I had a m/c last May at 6.5 weeks. We hadn't told any family because we thought we should wait until the end of the 1st trimester. So about 3 weeks after the fact we told my parents. And then 2 months later we told the rest of my family and my in-laws. It was very hard on us (DH and I) because we were living far from family and had no one to lean on for emotional support during that trying time.
So this time around we had decided to tell our families right away. We told my parents the day after our BFP and all his siblings that week. We told all of them to pray for us and the baby. And in a way warned them to be prepared to support us in case of another m/c. Everyone totally understood. And none of them told another soul that we were expecting since we had also explained how hard it would be to have all of our friends and acquaintances know if something should happen.
This is where I think I made a big mistake. We didn't tell DH's parents at all. My MIL is the worst gossip and we both knew if we told her the whole world would know in a matter of minutes. DH agreed that we would wait to tell them. It would actually be cruel in a way to ask her to keep it a secret when we knew it would just eat her up inside. (And she can't keep a secret anyway.)
So, my whole family and all of DH's siblings and spouses knew about it. Then my belly began to pooch and some people at church began to notice. And then a couple of friends accidentally let it slip to some other friends. DH didn't want his parents to hear it from someone else so he called them (they were on vacation) and told them the news. They weren't as excited as I thought they would be but they did congratulate us. (OT- FIL told DH to "take care of that little girl." And DH said "We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet."
FIL was talking about me, in a rather patronizing way I thought. But DH is great and doesn't stand for that sort of thing!)
Fast forward to last night. We saw MIL and FIL at church for the first time since they got back from vacation. FIL gave me a hug and a congrats.
MIL completely ignored me.
She didn't make eye contact or say hi. I was actually really shocked since she is one for keeping up appearances and likes everyone at church to think we are such a lovey dovey family. I know she is mad at me. My SIL said MIL called her immediately after we told them the news. She wanted to know if we had called SIL that day or the day before. SIL said "No, I knew before that." MIL badgered her until SIL told her she had known for a month. I guess MIL stuttered for a bit after that and then abruptly changed the subject. My only guess is that she is furious that she wasn't "in the know." And that there really isn't anyone left for her to tell.
I now realize we should have done this whole thing differently. But I just don't know how. I don't like having someone mad at me, though I'm not terribly broken up about MIL not talking to me.
I just feel like there must have been a way to handle this differently and not have anyone with hard feelings.
If you managed to read through all this... thanks! I guess I just needed to vent. I know I can't change what has already happened. But I just hate feeling like a bad guy. (A few years ago I was accused of keeping DH from the in-laws. I wasn't. He just doesn't like his parents. But I'm always the one blamed.) And I guess I wonder if there is something I can do now so everyone can just focus on the positive aspects of my pregnancy instead of when they were told?