hi peaceful mama,
|i understand your concerns...i don't have experience with being an "only" or raising an "only" but i think it would be very challenging.
i think it also depends on how important it is for you that your kids keep their cultural/religious values. if they are an "only", i would think it would be likely that they would try to fit in by becoming more like those around them.
We WANT them to keep their values. I don't think DH 'gets' it that in order for that to happen, they really need a sense of it outside of their home. Some sort of "community" of "people like them" to identify with.
Actually, in my ideal universe, I would not mind moving to the city where DH's aunt lives just because the kids totally adore them---they call her "Grandma" it's his mom's sister, and *I* really had fun visiting the community there. I think it would fill the kids' need for "community" also I **think** they have at least a part-time school at their mosque.......that or I heard they were thinking of starting a school. Which is more than they've got here.
duh I think it's natural for a child, if they were to be surrounded by people doing "Christmas" with all the lights, "fun' gifts, teachers at school promoting it, etc. That they would resent not being able to participate. ESPECIALLY if they have no community to celebrate "their" holidays with. I think it would just make them feel weird and left-out.
|i think your concerns are valid about the s/se US. I grew up in NJ and went to college in NC - I was honestly shocked at some of the racist remarks I heard in NC that would have never been said in NJ. In addition, there was lots of interracial dating in my high school but a lot of my friends who grew up in the south said it didnt happen in their high schools. maybe things have changed, but the south still is more racist than other areas.
I don't think so. I have talked to a few people lately who have family still in the south, two who visit regularly, and it doesn't sound like it has changed at all.
|also, it's important for you and your dh to be comfortable. you didnt mention if you or he is from sudan - but I imagine it would be difficult to be Sudanese in such a small town. in addition, would you be able to find a local mosque to worship at?
He is Sudanese. He has mentioned it, but I think he thinks this particular town has enough "diversity" that it shouldn't be an issue. I think otherwise because we are talking about the Spanish-speaking people he works with. People who speak a different language and come from a different culture, yes. But...they are still Christian, they eat pork, they have more in common with the main culture than we would.
The nearest mosque would be the one where we currently live, 45 minutes away.
(I personally am also not real thrilled with this "community" I use that term loosely here as I don't feel a sense of it anymore.)
|if I were you, i would probably try to go to a bigger city, or commit to that job for only a year and see how it goes.
That's my thought too!
|when we were doing premarital counseling, one thing my dh and i talked about is that being married to each other might limit our options for where we could feel comfortable living. i don't think my kenyan dh would do well in a small town in the US, and i don't think our kids would either.
Frankly I am surprised he's even considering this place. I think he thinks because he's OK at his job, the town would be the same......I think he might find a surprise or two. OTOH, I've never gotten a bad vibe in that town, just lots of comments on my cute kids....
good luck with your decision mama!