Terrible ungrateful rant about baby showers - Mothering Forums
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September 2008 > Terrible ungrateful rant about baby showers
VeganCupcake's Avatar VeganCupcake 05:53 PM 08-15-2008
My sister-in-law had a baby shower for me last night and it was lovely--great people, delicious food, no dumb games--just the way I like things!

BUT (and I know I am soooo ungrateful and deserve to be struck down, slapped, talked sternly to, and all that) WHY don't people take clues from registries? I don't NEED 5 more baby blankets. I promise. I do actually NEED (and yes, want!) baby nail clippers and a thermometer. Really, I do. I know that's not as cute or exciting, but really, people!

Oh, and I hate ducks and pastel yellow, too. If I didn't also hate pastel pink and baby blue, I would say I wish everyone knew the sex of this baby.

Ok, horrible ungrateful rant over. :

sarbear's Avatar sarbear 05:57 PM 08-15-2008
I SO know what you mean! I love all of the little 'extras' and luxury items people have given us, but it means you have to go spend $ on all of the stuff you actually need...

Some people think they are being 'boring' by giving you items from your registry, but it is the stuff you appreciate most usually!
RunningMama's Avatar RunningMama 07:24 PM 08-15-2008
YOu are not ungreatful!
LOL! I know exactly what you mean!
We registered for some stuff, but i figured that i would put some clothing on there, since i am so darn picky- well, ppl are going to buy what they think is cute- and are going to totally ignore what you registered for- OR not even bother looking at one!

And then, when they do not give gift recipts...GRRRRR...now you are totally stuck with stuff that you do not like, and cannot return!! We were able to return about $150.00 worth of clothing- but the sad thing is- we were given the sale price on everything!!

Ok, go ahead, throw rocks at me too...but you know, when you really NEED some things, that is what registry's are for!! Dont ppl get it? nope, and when it comes to babies, they never will....
feelinhot's Avatar feelinhot 07:43 PM 08-15-2008
I have to agree and wonder why people don't get the registry stuff. Seems so obvious to me.
aurora_skys's Avatar aurora_skys 08:34 PM 08-15-2008
I think its genuinely rude of people to disregard a moms baby registry.
I made it super clear on my registry that we NEED cloth diapers. I even wrote a little note on the end that if they couldnt find those exact dipes, any cloth would do. I asked for a few other necessities and then added just a couple cute things...

Shower day rolls around and almost every single person there gave me hooded towels!!! There were so many my grandma said the baby must be ready to join the Klan!! :

and not a single cloth diaper in the whole lot. Instead people gave me bottles (which is weird since i registered for a freaking nursing pillows, lansinoh, and nipple pads!!), pacifiers, and one pack of disposable diapers. The rest was all just useless cutesy crap. It was really frustrating since I was hoping I could rely on the shower to provide us with some of the necessities since we are on a tight budget.

I swear its like people are thinking "she doesnt know what a new baby needs, I know what a baby needs!!"

When I attend a pregnant womans shower, I will be buying her the necessity items on her list. The last thing any of us need is another icky onesie with a scratchy applique...

VeganCupcake's Avatar VeganCupcake 08:49 PM 08-15-2008
Originally Posted by aurora_skys View Post
Shower day rolls around and almost every single person there gave me hooded towels!!! There were so many my grandma said the baby must be ready to join the Klan!! :
This had me guffawing out loud. Way to call it, Grandma!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. The crazy thing is that I know several of them tried to look at my registry (and eventually succeeded, I think) because they called my SIL to tell her that they couldn't find it, since nobody remembers that I didn't change my name when we got married. So yeah, disregarded.

The one good thing is that my MIL called DH to ask him if she could please buy us a box of disposable diapers, even though she knows that we're planning on cloth. DH told her we wouldn't use them, and thankfully she listened to him!
allisonrose's Avatar allisonrose 09:14 PM 08-15-2008
I may be in here to commisserate tomorrow: My mil is throwing me a baby shower. I'm not supposed to know about it but when hubby told me we couldn't take the childbirth express course tomorrow, I got mighty annoyed by his evasive answers and he ended up telling me.

I cheated and peeked at our registry online and one single item has been purchased. Hubby says mil is expecting 30 people. I have a feeling that we'll be getting loads of onesies!

I'm sure no one knows about my intention to CD since it's hubby's family and I haven't been advertising my crunchy tendencies so who knows how many disposable diapers will show up....
HinesMaMa's Avatar HinesMaMa 09:50 PM 08-15-2008
This is one of the reasons that I am having a welcoming after she is born instead of a shower. I mean there is no obligation to buy anything, but I will get the question: "what do you need now that she is here?"
lifeguard's Avatar lifeguard 10:48 PM 08-15-2008
I can understand totally. I am somewhat dreading what useless stuff I will get. Fortunately I have to fly back here with the stuff so anything I won't use I'm either returning or donating. No one will ever know 'cause they'll never see us not using it anyway.

I cheated & looked at my registry & so far only one thing is off of it - but it is our carseat - so that made me pretty happy - I'm guessing a couple people went in together on it as it is expensive. I didn't even bother with clothes on the registry as I know people will just choose what they think is cute.

allisonrose - I'm glad your husband told you. I have a friend who is adament that a pregnant woman should never be surprised. I've always agreed but now that I'm pregnant I REALLY agree. I would hate to be the centre of attention on a day I hadn't bothered with make-up (which is most days) & my hair was all frizzed out (again, most days).
muppet729's Avatar muppet729 10:52 PM 08-15-2008
I was fortunate with my first that we got a LOT of stuff off our registry. We thankfully got all the big stuff that we registered for and since we didn't know the sex of the baby, we didn't get very many clothes. That being said, we still ended up with a TON of blankets and some other stuff that I admit I have "re-gifted" just being sure that it's not to someone who would have been there. We had two showers for dd1 and got just about all that we needed/ registered for. Of course, it helps that my side of the family is very practical- they all went in on some big stuff (like stroller/carseat combo that has lasted through 2 (going on three ) kids)
emski4379's Avatar emski4379 10:55 PM 08-15-2008
I know what you mean. I wish people had shopped from my registry. Instead I ended up with clothes she'll never wear, a bunch of blankets, and more onsies than we'll ever need.

I would have rather just had a gathering with friends.
Baby_Cakes's Avatar Baby_Cakes 11:33 PM 08-15-2008
Popping in from October - go ahead and throw rocks at me too -- I'm another ungrateful shower ranter. I got so many duplicates of the same exact outfit, it's like, did people even bother to print the registry out and have the cashier scan it?

I got a ton of clothes, all in pinks. Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink. Maybe a few neutral things, which are cute and all, but geez! I'm glad a few people took cues from my registry - I did get the denim overalls I wanted, some brown things, etc. But GEEZ people, just go overboard with the pink, whydoncha?

Luckily - no bottles, no diapers, an only one small pack of pacifiers that I think were only purchased b/c they were Winnie the Pooh (that was the theme of my shower, apparently). So we at least don't have too much of that stuff floating around...
ehunter27's Avatar ehunter27 12:03 AM 08-16-2008
Before our first LO was born, I also recieved about 5 yellow fleece baby blankets. The thought was nice, but I did wish that people would have spent their money on the items we would actually use...I had registered for 'the practical stuff'. But, now, with another LO coming, I've turned some of those yellow blankets into cloth diaper liners (poop - pockets), etc. So I guess they do have some use...

I also have a strong aversion to the baby color of yellow...good thing they are diapies now
chels_c2000's Avatar chels_c2000 12:29 AM 08-16-2008
Originally Posted by aurora_skys View Post
Shower day rolls around and almost every single person there gave me hooded towels!!!
I completly understand. I had a shower a few weeks ago. There were 50 people there plus people sending gifts. I only got about 15 things off our registry. Also, we are cloth diapering and even registared for cloth diapers and I got five boxes of disposable diapers plus tons of wipes. I can relate to the hooded towel things. We recieved about 16 of them at the shower and about 40 wash clothes. It was so frustrating!!! I am going to have to return the one package of towels I actually registared for because I can't return all of the ones that I got.

I have another shower next weekend and there have only been two more things bought off the registry and still no cloth diapers.
Daniel's Kitty's Avatar Daniel's Kitty 04:06 AM 08-16-2008
Wow you guys make me happy that I haven't had to deal with a baby shower yet, and probably never will.

With number one everybody that offered to host cancelled and they didn't even offer after that. Most of my friends disappeared for the first few months so they wouldn't even feel like they should bring a gift. I did get a pack of polyester washcloths and a pair of size 6 slippers from one person, and a few neat little outfits that I love.
honeybee's Avatar honeybee 06:03 AM 08-16-2008
Actually, I did get lots of useful stuff for my shower with my first. My family generally pays attention to registries. Weird, huh? A group even went in on the crib we registered for (which, granted, ended up being used about 3 times, but I really had not PLANNED on cosleeping!)

But, this time around you can definitely add me to the ungrateful list. I posted awhile back about how dh told me MIL was going to throw me a shower if we have girl... and I was so MAD about it! We don't need much baby stuff (this is #3), and I really don't want to be inundated with pink outfits. (I do ooh and ahhh over cute girly outfits, but I'm drawn to a variety of colors... any shower I've been to where a girl is expected, all I see is PINK, with maybe a token purple outfit thrown in for good measure... why should any child be doomed to only one shade in the spectrum?).

And I was really upset on behalf of my potential future son, because she was only going to do this if we had a girl... why wouldn't a boy deserve a party, too? I did feel rather ungrateful, as I'm sure MIL means well... but why can't people find out what the mom really wants or needs (I'd much rather have people bring me frozen meals or go in on a cleaning service or something)?

Anyways, I am having a Mother's Blessing with my friends coming up, and I'm so excited for that.
emski4379's Avatar emski4379 10:32 AM 08-16-2008
Last time, my mom and sister through me a big shower, and most of my registry stuff was purchased.

This time though, like I said, most people just bought clothes. Luckily I was able to return a lot of it (it was impractical). I also, like I said, got lots of blankets and onesies. I don't know why people were pushing for me to register this time. Only one person bought from there!
Alcyone's Avatar Alcyone 12:35 PM 08-16-2008
If people can't vent here, where can they? It's frustrating to go through the trouble to register, especially when people are pestering you to do so, and then no one actually pays attention to the registry. It's not the worst thing in the world, but frankly I'm glad people feel like they can let off a bit of steam about it on MDC, and I say have at.

I didn't get a shower either, but I completely understand the sentiment here as I experienced the same thing with my wedding registry. Vent away, ladies. I, for one, don't mind.
honeybee's Avatar honeybee 12:50 PM 08-16-2008
Well, at least we admit we're being ungrateful wretches! It was the title of the thread, after all!

Plus, I've found that if I vent a little and get it out, then I can let go of those negative feelings, and start counting my blessings and feeling grateful for what I do have. Otherwise, I just kind of stew about something, which is worse.
Mamato3wild ponnie's Avatar Mamato3wild ponnie 12:55 PM 08-16-2008
I'm not getting a shower and would love to get anything at this point. We dont have the money to buy anything either. This is #4 for me...but last ds is already 3 1/2...so everything i have is from then. Someone mentioned a after baby party...but right now anything would be helpful and would help cheer this mama up. Plus i'm paying out of pocket for my homebirth. So we are really in a bind. Yes... be greatful that you have something new for your baby.
emski4379's Avatar emski4379 02:12 PM 08-16-2008
Mamato3wild ponnie-You're in NC, right? Where are you (I'm in the Triangle)? Maybe I could get you some stuff we won't be using.
truelife's Avatar truelife 03:26 PM 08-16-2008
Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie View Post
I'm not getting a shower and would love to get anything at this point. We dont have the money to buy anything either. This is #4 for me...but last ds is already 3 1/2...so everything i have is from then. Someone mentioned a after baby party...but right now anything would be helpful and would help cheer this mama up. Plus i'm paying out of pocket for my homebirth. So we are really in a bind. Yes... be greatful that you have something new for your baby.
What do you need?
VeganCupcake's Avatar VeganCupcake 04:29 PM 08-16-2008
Yes, I recognize that I'm being totally ungrateful. And I'm not proud of my feelings.

And I'm sorry to all those mamas who could use, at the very least, the cheer of someone wanting to celebrate with/for you.
Mamato3wild ponnie's Avatar Mamato3wild ponnie 08:42 PM 08-16-2008
I'm in the Charlotte/Concord area, i'm not a mama to come across as needing things. I just thought i would chime in and say hey...gals be thankful...even though you dont feel like being that way. I didnt mean to sound like i dont have anything. I think i have what i need....a set of ninnies and some cloth diapers and were good to go...lol
MommytoHHH's Avatar MommytoHHH 10:48 PM 08-16-2008
I think that if you're going to have a shower you just have to accept the fact that you simply can't dictate what people will buy for you. They are gifts afterall. It would be nice if everyone bought something useful off your registry, but it's just not going to happen. I think I'd just be grateful to have a shower. No one ever threw me one either.
aurora_skys's Avatar aurora_skys 04:41 AM 08-17-2008
Hmm, I dont feel the need to be "grateful" for a shower. My family put a lot of stress on me to create a registry and accept a shower (I initially was against the idea since I live far from their home and do not need the stress) and then somehow create a guest list.. It may not sound like much to some but for me it was very stressful and wasnt particularly something I wanted to engage in.

After being misled to believe that registries are worth a damn, I got my hopes up that surely the inexpensive practical items on the registry would come through. Instead I wound up with nearly 3 dozen cheap non absorbent hooded towels. In total I recieved one item from my registry thanks to my mil :> However I feel like I pretty much got shafted as far as a "shower" goes. It was nice to see everyone and I wish I could have just had a regular ol party rather than endure the additional stress of researching and registering for items that were completely disregarded. What is the point of throwing a party specifically for gift giving if no one is going to give worthwhile gifts?!?

I wouldve rather just hungout with friends and said f the gifts if Id known that how it'd be. Im hapy that people cared enough to give somthing but for chrissakes why couldnt they have been more thoughtful???

</vent> :P
Bethla's Avatar Bethla 05:34 AM 08-17-2008
The last couple of baby showers I have gone to, the items on the registry were very expensive and there were many things in my opinion that were over-board. The $300 strollers, carseats, cribs etc are out of my price range .So I knew my friend was going to breastfeed so I made her a care-basket with nipple cream, nursing pads, tea, a copy of "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and a few other goodies. I know none of those things were on her registry but I wanted to give her something unique and supportive of her as a mother. I think it will become my standard shower gift.
Britishmum's Avatar Britishmum 06:25 AM 08-17-2008
Gosh, I wonder if people whose showers I've attended write things like this about me.

I have to say that I don't look at registries. I go shopping and buy gifts that I think are beautiful and that I hope will be appreciated. I assume that if they are not, the recipient will thank me, then take them back and exchange them for something she did need or prefer.

Maybe I'm just weird, but I like picking out something myself, and I love getting similar gifts from others.

I know the title says it all, but I do think it's rather unpleasant to rant about people bringing you a gift but it not being what you wanted. I just wouldn't want that negativity in my mind. I can still recall who gave me just about every baby blanket I have - and I got tons. I used each one with fondness, thinking about the person who gave it to me. I hope that people who have received such gifts from me do the same thing.

s to all the mamas who missed out on a shower
Alcyone's Avatar Alcyone 06:51 AM 08-17-2008
As I said, I didn't have a baby shower, but for my wedding, people were BEGGING me to register even though I didn't want to (because I was moving to Europe and didn't want to have to bring STUFF with me). I finally did, and I made sure to register for a wide variety of things starting as low as $2! Only ONE person bought off the registry, so yes, I was mad about it. I only made one because everyone demanded it, and then no one actually cared to use it. I also had no way to take back and exchange/refund most items because I had no idea where they came from. As a result, my parents ended up with a lot of gifts instead of DH and me!

It's certainly possible to be overly selfish and bitter in a thread like this, but I do think it's reasonable to vent a little bit about something that's frustrating you.
guestmama9920's Avatar guestmama9920 07:13 AM 08-17-2008
Lorry what we did for our wedding was ask for gift cards, most did. We had already had to buy everything, so it was hard to do a registry.

Baby and Bridal showers are still not that common here in the UK. I find it amazing when people have 30-40 guests at either, I guess we don't get out enough

I can understand how it is annoying to get 101 things you can't use. But then I see the other side, that you should be happy you got something.

Some of us are better with "unneeded items" for lack of a better term than others, my mother has loads of stuff she never uses, doesn't bother her. Me it bothers. My MIL sent some cheap dark blue towels, why I don't know. They had to be donated, I wasn't going to ever use them and they just bugged me. We also have a tiny apt.

I do think it's polite to shop off a list, but if you do buy something else it should be similar to other items on the list. If your list has cloth nappies listed 20 times, then a box of pampers IMHO is silly. But if you have swaddlebees and I see a cute custom on etsy, then you should still be happy.
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