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#1 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 01:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now I know that most second time moms do not get a shower. I don't really mind that or need anything, but I would have thought my mom would have done a little something, kwim? A little gathering, celebration of the new baby or something Oh, well. Just wanted to be sad for a minute! Thanks for listening.
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#2 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 02:32 PM
 
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Aww, I'm sorry. Personally I think it's a little silly that only the first baby gets the shower. I understand that showers usually consist of tons of gift giving... but there's no reason not to have a celebration for additional babies! You could certainly have a party and not register, ask for no gifts, or even come up with some other way to mark the occasion. Like make a scrap book and have everyone bring photos, or write a message to the new baby, etc. There's plenty of ways to celebrate without spending lots of money on things.

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#3 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Aw, I'd be bummed, too. It's such an outpouring of love at that first shower - why shouldn't we celebrate every time? Like the pp said, it doesn't have to be all about gifts!

There are so many traditions to celebrate the baby's arrival - maybe you could do a 30-day celebration or something to bring the feeling of love and welcome to you and your family? I say if you're sad about not having one, make sure you do! party on, mama -- as my friend here says, you gotta make your own fun.

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#4 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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I agree. It should be about the gift/blessing of this new life. It is always a bit disheartening. Hugs! Perhaps you could go get a pedicure with a friend and go buy a new baby outfit or get some things that you need. Try to celebrate it your own way!

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#5 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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Sorry you are feeling down! I only had a shower or any kind of party/get together with my first as well.

You could throw your own meet the baby party once your LO is here.
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#6 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 04:27 PM
 
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I think all babies deserve a shower. It doesn't have to be a "showering of gifts" event. Why not just get an ice cream cake and make it a co-ed party/event? Are you close enough to your Mom that you could run the idea by her? Maybe she just hasn't thought of it as anything other than a reason to buy gifts....

I love the idea of a meet the baby party too after you get settled after the birth! Like a housewarming but with a baby!
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#7 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 06:09 PM
 
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I've always thought it was silly & usually try to do something, even if it's a couple girlfriends going out for supper, to celebrate for my friends. Can you tell your mom or a close friend how you feel & request that they organize something for you (I hate organizing things like that for myself)?

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#8 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 06:16 PM
 
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All babies deserve a Birth Day celebration. Maybe you could mention it to her or mention a welcoming party for the baby.
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#9 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 06:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TaraRae82 View Post
I think all babies deserve a shower. It doesn't have to be a "showering of gifts" event.

I love the idea of a meet the baby party too after you get settled after the birth! Like a housewarming but with a baby!
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Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post
Can you tell your mom or a close friend how you feel & request that they organize something for you?
I agree with TR and lg. I had baby showers for each of my three kids. I am a scrapbooker, and wanted the photos of friends and family gathered to celebrate the baby.

The showers for dd2 and dd3 were both "after the baby" showers - as I chose not to find out gender beforehand, and would have needed clothes if I'd had a boy.

Dd3's shower was a book shower. Each guest brought their favorite childhood book, so the baby had a little library of books that were her very own, instead of her sisters' hand-me-downs. We even had it at the room you can reserve at the library - so no cost and no one had to get their own house ready for company.

Do you have any family or friends that you feel comfortable asking to host something like this for you? I think it is a really fair thing to want! It isn't about the gifts; it is about celebrating the baby. At mine, people really loved being able to see and hold the baby. We did them when the babies were about a month old.

Could you hint to dp that you want one, and have him mention to a close friend or your mom if you don't want to?
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#10 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 06:29 PM
 
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I am having a celebration for my 3rd baby. It is not a shower of gifts but a "blessing way" celebration. My friends are going to organize it for me, they want to do it but want to do what feels right for me.

I think no one knows what to do unless you speak up!

I made the guest list and told the hostess I just want to fill my freezer with casseroles, if guests could bring that in lieu of gifts

I have hosted these for several friends in the past sometimes we do a belly caste, or make a necklace of beads we each contribute, sometimes it is 3 friends or 20 families...it really is up to the mom to tell us what she wants.

I hope you get some sort of celebration, it helps to prepare you for birth and baby with that feeling of support!!!

Eve
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#11 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 07:06 PM
 
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I know what you mean. I think it's a generational thing. My MIL was adamant about giving me a baby shower with the first, and started talking about it before we were even out of the first trimester. This time, however, she's not even mentioned it and I'm in the third trimester.

My mom always complained when someone at work would have a baby shower for a second child and beyond. I say we should do what we want, and make our own rules, as we have for a long time now! The rules have changed quite significantly since the 1960's, 1970's, and that's okay.
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#12 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 07:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Stephanie~ View Post
You could throw your own meet the baby party once your LO is here.
That's what I was going to suggest.
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#13 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 09:02 PM
 
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I think Blessingways are great. Our whole Co-op has them for pratically every mommy. Blessingways are ususally pretty close to the end of your pregnancy, at least all the ones I have been to are. I always end up going so I can do the henna, as that seems to ofetn be my job. I need to ask someone to organize it, but I can't decide who. I just want to ask that we all come together for the ceremony, and don't do any gifts at all.
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#14 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 09:06 PM
 
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Another thing is with people moving more often and all, they might have a whole new set of friends/family to celebrate a new baby with.

A friend from work is throwing me a shower and I'm thrilled!
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#15 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 10:55 PM
 
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I just remembered that some friends of ours had a "Come Meet" party after their baby was born, they hosted, but almost everyone ended up bringing presents on their own. The focus was on meeting the new sweet baby, and a friend helped them with food and stuff...it was great!

Marci

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#16 of 25 Old 08-03-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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I'm not having a shower either. I had one with my first girl and first boy and that's it. I'd like to have one if my family were around just because it's nice to get together and feel everyone being excited about our new child but I'm reminding myself that this time everything for my baby is chosen with careful intention and there will not be any unwanted advice or junk to deal with.
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#17 of 25 Old 08-04-2008, 08:23 AM
 
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Not in your DDC - but wanted to say that my group of friends plan a gathering for every baby! I'm having my 3rd (due in Jan) and we will have a celebration in late November. No gifts - just a meal for the freezer...that is much better than a gift in my opinion! LOL.

Talk to your best girl friends or mom about setting this up....doesn't have to be called a "shower"....just a celebration of life and of the mom....

:
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#18 of 25 Old 08-04-2008, 10:50 AM
 
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I have top secret info that you will indeed have a shower. Other than that my lips are sealed!!

Ashley~certified nurse-midwife mama to 6 little novaxnocirc.gifhomebirth.jpglotbirth.gif loves, including sweet Cordelia Jane born at home waterbirth.jpgon 11/12/10.
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#19 of 25 Old 08-04-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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I've been a little sad about this also...I'm having my third and I just love to celebrate the baby.

I was thinking about having a little celebration after the baby comes...around 4-6 weeks. We'll see if I actually do.
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#20 of 25 Old 08-04-2008, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone! DH said we could have a birthday party for the babe when he gets here.

Ashley, you have sparked my interest......
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#21 of 25 Old 08-06-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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I don't really like showers anyway (It looks like amazingly my mom (who is wonderful) has managed to keep ALL of my aunts on BOTH sides of the family from planning one, which I really didn't think she would be able to do even with her best efforts, she must have gotten mean god bless her!) But I do wish that some kind of other tradition would start to pick up where families got together just to celebrate for the new baby - no gifts involved. A new baby in the family is an exciting & wonderful thing that really deserves acknowledgement no matter what number they are. I like my family & would love to do a picnic or something, I just don't know how to take the "shower/gifts" aspect out of it. Maybe you could organize a potluck supper or something and don't specify that its a baby gathering but do it in your 8th/9th month. No matter what the party is for when I full term lady is there people tend to give her lots of kindness Maybe you could say that you know how busy you will be after the new baby comes & you wanted to get together one more time before things get too hectic! Hey, maybe i'll even take my own advice.

I like the birthday idea too!! That sounds like even more fun then a pre-baby party anyways! I just don't know how comfortable I'm gonna be with the "pass the baby" thing that would certainly happen at a party with the baby there (at least w/ my family!) Its my first so I don't know how i'm going to feel about it. I think i'll be a little worried about colds/germs that first few months.
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#22 of 25 Old 08-07-2008, 01:15 AM
 
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I really doubt that I'll have a shower with this pregnancy: #1. I'm a little bummed about it because I would like some celebration. However, we live 18 hours away from family and we're the first of our friends close by to have kids and we don't even talk about the pregnancy in front of them. We do think that things will be a little different once the baby is born though. So, my husband and I are getting excited about hosting a baptism luncheon after the baby is born to celebrate. If you aren't religious, we had neighbors who hosted a coming out/introduction party for their baby at around a month. No one held her or passed around, they just peeked.
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#23 of 25 Old 08-07-2008, 07:24 AM
 
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I guess I'm a lucky girl. My sister loves a party and my grandmother and MIL love to shop. So, I'm getting a shower. ds#1 was born 7 years ago, too so all of our clothes are gone and such. I'm getting a ton of hand-me downs from my sisters, my old crib back and such, but a ton of other stuff too. I just don't like showers in my family because grandma insists on inviting family members I don't know or havent seen since I was 12. She told me the other day that since I wanted 4 non-family friends to come that she wasn't inviting Jo or Aunt Josie. I was like..... Who??
I love the idea of a book shower, where the guests bring a book for the baby instead of a baby-thing like a blanket or monitor. Especially if your LOs are close in age. Then there's the "Bring a meal for the freezer and a blessing for the baby" type of party. Love that idea too. I think every baby is special and should get a special party. I think every momma is special and deserves a special party too! My Aunt asked me what I wanted for my baby shower, and I said "A bottle of wine and a day at the spa" Grandma said the party was for the baby and not me, tho. Aunt K is looking into my favorite wines and after Mal gets here I'd be shocked not to have at least one. Good luck to you ladies!

:Pagan Mom to Danny and Mal , Wife to Charles Pet Parent to kitty Paige.
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#24 of 25 Old 08-07-2008, 09:10 AM
 
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I really doubt that I'll have a shower with this pregnancy: #1. I'm a little bummed about it because I would like some celebration. However, we live 18 hours away from family and we're the first of our friends close by to have kids and we don't even talk about the pregnancy in front of them. We do think that things will be a little different once the baby is born though. So, my husband and I are getting excited about hosting a baptism luncheon after the baby is born to celebrate. If you aren't religious, we had neighbors who hosted a coming out/introduction party for their baby at around a month. No one held her or passed around, they just peeked.
I'm with you Nautical. This is my first and my family lives across the country as do the bulk of our friends. We haven't lived here long enough to have friends who would throw us any kind of celebration. I'm a little sad as well. There is talk of a shower being thrown after the baby is born and we travel home to see everyone. I am thinking of inviting a few of my coworkers over for a housewarming/baby blessing event. I'm not in it for the gifts and would request no gifts. It would just be nice to have some people to celebrate our baby with us.
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#25 of 25 Old 08-22-2008, 12:41 AM
 
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I planned a BIG SISTER party for my older daughter....had her pick a cake and invited people over to meet her and her little sister. I didn't want any gifts but some people brought small gifts and dd1's friends had a playdate party with her...a lot of people thought it was a great idea.
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