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Thanks. My big issue with the Chinese herbs is that I don't know where the hell my mom gets it. She goes back to Taiwan and then gets bags of herbs. They are not labeled, or anything, she has no way to know how they were handled or if they are pure, etc.. As for expectations, I have really, really low expectations of both my mil and mother, my mom is esp unreliable when it comes to, "helping" me with the kids, even if it was her idea to begin with.
Good move, because those things are DANGEROUS! The actual herb may be OK, if it is correctly identified and prepared, but the quality control is non-existent, and they are often laced with prescription medications or contaminated with heavy metals.
And that's just a few of the cites.
The same goes for the "traditional" remedies in Hispanic cultures: many or them are loaded with lead or mercury salts.
As for the "It's all natural" argument: botulin toxin, rattlesnake venom and castor beans are 100% natural. Any takers?
Forgive me if I wasn't clear enough.
I wasn't AT ALL suggesting that you take the herbs.
I realize that you were only venting and not asking for advice, so I hope this isn't overstepping any bounds. Your relationship with your mom is so painful for you, I thought it possible that you had not looked at the situation a bit differently.
What I suggested was to try to find ~something~ to help your mom feel included and important to you. You say she's unreliable (so not the babysitting), but there must be something else, something that you approve of that won't make her feel rejected by you.
Another quick thought, your mom may be enthusiastic about your sil's child right now.... but it's quite possible that she might end up disappointing your sil also in the same way that she has you when she's cancelled out on you. That would be sad, but it may turn out that your mom has a hard time giving the help that she herself didn't receive from her own mother and that it's not some deliberate action she's taking to hurt you. (not an excuse but a plausible explanation?)
Best of luck to you
Strangely enough we just found out though that mil's boss has made her go part time (from full time). So, she is off in the afternoons now. My DH told her that we will need her to be, "on call" when it's time for the baby to be due (they live an hr away), so she can watch our two boys when I go to the hospital. She seemed very agreeable to it and is actually very excited to have one more grandchild. She had assumed that she would have no more. So, who knows. Maybe my mil will come through for us.
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