So who is telling right away?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We will tell right away...not today cuz my SIL is in labour as we speak and today is her day...but in a couple of days and a few more tests we will tell.

We lost our first child and I couldn't imagine going through that without my friends and family support so if I were to loose a baby again I would need them to be there for me so there is no point in not telling.
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#2 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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We won't tell yet. We are still trying to get used to the idea ourselves. Plus, since we have an infant, I don't want to hear "Don't you know how that happens?"; "was 'it' an accident?", etc., etc. I also don't want to hear about how bf-ing while pregnant is bad. I'd tell just a few people, but word spreads.
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#3 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:26 PM
 
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I think we will keep it quiet for a while. Part of the reason is anxiety, but also because my partner's mother is in mexico and I'm not sure when we can get her on the phone.
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#4 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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We've told parents, siblings, and our 2 very best friends. We're waiting until about Easter to tell everyone else. I just don't want to talk to anyone else if the worst were to happen. to everyone!
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#5 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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I cant keep a secret worth crap Lots of people know my big boys, mom mil sister 4 of my best friends and dh's best friends. We are so amazed and shocked.

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#6 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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I will be keeping it a secret for as long as possible. I don't want to go to the doctors for a while (no need) and don't want to listen to how "dangerous" that is. I also don't want to hear the "what do you want?" "is this your last one?" etc kinds of questions. Dh's family is in TX, so when we go to visit them I'll put on a shirt that says it on ds and see how long it takes them to figure it out. I will do the same with my mom. I don't speak with my sisters, so the only person I have to tell is my mom, and a few friends and my cousin.

Megan, momma to Colin and Ainsley
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#7 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by myrmom View Post
We will tell right away...not today cuz my SIL is in labour as we speak and today is her day...but in a couple of days and a few more tests we will tell.

We lost our first child and I couldn't imagine going through that without my friends and family support so if I were to loose a baby again I would need them to be there for me so there is no point in not telling.
I completely agree. The reason behind "not telling" (i.e. that if you miscarry, you'll have to re-tell everybody) sort of hints that miscarriage is something to keep quiet, almost something to be ashamed of.

I will admit that after my second m/c there were some people that it was difficult to "un-tell", especially people I didn't see often and would be thick enough to say (when I should have been 6-7 months along) gosh, you don't look pregnant anymore, what happened?

But for the most part, having told a lot of people that I was pregnant made it easier, not harder, afterwards. My family and friends were so, so supportive-- phone calls, cards, care packages. It was like they were going through it with me; if they hadn't known about/ been involved in the pregnancy, there's no way they could have been so in tune with me after. Everybody at work knew-- earlier than I would have told, probably, but I was throwing up constantly and it wasn't rocket science-- so I was able to get the time off I needed, to fly back home for a few days for some sanity-saving R&R. (Trying to go back to work and pretend everything is fine will make you crazy...) If my bosses hadn't known I was pregnant, hadn't seen me struggling with it for so long and then going through the pain of losing it, I doubt they would have worked so hard to finagle me that time off. Additionally, they cut me some slack when I *was* pregnant; it was all I could do most days just to drag my barfing self into work, much less be any good, and I called in sick at one point.

So, I'm telling right away (like this week probably):
the internet
my parents, sister, and brother
my friends back in Texas/ Vermont

Then around 8 weeks or when they figure it out, whichever comes first:
My coworkers and managers
My friends here in Virginia

After 14 weeks:
My inlaws (they don't know about the others)
My extended family
Anyone else

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#8 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 04:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by myrmom View Post
We will tell right away...not today cuz my SIL is in labour as we speak and today is her day...but in a couple of days and a few more tests we will tell.

We lost our first child and I couldn't imagine going through that without my friends and family support so if I were to loose a baby again I would need them to be there for me so there is no point in not telling.

I completely agree with you. Ive lost 2 babies and it was easier when people understood why I was in the mood I was in. The Im sorries helped I knew they cared. Misscarriage happens its not a big dark secret and it shouldnt be treated as so. Its a loss to greeve over. Im positively giddy about this baby and it shows.

Its great you are waiting for your SIL to have her day. My SIL announced her 2nd pregnancy by putting a t-shirt on her oldest that said Im going to be a big brother AND CAME TO MY BABY SHOWER for Nathan. Ive been pissed for 5yrs over that.

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#9 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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I completely agree with you. Ive lost 2 babies and it was easier when people understood why I was in the mood I was in. The Im sorries helped I knew they cared. Misscarriage happens its not a big dark secret and it shouldnt be treated as so. Its a loss to greeve over. Im positively giddy about this baby and it shows.

Its great you are waiting for your SIL to have her day. My SIL announced her 2nd pregnancy by putting a t-shirt on her oldest that said Im going to be a big brother AND CAME TO MY BABY SHOWER for Nathan. Ive been pissed for 5yrs over that.
Whoa, I'd be pissed about that too!

We haven't told any family. I have only told my best friend (just told her at 6 weeks) and one co-worker in my department. They are both keeping my secret safe! It's not that I think miscarriage is something to be ashamed of or want to hide, and I would want support if/when it did happen, but the last thing I want is to have to explain to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that I lost my baby. Even if I only told a few people at work, the gossip would spread to different departments, different buildings, and soon everyone would want to know how I was feeling. That's not my idea of a good time!

Family wise, (and I know this is sort of controversial, but...) I want to wait until the pregnancy gets "exciting". I'm not close with my sisters, brothers, or my Mom. They don't need to know yet. If I were to have told right away, my MIL especially would love to know how I'm feeling, but seriously these first few weeks have been anything but eventful. I want to wait until after my ultrasound, when I see the heartbeat and know that this little booger is here to stay. THEN I will celebrate with family.

Of course I know things could still go wrong after that, but it is just how Chris and I feel about it.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#10 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Its great you are waiting for your SIL to have her day. My SIL announced her 2nd pregnancy by putting a t-shirt on her oldest that said Im going to be a big brother AND CAME TO MY BABY SHOWER for Nathan. Ive been pissed for 5yrs over that.
That is terrible..I would never dream of doing that....
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#11 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 07:05 PM
 
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I've told a few people, but we are waiting for the most part. I have been spotting for over a week now and I want to see the heartbeat before I tell everyone. I am having a sneak peak where I work next week, so probably 8 weeks or so I will start telling. Then or when I start puking. Which ever comes first....

W (26) and C (27) parenting G (11/06 ) and D (2/09 ) plus a new one (3/11)
Sometimes the greener grass is actually AstroTurf, a false promise and nothing more.
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#12 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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Ive told everybody. DH waited a little while to tell his mom but that was because she always acted like we were just going to throw our first to the dogs if we had another, totally disregarding that I wanted my children to be within two years of each other. Then when she found out his dad heard about the pg before her, she got all pissed off and THEN proceeded to bitch that we were going to neglect Demetri!! She just gets to me sometimes. Like she thinks she is the best mother and I am a horrible one!!!

Wife & Mama to Two Loving Kids DS1 (7/7/07) DS2 (925/08) and DS3 (6/28/12)! And our new furbaby puppy Koda!

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#13 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 09:42 PM
 
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It's going to be a while before I make it comon knowledge. I'd like to wait 16 wks but I do know that I can. Last time we told everyone and I feel like it jinxed us. I know thats awful but I do. So far my bestfriens knows, my mother in law, a few co-workers and my boss. I really wanted to talk to someone in person that had kids already about TTC so I talked to a few girls at work and they aksed if we had any luck. I didnt want to lie so I told them. My boss knows b/c he was trying to make me get a TB test and you cant if you are pg so I had to tell him.
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#14 of 20 Old 02-13-2008, 10:39 PM
 
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My oldest friend from childhood knows - I told her about 15 mins after DH left for work on the morning I took the first test with the faintest, dimmest little pink line you've ever seen. 2 days later, I took another test, got a much firmer line, and then had to start quizzing the Moms in my playgroup about who their practitioners are - we've lived here for over a year, but I don't have a care provider yet. And, of course, they guessed why I was asking - but I didn't want to lie

As for family - I think I will wait until I have the 6 week ultrasound and confirm a heartbeat. My mom has had a tough year - 2 siblings have passed away, and her BIL is dying - I know she'd be thrilled about the pregnancy and then crushed if something happened. Of course, DH and I will be crushed too, but I just don't want to add anything else to my Mom's plate. Plus, she doesn't live locally, so she won't guess. And no one in the family gets to hear it before my Mom (I'll warn you all before I tell her - you'll probably all be able to hear her happy response all the way from Boston!)

SAHM to my and and due in summer 2010, married to my best friend.
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#15 of 20 Old 02-14-2008, 04:01 AM
 
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I really want to tell before people start suspecting, but I always suspect my friends and acquaintances immediately, and am usually right, so that's tough.

We told my dd (4 1/2) last night, and she claims to have kept it a secret, but I keep thinking of the possible ripple effects of who else could know or overhear in my small community.

I want to tell now, to shout it from the rooftops, to everyone I see on a daily basis. But, I want to wait to tell my family in person, and that'll be tough to do. Perhaps a Valentine's Day call from my dd tomorrow saying "I'm going to be a big sister!" Need to get dh's blessing for that, though.

I am about to let it slip to everyone I talk to, even though I did really well telling no one but family until the end of the first trimester with #1.
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#16 of 20 Old 02-14-2008, 11:04 AM
 
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I just realized my response wasn't entirely accurate. We are telling our immediate families and some close friends. We just aren't announcing it so that it is general knowledge among our rather large family and circle of friends until a bit later.
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#17 of 20 Old 02-14-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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I already told my sister (who is also pregnant) my best friend (who is also pregnant) and the teacher in the room next to mine. We'll tell our families around Easter. I'll keep it a secret at work as long as I can, but I started showing really early with dd1, so we'll see how long that lasts. I also had horrid morning sickness the first time, so it'll be tough pretending I have the flu for weeks on end.
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#18 of 20 Old 02-14-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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Weeeellll, my Dh hung up on my phone call telling him I was pg quite abruptly... turns out to go call everyone he could think of. So I guess we're telling RIGHT away, I mean, within an hour! Sigh. It's not that I wanted to wait any amount of time, but there is a little anxiety that it's really real (this is my first) and I thought keeping it to us for a little bit would be nice. But now his whole family knows, all his friends know, he threatened to call my parents if I didn't so now THEY know...

Mama to my Addie Bug wool.gif (10/2008) and angel1.gif (6/2010); nursing student & childbirth educator
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#19 of 20 Old 02-14-2008, 01:02 PM
 
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We won't be telling until people discover it for themselves! I have had two miscarriages, the last of which was October 07 at 20 weeks. Clearly at 20 weeks pregnant everyone knew, and it was awful to have to tell people that we'd lost the baby. Of course they were all supportive, but I must say I was sick to death of getting sympothy cards, all of which just made me cry more! My family and my in-laws live a few hours away so I can just "make excuses" not to see them for a few months and at work I can wear sweatshirts, etc... and I wear a lab coat most of the time (I'm a research scientist) so I think I can hide it pretty well. So maybe after I have a great 20 week ultrasound I will go see my family and start telling people, until then, the internet girls are the only ones that will know! I hope that for all of those who have never experienced a miscarriage that the innocence of pregnancy lasts forever for you, because once the innocence is lost it's a completely different experience!
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#20 of 20 Old 02-14-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by myrmom View Post
We will tell right away...not today cuz my SIL is in labour as we speak and today is her day...but in a couple of days and a few more tests we will tell.

We lost our first child and I couldn't imagine going through that without my friends and family support so if I were to loose a baby again I would need them to be there for me so there is no point in not telling.
That is exactly why we just finished telling our family. My Dad and step-mom were told the day after our first BFP. And then all of my DH's siblings and SOs were told last night. But we are NOT telling DH's parents. My MIL is a horrbile gossip and we don't want all of our friends and everyone in church knowing our business. And really it is just cruel to tell her to keep it a secret for two months. She really is like a child and we can't expect a normal adult response from her. I'll also be telling my step-siblings. We are telling all the people that we originally told about our m/c. That way they can keep us in their prayers and hope this one sticks!

Angela , wife to DH (Oct 1999), mother to DD (Oct 2008)
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