Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: North Carolina
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Oh and I totally get you about the crazy, unrealistic expectations. Even my parents, who moved from Taiwan, to the US, THEN had my brothers and I get upset when we are, "too American." We ask them, "Why did you move to America if you didn't want us to be American" and they end up giving us some song and dance about their sacrifices and how we're so disappointing.
Oh and my mil, she was (and still is) very upset that my DH did not marry a Korean girl.
Mom, wife, full-time student. And tired. DH, DS#1 (9/99) and DS#2 (9/09), and 2 dogs.
LOL! Yes, this! My DH got laid off soon after we were married and my mil was over-the-top with calling us at least FIVE times a day, asking if he had found another job, b/c she was sooooo worried. It was REALLY depressing for her to be constantly on our case about it, as if he was not trying to find a new job?!?! As if WE were not worried, as if WE were not stressed out???? Anyway, my DH finally got totally fed up with it and told his mom to stop calling us five times a day. Well, of course HER feelings were hurt (who cares about our feelings?), she went around telling ppl that she no longer felt comfortable calling us, b/c we told her NOT TO CALL HER! FTR, we told her not to call FIVE TIMES A DAY!!! At first I was annoyed, but then I realized the benefits of her holding a grudge against us. Since then, she no longer calls us five times a day. It was like a blessing in disguise that we pissed her off, b/c she has always given us more of a cold shoulder since that incident, which is fine by me. For a long time, she actually expected me to be her best friend, that was totally awful.
Fay, my brothers and I all regularly get into shouting matches with our parents when we have to talk to them on the phone. As my brother says, "I want to be nice to them, but they make it sooo hard." That is exactly the way I feel too. I really want to be nice to my parents, but they have this way of basically pushing us over the edge everytime they talk to us by nagging and being meddlesome and/or being extremely critical and putting us down. My parents used to expect weekly calls from us, those were the worst. Since I've had kids, I've really slacked in that dept (and they haven't bugged me, b/c they know I am busy, but I know they were still expecting these weekly calls from my brothers), but it's been good for my mental health. My mom just visited yesterday, b/c I really needed someone to watch the kids so I could attend my son's preschool parent/teacher conference and she was nice enough during the visit (rare, b/c usually she gets on my nerves at one pt or another, but I'm pregnant right now, so my parents have been nicer to me). Of course, she started to get nosy though (it's like they can't help it) and wanted to know if we had filed our taxes and what the outcome was (ie: how much did we owe or get back, what tax bracket are we in, etc.). I just kind of played stupid and said my DH took care of it and I hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it. My DH just snickered, b/c my mom will ask me all these financial questions, but she won't ask my DH about it, b/c she knows my DH will just brush her off.
My Korean mil is even worse. My DH stupidly answered her question when she asked him how much his salary is (same with bil, in fact last time both my DH and his brother changed jobs, my sil and I agreed we would not let mil find out how much our DH's salaries were) and the goes around BRAGGING to ppl about her sons' salaries!!!! Talk about unclassy and crass. Ironically, my mil thinks she is a very classy lady, she compares herself to Audrey Hepburn.
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