I also wonder where is best to raise my son. In my husband's country in the caribbean I have been met with a lot of negativity for being white. My son is very fair skinned compared to what I think we were expecting
I've heard people say that he is not my husband's son because of how light he was which was sad. Not sure how I will feel if my son has other kids making fun of him saying, that is not your dad, etc.
In the US I feel that because of his lighter skin he may not be accepted by aa peers and that he may even have to hear what white people hear from racist people who ASSume that because we are white we wish to hear their racist remarks...
In my husband's country we can be away from all the consumerism messages, pollution, lots of things I don't mind being away from but it is harder for me to make friends.
In America I would be able to make friends more easily. And I wouldn't have to think about dealing with husband's family who has made racist remarks to me in the past. I feel sick to my stomach thinking how they said these things to me while my son was in my arms (baby then), makes me think they will continue to say these things and as he gets older he will understand what they are saying.
I am thinking about homeschooling but otherwise I would consider where he will ge tthe best education.
I think it is important for Mom to have good support so she can be happy and take good care of her family. That is what keeps me from wanting to settle in my husband's country.
Best of luck with your decision. I agree that so much comes down to personality. Just make a GOOD decision and don't worry about making the BEST decision. Children will surprise us at every turn. Also if the situation is turning not good (instead of just speculating that it might) we can always plan with our husbands to change the living arrangements.
AND PS- WHAT IS THE BOOK YOU ARE READING???