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#121 of 154 Old 12-11-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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I'm SO sorry so many of our Mommas are dealing with PPD. You are all awesomely strong and I really admire your courage to seek the help you need.

Tara - I'm speechless! Your Dh is acting like a total UAV! Is this completely uncharacteristic of him? From your posts he always sounded so supportive during pg; just wondering if something is going on for him to effect such a change? I know the *responsibility* of it all really effected my own Dad and he, according to my Mom, turned into a totally different person once my older sister was born. He just seemed to take the world on his shoulders and stopped being the kind, loving husband he'd been before and put all his energy into keeping his "tribe" safe and secure. I'm really hoping he gets his head out of his bum and shapes up! Many to you!!!

Carrie - sorry you're having such a rough go with the IUD! Not fair after all you've been through!

AAM: Took Addie to her very first Dr.'s appointment with an ND. It feels good to have established care with someone, but it was also very humbling b/c I had to ask her for a sliding scale on her fee b/c we really can't afford Dr. visits. AND... I've got a pile of new supplements and some blood headed to the lab... sigh. She wants to check my iron levels of all things! Guess I'm not done with this rigamaroll after all... until I'm done BFing that is. I did really like her and liked the Naturopathic philosophy she explained about how she treats/helps her clients (lots of homeopathy and herbs, but she can also prescribe allopathic drugs if needed) and she has a lot of experience with young babies b/c she used to do midwifery too.

She gave me a supplement to give to Addie to boost her immune system b/c she's so congested and some baby homeopathic arnica for "in case". We did a basic WBV and talked about vaccines. We have a pretty high rate of Pertussis in our area and since we're coming into that season we have to make a decision about that vax asap. I kind of wish the whole vax issue would just go away , but I guess Dh and I really have to sit down and figure it out - at least for this one vax.

Mama to my Addie Bug wool.gif (10/2008) and angel1.gif (6/2010); nursing student & childbirth educator
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#122 of 154 Old 12-11-2008, 11:05 PM
 
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I agree, Tara. I'm so saddened that your DH is acting the way he is. That is so unfair. I really and truly hope that he changes his attitude. I would say that he just doesn't know what to do with Ally Rae, but that's total BS - you've asked him point blank to help and told him what to do and he refuses. I agree with Em, total UAV!

AAM - In the past I've taken Paxil (didn't like it) Lexapro (didn't work) and then Effexor with Wellbutrin to augment it. The Effexor and Wellbutrin together were the right combo for me in the past. We'll see if I need to go down that road again.

I spend the afternoon with my MIL, trying to rest but Nora would have nothing of it. She was a real fusspot today - acting very uncharacteristic. I think she was uber tired, and being at a strange house was pissing her off. So, even though I tried to just chill on the couch, I ended up standing and rocking and swaying the little booger to sleep. Tomorrow, eff it, I'm bringing a bottle and milk, and MIL can take over a bit. I feel like shite.

This IUD is KILLING ME. It feels so awful. It really does feel like my insides are being scraped and pulled and - ick. Downright nauseating. I was managing ok during the day with the ibuprofen, but you aren't supposed to exceed 6 pills in one day and I'd already taken 8...I was going to take 4 more but decided my liver didn't need that damage. Now I'm suffering for it. Once midnight hits, eff it, I'm taking 4 more.

DH is making a fabulous dinner and I'm really looking forward to gobbling it up. Catch you guys later...

ETA - Em, we did the DTaP for a similar reason. Pertussis is "going around" here, too and even though one shot offers little to no protection, I wanted to get her started on it. I do believe in certain vaxes, and this is one of them. Though, I too wish the whole vax issue would just disappear. It's maddening.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#123 of 154 Old 12-11-2008, 11:12 PM
 
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Carrie do you have a fever? I guess that might be hard to tell with the ibprofen (and for the record I have, when desperate, taken WAY MORE than 6 pills at ONCE and lived... although I'm not advocating taking medication willynilly), but I'd want to make sure it couldn't be infection or anything like that since your immune system already seems down (with thrush and possible mastitis again).

On the DTaP, I wish we could just do the pertussis, it's maddening that it has to be combined and is one of the most "risky" ones... and only the pertusiss is one that I'd actually consider doing b/c of the high incidence here. Sigh.

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#124 of 154 Old 12-11-2008, 11:38 PM
 
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^Hear hear on wishing the vax issue would disappear. Calla had her DTaP today, too. I wish we could just get the pertussis vax. I was not looking forward to this day, I tell you. I nursed her while the shot was administered and she didn't even flinch! So at least there's that.

This was Calla's 2 month appointment, she weighed 15 pounds! 24 inches long. I just don't know what I'm going to do! I'm only 5'3". She's going to outgrow me in no time! I'm happy she's healthy though and it's exciting to see her grow.

Big s to all of you dealing with PPD. I hope you all find comfort soon.

There was more I wanted to say, but I'm exhausted mamas, I think I'll try to get to bed.
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#125 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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I'm SO sorry so many of our Mommas are dealing with PPD. You are all awesomely strong and I really admire your courage to seek the help you need.


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This IUD is KILLING ME. It feels so awful. It really does feel like my insides are being scraped and pulled and - ick. Downright nauseating. I was managing ok during the day with the ibuprofen, but you aren't supposed to exceed 6 pills in one day and I'd already taken 8...I was going to take 4 more but decided my liver didn't need that damage. Now I'm suffering for it. Once midnight hits, eff it, I'm taking 4 more.
Sorry you're still feeling crappy! How about some acetaminophen to help the ibuprofen? You can take 1000 mg every 6 hours on top of the 800mg every 8 hours. It might help If you're not feeling a little better by tomorrow at lunchtime, maybe you should try calling your careprovider.
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#126 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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Tara: I'm so sorry things are not going well for you. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. :

My DH was the opposite: I got essentially no help until she was about 6-7 weeks old, but now he's a bit better. I'm still a bit resentful that his life has essentially not changed at all and mine has totally changed. He would go to bed and sleep for 14 hours (!!) or complain all day about being tired after getting a full night's sleep, only make food that he could eat (i.e. meat and potatoes every night - I'm a vegetarian and potatoes give Eleanor gas), send us out of the room when she was anything less than happy, snap at me when I would get emotional, and respond to my addressing these issues with him by saying I was trying to make him "whipped," and that since this is *his* condo he'll do *exactly* as he pleases and I'll just have to deal with it. (He bought it before he met me, I'm not on the mortgage, and was unemployed for a long time and so unable to contribute to the payment. I guess all that adds up to this not being my home.)

Things aren't perfect - he still does exactly what he wants, but he is more respectful about it, which is an improvement at least. I'm just glad he no longer thinks my life is "one big vacation."

To go off on a tangent, it would be easier if I could go places! We only have one car, and it's a stick shift, which I can't drive. It's a long story as to why this is the case, but for a long time DH wouldn't trade it in because there was part of the loan from his previous car tied into it, so we owe more than it's worth. Now, however, we do have to because it's just barely big enough for the carseat and will be completely impractical once I start a PhD program in the fall ( and have to commute. (DH works from home and so doesn't commute.) It's been months, though, and nothing has happened, and I'm really getting frustrated. I've been stuck at home for over a year unless DH could get away from work to take me somewhere, since the only place within walking distance is a coffee shop but we can't afford for me to go get coffee every day - nor would I want to. (There's also a liquor store next door to it, but I didn't want to hang out there either! )

Sorry for the rant - it's just been building up for a while, and with DH gone out *again* I don't have much else to think about. Eleanor has been fussy the past few days because I've had so much to do with finishing up my applications and working part-time from home in the evenings. I have her next to me in a little bed-type thing, but she wants attention and to be held, and I need to get things done....

 reading.gif Wife to DH geek.gif  since 08/06. Mother to Eleanor Rose energy.gif, born 10/12/08.  h20homebirth.gif
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#127 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 12:36 AM
 
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Carrie do you have a fever? I guess that might be hard to tell with the ibprofen (and for the record I have, when desperate, taken WAY MORE than 6 pills at ONCE and lived... although I'm not advocating taking medication willynilly), but I'd want to make sure it couldn't be infection or anything like that since your immune system already seems down (with thrush and possible mastitis again).

On the DTaP, I wish we could just do the pertussis, it's maddening that it has to be combined and is one of the most "risky" ones... and only the pertusiss is one that I'd actually consider doing b/c of the high incidence here. Sigh.
I don't have a fever. It's just a very tender lump on my right boob. I think the cramps from the IUD are making my whole body ache, and the lump could just be plugged ducts, but either way the vit c, echinacea, and GFSE can only help either condition.

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I nursed her while the shot was administered and she didn't even flinch! So at least there's that.
Wow! Nora SCREAMED. She was nursing, of course, and when they jabbed her her eyes flew open, her face turned red, and the scream she let out was heartwrenching! Real tears streaming down her face! It was so hard! I don't know how I'm going to get through the next one. Maybe I'll make her Daddy take her -- but I love being able to nurse her through it and after it. She gets so much comfort from that.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#128 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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Oh mamas, I am so heartbroken. Dh just found our sweet dog in our dining room passed away.

We've had him since before ds1 was born. He has been there when all our babes were born. I haven't been the best doggie mama to him, I know, and I feel horrible about that. He took a back seat once my babies came but he never complained and loved us unconditionally.

My heart hurts...

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#129 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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Oh no, Ashley! That is so sad!

He loved you and you loved him, that is what is important. I know your pain having recently lost my cat. If you want to talk, PM me anytime. I know how hard it is.


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#130 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 02:35 AM
 
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Oh Ashley, I'm so so sorry. I have two dogs that I love dearly so I can only imagine how hard that is. I also know the guilt of not giving the dogs enough attention since the baby arrived. But I know they love me unconditionally as I am certain your dog did you. I am thinking of you and your family. Hugs hugs hugs.

Mother to L.O. born at home 10.17.08 EDD for #2 4.21.2011
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#131 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 02:36 AM
 
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Oh mamas, I am so heartbroken. Dh just found our sweet dog in our dining room passed away.

We've had him since before ds1 was born. He has been there when all our babes were born. I haven't been the best doggie mama to him, I know, and I feel horrible about that. He took a back seat once my babies came but he never complained and loved us unconditionally.

My heart hurts...
Oh Ashley I'm so sorry! I'm going to be heartbroken when my chocolate lab dies I'm sad you have to deal with this right now.
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#132 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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Oh mamas, I am so heartbroken. Dh just found our sweet dog in our dining room passed away.

We've had him since before ds1 was born. He has been there when all our babes were born. I haven't been the best doggie mama to him, I know, and I feel horrible about that. He took a back seat once my babies came but he never complained and loved us unconditionally.

My heart hurts...
Oh Ashley, I'm soo sorry. It sounds like he had a full life with a great family.

SAHM to DD1 9/18/08 DS 6/11/10 DD2 6/21/12 nocirc.gifcd.gifgreenthumb.gifhang.gif 

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#133 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 12:09 PM
 
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I was managing ok during the day with the ibuprofen, but you aren't supposed to exceed 6 pills in one day and I'd already taken 8...I was going to take 4 more but decided my liver didn't need that damage. Now I'm suffering for it. Once midnight hits, eff it, I'm taking 4 more.
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Sorry you're still feeling crappy! How about some acetaminophen to help the ibuprofen? You can take 1000 mg every 6 hours on top of the 800mg every 8 hours. It might help If you're not feeling a little better by tomorrow at lunchtime, maybe you should try calling your careprovider.
: I'm not a pharmacist, just a technician, but I've heard them say you can alternate those two meds and get the max dose of each (4000 mg acetaminophen, 2400 mg ibuprofen) in a day. Hope you feel better soon!

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Oh mamas, I am so heartbroken. Dh just found our sweet dog in our dining room passed away.
I am so sorry!
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#134 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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s Ashley.
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#135 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 02:56 PM
 
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(((hugs))) Ashley so sorry... we may be in that position before long, our black lab is about 9 yrs old and in very poor health .

Anybody else's baby 'saving up' their poops for days already?
Mine has been doing this for the past few weeks, started with 2-3 days.. then 3-4 days.. and now he's hit 6 days..... WOW was that ever a mess last night!

I'm soooo grateful for our cloth diapers, back when I used sposies with my other boys they'd have poop EVERYWHERE when it came to the 'saving poop' days.. but though we had some poop on the cover it was all contained .

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#136 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 03:03 PM
 
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***Hugs*** Ashley, I'm so sorry about your dog.
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#137 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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Ashley!!

So Dh and I DTD again last night. I know it's got to be hormones, but is anyone else just a *little* repulsed by their partner right now? I mean, theoretically I wanted to DTD, but when it actually came down to it, I wasn't really enjoying it and was actually a little turned off. And then (TMI) Dh didn't withdraw to my great surprise, b/c we'd just had a conversation about what we were going to do in terms of birth control earlier in the evening and hadn't come up with anything. I know the LAM has a less than 2% pregnancy rate, but still! I do NOT want to get pg again anytime soon! Sheesh! I just think I'd rather sleep than be intimate, but I hate that that's true. I've always had a very high sex drive and I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I could really care less and that it even feels a little weird to DTD.

I'm also feeling a little poopy today b/c all week I've had grand plans to *get things done* and I just haven't. How on earth do you keep house AND parent a new baby?! My bathroom hasn't been cleaned since my Mom left (when Addie was 2 wks old! Eeew!) and I haven't managed to cook anything more complicated than frozen raviolis since I gave birth... not to mention trying to do the dishes around Addie in the wrap, which has only happened twice! I've kept up on laundering her diapers and her clothes, but my own and Dh's are in huge piles on our bedroom floor and "tidying" has taken on a whole new, lower, meaning. Sometimes I even have freak out moments thinking about how if CPS showed up what they'd think of my house. Am I alone or is anyone else's house a complete shambles?

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#138 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 06:11 PM
 
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OMG- I'd have killed him!

And to answer your question- You babywear. My house would be a wreck otherwise!
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#139 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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OMG...I am actually alone in my kitchen eating pizza and getting some computer time. DH is downstairs with all three kids and giving me some free time. I'm so excited because his leave started today and he is off until after Christmas! :

This has been a tough week. It was both my DH's birthday and my oldest turned three yesterday so it's been a busy weeks of birthdays. And Charlotte has decided that napping is only good if it's cat napping and on Mama...makes it hard to get things done! I know it is just a phase of her becoming more social and that eventually she will have regular naps but the poor thing is just so overtired and I just don't have the time with three kids to sit down and rock her and let her sleep on me. All that I can say is thank goodness for slings!

AmberLion: It is difficult to have a new baby and keep your house as tidy as you normally would. One of the hardest things to learn is how to let go of it. I know I have a hard time with this but for sanity sake I've had to learn. So no, you are not alone...my house is a sty!

sonshine_rae: Charlotte just started saving up her poops and I dread 'poop day' because it is a huge messy day! I keep a change of clothes for both her and me on each floor of my house for just such occasions!
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#140 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Amber Lion;12787641] Ashley!!

So Dh and I DTD again last night. I know it's got to be hormones, but is anyone else just a *little* repulsed by their partner right now? I mean, theoretically I wanted to DTD, but when it actually came down to it, I wasn't really enjoying it and was actually a little turned off. And then (TMI) Dh didn't withdraw to my great surprise, b/c we'd just had a conversation about what we were going to do in terms of birth control earlier in the evening and hadn't come up with anything. I know the LAM has a less than 2% pregnancy rate, but still! I do NOT want to get pg again anytime soon! Sheesh! I just think I'd rather sleep than be intimate, but I hate that that's true. I've always had a very high sex drive and I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I could really care less and that it even feels a little weird to DTD.

I'm also feeling a little poopy today b/c all week I've had grand plans to *get things done* and I just haven't. How on earth do you keep house AND parent a new baby?! My bathroom hasn't been cleaned since my Mom left (when Addie was 2 wks old! Eeew!) and I haven't managed to cook anything more complicated than frozen raviolis since I gave birth... not to mention trying to do the dishes around Addie in the wrap, which has only happened twice! I've kept up on laundering her diapers and her clothes, but my own and Dh's are in huge piles on our bedroom floor and "tidying" has taken on a whole new, lower, meaning. Sometimes I even have freak out moments thinking about how if CPS showed up what they'd think of my house. Am I alone or is anyone else's house a complete shambles?[/QUOTE]

You are not alone.
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#141 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 06:27 PM
 
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Ashley!!

So Dh and I DTD again last night. I know it's got to be hormones, but is anyone else just a *little* repulsed by their partner right now? I mean, theoretically I wanted to DTD, but when it actually came down to it, I wasn't really enjoying it and was actually a little turned off. And then (TMI) Dh didn't withdraw to my great surprise, b/c we'd just had a conversation about what we were going to do in terms of birth control earlier in the evening and hadn't come up with anything. I know the LAM has a less than 2% pregnancy rate, but still! I do NOT want to get pg again anytime soon! Sheesh! I just think I'd rather sleep than be intimate, but I hate that that's true. I've always had a very high sex drive and I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I could really care less and that it even feels a little weird to DTD.
I'd be livid if dh didn't pull out! A little repulsed? Try a lot. If he hadn't been pi$$ing me off so much recently, I actually might feel like having sex with him instead of myself.
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#142 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:02 PM
 
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nak

em- yes, this it totally out of character for dh! that's why i'm so hurt/frustrated/etc. he's the hubby that all my friends ooo and ahhh over because he's so sweet, helpful, caring, affectionate. it's all very bizarre.

ashley- I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. what a hard thing to deal with when you're trying to be a mom to an infant!

the christmas party was really good last night. we had a good time and i only had to go up to the condo to feed ally twice. i'll get a pic uploaded of my dress and post it soon.

can we talk about the logistics of sex? how the heck do you do this when baby won't lay alone for any amount of time? i think i'm ready but i just can't figure out how with ally being so clingy still. if i lay her down she'll cry and that's no good for the mood! and, do you leave baby in the same room with you? i don't think dh is comfortable with that.
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#143 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:03 PM
 
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I'd be livid if dh didn't pull out! A little repulsed? Try a lot. If he hadn't been pi$$ing me off so much recently, I actually might feel like having sex with him instead of myself.
: ITA (on all accounts...)!
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#144 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:10 PM
 
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can we talk about the logistics of sex? how the heck do you do this when baby won't lay alone for any amount of time? i think i'm ready but i just can't figure out how with ally being so clingy still. if i lay her down she'll cry and that's no good for the mood! and, do you leave baby in the same room with you? i don't think dh is comfortable with that.
I don't know how to help you get Ally Rae off of you and onto an inanimate object . Especially at night if she's anything like my little monkey. Maybe the weekend? Does she spend anytime asleep in a bouncer or swing or even on the floor? Once you have that figured out skip ahead to next opinion of mine.
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We had $ex in front of dd1 when she was this tiny. She was always asleep anyway so I don't think it made any difference. Our first was in a crib in her own room by the time she was aware enough to notice mommy and daddy making the two backed beast anyway, so I don't know what the magic age is. Maybe other moms who co-sleep long-term have ideas.

Ally Rae sounds like excellent birth control. Is that what you told your OB your plan was at your 6 week pp checkup?
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#145 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:26 PM
 
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nak

re: house - mine is sorta tidy, but not as "clean" as it used to be. some scary dust bunnies lurking in corners and dust on furniture. i babywear when doing chores but dont feel comfortable with doing certain chores (ex. will dusting irritate her tiny nose? etc) while wearing the baby.

re: doing it - jenn thnx for posting that you did IT w/tiny baby in the room, so i know i'm not the only one. the only reason the co-sleeper goes in the room is for her to sleep in while we get it on. if one of us puts her in there i think it kinda counts as foreplay...

she usually sleeps, sometimes fusses ("i don't want a a sibling yet!") and interrupts. lately we finish to see her staring quietly in our direction. she's worse than the cats!!!

we're wondering what the magic age is, too... anyone know? i don't want to traumatize her or anything. my attitudes about sex are usually way less conservative than most people's... i have no clue!

anyway ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND ladies!
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#146 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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re: doing it - jenn thnx for posting that you did IT w/tiny baby in the room, so i know i'm not the only one. the only reason the co-sleeper goes in the room is for her to sleep in while we get it on. if one of us puts her in there i think it kinda counts as foreplay...

she usually sleeps, sometimes fusses ("i don't want a a sibling yet!") and interrupts. lately we finish to see her staring quietly in our direction. she's worse than the cats!!!

we're wondering what the magic age is, too... anyone know? i don't want to traumatize her or anything. my attitudes about sex are usually way less conservative than most people's... i have no clue!

anyway ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND ladies!
laughup on the bolds

Maybe post this question in the nighttime parenting forum for those who are really curious. Okay... I'll go do that now. I really have no shame.
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#147 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:36 PM
 
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REAL QUICK...

On sex logistics - the first time Addie was asleep in the swing (a rare occurrence) but all other times of having fun have been with Addie asleep in the co-sleeper. So far she hasn't woken up or interrupted and I'm another one who has no idea what the magic age is that it's no longer appropriate. There was a thread in the Family Bed Forum and a Momma posted she'd DTD while nursing even! I don't know if I'm that hardcore!

Mama to my Addie Bug wool.gif (10/2008) and angel1.gif (6/2010); nursing student & childbirth educator
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#148 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:38 PM
 
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Maybe post this question in the nighttime parenting forum for those who are really curious. Okay... I'll go do that now. I really have no shame.
Done
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#149 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:39 PM
 
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So Dh and I DTD again last night. I know it's got to be hormones, but is anyone else just a *little* repulsed by their partner right now? I mean, theoretically I wanted to DTD, but when it actually came down to it, I wasn't really enjoying it and was actually a little turned off.

Am I alone or is anyone else's house a complete shambles?
OMG, yes about the repulsed by DH thing! I mean, it's bad. It's to the point where I'm like, ugh, don't wait for me to finish, just do what you need to do and lets get this overwith. I don't say that, but I'm thinking it on the inside. I haven't faked anything yet, but we'll see what happens next time when things are just going on for too long.

And my house is a DISASTER. It's a big contributing factor of this horrible depression. I can't seem to clean ANYTHING, nor do I want to b/c things just end up in piles, and the piles get moved from one place to another. There's not enough room for anything. We need more storage. So I sit and stare at the mess and it drives me insane.

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can we talk about the logistics of sex? how the heck do you do this when baby won't lay alone for any amount of time? i think i'm ready but i just can't figure out how with ally being so clingy still. if i lay her down she'll cry and that's no good for the mood! and, do you leave baby in the same room with you? i don't think dh is comfortable with that.
I can't help you figure out how to get Ally Rae to sleep not on you either, unless you start off slowly putting her down to nap. What works for our family is putting Nora to sleep (once she falls asleep on myself or DH) on the floor in the living room. Or else, we let her fall asleep in her swing. I personally don't see anything wrong with doing that as long as she is somewhere safe, but of course, you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

And no, I couldn't have sex with Nora in the room. I can't even have sex with the cat in the room, let alone a human baby! I'd just feel so weird even if she were asleep.

AAM - I am dreading making a phone call to my good friend. She decided to have a destination wedding in Punta Cana (we live in NJ) after I agreed to be a matron of honor. Sounds fun, right? Yeah, well, she tells me the date a few days ago via Facebook - December 29, 2009.

Not only is it right in between Christmas and New Years, which means it's going to be SO EXPENSIVE to fly anywhere, it's also going to be Nora's first "real" holiday season. I don't want to leave family around that time of year. I don't want to go to the Dominican Republic with a 1 year old, either. I just don't think I can commit to being in her wedding and being her matron of honor, but I really don't want to make the phone call telling her this b/c ... well, I don't want to disappoint her. But I think she'd be more disappointed overall if I pretend that I can do it and then bail out last minute, or something like that. WWYD?

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#150 of 154 Old 12-12-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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AAM - I am dreading making a phone call to my good friend. She decided to have a destination wedding in Punta Cana (we live in NJ) after I agreed to be a matron of honor. Sounds fun, right? Yeah, well, she tells me the date a few days ago via Facebook - December 29, 2009.

Not only is it right in between Christmas and New Years, which means it's going to be SO EXPENSIVE to fly anywhere, it's also going to be Nora's first "real" holiday season. I don't want to leave family around that time of year. I don't want to go to the Dominican Republic with a 1 year old, either. I just don't think I can commit to being in her wedding and being her matron of honor, but I really don't want to make the phone call telling her this b/c ... well, I don't want to disappoint her. But I think she'd be more disappointed overall if I pretend that I can do it and then bail out last minute, or something like that. WWYD?
Hence the namby pamby.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the DR during that time of year. We flew to Puerto Rico for Olivia's first "real" holidays and I loathed it. We paid out the wazoo for our tickets and I missed being home with my family.

You should just be up front and honest. Tell her you're concerned about the price of tickets and lodging. Express you want Nora's first "real" Christmas to be with family in front of a tree. (Although she could argue that you could fly out the day after Christmas). I think it's pretty outrageous of a wedding date, personally, and she should be almost expecting that kind of a response. I definitely wouldn't pretend and then bail. That'd be a devastating blow to your relationship.
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