this is a really stupid question - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-29-2009, 02:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
lookylooky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Any person I have ever dated is white. My ex is white. Everyone is white.

The man I'm dating is not white. For him being in an interracial relationship is nothing new. Someone once asked him if he liked his coffee like he liked his women.... hot and black. He said, "Yes, I do... but I like my coffee white and sweet." So, he told me he doesn't even notice. I'm not even sure that I notice.

However, I'm not sure how to prepare myself for my family's reaction. I don't think they will care... but I know I have extended family that will (not that it is right at all and I only see them 2 or 3 times a year)

Not that is matters but he is black/white. His mom is black/white. His daughter is black/white. His father is black but married a white woman... and he has 6 siblings that are all black/white. So, yeah, its normal to him. (and he claims to be mocha...)

I've only been seeing him for 6 weeks but damn he is good to me and for me... and I know he will be good for my kids...

Anyway, should I even worry about reactions or jsut go with it?
lookylooky is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-29-2009, 02:53 AM
 
Collinsky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: On a flat Earth, circled by the Sun
Posts: 2,673
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think you already know.

Depending on your family, it sounds like it will not be a big deal, but it's also good to be prepared IMO. There might be some awkwardness at first... or you might receive anger or dismay - unless it is hateful, I think that if you weather it it will blow over. And I personally wouldn't worry too much about those family members that you will only see a few times a year. That said, if certain people in your family are very racist, then you do have to consider the possibility that they will not ever come around.

My personal take is that there's too much at stake in your every day happiness to let people's narrow opinions make decisions for you. Just my two cents!

~ Colleen ~ Joyful Unschooling Pagan mama to hearts.gifenergy.gifsuperhero.gifjog.gif and babyf.gif
"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead."
Collinsky is offline  
Old 01-29-2009, 02:53 AM
 
wednesday2004's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 750
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think that if your family has a problem at first they'll get over it. Usually it works out that way. In the odd chance they don't then it's their problem not yours. Odds are they'll be just fine though.
wednesday2004 is offline  
Old 01-29-2009, 03:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
lookylooky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Collinsky View Post

My personal take is that there's too much at stake in your every day happiness to let people's narrow opinions make decisions for you. Just my two cents!
THIS!

Ok, good. You know... I was almost afraid I wasn't "worried" enough. Cause, my family is really nice... they just have certain opinions that aren't.

I think that once they see how amazing he is that they aren't going to care... considering they really didn't like my white ex. :
lookylooky is offline  
Old 01-29-2009, 06:56 AM
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 8,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well my family is fine with DH's race (and reasonably forgiving of his actual flaws.) However some of DH's side of the family is pretty racist. Before DS came along I just grinned and bared it, but now that DS is here, we don't see them.

I'm not really sure how this can help you. Either your family will learn to accept him or they won't. If they don't learn to accept him, then you need to decide if being with someone who makes you happy is worth the possibilty that he isn't going to want to be around people who make racial comments about him.


If they decide that they no longer want to assosiate with you simply b/c you are dating a "mocha" man, then are they really people you want to be around anyway?

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
Old 02-01-2009, 07:58 PM
 
olivedo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 19
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey I had a similar situation. I grew up in whiteland USA and I think my family never even considered the idea that I would bring home anyone other than a farmboy from the next town.

I do think you should consider the feelings of your family, but not to determine the course of this relationship or your life. Only think about their point of view when deciding how to tell them about the decisions you've made. If you approach the conversation with an understanding of their feelings you might have more success.

In the end you really have to live your life on your terms. If he's the one then he's the one.
olivedo is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off