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#1 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When do you all think (or in your experience) is it safe to start having sex again. I have refrained from having sex this first trimester due to some bleeding I had right after sex in early pregnancy.

I am almost 13 weeks now. When do you think it would be safe to start "doing it" again?

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#2 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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We never stopped but the spotting I had in the 1st tri was normal and wasn't anything to be concerned about. I'd say it's a personal choice for you. If you feel you're ready and you're comfortable having sex again, then it's ok. Remember that sex doesn't cause m/c's. They happen for reasons you can't change normally.
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#3 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 12:28 PM
 
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As long as your not under any official restrictions from anyone.. I'd go for it!

Most likely if you do have more bleeding after sex it's just your cervix being sensitive NOT any sign of a miscarriage.

Usually they say once you hear the baby's heartbeat (or aka once it's beating.. even if you didn't hear it!).. your chance of miscarriage drops to a extremely low percentile.

hth's,
~Rae~

Rae 27 DH Phillip 32 married 11-22-03
DS1 Nathaniel b. 11-21-04, DS2 Ian b. 9-8-06, DS3 Samuel b. 10-1-08, DS4 Peter b. 5-24-11
 

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#4 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks girls. When I spotted the first time with sex I knew what it was from so I was ok, but the thought of having sex again and seeing MORE blood scares me lol.

DH wanted to last night but I feel like I want to wait a week or two more.....poor guy

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#5 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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I would definitely talk to the mw on that one. It seems okay to me if it has been a few weeks. Maybe you could start out in a gentle position (spooning rather than being on top) and go slowly until you see that it doesn't cause bleeding and you are more stable? Follow your instinct. DH can wait if it is for the baby's best interest. I made DH back off most of the whole first trimester (but more from migraines and nausea).

Mandi - Doula/Childbirth Educator, Loving my DH, DS, DD, DD, missing my three (last m/c 4/2010)
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#6 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 02:18 PM
 
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I think it's fine whenever you're ready. I could care less about having sex lately.
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#7 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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We have vaginal sex a lot lately and I haven't had any spotting whatsoever. The one time I had some bleeding was when my husband was in a different state and there had been absolutely no monkey business, so go figure.

I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to see any blood, even if you know that it's just from having sex. For that very reason, when I first found out I was pregnant, I found myself reluctant to have vaginal sex. I hope this isn't TMI, and that I'm not being too forward, but there are lots of things to do that won't irritate your cervix one iota - which is how we spent most of the first trimester. You may want to consider those options.

As many PPs have advised, don't do anything if you don't feel comfortable with it. DH will survive.
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#8 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Crosscat....thank you. We have been doing all the other stuff but poor DH may be getting a little bored with it haha.

As for seeing a MW, we are doing a UP so......

I think I will make him wait it out for another week or two until I feel more comfortable with the idea of going back to it.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#9 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 04:39 PM
 
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Of course it is fine to have sex during pregnancy but I am in the same boat as you and holding off as much as possible just because I am paranoid as it is and seeing that blood, no matter how much or how little is scary. So, the best thing to do is wait until YOU feel comfortable. DH gets frustrated with me but he realizes that it is my fears of m/c and such that he is good about it. Since finding out we were pg, DH and i have DTD 3 times

Wife & Mama to Two Loving Kids DS1 (7/7/07) DS2 (925/08) and DS3 (6/28/12)! And our new furbaby puppy Koda!

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#10 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 05:54 PM
 
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Ditto the pp's. Also, when I had some freaking scary red blood around week 10 (I think) the dr said not to have sex or exercise for one week afterwards. Brown or light colored spotting they said was no problem.

Take it slow the first time... You'll be fine!
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#11 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 06:35 PM
 
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After bleeding/spotting at 6 wks, DH and I didn't DTD for a week. After that we slowly started back up to our usual schedule (okay, not schedule but DH does like to DTD a lot.) I was very nervous, so I made him be very very gentle. And he never got annoyed at the many times I warned, "not too deep."

I totally understand your fear of not wanting to see spotting again. Just take it nice and easy. Lots of foreplay. Make sure you are relaxed and aroused and I'm sure everything will be okay.

Angela , wife to DH (Oct 1999), mother to DD (Oct 2008)
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#12 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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I agree, go when you feel you're ready. Maybe have a very gentle lovemaking session. Or alternately can you help him get relief in another way (perhaps he's ok with helping himself while you tease him/help out)?

I understand how the spotting could have caused you worry and think you've been really sensible. But if you're ready I'd say go for it. DH and I haven't slowed down much and make love several times a week. I joke that we're going to have to buy one of those bouncy baby hammocks because the baby is so used to getting bounced around

Kristen, Loving my family heartbeat.gif Sweet DH, C 11, A 9, B 7, G 4, H 1, C newbie!
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#13 of 27 Old 04-18-2008, 09:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jörð View Post
I think it's fine whenever you're ready. I could care less about having sex lately.
:

Veg mama to DS (6/05) and DD (10/08) :
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#14 of 27 Old 04-19-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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we still aren't having sex...I just can't bring myself to do it....I am too freaked out...hopefully soon for both our sakes.
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#15 of 27 Old 04-19-2008, 05:11 PM
 
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Just had some
I wasn't really into sex until a week or so ago but am feeling fine about it now.
Its a cool thing...I was worried for a bit there that my sex drive would never come back.
I think it was the fatigue and my hypothyroid which wiped it out.
I do make sure to use a lube (just don't want to irritate my lady parts due to increased blood flow) and I am on top.
No spotting or anything so far.

Happily married with two tots (babyboy.gif J 10/18/08) & (babygirl.gif T 5/03/10) 

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#16 of 27 Old 04-19-2008, 06:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so very much girls. I really appreciate all the comments and reassurance and advice. It feels good to know that I am not the only one here kind of freaked out by the thought of having sex and possibly seeing blood again.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#17 of 27 Old 04-19-2008, 07:07 PM
 
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I understand you are scared but i really dont think sex is going to do anything to contribute to a m/c.
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#18 of 27 Old 04-19-2008, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, I understand that it won't. I am just scared to see blood again, no matter where it is from.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#19 of 27 Old 04-20-2008, 06:02 PM
 
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I think that's perfectly understandable. Poor DH - with DS, we were on a no-sex restriction starting at 12 weeks, and this time, I just feel way too sensitive for any sex. Add to that the constant nauseated feeling, and he's one sad camper. He's such a trooper though, and we do make sure we take time to be loving together, just not with sex. I'm hoping as the 2nd tri gets closer (next week - yay!), I start feeling better. I actually miss it.
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#20 of 27 Old 04-21-2008, 12:01 AM
 
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One thing that has helped me get over the fear of mc or just spotting is realizing that it is normal very in pregnancy to spot for most women. I have spotted during all of my pregnancies, normally during the same weeks. We usually abstain a bit just because my dh doesn't like it. Know that if you spot after sex it doesn't mean anything bad. If you want to...enjoy it!

Marci

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Married to my best friend, homeschooling, gardening,

running a camp for at-risk kiddos and walking a narrow path.

 

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#21 of 27 Old 04-21-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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I love pregnant sex! Everything is better when I'm pregnant!


I agree with pp's though, take it easy, your anxiety about would be worse for the baby than the actual sex!

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#22 of 27 Old 04-22-2008, 10:32 AM
 
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Maybe just a little unrelated, but I'll tell anyway. I've had an uncomfortable feeling about sex all along. To begin with, I didn't want it anyway. I just felt too bad. But yesterday, I finally felt up to it, (yay!) and timing worked out, so we did. Within half an hour after, I had major cramping down low in my pelvis. It only eased if I sat/laid down. Finally, after 3-4 hours, I checked my cervix. It was closed, but WAY too soft. So, dh and I were both kicking ourselves for going against my intuition. Thankfully, it seems to have stopped now, and I haven't had any spotting. I guess I just really didn't need that prostaglandin injection. If we do try again, we'll be sure to use a condom.

mom to 2 wonderful girls born 11/05 and 10/08
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#23 of 27 Old 04-22-2008, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am with you on the condom part. I have that same worry about the "prostaglandin injection". I will save that for when I am due lol.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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#24 of 27 Old 04-22-2008, 01:28 PM
 
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I never ever let DH make a deposit unless we're trying to GET pregnant or get a baby OUT.
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#25 of 27 Old 04-22-2008, 09:32 PM
 
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Hmmm...

DH and I dtd all through my first pg and no ill effects. In fact I always felt wonderful after. I attributed it to the testosterone I absorbed balancing out my hormonal fog!

No ill effects this time either.

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#26 of 27 Old 04-23-2008, 12:43 PM
 
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Yeah, I've had the same fears, but now that I'm entering the 2nd trimester and I haven't bled in over a week I think I'm starting to feel up to it. I have an appointment next Monday and I'll ask the doc then about it and if we hear the heartbeat and she says it's A-OK then we'll go for it. Poor DH hasn't gotten any at all since I the test came back positive. First because I was afraid I was going to puke and then because I started spotting bright red blood. Good thing we normally don't have super high sex drives anyway!

Kim, mom to : Katie (2/06), : Tommy & Amelia (10/08)
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#27 of 27 Old 04-23-2008, 12:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nccrunchymama View Post
I guess I just really didn't need that prostaglandin injection. If we do try again, we'll be sure to use a condom.
I found this on a site I trust - hope it helps you feel better...

"Although orgasm, as well as breast stimulation, can cause the uterus to contract, this will not cause miscarriage. A bit of cramping after intercourse can be very normal. Of course, if cramping continues, or if it is associated with any spotting, you should see your care provider right away.

There's a very positive side to sex during pregnancy. Physiologically, the increased blood flow to the pelvis, the uterus, vagina and clitoris is enhanced, which congests the pelvis a bit and can increase a woman's pleasure, causing more intense orgasms. It can also cause a heightened libido. "

Mother to L.O. born at home 10.17.08 EDD for #2 4.21.2011
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