Anyone scared of resenting their baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-21-2008, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
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My DH and I have a really strong relationship and are extremely in love with each other, almost to the exclusion of everyone else in the world. Over the last six weeks, I've gotten worried that I might end up resenting Sara because she's changing the relationship between my DH and I. We're not as affectionate or loving to each other right now (maybe due to the extreme exhaustion of sleepless nights), and we've been rude, snippy, sarcastic, and downright mean to each other too. I don't want things to change between us and I'm scared that I will blame Sara for these changes. One thought that constantly runs through my head is that DH will just get fed up and leave us and divorce me. I've talked to him about these thoughts and he constantly reassures me that he's not going anywhere and that he loves me more now than ever before. This is our first and probably only child, so I don't want my feelings to affect my bonding with Sara either.

Has anyone else gone though these feelings? Is it normal to feel this way? Or am I just reacting badly to a huge new change in our lives?

hippie.gifWife to blowkiss.gifJames , treehugger.gifMama to Saraenergy.gif and Robbie bouncy.gif
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#2 of 3 Old 10-21-2008, 05:12 PM
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If you truly have a strong relationship w/ your hubby, then you will come through this change stronger than ever I'm sure. I felt a lot of sadness when my first was born over not being able to be close to dh as much- just physical closeness, I felt like there was always something in between us (and there was!). But it never interfered with my bonding w/ds, and it only made my and dh's bond stronger. I think the feelings you are having are totally normal, just remember that there is enough love to go around, and while your relationship w/ your dh needs attention, your dd really needs your attention right now most of all. But it gets easier as time goes on, the baby is not as demanding and your life and relationship 'normalize' again. Hang in there!

sarah, mama to e & j 8/08, and big brother 8/06
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#3 of 3 Old 10-21-2008, 09:02 PM
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This is something I worry about a little, too, because I adore my DH and love being with him. My DH and I are not short-tempered with each other, but I do very much miss the time with him, so I can relate.

Something we were going to do but never did was brainstorm ideas of what we thought might be challenges our marriage faced during these early weeks/months of parenthood, and then think of ways we might constructively deal with them. (It's an exercise suggested in Birthing from Within.)

Also, I've looked at the book Babyproofing Your Marriage. I don't know how good it is, but it might be worth checking out of the library for a browse.

Catherine, mama to Preschooler Girl 9/08, and Toddler Boy 3/11

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