anyone not DTD yet? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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who's physically ok to?

I'm 8 weeks pp as of today and dh hasn't mentioned it. I'm feeling rejected, esp since he quit wanting to do it very early in the pregnancy as well. with our first he didnt want to after the 18 wk u/s, but was eager to pretty much immediately pp. I'm heavier now. I just feel sad.

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#2 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 07:13 PM
 
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I'm physically ok to and haven't yet. I also felt pretty rejected/unattractive since DH quit showing interest and didn't respond to my initiating at about 15 wks. The last time was at 25wks and that was the only time between 15wks and now. He did recently say that he's not going to say anything about it until I tell him I'm ready. I haven't said anything because I'm pretty afraid of what it will feel like. TMI but DH isn't exactly a small guy at 6'2" and 190lbs and everything matches that build....
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#3 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 08:15 PM
 
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qestia, sorry you are feeling sad. and tara, too. after #1, i don't think we DTD for 6 months. yep. i didn't want to get back on the pill due to hormones (and wasn't looking into other forms of birth control), and i was exclusively breastfeeding but was SO freaked out about the tiny potential of becoming pregnant again. so i just didn't want to do it at all.

now at 4 weeks PP, i'm still bleeding slightly and i'm not in the condition/mood to DTD yet by far. at least DH has been through this and he knows it's pretty tough on me.

i think guys have a really hard time with this after baby. they know after delivery that we were extraordinarily sore down there, exhausted, etc. i think it's best to have a very open conversation about it with your DP and talk about if you are feeling like it (or not), why, and how he's feeling. DH and i didn't talk about it for so long after #1, and it caused great strain on our relationship. i actually think about it a lot, but have to wait until my spotting stops until i feel comfortable.

it's a touchy subject, to say the least! i think it's best to talk about it asap with your partner. we already talked about birth control with our midwife at 2 weeks PP, and i will probably get another IUD around 5-6 months PP. i think just talking about that made DH see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

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#4 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 09:12 PM
 
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Eleanor is 5 weeks and 4 days, so I'm almost "officially" clear for DTD, but I don't think I'll be ready at 6 weeks. I had a long tear due to a nuchal hand that I don't think is totally healed yet (I'll know at the 6-week midwife appointment, of course), and there is some worry about pain.

Possible TMI:

I tried "taking care of things" myself a few days ago, and the whole thing left me feeling achy, so I think I need to wait. DH won't be especially pleased, but what can you do!

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#5 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 09:22 PM
 
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Calli is 4 weeks today. I am good to go.....or that is what they tell me. I don't feel like it yet. I still have a bit of spotting and I really want to wait until that is completely done. I just don't have any desire. Also putting any weight or anything on my c/s scar is still pretty sore.

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#6 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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Were you ladies told 4 or 6 weeks that it was ok to DTD. My doctor told me 4 weeks. Sorry to get off topic.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#7 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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Well I'm 4 weeks pp and REFUSING to dtd & waiting til my 6wk pp checkup just to make sure my girly bits are like they need to be. Not to mention I'm getting sooo much physical contact from bfing that I have NO interest in sex right now AT ALL. Hubby hates me right now :P. Pretty much I gave birth and he turned into a complete horndog. Can't get him to quit molesting me! No idea how many times a day I smack him to get him to stop, lol.

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#8 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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I'm 9 weeks out and have not done it! My doc okayed it at 6 weeks. We just haven't gotten around to it. We'll need time to take it slow, but we certainly don't have time with a newborn in the house. Oh, and I just got my first period since birth, so there's another delay.

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#9 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 10:42 PM
 
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I'm at 4 weeks postpartum, and don't really have any desire for sex either. Still slightly bleeding, and since I have really sensitive skin and I got a second degree tear, there is NO WAY anything is happening down there before the 6 week check-up, and quite possibly for a few weeks past that. Besides, when is there time/opportunity, since the little critter does not like being put down, even if she is sound asleep?
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#10 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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At almost 4 wks pp I'm starting to get the feeling again. I'm nervous, but I didn't tear at all, so I don't think there's anything to "clear" with an appointment. I'm still bleeding lightly though and feel gross and tender from having to wear pads. I think that's the thing that's holding me up the most. Dh is a super horndog too Amy Lynn! I've been helping him in other ways, but I know he's waiting for me to give the word!

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#11 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 10:54 PM
 
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I'm not cleared for vag stuff for another 3 weeks because of the infection I got. When dh isn't being a schmuck I actually feel like doing it with him. He's been such a depressed putz this last week and a half that I don't even feel like talking to him However, I have been very active with myself in that region that rhymes with name Delores So the drive is there.
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#12 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 11:29 PM
 
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I have the desire but we have no time. My partner is working on her master's thesis, plus working, and I am taking care of baby of course. Also, I really haven't felt like i've recovered (at 4 weeks pp). I'm still really fatigued & a bit sore down there. I think it will probably be another month or so. Sadly, we've barely had time to cuddle, which sometimes means a lot more to me than sex. I'd give anything for a nice cuddle!
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#13 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 11:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamanurse View Post
However, I have been very active with myself in that region that rhymes with name Delores
This took me WAY too long to figure out.
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#14 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 11:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lee1203 View Post
This took me WAY too long to figure out.
: Me too! I had to seriously think about that one... I claim boobie brain though, it's robbed me of my genius.

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#15 of 24 Old 11-20-2008, 11:40 PM
 
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^:
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#16 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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Not ready to DTD yet here. I really hurt after dd1 was born, so I'm not looking forward to it.

But even if I did want to, how would we with a baby who will only sleep when she's next to/on me? DH works 12-hour day shifts, so the only time we can really do it is at night, and at night our baby is in bed with us. Makes it kinda hard to get "motivated" if you kwim...
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#17 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 01:17 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amber Lion View Post
I'm still bleeding lightly though and feel gross and tender from having to wear pads.
I am having this issue too. I NEVER wear pads so wearing them now grosses me out. I just feel dirty for some reason. I don't even want DH to touch me down there.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#18 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I mentioned my insecurity to DH last night and he was totally nice. He's been staying up late playing Xbox every night... which, with a baby nursing till 10/10:30 (and sleeping in our bed), and a 3 yo awake the same hours (often in our bed!) --yeah, I guess the opportunity isn't exactly there really. I never want to do it at night anyway--then I just want to sleep. It's at odd moments during the day when the opportunity really isn't there. Sigh. My doc didn't want me to go on anything hormonal either so if we do it it will be with condoms which we both hate too so that takes some of the fun out (I am way too paranoid to rely on BFing as birth control!).

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#19 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 03:57 PM
 
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wow, I am feeling pretty lucky. We have done it twice at 8 weeks pp... both times with condoms. I do NOT want to be pregnant again!!! I am getting an IUD (non-hormonal Paraguard) in 2 weeks.... so after that hopefully it will pick back up again.
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#20 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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Haha, am I the only one that wants to be pregnant right away?? Of course I am not going to do that since I want to VBAC next time so we are waiting two years. I am missing being pregnant really bad and want to experience it all again as soon as possible.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#21 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 04:42 PM
 
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^ To be honest, I'm in NO hurry to do this all again. We had always planned a larger age gap... and now I really want one b/c I'll need some time for Mommy amnesia to kick in! It's not that the experience has been bad in any way... just very intense.

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#22 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd give birth and have a baby again in a heartbeat--but I never want to be pregnant again. I really hate being pregnant. And we don't have room for another kiddo anyway (800 sq ft condo that has lost a lot of value recently so no chance of moving into something bigger for a looong time).

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
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#23 of 24 Old 11-21-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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5 weeks here on Sunday. Dh is really interested in all of the nursing bra fun going on, but I'm nervous, and am anxiously awaiting my 6 week check on Dec. 2. We DTD at 5 weeks after DD was born, but that was after a c/s, and there was definitely no second degree tearing. It's an odd configuration down there and I want to make sure all is well before doing anything. I'm still spotting every other day, so that's no fun.

The IL's want to get us out of the house while we're at their house and get their hands on the baby, while we would just like to get our hands on each other, and want nothing to do with a movie or dinner or anything.
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#24 of 24 Old 11-22-2008, 01:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bee21 View Post
Not ready to DTD yet here. I really hurt after dd1 was born, so I'm not looking forward to it.
ah yes, bringing back memories. i forgot how much DTD hurt the first few times after DS.....not really from my tear, but from being so dry. even using stuff to help didn't help much......it felt so weird. ugh. but at least i know this time! and DH was soooooo patient with me after the first kid.

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