate. I am sure they have heard far more freakish hormonal women yell at them than you.

I was planning on a no-intervention pg this time (besides the 1st trimester prometrium) - I already met with my homebirth midwife who advised me against doing any sonograms - but after I got another nickel-sized glob of brownish mucous yesterday and essentially was a total freak out mess last night I called my OB's office and asked to scchedule a sonogram for today - they said yeah sure then called me back and said my OB wanted to do a beta and a progesterone before doing a sonogram because there is some confusion over my dates : - They just can't get it through their thick heads that I am a freak of nature and ovulate on day 34 of my cycle - EGADS! - and are completely confused by the fact that my last period was in September, followed by a m/c in November, followed by this pg in December - I know when I ovulated thanks to charting my temps, cervical mucous and changes, AND taking Ovulation predictor kits AND a fertility monitor - so I am on the phone SOBBING begging them to do a sonogram today to ease my anxiety over this baby's health and well being - they were trying to get me to do a sonogram two weeks ago and I refused it so what's the big deal at 7 weeks 2 days doing a sonogram?! ARRGH - I know the extra intervention is probably not helpful if my baby is in fact threatened but I think my stress and anxiety is worse for the baby than a sonogram at this point....

So I am going in this afternoon and doing the blood work (beta and progesterone) and the sonogram - and you know what? I don't care if they think I am a hormonal freak - at least tonight I will have some sense of peace over what is going on with my body - so speak up mamas...don't suffer in silence!

And hopefully I can learn to trust my body before this pg is over - I know that is so important for a homebirth - the whole m/c thing is just messing with my sense of self-confidence....

Sorry for the ramble - just needed to vent...
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 02:22 PM 01-16-2008
Christine - I hope you get your answers today!

and i have my numbers!!

my 16DPO beta was 610 and my progesterone was 21.9 (I think - I forgot to write it down.)

This time the nurse said to call for her for my results tomorrow.

The progesterone was low for what they wanted to see, so I'm on supplements for it until I'm out of the first tri.

Think good doubling thoughts for me!

(The doctor's office was another clusterfvck but at least I got my answers this time.)
mamabella's Avatar mamabella 02:27 PM 01-16-2008
: Yeah Josh's Girl! Congratulations - many sticky vibes to you!

I don't go to the OB till this aft when dh can watch ds but I'll update later...
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 02:31 PM 01-16-2008
Oh and modern - GL till tomorrow! I, too, had horrid m/s. The lowest point (well, one of many really) was puking the morning of my d&c. That's one of the things that I hated about the m/c, I feel like I can't trust my body at all now.
MommytoHHH's Avatar MommytoHHH 05:42 PM 01-16-2008
Got my second beta back! First was 22 at 9dpo and the second was 240 at 13dpo. Doubling time is about every 27 hours. OB said it looked great and we'd do the next draw on Monday morning.
Charmie981's Avatar Charmie981 06:02 PM 01-16-2008
Wow, compared to all of you guys' numbers, mine are low.

My 13DPO was 51 and my 15DPO was 156. My progesterone is still concerning, at 14 (up from 12 on Monday). I'm going to take the prometrium vaginally from now on and on Tuesday I'll have another progesterone and beta. Then nothing until my 7 week appointment where we'll do a sonogram, unless for some reason I need to see them before that (hoping against that!).

I'm glad to see everyone has such great numbers! I hope we ALL get to stay!!!!
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 06:06 PM 01-16-2008
Oh but Charlotte - your numbers tripled! That's so beautiful!

So - question about u/s? Do you know your schedule for getting them? Is anyone getting a 5(ish) week one?
xochimama's Avatar xochimama 06:14 PM 01-16-2008
I'm in here.
I've got my second blood draw this afternoon...feeling nervous... I just don't know if I'll want to try again if this one doesn't make it... I'm having the same symptoms as my last missed miscarriage. UGH. That was awful: I walked around for FOUR F-ING weeks before I started spotting and we figured out there was a problem. And yea, I still had mild m/s during the whole thing.

So unfair.

I seem to be cussing in all my threads today...
alyssatuininga's Avatar alyssatuininga 08:07 PM 01-16-2008
I too am due in Sept and had a loss in April last year. We have 2 healthy boys and I am so hoping that this pregnancy will be fine! My mc was at 7 1/2 weeks (blighted ovum that stopped developing at 5 weeks). I am 6 weeks right now and feeling really crappy (which makes me really happy). I had bw done at 14dpo my hcg had gone from 111 to and 16dpo it was 235 so that is great and my progesterone was 29. All that said I am really nervous. I am still checking the tp every time I go and every little twinge or pain has me worried. I have an appt Fri and I am going to ask for an early sonogram. In the past I have been so excited about every appt and honestly this time I am just so nervous. I am so afraid that she will find some sort of problem. I REALLY think I will feel better once I see a hb. Every night in bed I say my little mantra "beat little heart beat:
mamabella's Avatar mamabella 10:59 PM 01-16-2008
moderngal - good luck tomorrow - lots of prayers your way for strength

MommytoHHH - Congratulations! Hope everything keeps looking good for you!

Charlotte - Try not to worry too much yet - there is a reason the range of "normal" beta numbers is so wide - and my doc said any progesterone level over 10 is good - I didn't even pop a bfp on an HPT that read HCG levels as low as 20 until 13 dpo...

xochimama - waiting is the worst...I am so sorry - hoping for the best for you...

alyssatuininga - I am totally with you on needing to see the heartbeat - and I love your mantra!

And on to me...well I went in today for my sonogram and another beta/progesterone draw - I will get those results on Friday - and as far as the sonogram goes....

ONE of the babies is perfectly healthy with a heartbeat of 154 and I could see the perfectly formed embryo and yolk sac and it was just amazing and I felt totally awesome...then the sonogram tech said - Well I think I found out why you were spotting...

And there it was - the empty sac - I was totally floored - I guess this is more common than I realized but still...there was nothing in there but it was almost as big as the other sac with my baby in it. The crazy part is that when I conceived I had this crazy feeling it might be twins and I kept having all these thoughts like - how can I have a homebirth with twins and how long will I have to wait for my midwife to discover its twins and how will I ever handle twins - yikes! - then a week ago I suddenly felt not pregnant at all and it freaked me out - I just felt intuitively that something was terribly wrong and that there was some sort of spirit leaving me - I know that sounds hokey but it was just something i didn't share with anyone - today in the shower before I went to the dr. I was rubbing my belly and looked down and said - thank you baby so much for staying with us - we love you so much already - but still it felt like I had lost something even though I was talking to my baby....anyways...just strange how our intuitions work....

So I am feeling relief relief relief that there is a healthy baby in there yet also some sense of devastation over the loss of another baby but still a sense of peace that my body is doing whatever it feels needs to be done to sustain a healthy pregnancy. I sort of felt that devastation/at peace feeling last month with my m/c too....its just strange

So thank you mamas for being here in this thread - it can be so hard to be so overjoyed over the present blessings and yet on the back burner so petrified that the past will repeat itself....

peace to all of you....
joshs_girl's Avatar joshs_girl 11:05 PM 01-16-2008
Oh Christine - what a mix of emotions mama. I don't have any advice really for you, just love and peace to wish to you and another for good measure
mama naturale's Avatar mama naturale 12:14 AM 01-17-2008
I had a light bleed last night.
I am hopeful but nervous.
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