Helping il's and friends (asian/indian) understand that it's okay to sah? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-07-2009, 01:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ds is Indian and i'm white american, and people (mainly dh's indian coworker keep asking when i will get a job). He is a nice guy and we are friends with him and his family, but it is very annoying that every few months dh comes home saying that his collegues wife says such and such is a good program and i could get a job and a degree in 1 yrs, 2 yrs etc. Dh doesn't have a problem that i stay home although i think he wouldn't mind if i worked. Dh's collegue's wife was a nurse and now an instructor a CC nearby now, and dh's friend is always saying i can make xx$$ being a nurse, etc. I flat out told dh i don't want to be a nurse and never want to be nurse, so just leave me alone about it, it's not going to happen. (Like i'm going to go into a job b/c some casual friends wife does it??)

I get some flack, but much less from the in-laws as dh said childcare would be too much to justify working, so i don't hear it from them much as they are in india.

So back to my orginal question, how can i get dh to let his friend know that just because i'm american doesn't mean that i have to work outside the home? (I'm convinced that they may hold a stereotype of what an american woman should and shouldn't do, i know my fil sure was surprised when he met me for the first time as i wasn't how he always heard of american women act) I don't think it helps that i have a BA and his friends and family know, like if i had not been college educated it would be okay that I 'just' sahm'ed.

I honestly don't know exactly how the conversation comes about with dh's coworker, dh just brought it up again today saying "i don't know why all my coworkers keep asking when you're going to get a job". I then dug a little deeper and asked is it you're coworkers or just your indian coworker-friend and he said it is just the indian coworker-friend. So not all his coworkers.

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Old 10-07-2009, 02:51 AM
 
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Is it possible that this is your husband's subtle way of bringing up the idea because that's what he wants you to do? It seems to me if this happened to my DH on more than one occasion, he would probably deal with his friend on his own and not mention it to me over and over unless he wants to plant seeds in my head.

Or maybe your DH and family like to present a modren image not a traditional indian one with women staying home and what not so they think that is just the thing to do. I guess in that position (I sometimes have to say this to my family) I would just flat out say that at this point in life the best way you can contribute to soceity is by staying home with your kids and you intend to do just that.
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Old 10-14-2009, 10:44 PM
 
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I don't think this is a cultural issue. I know many college educated Indian women that stay home with their kids and no one thinks anything of it. I also know lots of white women that complain that their husbands/in laws want them to go back to work.
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Old 10-15-2009, 04:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by heidi526 View Post
I don't think this is a cultural issue. I know many college educated Indian women that stay home with their kids and no one thinks anything of it. I also know lots of white women that complain that their husbands/in laws want them to go back to work.
This.

And FWIW, most times I hear it skewed in the opposite direction...wanting the SA wives to stay home and adopt more traditional homemaking roles...
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Old 10-21-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by heidi526 View Post
I don't think this is a cultural issue. I know many college educated Indian women that stay home with their kids and no one thinks anything of it. I also know lots of white women that complain that their husbands/in laws want them to go back to work.
I agree.

DH is white american and I am Asian.
I am always the recipient of "when are you going back to work?" questions from DH's family.
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Old 10-21-2009, 06:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chimomma View Post
is it possible that this is your husband's subtle way of bringing up the idea because that's what he wants you to do? It seems to me if this happened to my dh on more than one occasion, he would probably deal with his friend on his own and not mention it to me over and over unless he wants to plant seeds in my head.
ita.
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Old 10-26-2009, 12:37 PM
 
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perhaps he's sorta wondering himself? DH is also indian and i work full time from home - after baby #2 at this point i'll continue to work but he knows my preference,lol.

Amanda 20 m old V new baby on the way planning VBAC and tandem nursing
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Old 12-01-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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Maybe you can ask your husband to tell his friend-coworker that you are a SAHM and is proud of it!

nerdy mom to DD1 7yo, D2 infant
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Old 12-03-2009, 01:01 PM
 
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Maybe you could let you dh see this link and see what happens - lol
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com...iceOfAMom.aspx

ewe + dh = our little lambs + we and have many just : and : life .
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