Should I change midwives? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to my first midwife appointment today, and I was really disappointed. She seemed so unfriendly and not at all touchy-feely. I'm thinking that maybe I should ask for a new midwife within the clinic (there are several), but I really don't want to create any bad vibes and I don't have anything "solid" to dismiss her on. I also am a doula and teach childbirth classes in the area and feel like burning bridges with a midwife is not a good idea. Any recommendations or ideas?
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#2 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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That's a tough one. I would be inclined to switch to someone you feel more comfortable with. And it's also possible that your midwife would be happier working with another client--know what I mean? That a better fit for both of you is out there?

Could write her a nice note that said that you wanted both of you to find that better match in client/midwife?

I met with several midwives before I found the one I wanted. One of them was highly recommended and described as caring, but I didn't really like the way we interacted. I think we're both relieved that we're not working together.

Catherine, mama to Preschooler Girl 9/08, and Toddler Boy 3/11

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#3 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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do you know for sure that the midwife you have will deliver your baby? The midwife in the OB office where I have gone will not for sure deliver my baby. She is in the rotation with the other OB's in the office for being on call so unless she's on call when I'm in labor, who knows who will catch the baby? So if this is the case with you also, you can let her know that you want to meet as many of the midwives as possible so you at least know them all, and have met them all in time for baby's arrival.

Similarly, you can also let the midwive you saw know that you want to meet all the midwives in the practice to see who fits you the best. That seems to be what is routinely done it seems like. And then when you've met them all and know who you like the best, you keep seeing that one. I hope this helps some.

Wanted to add that if she knows your a doula, you can tell her that you want this opportunity to meet the other midwives since you could be working with one of them in the future. Like a good networking opportunity.
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#4 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 10:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This practice works where you have a primary midwife and then a secondary midwife who will be there if your first is not available. I don't know if they'd let me try out all the midwives, as that is not the standard practice, but who knows? Thanks for the advice!
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#5 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 10:59 PM
 
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switch healthcare professionals are like any relationship
its a fit or it isn't...I wouldn't want (if I were a midwife) someone not feeling comfortable enough to say let me try someone else...its kinda like dating someone can be nice but not always a great match

8 might be enough
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#6 of 12 Old 03-06-2008, 11:38 PM
 
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I'd say trust your gut. That said, my first midwife was touchy feely and she sold me down the river to the OBs - "Just have the c-section. The baby's not going to drop," were her words, I believe... Sometimes touchy feely isn't the best indicator, but you DO have to feel comfortable.

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#7 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 12:27 PM
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I would just say that you want to meet the other midwives.. then just stop meeting other ones when you find your favorite! That's what I'm doing this time.. last time I used the same group, and the midwife I met was really nice, but not what I expected from a midwife.. she really could have been a plain ole doctor, but I didn't really check any of the others out til the end, and I was bummed cause I found one that I really liked and who seemed more midwifeish to me! HOWEVER - I was in the hospital for a while.. and the midwife that I didn't get the warm and fuzzies from was the one with me most of the time (and also the one who suggested pitocin and finally a cesarean)! So, sometimes it doesn't really matter anyway. But this time, I'm using the same office.. but I'm avoiding that one midwife! I'm gonna try em all out! And hope that the one I love just happens to be at the hospital when I'm GONNA push this baby out!!

Shannon Shaun - DH (and boyfriend since I was 16). my sweet Gwen 1/1/06 missing Dresden born sleeping 39 weeks 9/9/08 :, Delaney is scheduled to arrive 8/31/09 Odin&Loki :
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#8 of 12 Old 03-09-2008, 01:04 AM
 
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I didn't like my midwife from my second pregnancy at first either - but maybe you should wait - you could at your next appt tell her some of your hopes- a strong bond, a warm and almost non-professional relationship etc...she may just have been busy, or taking the time to get to know your vibe first. I wouldn't write her off on the first visit, personally.

Kate: fumbling through the best years with W, L, F & V...newest arrival coming Jan '11
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#9 of 12 Old 03-10-2008, 01:23 PM
 
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I would change. I had a similar experience in my last pregnancy and didn't switch but I should have. I had a bad birth experience because of her and I wish I had listened to my instincts.

AP crunchy homeschooling mama to Henning (1/4/03), Connor (7/1/05) and Elijah (9/21/08) Forever holding my 3 lost little ones in my heart.
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#10 of 12 Old 03-11-2008, 11:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misseks View Post
I didn't like my midwife from my second pregnancy at first either - but maybe you should wait - you could at your next appt tell her some of your hopes- a strong bond, a warm and almost non-professional relationship etc...she may just have been busy, or taking the time to get to know your vibe first. I wouldn't write her off on the first visit, personally.
I felt this way at my first meeting with my midwife. She seemed very stiff and formal. Then I met with her the next month and wow, what a difference. She's really relaxed around us now. DH and I joke about everything, and it may take a bit to get used to the informal vibes we give off. So now that she's more relaxed and jokey around us, I really like her. Give her one more visit. If you still don't like her, shop around...

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#11 of 12 Old 03-11-2008, 01:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok...I called yesterday to see about switching, after ponderng your responses and thinking about my own feelings. I would have liked to wait, but the problem around here is that there are so few midwives that their "open" slots fill up and they're not available. Here (in Waterloo, Ontario) you literally have to call close to when you find out you're pregnant to get a midwife. So I told them that I would prefer this other midwife (whom a lot of my friends recommended) and they told me that they do not allow clients to switch midwives. "It's a very complicated process" I was told. After I started ranting and raving about how I'd had midwives in the past, knew how important it was for me to feel comfortable with the individual, that this was probably my last baby and I wanted a midwife who "fit" she finally said they would switch me and she'd call me by the end of the week. So, I guess I'll be known as the pain in the butt client! Oh well!!!!
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#12 of 12 Old 03-11-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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Good for you! Sometimes ranting and raving is warranted!

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