when your kids look nothing alike - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 02-04-2009, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DS1 is from a previous relationship. his father is blonde, blue-eyed, just like me and so is DS. he's also very tall.

DP is filipino, baby is still cooking but we feel pretty safe in assuming he won't be another tall and lanky blondie with blue eyes. does anyone have this family makeup?

DS1 is very excited about his little brother (there will be a nearly 11 year age difference) and he already knows that the little one likely won't look much like him. i do want to talk to him about how to respond to potential comments about this.
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#2 of 26 Old 02-04-2009, 11:55 AM
 
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My DC pics are in my siggy. My oldest DS is from my first marriage. We haven't gotten a whole lot of comments. When we do, DS/DH or I answer matter of factly that YES he is the brother of his siblings.

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#3 of 26 Old 02-04-2009, 01:30 PM
 
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That's almost *exactly* what we have! My seven year old son is lanky, dirty blond, green eyes, and I'm expecting two baby girls with my Korean DP. We will be wonderful, lovely, interesting families... I think we just have to be ready for the irritating questions, ykwim?

How do you think we should prepare our older children for those questions? I haven't thought about it much. Because he's older, DP & I won't always be around when he gets them.
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#4 of 26 Old 02-04-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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Congrats on your growing baby!

My DH is also Filipino. Our oldest DD is brown with dark eyes and looks like my DH, although very tall like me. Our younger DD is VERY fair (just like me) with blue eyes, although very petite like DHs side. She does look Asian in the eyes, but overall appears Caucasian. We have another on the way and have no idea what to expect.

We do get a lot of comments, some rather rude ("Wow, she is WHITE") but we love that we have one of each. DH's family is rude and calls her "Whitey" or "Haole girl." I always remind them that she is just as Filipino as her sister.

DD#1 is almost 4 and definitely notices the differences. She is very proud that she is brown like Daddy and says that her sister is "Cau-asian" or that she is white like Mommy. I always correct her and remind her that even though they look a bit different she and her sister are both half Filipino and half Caucasian (I am a mutt, but always tell them of their long list of ethnicities on my side).

Also, much like your situation, DH's uncle married a woman with a son from a previous marriage, who is blond with blue eyes. They have a daughter who is brown with dark eyes and looks like her father. His wife told me that a few people have commented how nice it is that they got one of each. Others have assumed when the father is not there that her DD is adopted. One thing for sure, is that your family will always keep people guessing.
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#5 of 26 Old 02-05-2009, 07:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lella View Post
his wife told me that a few people have commented how nice it is that they got one of each.
:d

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#6 of 26 Old 02-05-2009, 07:51 AM
 
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A friend of mine is white, and married to a Korean man. Their daughter is almost four, and looks Asian. They also adopted a little boy who is now one, who happens to be white. When the kids are out in public with mom, most people assume dd is adopted. And when out with dad, either ds is adopted, or mom had an affair. I've talked with both of them (the mom and dad) about this, and they find it funny, since neither is true and they love both children equally.
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#7 of 26 Old 07-29-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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My 3 year old DD is Ashkenazi Jewish-Belarussian and Romanian. She has very light olive toned skin, blond hair, and bright blue eyes.

LO #2 has yet to be born, but is Ashkenazi-Belarussian (my side), and Mexican and Thai on DPs side. I have a feeling my children will look nothing alike, but genetics can pull a fast one on you sometimes.
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#8 of 26 Old 07-30-2009, 11:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by gruver View Post
DS1 is from a previous relationship. his father is blonde, blue-eyed, just like me and so is DS. he's also very tall.

DP is filipino, baby is still cooking but we feel pretty safe in assuming he won't be another tall and lanky blondie with blue eyes. does anyone have this family makeup?
Sounds like my sister and me to a T. We have different dads but the same mom. I'm the older one and am blonde with blue eyes and very light skin. My sister is younger than me by 6 years and quite a bit taller than me. She has very dark brown hair, dark eyes, and light brown skin. Somehow she managed to get almost Asian looking eyes, don't ask me how they got there!

I distinctly remember her birth and my mom never prepped me or anything ahead of time. I don't remember ever having any problems with it and actually thought it was cool growing up. Mom always tried to get us dolls that looked like us and we tended to fight less over dolls because I got the blonde ones and she got the dark haired ones.

Ironically, DH has my sister's complexion, eye, and hair color. Most people think they are the ones related if we go out. On top of that, DD looks a lot like DH, not me, so whenever my sister is out with DD people think she's the mom.
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#9 of 26 Old 07-30-2009, 12:58 PM
 
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My children are all with the same DP and none of them look alike. My oldest has red hair, blue eyes, he is very pale. My middle son has blond hair, olive complexion, he's very stocky and muscular. He has green eyes. My youngest son has brown hair, grey eyes and looks nothing like the other 2 boys. Most people ask me where we adopted him from.

I would just listen to your son as questions come up and be supportive. He will love his sibling no matter what. Take care!

Jen, mama to  (M-13, N- 10, C- 8 rainbow1284.gif J- 3.5, and rainbow1284.gifJ -2, angel3.gifA (10/4/07) and 3 early losses)
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#10 of 26 Old 07-30-2009, 03:08 PM
 
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My kids are with the same man and they look nothing alike. DS is very white like me (pale, pale) and tall and skinny and DD is a little dark girl, obviously Hispanic, like DH - except with blue eyes like me, and chubby and short like her grandmother on DH's side.

They both have DH's very distinctive (and lovely) almond shaped eyes, but I can'y see amything of myself in them at all. And DS doesn't have ANY features of DH's, except for the eyes.

DH comments a million times a day that he doesn't believe DS is his. : I think it's horrible for DS to hear that. DD takes after DH in personality as well as looks, whereas DS is more of a sensitive little thing (super sweet). If it wasn't for the eyes, which are carbon copy, I could see his point - even his family pointed it out rudely that he doesn't look like the father - but it stuns me that he can't see that their eyes are identical. (And very unusual.)

mama of DS(3) & DD(2)
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#11 of 26 Old 07-30-2009, 08:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kaleanani View Post
My kids are with the same man and they look nothing alike. DS is very white like me (pale, pale) and tall and skinny and DD is a little dark girl, obviously Hispanic, like DH - except with blue eyes like me, and chubby and short like her grandmother on DH's side.

If they didn't both have DH's very distinctive (and lovely) almond shaped eyes I couldn't tell they were like me at all. And DS doesn't have ANY features of DH's, except for the eyes.

DH comments a million times a day that he doesn't believe DS is his. : I think it's horrible for DS to hear that. DD takes after DH in personality as well as looks, whereas DS is more of a sensitive little thing (super sweet). If it wasn't for the eyes, which are carbon copy, I could see his point - even his family pointed it out rudely that he doesn't look like the father - but it stuns me that he can't see that their eyes are identical. (And very unusual.)
That's just HORRIBLE that your H and his family do that. They really need to get it together.

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#12 of 26 Old 07-30-2009, 09:52 PM
 
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DH is 1/8 Filipino and looks it, he's just a bit more hairy than the rest of his family. His little brother (same Filipino dad, different mom) is blonde and lanky. I am caucasian, dark hair, green eyes, and DS is long and skinny, blonde hair blue eyes.

DH's half sister is Irish, her ex is Hawaiian, she has two sons. One is dark, skinny, dark hair, dark eyes, the other looks straight Irish.

There's no telling what you'll get, that's the magic of genes.
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#13 of 26 Old 07-30-2009, 10:06 PM
 
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DH is Thai, I am blond and green-eyed. DS looks more Thai with a white complexion.
Recently in the Peds office the new receptionist ask me: "Oh, Mom couldn't make it today?" Pretty sweet.
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#14 of 26 Old 07-31-2009, 12:48 PM
 
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I'm Korean and Caucasian and DH Caucasian and our 2 girls look like polar opposites. Our older DD has light brown hair and olive skin with dark brown "asian" eyes. Younger DD has daddy's eye shape, very fair skin and hazel/grey/green eyes with blonde hair. When I'm with the two of them people often ask if they're my girls. I've also been mistaken for the nanny on occasion. Funny enough, I was a nanny in college for a little girl adopted from China and people always assumed that I was her mom :

Summer: crafty mama to 2 little girls and wife to Bob
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#15 of 26 Old 07-31-2009, 02:51 PM
 
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Om Girl, don't feel too bad, I'm always mistaken for the babysitter too - mostly because I look young and everyone in my area has kids well into their thirties and the majority of them are career women. All the women out and about with babies during the daytime are automatically assumed to be nannies - especially if they look as young as I do. :

mama of DS(3) & DD(2)
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#16 of 26 Old 07-31-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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I'm fully expecting this to be the case when DS2 is born. DS is a spitting image of me- pale skin, hazel eyes, red hair. He looks absolutely nothing like my Hispanic DH. Exact same personality, but DH has heard more than a few mailman jokes. I would not be surprised if DS2 looks 100% Hispanic and exactly like my DH when he is born.

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
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#17 of 26 Old 07-31-2009, 03:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kaleanani View Post
DH comments a million times a day that he doesn't believe DS is his. : I think it's horrible for DS to hear that. DD takes after DH in personality as well as looks, whereas DS is more of a sensitive little thing (super sweet). If it wasn't for the eyes, which are carbon copy, I could see his point - even his family pointed it out rudely that he doesn't look like the father - but it stuns me that he can't see that their eyes are identical. (And very unusual.)
I'm so sorry your DH does that. DH and I joke about it sometimes, but always in fun and never in front of DS. I don't ever want DS to question that DH is his father.

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
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#18 of 26 Old 07-31-2009, 07:58 PM
 
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Yep My older two are a red head and a blonde, blue eyes and fair skinned. My younger 3 art part mexican and are olive/much darker skinned with dark hair. For what it's worth I really can't recall any negative comments. I was at the dr today with my blonde 12 yr old and my baby and all she commented on was that my 12 yr old didn't have curly hair like my little guy.

Amy - mom to Anna-Rebekah 14, Logan 13, Christian 8, Ethan 7 and Adan 07/15/08
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#19 of 26 Old 08-01-2009, 09:13 AM
 
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I'm Korean and Caucasian and DH Caucasian and our 2 girls look like polar opposites. Our older DD has light brown hair and olive skin with dark brown "asian" eyes. Younger DD has daddy's eye shape, very fair skin and hazel/grey/green eyes with blonde hair. When I'm with the two of them people often ask if they're my girls.
My sibs and I are all half Japanese and half Caucasian. I married a 4th generation Japanese-American, and my youngest sister married (and divorced) a Caucasian.

My kids are all 3/4th Japanese, but 3 of them have medium brown hair and light brown, Asian shaped eyes. My DD has dark brown, almost black hair, dark eyes, but very pale skin compared to her brothers, and rounder eyes.

My sister and her ex are both brown haired and brown eyed with olive complexions. Their sons are both strawberry blondes with blue/blue gray eyes. Apparently her ex's grandma is a blonde with blue eyes, and our dad is a red head with the typical red head's complexion.
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#20 of 26 Old 08-05-2009, 10:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Kaleanani View Post
DH comments a million times a day that he doesn't believe DS is his. : I think it's horrible for DS to hear that. DD takes after DH in personality as well as looks, whereas DS is more of a sensitive little thing (super sweet). If it wasn't for the eyes, which are carbon copy, I could see his point - even his family pointed it out rudely that he doesn't look like the father - but it stuns me that he can't see that their eyes are identical. (And very unusual.)
I think my response would be "You can pay for a paternity test or a divorce, but either way this comment is NEVER to be made again where anyone from our family can overhear it'

How damaging for a kid to hear that from their dad!!!!

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
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#21 of 26 Old 08-11-2009, 12:43 PM
 
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I'm white, my oldest son is white and blonde, my husband is black and my youngest is biracial, fairly dark-skinned, but with hair more similar to mine. We haven't gotten any comments at all, blended families are very common these days.
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#22 of 26 Old 08-16-2009, 03:32 AM
 
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I think that this may definitely be a possibility for me and my fiance someday in the future when we have another. He is Mexican, and I don't think any of it is from the Spaniard heredity, as he is extremely dark. I am caucasion, very white skin, hazel eyes, dark brown/auburn hair. Our daughter looks just like my fiance, with a beautiful tan and almost black eyes, as well as pitch black hair. I have been asked if I am babysitting or if she is adopted, lol, since many people, I guess, adopt hispanic babies from places like Guatemala and such. Gaudencio is ready for another (she's only 4 months On Monday. Sheesh!) and thinks it would be great to have a boy this time that looks like a white version of him, lol. Why, I do not know. Maybe he wants to see the white version of himself like I have a mexican version of myself.

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#23 of 26 Old 08-16-2009, 03:37 AM
 
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I'm white, my oldest son is white and blonde, my husband is black and my youngest is biracial, fairly dark-skinned, but with hair more similar to mine. We haven't gotten any comments at all, blended families are very common these days.
Yes, they absolutely are. Many of my family members are blanded. We have a family of my white aunt, black uncle, and their biracial daughter, and then I have my other aunt who is white and married to a man from Peru, with my two hispanic-caucasian cousins. Seems the darker genes prevail in my family though, and the kids always end up looking more like the dads. Even in my situation that's true. Lets just say my daughter will never need to tan. My dad is half native american and half italian. My mom's family is Irish and French. We have hispanic, black, white, and native american in our family. There is no room for racists, lol.

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#24 of 26 Old 08-18-2009, 11:33 AM
 
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I'd recommend reminding him constantly about this excitement and to keep it up even when people will ask strange questions. It shouldn't matter so as long as they keep a good sibling relationship.
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#25 of 26 Old 08-18-2009, 06:54 PM
 
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You know I am only 9 weeks preggers with my first so I don't know yet, but my SIL's children look nothing alike, she is moroccan like my hubby and her husband is french Canadian, Her 2 year old adam is like really white and has blonde hair and blue eyes ( I kid you not) and the sister who is 4 months has black hair and dark brown eyes she's around as dark as my husband. But they are so cute it's just so interesting that they look so different/
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#26 of 26 Old 08-19-2009, 09:38 AM
 
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I am black/Irish, with medium skin, curly dark brown hair, and almost black eyes. My dh is Irish/Scottish, with pale skin, curly dirty blond hair, and blue eyes. Not only do our kids not look like each other, but they don't really look like us either!

My stepson has all dh's coloring but none of his features. Our ods is like a perfect blend of us - light tan skin, curly light brown hair, hazel-y green eyes. Our yds has dh's skin, my dark eyes, and stick straight white blond hair.

We get comments all the time, but always positive. People think it is cool that they look so different, and yet, somehow you can tell they are brothers.

We really emphasized dss's role as big brother during my pregnancies, but we didn't do anything special with him to address that his siblings might not look like him. I agree with the poster who said multiracial and blended families are so common these days, the kiddos don't think much of it. Case in point - when our youngest was born he looked Chinese (yes, the towhead one!). I overheard dss telling his maternal grandmother "I thought it was cool just to have a black brother but now I have an Asian one too. My family is so special!"

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