Dreaming of Leaving the States... Am I Alone Here? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 94 Old 01-12-2009, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

I dream everyday of leaving the States, even though I've never been out of the country.

I have many reasons but I just received company into my home I'll have to explain them later.

Are there any other MDCers around here that want to leave the US but haven't yet, or are not able?

Please post! I feel like I'm the only one sometimes. Everyone asks me, "WHY would you want to leave the greatest country in the world??!"
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#2 of 94 Old 01-12-2009, 04:33 PM
 
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Hi all,

I dream everyday of leaving the States, even though I've never been out of the country.

I have many reasons but I just received company into my home I'll have to explain them later.

Are there any other MDCers around here that want to leave the US but haven't yet, or are not able?

Please post! I feel like I'm the only one sometimes. Everyone asks me, "WHY would you want to leave the greatest country in the world??!"
I'm with you. And I haven't felt like this is the greatest country in the world for a long time. The US has become a bully, and we've been arrogant for a long time as well. There are other places with better health care, better options for mothers, etc. We've been resting on our laurels and it shows.

I wish I had taken foreign languages in school and had job skills that were in high demand in other countries.

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#3 of 94 Old 01-12-2009, 09:21 PM
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I lived abroad for a number of years before moving back to the US three years ago. I am doing my PhD now and will be continuing that for at least the next few years, which is really the only thing keeping me here.

After I finish, IF I thought I could find decent work, then we're outta here. Dh (not from the US) hates it here, so he is ALREADY ready to go.

So I guess the short answer is 'yes.' I really MUCH prefer living abroad to living in the US.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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#4 of 94 Old 01-12-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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I love the USA and we the people, but this government of ours is just too much sometimes. I don't feel we live in a free country like it used to be. So many bad laws were passed to take freedoms away, but don't get me started. I know my DH would like to leave the country and go to Europe, but as to if that would happen, that's another story.

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#5 of 94 Old 01-12-2009, 10:11 PM
 
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well i am not from the US.

but i have the wanderlust.

i dont want to go back to my country.

i want to go live in another culture and experience it. my dd and i are v. extrovert and just come home to sleep.

but alas. i have to live here so that she is not away from her dad with whom i share joint custody.

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#6 of 94 Old 01-12-2009, 11:51 PM
 
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me too!

I hope one day I will get to move out of this country. It was a dream I used to have, and it may come true eventually. Right now though we are staying put for our business to grow some.

It's hard for me because I have always wanted to leave the US, but since my husband has already packed up and started over twice before me, he is in no big hurry.

Oh Well
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#7 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 12:03 AM
 
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I, too, love this country ... but as a person who values freedom, I'm really not wanting to stick around and watch it be taken away bit by bit. So we're making plans to leave. But, neither of us want to go to my birth country (Poland). So, we're embarking on a totally new journey.

Our plans are more to buy a sailboat, and live/travel on that. And have our permanent base be somewhere off the coast of Asia. Our choices for off the coast of Asia are mainly for tax purposes (the less we have to pay, the better).

We hope to be out of here in 5 years, give or take one year. Obviously we'll come back for visits, but we're definitely ready for a more nomadic lifestyle and a permanent home base in a different country.

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#8 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 12:47 AM
 
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we are planning on heading to egypt. dh is from there, and we plan on going for a while. then deciding from there where to go. I was there a couple of years ago alone w/ the girls and really am ready to go back now. but will probably go around the end of march/april. there are somethings you trade, but the simplicity of it is what im wanting


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#9 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 02:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Great to know there are others out there like me!

So where would you like to live, and why?

I just really hate living my life like the average American, staying home with the kid doing laundry all day, with a partner who is burnt out at work and trying desperately to squeeze his music between his job and family. We are not doing terribly; we have a decent savings account; we live in a medium-nice area between two big cities, Dallas and Fort Worth. But it just seems like such a mediocre life, know what I mean? Cynics tell me to get over my dreams and just settle, but I think there is more out there. I don't want my daughter to be corralled into the daily grind when she reaches Kindergarten and forever after. I want her childhood to be full and rich.

It's the rat race that is really killing me here. Not that there aren't little niches of America that have more to offer, but I fear those little niches are getting smaller and smaller. I am happy about Obama but I don't think he's going to make my dreams come true.

The consumerism, the suburban sprawl that is slowly infecting every place like cancer, the oppression of every group that isn't White Male, the absence of quality in our food, land, goods, and general lifestyle... it just feels so impossible to live the way I'd like.

I would like to get out before our DD gets too settled in American life. Already I feel she knows too much. She's not even three yet and already she gets excited about drive-thrus and shopping malls.

DP does not want to leave though. He likes Texas. We are both fairly liberal but he has a sentimental love for this oppressively republican state! I could leave and never look back. He is also married to his band. I am glad he is pursuing an artistic avenue but does he have to do it here? It's not like he can't play music elsewhere.

Does anyone else here have a partner or other family members who do not feel the same way?
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#10 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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I have felt this way for years so you're not alone

The only reason we are still here is because I can't imagine raising DS so far away from his grandparents. Not that I'm saying that I don't think anyone should do that (no flaming here!) it's just a trade off we personally are not willing to make at this point in time. I love to travel, have been to 14 countries and hubby and I lived in another country as U.S. Peace Corps volunteers before DS was born. All countries have their issues, but IMHO I have BIG problems with how the U.S. tries to have it's imperialistic interfering hand in the rest of the world's issues, lacks diplomacy, does not invest in education or children's issues and does not take environmentalism seriously. I'm a registered Green, so I definitely feel like my values are not represented here the vast majority of the time.
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#11 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 06:16 AM
 
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Me too, dh has citizenship in another country but neither of us really want to live there. I believe he can get Mexican citizenship through his dad. His dad was a citizen ( he is no longer alive) but dh was born in the US. I just have to get him to call and talk to the right people and get some documents from his mom. I've been talking about it for over a year and so far he hasn't done anything about it. Even though he says he is interested. I would love to live in Mexico.
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#12 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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What are you going to do with debto or are you all debt free?, Dh is Canadian and he has some debt, student loans and a bit of cc debt and he says once all of that is paid off we can move, I rather do it sooner rather than later, but it will take us at least 2 years.

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#13 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 01:21 PM
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hubby and I lived in another country as U.S. Peace Corps volunteers
Hey there from another RPCV Where were you?

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#14 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 01:26 PM
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hubby and I lived in another country as U.S. Peace Corps volunteers
We would preferably live in Dh's home country, Ukraine. But anywhere with a large Russian speaking population would work for us (that's dh's only language).

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#15 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 01:29 PM
 
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I sometimes with my DH's job offered temporary assignments in other countries. I think that would be a nice way to get to live in another country and getting a taste of it, while having someone kind of hold your hand. I too wonder what it would be like to live elsewhere. I would never want to move to where my DH's and my ethnic roots are though (Taiwan and South Korea), it's too crowded.
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#16 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 02:16 PM
 
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I have gotten to travel outside the States fairly often for work, sometimes for extended periods, and I've lived in Europe for a short time. : So I understand your sentiment.

BUT, it strikes me, NoliMum, that what you really dislike is SUBURBAN living. Believe me, I am right there with you!

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The consumerism, the suburban sprawl that is slowly infecting every place like cancer, the oppression of every group that isn't White Male, the absence of quality in our food, land, goods, and general lifestyle... it just feels so impossible to live the way I'd like.
I live in NYC and and have awesome quality of life here. I definitely don't feel that anything from your quote above is true of my community. If your DH is set on staying in TX, what about Austin? I love that city.

But hey, maybe a year abroad is just what you need!
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#17 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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I just really hate living my life like the average American, staying home with the kid doing laundry all day, with a partner who is burnt out at work and trying desperately to squeeze his music between his job and family. We are not doing terribly; we have a decent savings account; we live in a medium-nice area between two big cities, Dallas and Fort Worth. But it just seems like such a mediocre life, know what I mean?
Hi from Northern Europe... Just wondering.. What makes you think life is really any different anywhere else?

What you described sounds just like here, except that here (despite the great maternity leave) you would probably have to be working and you would not have any savings.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#18 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 03:59 PM
 
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I think travel is good. OP, I encourage you to travel! I don't have much wanderlust presently, but that's because we spent years living on a couple of coasts and travleing abroad.
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#19 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have gotten to travel outside the States fairly often for work, sometimes for extended periods, and I've lived in Europe for a short time. : So I understand your sentiment.

BUT, it strikes me, NoliMum, that what you really dislike is SUBURBAN living. Believe me, I am right there with you!



I live in NYC and and have awesome quality of life here. I definitely don't feel that anything from your quote above is true of my community. If your DH is set on staying in TX, what about Austin? I love that city.

But hey, maybe a year abroad is just what you need!
I'd love to try out a city like NY but I'm afraid I would just end up stuck in the same sleep-work-sleep cycle, and lose money to boot! Also, I wonder how it's possible to live a nature-centered life in a big urban area.

"Hi from Northern Europe... Just wondering.. What makes you think life is really any different anywhere else?

What you described sounds just like here, except that here (despite the great maternity leave) you would probably have to be working and you would not have any savings."


Anumaria, where do you live? Can you describe your daily life? What is different about your country vs. the States? I am interested in the view from abroad!
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#20 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 07:55 PM
 
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We left the states about a year ago...my DP was forced to leave.. d/t immigration laws in the US. We are living in MX..his home country..it's far from exotic and wonderful. You've really got to work hard to make a living here. We would like to go to Europe to give our children a better life then here in MX. It's not that bad in MX...it's just very very different than the states. Tons of poverty every where you look. The way of life is about 40 years behind the states. We buy everything we need in the states..except food of course. You just cant find what you need, at least not in this city. The infrastructure is horrible. A 45 min drive will take about 2 hours..here the roads are not kept up...pot holes everywhere...speed bumps for speed control. It's a different world here. No noise ordiance...people are so loud with there stereo's and the tortilla car that come by at 5:30 am yelling ahyyy..tortillaaaaaa. OMG it's taken awhile for me to get used to life here.
OK enough complaining...just my 2 cents on the idea.

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#21 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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I guess the grass is always greener on the other side...
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#22 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 10:51 PM
 
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I can't say I'm dreaming of leaving yet, but I would like to and have given it serious consideration. I agree with many of the other posters here. I'm tired of America's attitude and role its playing in the world. But I also recognize that each country in the world is going to have its failings making it a matter of picking and choosing what you can live with and you can't. The places my husband and I have talked about moving to are Canada, Germany, Austria and Australia. I'd like to travel more places first though because maybe there are other places we haven't considered.

To qaulify my response, I'm also one who hasn't lived out of the United States because I don't count the month I spent in the Bahamas doing research. I learned that I do not want to live on the island of Bimini though. I like having access to locally grown produce and hospital services without taking a plane ride for them.

There's also a part of me that feels a responsiblity to affect change in my country of origin before I defect. I feel like there's something I can do about the problems I have with American culture and policies. I feel with my drive and education I can do something about child abuse and neglect, dsyfunctional families, early childhood education, the public school system the maternity care system, and civil liberties. In my free time...but at least I know that any job I get will be working on one of those issues.

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#23 of 94 Old 01-13-2009, 11:16 PM
 
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It would depend on what country you are talking about. I have been to India and spent a total of about 6 months there over 4 visits. When I was a young married and childless I thought I could probably do okay living there and raising kids there. Now that I have children and have traveled there with children, I just don't see myself being able to do that. It would be hard on many levels.

Now if I was moving to Canada or France or someplace that supports mothers and families, I would feel a little better about it (especially considering healthcare options here vs. there).

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#24 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 12:06 AM
 
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nope, you are not alone. i am in the same boat. i have traveled pretty well over the years and i often think about how to pack up essentials and set myself down somewhere to start all over.

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#25 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 04:11 AM
 
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I would love to live in Mexico.
I'm sorry to say this but you dont know what you're saying Sure some areas of Mexico are beautiful. My mom is Mexican(moved here asa child). Why do you wonder so many mexicans come here?

We went there this summer, the first time in years. And I'm telling you, I didnt had a good experience. Everything is way different, and yea I encountered racism, not to mention the verbal sexual assault. The only thing I liked was the food.

The payments are awful, unless of course you work for the government or know somebody important, etc. You have a comfortable life there if you are rich (my grandpa's words). Going there made me realize how thankful I am to live here.

We're not moving to another country. I love America, I cant see myself living anywhere else. I'm too used to all of this. I love my house. I love my neighborhood,etc.

Dh doesnt want to move. He's french(even though he considers himself spaniard) and moved here when he was 18, he's lived most of his life here. He says he wouldn't like to raise ds in France or Spain . He likes it here.

Seriously, I miss my hometown and it's just a couple of hours away. How will I feel in another country? eek I dont even want to think about it.
Sure its very nice to travel, but that's it.

So, I will not move. And besides, I think it will be unfair to DH, he moved here to look for better opportunities and now that he has them


just my two cents.

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#26 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 04:35 AM
 
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Hi all,

I dream everyday of leaving the States, even though I've never been out of the country.

I have many reasons but I just received company into my home I'll have to explain them later.

Are there any other MDCers around here that want to leave the US but haven't yet, or are not able?

Please post! I feel like I'm the only one sometimes. Everyone asks me, "WHY would you want to leave the greatest country in the world??!"
I'm here to have my babies and be around my mom for the time being. But long-term I'd love to live elsewhere. I prefer it. But for now I am SOOOO enjoying having a car, electricity, and family around. Family is a big thing right now.
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the tortilla car that come by at 5:30 am yelling ahyyy..tortillaaaaaa.
Dude, I totally miss waking up to the guy selling puffed corn, or the woman selling milk! I loved that!

My dream, I think, is to live with an American passport, or Canadian or similar, but in someplace exotic but not TOO exotic, say, Turkey, and send my kids to a really fancy international school.

I don't mind living among poor people because then I fit in more. I don't expect it to be easy. All I want is cheap bakhlava, fresh fruits and vegetables, public transport, and charming architecture, but not in San Fransisco, which is too self-conscious for my taste. Anyone who can suggest another American city in which I can get all that, please do!

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#27 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 09:21 AM
 
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I just really hate living my life like the average American, staying home with the kid doing laundry all day
Laundry here would take you longer, both because the machines are smaller and because they are slower.

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Originally Posted by NoliMum View Post
The consumerism, the suburban sprawl that is slowly infecting every place like cancer, the oppression of every group that isn't White Male, the absence of quality in our food, land, goods, and general lifestyle... it just feels so impossible to live the way I'd like.
Racism and sexism are definitely not American-only phenomena. I have seen people here stop and stare, like they've never seen a black or Asian person before and had no idea they existed.

There are good quality food and goods here… and that's about it. Might sound awesome, but sometimes you just want a bowl and it doesn't have to be a $100 bowl (+ 25% tax). Or newborn onesies she'll outgrow in a month anyway. Plus it's harder to find used. Everything is expensive here, even before the 25% tax. (Did I mention the 50% income tax on top of that?) And don't even get me started on eating out here. I really miss those mom n' pop joints in the States. There are lots of Turks here, but I got better and cheaper Turkish food in the US than I ever could here.

Even though it's totally fine to show a full, bare set of boobs in an ad at the bus stop, people still have a problem with NIP.

Oh, and there's no cold medicine. People here seem to think all you can do is take chamomile tea and suck it up for a few days. I don't get it.

Don't get me wrong… I love it here, and I don't plan on moving back. But I see far too many starry-eyed Americans thinking everything is sunshine and puppies over here, and it's just not. Not saying you are one of them… it's just a pattern I see.

I definitely agree with you regarding consumerism, though. There's just no comparison to here at all.
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#28 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 01:53 PM
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I just really hate living my life like the average American, staying home with the kid doing laundry all day
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Laundry here would take you longer, both because the machines are smaller and because they are slower.
LOL, I was just going to say, when I lived abroad (in Eastern Europe) we didn't even have a washer. I had to HANDWASH everything! Now THAT is really doing laundry all day. Sometimes more than one day

In general, I don't think moving abroad gives you an easier life. It just gives you a different life. One that some people--such as myself--prefer for whatever reason


Quote:
Racism and sexism are definitely not American-only phenomena. I have seen people here stop and stare, like they've never seen a black or Asian person before and had no idea they existed.
This too. I have lived in some REALLY racist places that make America look like the most tolerant, open minded place on earth. I'm talking about places where blatantly racist humor is accepted and even appreciated by the majority of people, and where what we call "hate crimes" are seen as more amusing than shocking. Yes, America still has a lot of racism, but it is NOTHING compared some other parts of the world.

....

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#29 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 01:55 PM
 
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Thank you for posting this! I love what America stands for, but I don't love what it has become.

We have a beautiful home in N. Africa where I'm going to spend 6 months this year into 2010. If I'm preggo then, I might even give birth there. Kinda ironic that people are coming HERE to give birth and I'm thinking about leaving...

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#30 of 94 Old 01-14-2009, 02:18 PM
 
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Gex, France
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I have felt this way ever since I studied abroad in college. I then lived abroad as well after that as an aupair. My dp is from another country. I am very disillusioned with the US. A lot of people don't understand where I am coming from. We are fortunate because we both want to move and we will be within the next 6 months.

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
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