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#1 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Who is all done having babies? Who will have more?

I was really on the fence about this for a while. (Ha ha ha, it has been 12 weeks!) I mean 5 kids is a lot of kids, if I had more where are the going to sleep? How will I fit them in the car? How will I pay for school? What will life be like with all those driving teenagers? Then I look at my happy, well adjusted, amazing children and I think to myself (I could have another one This would be crazy as far as everyone else thinks, but no one else is raising my family. I just keep hearing "when you are done you know you are done. You NEVER look at another preganant woman and say awww, you NEVER look at a newborn and think I could do that again." Well, I'm not there.

So, if you are done do you just know it? Or maybe it is circumstances? I wonder if I will ever feel done or if I will at some point have to decide to be done.

I do know this is what I was meant to do. And I am sooo very lucky dh supports me with this.

Amy, happily married to my Sweetie Pie partners.gif, Grateful for all my Blessings, in love with my rainbow1284.gifbaby.gif
 
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#2 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 11:25 AM
 
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I know what you are saying, but it is a bit different with me. After my birth experience with DD I wanted to be pg again, but never wanted to have another c/s. After having DD as an infant-2 y.o. I thought I was done. Then she got to be 4 and I thought-- she's the sweetest thing, and all of that energy and effort I put in totally paid off. DH came around about that same time. (Although he doesn't remember agreeing to not trying to get pg and not preventing pg, we did agree to that.)

Now it's sooo different. DS is exhausting, but SAH is so much better than working part time. My focus on the needs of my loved ones makes it so much easier to enjoy mothering! After my terrific HBAC, and relatively enjoyable pregnancy, I could do it again and again. I think I might be a little loopy and sleep deprived, and my 5 y.o. is feeling a little neglected and therefore acting out, but she had my undivided attention for 10 weeks and wouldn't leave my side. Then, for another 9 weeks she had my undivided attention, and then her brother came along and she had DH's undivided attention, so she's still reeling a bit 12 weeks later.

I think the prospect of it costing 100 K for a state university education (in 2009-- not adjusted for inflation) is going to be our biggest sticking point in deciding to have more kids. That said, DH has not gotten snipped yet, and we haven't actively pursued any other forms of birth control. I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, so we'll see.
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#3 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 11:40 AM
 
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I'm waiting it out. Neither of mine were planned, and I like it that way. If we have another, it'll be another little surprise I'm actually more open to the idea now, but still am not sure I want another. IF there is to be another, surprise or not, I'd like it to not be for at least 2-3yrs. So.. no real decision made on my part. DH is dead set against anymore, though.

Megan, momma to Colin and Ainsley
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#4 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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i dont know. im pretty well decided that i dont think we will have more. im 40 right now and wouldnt intentionally get prego before Zen is 2..and then i will be 43 if/when that baby is conceived immediately and born....having my 3 yo and Zen is a bit overwhelming at times (but wonderful) but im not sure i would like to do it again...but we havent done anything permanent.

having said that, even though im 99.99% certain i wont have more kiddos, i still get that feeling when seeing a preg. woman. i dont think that will ever go away.
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#5 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 12:41 PM
 
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I VERY badly want another child. Maybe even two. Dh is VERY adamant that we're finished having children and I'm heartbroken. My husband gets extremely overwhelmed around the two girls. It's not something he can take in stride like me. I've seen him literally lose it when Olivia has to go potty while Hazel is crying/needing to be held. He doesn't like thinking about the logistics of having a family of 5. We'd have to get a new car. There's no way we'd be able to have a guestroom/craft room for me. He thinks being outnumbered by children is not a good idea.

So for now, we are done. However, we are using condoms as BC and plan to for at least another 2 years. I won't purposely try and get pregnant before Hazel is 1, but after that it's GAME ON IMO. He knows I want another and is horrible abut putting a condom on. I'm always the one to make him do it as I know the LAM is not in play anymore and AF will rear her ugly red head in the next couple of months. So... gimme a year. Maybe his impulsiveness and my fertility awareness will make a "surprise."

On looking at newborns and pregnant women. I'm definitely going to be one of those 50 somethings who oogle them and reminisce. I have a feeling I'll never be able to say "I NEVER want to do that again."
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#6 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 12:52 PM
 
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Oh how we are trying to decide!!!

My husbands job is not stable right now and that scares me...

I just can't imagine "being done" at this point.
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#7 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 01:23 PM
 
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I've always thought I'd have two kids. However, I've also always said I'd be ok with an only, as my second favorite man in the world (my daddy!) is an only and I think he turned out pretty darn well. To be honest I've flip-flopped a lot in the 12 weeks since the little critter was born. Right now I'm on the "one is great" side of the fence. Doesn't help that I have a genetic skin thing... Eowyn doesn't appear to have it, so I feel we've hit a sort of jackpot and am not sure if we can be that lucky again. Give me time to get past this tiny infant stage, which is much more intense than I realized, and talk to me again.
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#8 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 01:37 PM
 
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mama. I just have to say I'm right there with you on this one...and I is my 5th, too. After she was born I had a feeling of completeness like I've never had before but I have to admit...that feeling has faded. Dh is more than done and I've got a midwifery career ahead of me...but I'm only 30 would never want to make any decisions that were permanent right now.

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#9 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 02:11 PM
 
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I am most definitely not done. I would like to wait a couple years for #3 but I don't think I will be done then either.

Wife & Mama to Two Loving Kids DS1 (7/7/07) DS2 (925/08) and DS3 (6/28/12)! And our new furbaby puppy Koda!

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#10 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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We currently are on the fence. I too have flip flopped in the last 12 weeks from wanting another child asap to maybe not wanting anymore. I know that making a decision right at this moment would be stupid of me. We are using condoms as BC but like another poster's DH, my DH ALWAYS has to be "talked in to" using a condom! In all honesty it kind of scares me to have another baby, even when Calli is 2 or 3 because DH is not a very good "dad" the first 10 weeks or so. He doesn't really like even touching babies that young. Now that Calli isn't so "fragile", as he would say he is MUCH better but I just can't imagine taking care of a newborn, pretty much all by myself and running around after a toddler too. I know I could do it but the idea of it scares me LOL.

My husbands side of the family are hockey freaks so we have decided that we will be putting Calli in hockey (if she wants). DH's great uncle started a hockey fund for her so when she gets old enough all of her lessons, equiptment, hockey fees and travel expenses are paid for. My side of the family are race freaks so we are going to put her into racing kiddy sprints for the summer. Again, lessons, the car, the race fees and travel expenses. Both sports are extremely expensive and time consuming. If we decided to have another child I would want to have it when she is 2 or 3 because then by the time she started hocky and racing the baby would be 1 or 2 and it would be a lot easier to travel to a cold rink in another town or to sit outside at a racetrack with an older baby.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#11 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 07:03 PM
 
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not done.... yes scared of getting pregnant to soon.... but really want more...

really really really scared of PPD again..... sigh//// but not enough to change my mind about more.

Rae 27 DH Phillip 32 married 11-22-03
DS1 Nathaniel b. 11-21-04, DS2 Ian b. 9-8-06, DS3 Samuel b. 10-1-08, DS4 Peter b. 5-24-11
 

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#12 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 07:09 PM
 
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Not done here. Ally Rae is only #1 though. We want 4 total. 3 of our own and adopt one is the plan for now but we'll see. We'll start trying when Ally is 15-18mo prob.
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#13 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 09:52 PM
 
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I feel I'm in an interesting boat over here. I'm a doula, want to be a midwife, had an amazingly supported and major complication-free pregnancy and home water birth.... but I just wasn't really thrilled with the process. PG was fine; exciting when I hit new experiences but really uncomfortable near the end. Birth was fine; no real complications and I never once thought I couldn't deal and once she was out it was the most amazing feeling ever. Addie has been an exceptionally easy baby, but I really don't enjoy BFing (I like that I DO BF, but it's always been an uncomfortable to painful act). I really wouldn't mind never doing it again.

We've always planned on having two kids. We're currently only using LAM and I'm watching out for signs of fertility returning. We would prefer a large age gap, like when Addie is 3 or 4. Who knows if this will work out though, after doing FAM for 4+ years I'm amazed to be confused by my body again. Dh and I have seriously talked about it though and I refuse to get an IUD or the Norplant... and those are really the only things (other than sterilization) that have a better failure rate.

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#14 of 31 Old 01-15-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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Yeah I was considering getting the copper IUD but after reading the potential risks of all birth control, the only things I am comfortable using are natural family planning or... condoms or something lol. I feel like such a teenager using those though, and it would get expensive

Wife & Mama to Two Loving Kids DS1 (7/7/07) DS2 (925/08) and DS3 (6/28/12)! And our new furbaby puppy Koda!

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#15 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 01:19 AM
 
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aka prevention.. we use condoms and once I get my Rx filled we'll use a diaphragm again (have used one between each of our kids so far). It's easy.. and not hormonal!

Rae 27 DH Phillip 32 married 11-22-03
DS1 Nathaniel b. 11-21-04, DS2 Ian b. 9-8-06, DS3 Samuel b. 10-1-08, DS4 Peter b. 5-24-11
 

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#16 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 01:43 AM
 
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we are done for sure. i personally can't imagine raising more than 2 kids....i have to work since my income pays the bills. we are lucky that DH is SAHD, but he does not want more kids and i am in agreement. i feel quite happy with our decision, albeit just slightly sad that i won't ever go through the whole amazing journey again. i got the mirena when DD was 6 weeks so that's where we are for now.

Veg mama to DS (6/05) and DD (10/08) :
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#17 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 02:50 AM
 
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Definitely more - possibly by adoption if getting pregnant is hard to do again.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#18 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 07:00 AM
 
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We would like one more and possibly two if we are so lucky.
I am 38 now so we got a later star than most so whenever I can get pregnant again after 6 months time from now is okay by us.
We would prefer our kids to be close in age anyway.
I was 18 months younger than my brother and I loved having a sibling near to me.

Happily married with two tots (babyboy.gif J 10/18/08) & (babygirl.gif T 5/03/10) 

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#19 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 12:32 PM
 
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I just keep hearing "when you are done you know you are done. You NEVER look at another preganant woman and say awww, you NEVER look at a newborn and think I could do that again." Well, I'm not there.
neither am I and yet I think we are done...it just doesn't make sense for us to have more kids...but to not every be pregnant or give birth again, to never have that newborn in my arms again..that makes me very very sad.
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#20 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 09:14 PM
 
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I just can't decide. There are moments when I'm SURE I'm done, and moments when I'm SURE I want one more. *sigh*

We're going to wait three years and then decide if we want to have another one, or if we want DH to have a V. I've always seen myself with three, but I still have nightmares about the morning sickness. Do I really want to put myself (and my family) through that yet again? But look what I gained from it. I go back and forth on a minute-by-minute basis. So who knows.

For now it's condoms and FAM. I looked into the copper IUD, but I don't like the idea of super heavy frequent AF's.
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#21 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 09:24 PM
 
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Stick a fork in me because I am done!

I do look at babies and pregnant women and enjoy the thought of going through all of that again but as far as actually having more children, we are done. The memories of pregnancy and birth are fond for me and give me a close connection to the baby that lives within each of my children, no matter their age.
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#22 of 31 Old 01-16-2009, 09:49 PM
 
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Well to keep this post somewhat short and sweet: We are done, our plan was for one. I think that's best for our family. However, I loved being pregnant, had an awesome childbirth experience, and I'm loving being a mom - so... any future "surprise" would be a thrill for us. I know my DH would love to have more kids, especially now that he knows firsthand how awesome it is to be a parent. I'm very drawn to adoption, so that (or perhaps foster parenting) could happen, too.

As for BC, we are just "careful" - no charting, no condoms, definitely no pills, shots, hormones, IUDs, etc. Just creative lovemaking around the time I suspect I'm fertile - might get tricky with BFing, I guess. It has worked for the 15+ years we've been together. If we were adamant about not wanting children, we might look into something more reliable, but as I said, we wouldn't be disappointed with more.
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#23 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 12:41 AM
 
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Well, I would have loved having just one, or having more that that, but DH wants AT LEAST 2 and is pretty adamant about no having an only. So now I'm thinking 3 is a good number.

We plan on trying for #2 starting June 2010, so that Carolyn will be 2.5-3 before she gets a sibling.

SAHM to DD1 9/18/08 DS 6/11/10 DD2 6/21/12 nocirc.gifcd.gifgreenthumb.gifhang.gif 

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#24 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 10:58 AM
 
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re: BC

The thing that scared e most abbout copper IUD was the possibility of imbedding which could require surgery to remove and possible sterility!!!

Wife & Mama to Two Loving Kids DS1 (7/7/07) DS2 (925/08) and DS3 (6/28/12)! And our new furbaby puppy Koda!

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#25 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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We aren't done, either. It took me 3.5 months to really feel like I could and would want to do this again, but I'm so there now. We are going to wait a long time though, until N is 4 or so before trying again. We want to take her to Disney by herself when she's old enough to enjoy it, and we want some time to fully enjoy her by herself too.

I just could not go the rest of my life thinking pregnancy sucks. I want to try again and see if it's any different the 2nd time around. And I want to do a water birth next time.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#26 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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Which one is the copper IUD? You guys have me nervous now, I was supposed to be calling on Monday to make an appointment for a Mirena.

Me: married to my :fireman Mama to my littles: Toby 8/04 and Elina 10/08
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#27 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 02:36 PM
 
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^paraguard is copper.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#28 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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We want to get pregnant asap. Not sure how it will happen though, as it took us 5 years for this one (we had actually given up!), and I'm EBF. We're hopeful though, we want a big family. We're planning to adopt when we move to a different area as well.

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
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#29 of 31 Old 01-17-2009, 07:35 PM
 
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We just have Helena for now, and of course it is a bit more complicated for us to have kids. my partner wants to have a baby, herself, so we will see. I do not want to be pregnant again, but I would love to support the family, if DP gets preg and wants to stay home w the kids!
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#30 of 31 Old 01-18-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janasmama View Post
Stick a fork in me because I am done!

I do look at babies and pregnant women and enjoy the thought of going through all of that again but as far as actually having more children, we are done. The memories of pregnancy and birth are fond for me and give me a close connection to the baby that lives within each of my children, no matter their age.
Just wanted to say that I found this sentiment very reassuring as I watch my (most-likely) only child growing up so quickly. I am excited and anxious for her to reach each new milestone, but that excitement is always tempered with a twinge of nostalgia for the infant she no longer is, or will be, as she develops. :
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