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#1 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We had our first midwife appointment for this pregnancy. Of course my 21 months old toddler came along as well as my husband (that was the appointment to hear the heartbeat the first time. He won't be coming with us every time).
I've been stressing out about how my toddler would take the whole birth thing since we are planning another homebirth and had just read all these wonderful stories about little kids being at the birth and doing fine. We also decided to hire a doula so he would have somebody (either the doula or my husband) to stay with him.
So all we did was talk and then use a doppler to listen for the heartbeat.
My poor little pumpkin was already in tears when they put the gel on me. By the time we were searching for the heartbeat he was inconsolable.
And I was smiling and talking to him! I hope things will change lots in the next 6 months. I hate it when my bunny is upset and I certainly don't want this to be traumatic for him.
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#2 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 06:16 PM
 
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ooh I know! I have the same fears, I have a 21 month old son as well. And I hate it when he is upset! We brought him to my 7 week u/s and although he didn't cry, I knew he was scared and like what the heck is going on when they put the gel on my belly and started to look around. My dh held him but ds was pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation. I was lying in bed last night watching ds sleep and wondering if we are all ready to add another little one to the family! It will just take some adjustment with everyone, but in the long run, I know we will all be happy and just adding more love to the mix! Just try to keep that in mind. And remember that they will be totally different little people in 6 months, hopefully able to understand easier what is going on with the whole baby thing. At least that is what I am hoping!

So in : with E and G...give the ultimate gift:
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#3 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. Check out the wording on our signatures (apart from the birthdays and EDD)... how similar!
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#4 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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Oh, poor little guy. It can be scary to see people poking and prodding mommy. With my second pregnancy my daughter was apprehensive at the start but we did lots of talking, reading birth books and role playing- she liked to be the midwife- and she ended up being just fine with my appointments and the birth too. THis time around my younger dd looked to my older dd to see how she should react- it was very sweet. Then when I was done with my appt dd2 asked me if I feel better now?. She equates me seeing a care provider with going to the doctor...
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#5 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 08:04 PM
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My son is 23mos. I wasn't sure how he would react to us listening to the heartbeat either. But on the way to my midwife appt I explained to him that we are going to see the Dr (he would understand the term Dr better than midwife) and I said that she is going to touch my belly to check on the baby. He already knows where the baby is and will lift up my shirt if I ask "where's the baby?" so he understood touching my stomach to check on the baby. So he did really well when we checked for the heartbeat. So just really try explaining things over and over on the way to the appt and while there.

This also worked when I went to the chiropractor a week before that midwife appt. He used to scream at my chiropractic appts. He was so protective and did not want anyone touching his mommy. So I explained that we are going to see the Dr and he is going to touch my back and make it all better. When on the table, I also let him touch my back before the chiropractor came in. He did awesome. First time he didn't cry and be extremely distressed at the chiropractors.

Oh, and you can also teach your child where their heart his and teach them to pat their chest and say "Thump thump thump." Some firends taught my son this, so when we heard the heartbeat he knew what it was. All the way home he said "Thump thump thump at the Drs! All done!" You may be surprised at how much you can explain ahead of time that will really help.
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#6 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 11:10 AM
 
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Wow, he seems very sensitive to things that I wouldn't think most his age would even blink and eye out. That being said - I think if you continue to educate him and expose him to the reality of pregnancy, birth in the coming months he may snap out of it. If not, do not have him at the birth. It may be important to you, but he won't remember it anyways in the future unless it traumatizes him of course.
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#7 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It was only important to me to have him at the birth because I will be there and he generally wants to be where I am. I am not sure what would be more traumatizing to him. Watching the birth or not having access to his mommy, kwim?
Other than me he only is that closely bonded to his dad. That's why I am thinking of hiring a doula. To be honest I don't think he would be comfortable enough to leave the room with the doula but the doula could probably stay with me while my husband takes DS.
I should have talked about this more before we went. I just didn't think about it. Like PP said it seemed like such a minor thing (the doppler).
He was re-living the moment several times since then, putting his hand on my stomach and making swooshing noises so we have been playing with him doppler examination. Hopefully by next time he will be okay with it.
We have 6 months. But yes I am definitely preapred to give birth just with the midwives and the doula and have DH take care of DS. DH was so important during DS's birth. It will be sad not to have him there.
Family or friends are not an option. All of our family lives far away and he doesn't know them very well. Our friends have little kids themselves so not a good option either.
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#8 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 11:33 AM
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Try to get your hands on some videos about bir th...gentle births obviously! Homebirths or birth center birth videos would be good. Watch them and explain that the baby is coming. My DS (23mos) can see a pg belly and know there is a baby in there and so then watching a video I showed him the baby was coming.

The doppler may seem like such a small thing. Though to our children, anyone touching mommy is a HUGE deal.
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#9 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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I would be a little worried about my children attending my giving birth if a doppler scared them, although there are six months and children change SO MUCH in six months! However, I might first consider working on helping my little one get used to other care givers instead of helping my little one get used to my giving birth, since that seems like the easier of the two to prepare for to me.

Something we've been doing to prepare is practicing making loud noises at home. We read the book Welcome with Love every night. It is about homebirth, and everybody's favorite part is when we get to the page where it says the mom is making lots of noise everyone starts screaming. The twins can hardly wait and often start before we get there. My three year old has gotten really creative with his screams. Yesterday he actually said, "Ow, I don't want to have the baby now, tell it to go back in!" That cracked me up!

* Jaime
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#10 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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that is pretty funny KB how close our signatures are!

So in : with E and G...give the ultimate gift:
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#11 of 12 Old 03-09-2008, 08:56 AM
 
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When you are in labor and giving birth, you don't want to have to be worrying about your toddler. You may think you will be worried about him being away from you, and maybe you will, but it may just be too stressful for you to have him there. I would keep your options open.

I think the plan to have your husband and doula there and prepare him for witnessing a homebirth is a good one, but I would also work on getting your son used to the doula or someone else (and make sure she knows she may be doing babysitting duty rather than labor support), and understand he may have to leave for his sake or your own.

My sensitive ds did fine at his brother's birth... but, he had grandma there holding him the whole time, and the birth went really fast so he was not watching me labor for hours (he was awake for probably only the last 20 minutes). He also came with me to every mw appt, and was used to "helping" our mw with measuring (he loved using the measuring tape), etc. With this one, we will play it by ear. The boys may both be there, but it will depend on timing and circumstance.

Melissa crochetsmilie.gif, wife to Tom geek.gif, mom to The Baron modifiedartist.gif, the Bean superhero.gif, Little Bear diaper.gif, and Baby Beaver babyboy.gif
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#12 of 12 Old 03-09-2008, 10:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee View Post
(and make sure she knows she may be doing babysitting duty rather than labor support)
Yes, I've already talked to somebody at a Doula Org and they said it shouldn't be a problem finding someone that would eb okay with that type of scenario. I haven't interviewed anybody yet since it still seems so early but I have a few contacts.
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