Advice about gender please! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We had originally planned to wait to find out the gender of this baby. We've decided it will be our last biological baby (we may adopt in the future). We found out the gender for both DDs. Now I'm starting to want to know! A big reason is that DD1 (3.5) is so insistent that this child is a girl and she doesn't want a brother, I'm afraid that if it is a boy she will be so upset. So if it's a boy, I'd love to have the time before he's born to prepare her. Also, we only have girl clothes/accessories, hardly any gender neutral stuff (slim pickings). So what should I do? What would you do? My sister is no help, she wants me to find out so she can buy clothes. lol

Mom to DD#1 8/04, nursed 43 months, DD#2 8/06, nursed 21 months and DD#3 9/08, still nursing strong
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#2 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 01:35 PM
 
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Ooo. I'm in the same boat. We have two DDs. We haven't even told them yet, so I'm not so worried about THEIR reaction - I'm worried about mine. I didn't find out with either of them, and LOVED the surprise factor at the birth, but since this is our last, I feel like I'd like to try it the other way - so I can prepare (give away clothes or get the girl clothes organized), bond with the baby, and just KNOW. I'm afraid a part of me will be disappointed if it's another girl (ugh, I can't believe I'm admitting that) - esp since I've had so many vivid boy dreams. I feel like I need to know so I can adjust to whatever the verdict is. But if we do find out we're not telling anyone. I'd be interested in knowing what others think...
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#3 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 01:49 PM
 
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We learned as early as possible with Griffin and the twins, and I thought I wanted to wait this time around (although DH knew he didn't). But I am so impatient, I know I'd never be able to make it the whole pregnancy without needing to know.

I have all boys, and did go out a buy a little girl outfit last weekend. I couldn't resist. I figured I could return it or give it away if we have a boy. Part of me really wants a girl (this is our last, and no girl means I won't have a daughter), and part of me loves being the only woman in a house full of boys.

I have found learning the gender is always a bit of a disappointment -- like some avenue gets closed off. The baby goes from being both genders to being only one. Part of the reason I think waiting until birth would be fun is that when a baby is born I suspect it may not be that way. Everything (not just gender) goes from being just a possibility to being a reality, and you have a real little creature in your arms. I'd be curious to hear from mothers who have been surprised whether they ever found learning the gender temporarily disappointing. (Obviously, we all love our babies the most as whatever gender they are -- I'm just talking about a short readjustment of expectations.)

* Jaime
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#4 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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also finding out doesn't mean 100% thats what you get, my bf from highschool had 5/6 U/S for placenta previa....they told her BOY...
it was a girl....things happen

8 might be enough
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#5 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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There was no doubt at all will all 3 of my boys. It was so evident there was no way it could be anything other than a boy... perfect shots of their entire packages and it was right with all three. It was right with my daughter as well.

I can't wait. Have no patience, and like your sister - wanna start buying gender specific items!
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#6 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 09:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azryel View Post
I have found learning the gender is always a bit of a disappointment -- like some avenue gets closed off. The baby goes from being both genders to being only one. Part of the reason I think waiting until birth would be fun is that when a baby is born I suspect it may not be that way. Everything (not just gender) goes from being just a possibility to being a reality, and you have a real little creature in your arms. I'd be curious to hear from mothers who have been surprised whether they ever found learning the gender temporarily disappointing. (Obviously, we all love our babies the most as whatever gender they are -- I'm just talking about a short readjustment of expectations.)
This is my first, so I don't really know from personal experience, but it seems to me that the emotion and excitement of the moment of birth and finding out the gender would completely overshadow any possible disappointment for adults. But for siblings, I don't know if actually seeing and touching brand new little brother or sister would make them not care that he/she was not what they hoped for.

Catherine, mama to Preschooler Girl 9/08, and Toddler Boy 3/11

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#7 of 12 Old 03-05-2008, 10:02 PM
 
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I waited with my first 3 and will with this one as well. I'm not planning any u/s anyway, so unless some issue arises, I won't be tempted. As for my experience of finding out at birth...with dd, I was thrilled it was a girl since I felt like I "knew" how to mother a girl better, having had no parenting experience. (I now realize that was silly!) Had she been a boy, I'm sure I would have been equally as thrilled. With my twins, I have to say I cried when I found out it was two boys. And perhaps a few of those tears were not pure happiness! I was just nervous about having 2 boys--all the energy, etc. But I got over it in about, oh 5 minutes maybe? I love finding out right at the birth. It makes the whole experience so real/amazing for me. I totally meet my child at the birth, with no sneak peeks beforehand. JMO

Oh, my dd wants a sister, as well. But we've talked about the fact that it might be a girl OR A BOY. And she says she is fine with that. With the twins, we had 2 girl names all set, and dd even knew them. We were still on the fence with boy names, so I think she sort of was expecting girls, but she didn't seem to care at all. Ironically, with dd we had a boy name all picked out and were still on the fence with a girl name. :
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#8 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 12:34 AM
 
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Oh this is a tough one! So ok we have 2 boys and thankfully a little girl too. This time around I think it's a boy.. but I have to admit I'm hoping for a girl. It would even things out and I would love for my daughter to have a sister. Hubby is rooting for a boy and doesn't understand why I make a face when we talk about having another boy lol

I feel bad because I can't help feeling this way .. makes me feel like a bad momma. Of course I just want a happy healthy baby boy or girl and I LOVE my boys they are great, but I don't know I always wanted a sister. We'll find out what God is Blessing us with on April 11th! & be happy either way.

All that said we are on the fence about finding out right now and that's also part of the reason I pushed my u/s back to the full 20 weeks. I think we're going to find out though. I too need to go through the baby girl clothes or get my nephew's clothes from my brother.

I wish I didn't care either way not even a lil' bit ugh!!

7th Heaven here we come! Due date early May
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#9 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 11:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have said to DD several times that it might be a boy, and she just keeps saying, "No, it's a girl". If I had to choose, I'd prefer another girl, simply because a boy is a whole new ballgame. My nephew is completely wild, and I'm terrified that I will have a child like him! But it would be a new adventure at the same time. I just think I'd like to be a little more prepared for that adventure. lol

Mom to DD#1 8/04, nursed 43 months, DD#2 8/06, nursed 21 months and DD#3 9/08, still nursing strong
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#10 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 11:48 AM
 
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We fould out with our first two and then wanted a suprise with the last. I think it just about killed our family to not know, but we really enjoyed not finding out till birth. Our daughter also made the comments all last pregnancy saying how much she wanted a sister. She even went so far as to tell me a few days before the birth that if it was a boy she was going to shove him back inside of me!! But as soon as she walked in an saw him she was in love and said to my relief that we could keep him.
Were going to be suprised again this time and I'm really excited about it. It is fun knowing so that you can buy stuff. But its priceless to me to find out at birth and have such a great suprise then.
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#11 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 11:51 AM
 
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We are not finding out. I have all boys clothes. i will probably go shopping if we have a little girl after a few weeks, but I don't think anything is so important that I don't have. diapers are the one thing that I would love to have girly and i do intend to have all my nb and small diapers before babies birth, so that will be something I have to miss out on. However, I will be sure to make up for it in medium girly diapers. So, I'll live. I can't wait for my partner to be the one who first learns whether we are having a boy or a girl. I have never experienced that (having learned gender every other time)....and I am so excited for that moment.
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#12 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 12:58 PM
 
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I'm not finding out with this one and feel very strongly about it. While I was glad to find out DD's sex because she was my first and I needed it to seem more 'real', I don't think that gender is really all that important, even to kids. A child will take its cues from his or her parents so if they see that YOU are open to either gender and make it clear that either is a blessing, they are more likely to feel the same, or at least learn to. If they pick up on subtle 'we want a particular sex' vibes (or even not-so-subtle ones), they are more prone to be 'disappointed' because they may think that there was a reason you preferred one sex over the other and so the other could be seen as 'bad' through a child's eyes. I would tread carefully.

I'm not buying any new clothes for this baby. Even if it's a boy, I will dress it in whatever onesies I've got laying around. I won't go out of my way to put him in all pink but if there's a bit of pink in a shirt or a butterfly on the sleeve, so be it. Though I realise that not everyone feels the same way I do so I can see why it would bother others.

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