How to find Zen with Korean MIL - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 10-23-2009, 06:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know if all Korean mothers-in-law are like this, but mine is INTENSE.
She loves my son (1yo) to pieces, which is darling, but her nonstop "suggestions" drive me nuts.
"Don't take him to the park, he'll catch swine flu!"
"Babies have to eat soy sauce with their rice!"
"Put on socks / a hat / a jacket, he's cold!"
"Look how comfortable all the babies are riding in a stroller, why are you always carrying him?!"
"He should be sleeping in his own bed!"
"You should give him ________ to eat, it is good for baby's _______."
"He shouldn't be touching _______, it's dirty!"
I use exclamation points, because, as you know, if you speak Korean, there's no subtlety in delivery... I speak enough Korean to talk about everyday things. She doesn't speak English.
She lives about 45 minutes away and watches him two days a week. (I work full time.) When she watches him, she stays the night, so she stays over two nights a week.
It drives me to distraction that when I come home, she's still wanting to be so involved with him, calling his Korean name, telling me what he should be wearing, what he should be eating, what I should and shouldn't do with him, why she thinks he must be ill and we should go to the doctor (she's MUCH more concerned about every little thing than I am), etc. etc. constantly trying to take him and make him walk around (holding his hands), jumping out from behind the couch to play peekaboo.... I can't really spend any time with him the days she's there because it's so overshadowed by her. I'm much more low-key when I spend time with my son. I'm not in his face, playing camp counselor all the time.
My husband (and I know this is the key thing) just loves to see his mom so happy, especially since his dad died many years ago, so now, in his eyes, she's old and lonely and we have to give her every opportunity to be with the joy of her life. And he thinks I'm selfish to be so uptight about it.
I know it could be so much worse, but it drives me to tears, and after she leaves, I'm just dreading that she's going to come back so soon again.
It's caused serious marital discord too. For example, for my son's birthday, we went out of town (of course, with grandma), and he asked how many rooms we'd need, and I was kind of surprised, thinking we'd have two rooms. And he had a huge argument about it, why do I have a problem with her, she just loves him, just say "yes" and then do whatever, I'm being selfish, etc. He did come around to say he sort of understood, but then he kept just fake asking my opinion as to how many rooms we should get, but why does he keep asking if I already told him.
So, sorry this is so long, but I need to find a way to be zen about her.
We're not going to move away.
She's not going to come over less. (If she doesn't babysit him while I'm at work, she's going to have to have time with him on the weekend, which is when I want to be able to hang out with him.)
My husband is not going to change wanting to give her as much time as possible, although, in small ways, he may be able to understand certain things that bother me. (But each of those conversations involves tears and threats to move out etc.)
As it is, I just don't even want to have another baby, because I don't want to go through this again. It was really traumatic in the beginning to me, how when my son was just born a few hours ago, she came rushing in to hold him for hours... when selfish I really wanted to bond with him.

And I want to teach my son to be relaxed about things and nice to people and appreciate people who care for you. But it's SO HARD to internalize.
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#2 of 27 Old 10-23-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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I am very rigid about these things. These are my children and I decide how to raise them. Husband sleeps with me therefore I am his first allegiance. I would get in front of a marriage counselor to work things out. If he refuses and it makes you that upset(I didn't get who was theatening to move out, because if its him I would say let him move in with mommy) then it might be time to point out that he can get two days a week with his son too if he pushes you to the point of divorce and he gets the usual weekends that many dads get for visitation. I fought with my husband for years over his overbearing parents and when I finally drew my line in the sand and stopped trying to negotiate my life got soooooo much better.
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#3 of 27 Old 10-24-2009, 02:38 AM
 
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I am very rigid about these things. These are my children and I decide how to raise them. Husband sleeps with me therefore I am his first allegiance. I would get in front of a marriage counselor to work things out. If he refuses and it makes you that upset(I didn't get who was theatening to move out, because if its him I would say let him move in with mommy) then it might be time to point out that he can get two days a week with his son too if he pushes you to the point of divorce and he gets the usual weekends that many dads get for visitation. I fought with my husband for years over his overbearing parents and when I finally drew my line in the sand and stopped trying to negotiate my life got soooooo much better.
Yup.

And this is why *I* am selfishly and secretly happy MY MIL lives on the other side of the ocean

It's bad enough when we chat with her on Skype!

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
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#4 of 27 Old 10-26-2009, 11:28 AM
 
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I think I would be very, very far from zen if someone tried to hold my newborn baby for more than a few minutes!

Maybe focusing on the (obvious, overwhelming) love that MIL has for your child can help. There will be very few people who will love your son as much as she will and a good relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is a wonderful and special thing.

That said, you need to take back some time and mental space from MIL. I would make a point of scooping DS up as soon as I got home, bundle him into whatever weather appropriate clothes he needs, and then the two of you get the heck out of the house. Just the two of you. Take the time to reconnect with DS out of the house since I suspect that your MIL will NEVER back off enough to let this happen in the house. Of course MIL will fuss as you are heading out the door and then again after you return, but by that time you will be calmer after spending that one on one time with DS.

Good luck.

Heather, veg*n mama to A (4), S (2),and Shiso the Cat
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#5 of 27 Old 10-28-2009, 02:55 AM
 
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Yes, this is very typical for a Korean MIL -- they're kind of notorious Is your husband the eldest son? That always makes it worse.

I am caucasian, married to a Korean-American, but my husband's mother passed away when he was a boy, so I don't deal with this myself, so I'm afraid I don't have any great tips for you. I get along well with my MIL, but since she's my husband's step-mother, and didn't marry my FIL until my husband was 15 years old, she doesn't have that intense connection with him that his mother would and doesn't have the expectation that I will be a typical "good" Korean DIL.

Try to be patient with your husband -- I know it must be frustrating that he doesn't back you up, but his mother's actions are totally normal within the context of Korean culture. Fellow Korean daughters-in-law might be the best people to ask for advice. All I can think of is just to try and pick your battles on the things you feel most strongly about and let the other things go, and read as much Korean literature as you can get your hands on to learn about the infamous Korean MIL.

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#6 of 27 Old 10-30-2009, 01:31 PM
 
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There's no way to, "make zen" with a kmil from my experience. The only way your kmil will back down is if your DH tells her to back down. I was sick and tired of being the, "mean" dil (actually, both sil and I fall into this category and sil is korean, but I am taiwanese american), and "poor" mil would cry if her feelings were hurt (and in those instances, we were not even being mean, she was being unreasonable and we put our foot down and so then she would bawl to her sons about how mean we were), yet she has a tongue of poison and had no problems being very mean to dil and I. My DH finally stopped being a spineless mama's boy after we had our first child 5 yrs ago and for some reason that is when it opened his eyes that his mom can be really harsh and extremely unreasonable. Since we were busy with a child, we were no longer able to bend over backwards to suit every whim she had and it finaly dawned on him just how high maint his mom was. She was NOT happy at all when my DH started to stick up for me and set some boundaries, BUT it finally put her in her place. She still gets on my nerves, BUT it is a vast improvement from before. The nagging will never stop. I think it is ingrained in asian culture (my mom does the same thign and it drives me nuts too) that nagging is some sort of (demented) love. I hope you can figure out a solution to your problem, really I think the key is that you and DH need to be on the same page and HE has to set the limits with his mom. From my exp kmil don't respect their dils, but worship the ground that their sons walk on, so they won't give you the time of day if your DH is their to back you up.
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#7 of 27 Old 10-30-2009, 01:46 PM
 
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Have a few more kids. Really, that's probably the only way to become more "zen" about her. Everyone thinks that first-time moms are ignorant, apparently. 2nd time moms get less advice and now that I"m on my 4th, my MIL (french) has given up.LOL She doesn't even bother try to buy my kids anything other than pj's, even though she would love for my kids to dress up, she knows they won't. She only does light "bundling" up because they resist anything else.

I've done a lot of "this is how it's done here." things, but you just can't convince old ladies that getting cold doesn't cause a cold. Also, American children are more strong-willed and will eventually wear out Grandma with thier resistance to the 3rd pair of socks and ear muffs.LOL Their resistance will be met with "you're letting them lead you around by the nose." as they'd love for you to keep control over every situation. (at least in my experience)

The language barrier can be in your favor as well. You can pretend not to understand what she wants and insert your own preference. You see your son all bundled up and so you go to him and ask him if he's hot and start undressing him. She starts to criticize you and you make her repeat herself 5 times and pretend you don't understand...then say "thanks" and look proud as if she just complimented you. She tries to make your son eat all his food and you tell him he can leave the table. You're going to have be assertive, but at the same time, play the "passive aggressive" game..

Seriously, become a mom of 4 and you'll be thankful for her participation and she'll be worn out if she tries to interfere too much

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#8 of 27 Old 11-01-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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Decide what you are and are not willing to compromise on, and work from there.

We allow my parents and IL's to spoil my kids to an extent, but DH and I generally shoot down any attempts to try to take over parenting decisions, which drives his mother insane.
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#9 of 27 Old 11-03-2009, 02:42 AM
 
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I also have a Korean MIL and mine lives an hour from us as well. What I've found works well is to try to change the way that I look at things to see the positive side. i.e. - your son has a grandma who loves him, you have free babysitting, she's concerned about his wellbeing, etc.

This of course doesn't fix things, but Korean MILs don't often change and your husband's defense of her is the way he was raised and unlikely to change. It may help if you try to ask her advice about minor things so that she feels needed. You could also see if your husband would be willing to make requests of her such as "when my wife comes home she'd like an hour alone with the baby because she misses him." But this would have to come from your husband, not you. As far as calling him his Korean name, let her. My inlaws will only speak Korean to our baby when it comes and only call him his Korean name which I think is wonderful - I'm hoping to raise our baby bilingually and think there's nothing but positives to doing that.
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#10 of 27 Old 11-05-2009, 12:49 AM
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I have a Taiwanese MIL. She is very, very intense. I politely thank her for her advice. I tell her about the things that she does well, and ask for her help on little things like finding a pair of size 3T snowpants for a great price. I tell her how much her grandsons adore her. When she complains about being old, I tell her she is the world's most beautiful Mima to her grandsons. A little bit of positive energy goes a long way in ironing things out. She still drives me crazy.

"Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?" - Andy Warhol
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#11 of 27 Old 11-23-2009, 04:28 PM
 
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I don't have a Korean MIL but I do have Chinese parents, and I can relate to everything you have said. When my first was born, I could have strangled them, all the comments they made. I don't know many Asian parents that are open minded about nfl and ap. Having said that, since you brought up the word Zen, have you looked at the flip side and understand that a lot of grandparents don't even want to be a part of their grandkids' lives, and how great it is that she is able to come help you with your newborn? I'm not saying this in a critical way. Just saying every situation is dualistic, two sides, or maybe even three. And, again, not saying this in a blame way...just let go of wanting control. We all want it, I do myself, especially with our kids, but the more you let go, the more you can have it your way. It doesn't make sense, but just try it. The next time she does something irritating, feel that irritation burning up in your stomach or chest, and imagine it leaving your body as if you let go of a fistful of marbles. That is Zen.
BTW, have you seen this site?http://stuffkoreanmomslike.blogspot.com/
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#12 of 27 Old 11-24-2009, 12:44 AM
 
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Lol, thanks for the reminder. I totally forgot about that site when the blogger took a break. It's therapeutic to read that we're not alone and it has a humorous spin.
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#13 of 27 Old 12-03-2009, 02:40 PM
 
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With my GMIL, it works best to divert her. I just think up other stuff she could do to "help" so she is out of my hair. She can still drive me crazy but it helps.

What about taking your LO out on a walk when you get home? Or would she want to come along? Can you ask her to cook dinner (some Korean dish that your DH loves and she makes it so much betetr than you do!), so she is distracted and in the kitchen, and you play with LO in another room?

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#14 of 27 Old 12-18-2009, 05:58 PM
 
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From my observations, mother in laws are highly respected in the asian cultures (as most older women) and are highly valued. This is unlike the American culture where mil's are constantly joked about and people often really dislike their in laws.

If this is troublesome to you with your particular relationship, you should discuss this with your husband and instead of having others watch your child you may ask to stay home and take care of them. Most people figure if you are getting help, then suck it up. If not do it yourself and do not be ungrateful to those who help.


This is not meant as a harsh put down, but it is a reality.
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#15 of 27 Old 12-19-2009, 01:55 AM
 
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Seriously, have another kid. It'll take the focus off your son, and divide the "triad" that has the three of you (you, DS, MIL). That's the only thing I can think of that will make the situation more zen.

And don't hesitate to tell her how hurt you were that she took your son when he was a newborn. Tell her that it's been weighing on you, and that it's damaged your relationship. Have your DH translate if you think she won't listen to you or that she'll pretend not to understand. So often these things that happen when we're pregnant or just postpartum can just get ironed into our brains and stay there, newly fresh and angering, for years. (Ask me about how my in-laws brought me the used flowers from their church when my DD was born!) Perhaps she'll rise to the occasion and tell you that she didn't mean to hurt you!
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#16 of 27 Old 12-20-2009, 05:14 AM
 
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....well not every husband is willing or capable of saying these things to his mother ....
+ I don't see much point in a MIL saying she didn't mean to hurt you ... if she's going to do it all over again and again and again = mine told me something like "you SHOUDN'T FEEL hurt because I didn't mean to hurt you"
- as if one's feelings should depend on other people's intentions ...
I didn't feel respected when I heard that (on top of feeling hurt before)
- because she didn't MEAN to hurt me THEN she thaught that she had the right to keep on doing what was upsetting me ....
- after a few years, dealing with people who will pretend not to understand what you are talking about when it is not what they want (but refusing to discuss anything so that get their way anyway ...) IS very depressing (it's not only my MIL, one of my sister does it too ....)

a relationship is a two way process, if there's no goodwill and respect on the other side ... it's not a balanced and respectful relationship and it becomes a drain on one's emotional well being + I cringe when I see that that's the role modeling that my children are exposed to .... (do I want my children to grow up thinking that it's normal to be rude and nasty in order to impose one's way & to totally disregard and put down anything that is different than one's choices ???)

I agree about the "having more children" advice ... It doesn't resolve much but it does drill a little bit more home the idea that the grand mother is the grand mother and not having another go at being a mother & the grand parents are forced to realise that the grand children will not grow three heads IN SPITE of what their mother is doing to them which they would not be doing themselves if they were parents to these children ...

Peepsqueak, I DO stay home and take care of my children (my MIL worked AND raised her children, so why on earth do I have to do different ... in her eyes ???) and still I aspire to be respected in our dealings and I don't see that happening
... but then over the years I have come to see that my DH wouldn't be comfortable if I had a good relationship with his mother; I just cannot solve his childhood/adolescent dilemnas for him. He needs to keep her at arm's lenght ... but then I get all the blame for it ....

it's a multi-player issue therefore unlikely to be solved by the goodwill and efforts or only one person ...

my little one is calling but I could write a few pages on the subject ....
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#17 of 27 Old 12-21-2009, 04:22 AM
 
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I don't have a Korean MIL, but I do have a Chinese mother, and there's a familiar ring to all of this.

You must be feeling a little blindsided by this culture shock.

You can't change your MIL, and your DH is probably hardwired to leap to his mom's defence.

I agree with the pp to have another kid to diffuse the attention. And take a walk, just you and the baby, when you get home from work. Encourage MIL to get dinner ready or assign another task/responsibility to occupy her while you catch up, bonding with baby.

Good luck

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#18 of 27 Old 12-21-2009, 02:04 PM
 
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The nagging will never stop. I think it is ingrained in asian culture (my mom does the same thign and it drives me nuts too) that nagging is some sort of (demented) love. .

THE DEMENTED LOVE part made me lol!

Anyway my mil is white and american and apparently she has a ton in common with the korean mil's...maybe we should get together for a mil playdate lol i can relate to all of this lol.

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#19 of 27 Old 12-21-2009, 02:33 PM
 
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I don't have a Korean MIL, but I do have an Ecuadorian MIL--and there are some cultural similarities. I also am a Korean Drama addict, and from those (don't laugh) I have seen the reality of the Korean mother or mother in law. There is a powerful cultural difference there that really cannot be denied.

There is a world of difference between your typical U.S. (or Canadian) mother in law, and a Korean mother in law. Laying down "boundaries" like we all like to say here just won't work in that situation, and that is a fight to the death you probably don't want.

After I had my kids my mother in law was the first in line to hold them, and never would put them down. I was the one cleaning the house and making the meals for her after the birth of my kids, because her only job at that point was holding my babies. She also constantly had advice about how cold they were, what kind of food they should and shouldn't be eating, and was always in there face in a very over the top way like you describe. If she had been sleeping over twice a week, I think I may have gone stark raving mad.

But now that my kids are all older (my first is 15), it really has mellowed both of us. I can see now (where I didn't then) just how important this love is for my kids, and how lucky I am to have a grandma who would happily jump in front of a speeding car for my children.

The little things (like her calling my kids Spanish names) seem really trivial now, and in her love for them--my love of her really blossomed. We found our way in our relationship with stumbles along the way, but I am very glad that I never forced down a "boundary" or worse--demand she be cut off (which seems to be shockingly common in North America).

I think if you really keep your sense of humor about it and focus on the positive side of the relationship, you will do better with your MIL. This doesn't mean give everything up, though. I think if you plan on going away for your son's birthday again, you should have a little party for MIL and him, then go away with just your husband and you and son. These private times as a family are important, too--and there is value in keeping them intimate.
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#20 of 27 Old 12-22-2009, 03:15 PM
 
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I don't have a Korean MIL, but I do have an Ecuadorian MIL--and there are some cultural similarities. I also am a Korean Drama addict, and from those (don't laugh) I have seen the reality of the Korean mother or mother in law. There is a powerful cultural difference there that really cannot be denied.

There is a world of difference between your typical U.S. (or Canadian) mother in law, and a Korean mother in law. Laying down "boundaries" like we all like to say here just won't work in that situation, and that is a fight to the death you probably don't want.
LMAO about the k dramas. My mil watches those every waking moment of the day. She retired from her job a few months ago, and went on and on about how she couldn't wait to retire so she could learn to golf, travel, volunteer, etc. What does she do with her free time? Instead of watching k-dramas for 5 hrs a day, now she watches them for 12 hrs a day. My ksil jokes that my mil watches too many k dramas, b/c she seems to be out to fulfill the leading role of the evil kmil. And you are right. It is a fight to the death, they do not back down and the whole concept of boundaries is beyond them. I know that neither my mil or my parents (taiwanese) will change, but it's still extremely frustrating dealing with them. You just have to choose your battles carefully, b/c in the end, what usually happens is that I feel like screaming and pulling my hair out and they just keep doing whatever they want to do anyway.
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#21 of 27 Old 12-31-2009, 07:37 PM
 
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I am caucasian, and my DH is korean-american. I'm pregnant with our first, due in May. My DH is the eldest of MIL's kids, and the only son. Her husband divorced her long ago, and so she used to rely heavily on DH for everything. I totally get the pushiness and the entitlement to "her" family. Luckily for me, my MIL recently moved across the country, so I don't have too much contact with her. When I first got together with DH, she and I used to have a lot of conflicts- her ideas were always right, nothing I did was good enough, I needed to convert to her religion, etc. Finally, DH had enough, and he was the one who took a stand. It's still that way, and if she crosses the line about anything, he calls her on it. Usually she either backs down or he hangs up on her. We do go to visit her 1-2 times a year (she never comes here), and those visits can be quite stressful. DH still holds his ground with her, though. If he didn't, I don't know what I would do.
I think maybe some marriage counseling would help, because it really will have to be your DH that sets the limits with her. He needs to see that you and your child are his family now, and he needs to put you first, ahead of her. She's not entitled to any amount of time with your child, and should feel lucky that you let her spend as much time with him as she does. If you can get other childcare arrangements and create some barriers around constant weekend visiting, I'd consider that. Good luck!
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#22 of 27 Old 02-24-2010, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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you may ask to stay home and take care of them. Most people figure if you are getting help, then suck it up. If not do it yourself and do not be ungrateful to those who help.
You say it as if I go to work for fun... I'm the one paying the rent and all the bills. My husband is working on his own business, but it's not fully up and running yet. I really only want her to watch him to the extent that she would like to to satisfy her grandson appetite. I never asked for her help.
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#23 of 27 Old 02-25-2010, 07:07 PM
 
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Hi mrscookie, I just wanted to chime in and add my two cents. I have been romantically involved with Asian men since high school. No I don't have an unhealthy fetish just a different view of beauty than most (since most ppl tend to find there own race more beautiful than other races). In most of these relationships I have noticed that in the Asian culture children seem to have more of an allegiance to there parents rather than there spouse or partner. This seems to be the case with you and your husband. So it seems your husband cares more about keeping his mother happy than you. In American culture this is not acceptable. We are taught that our spouses and children come before all else. I think it would be healthy for you to point this out to your husband by talking to and letting him know that you understand his culture and therefore his view point and then point out the American culture and view point so that he can understand where you're coming from and
maybe you two can reach a compromise. If not then I would strongly advise marriage counseling due to the fact that my first marriage ended in divorce because my fillipino husband couldn't cut loose of his mommas apron strings. She was constantly criticizing our relationship which caused a strain on our marriage and is one of the biggest things that ultimately led to our divorce.
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#24 of 27 Old 04-06-2010, 03:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's so hard. These days, we supposedly have somewhat of a routine where she comes Tuesday morning and watches my son on Tuesdays by herself, on Wednesdays with my husband together and then leaves Thursday mornings. There's no real need from a logistical perspective for her to stay over until Thursday mornings, but my husband thinks it's not safe for her to drive in the evening, which I think is just an excuse to keep her with us so she's not at home alone. Fine. Two days I can handle and she's toned down her lecturing to me. I had a few conversations with her about how that stresses me out. But the last few weeks, my husband has been just having her stay another extra day, since she has an activity during the day that is not too far from our house. Might as well just come back and stay with us, he thinks. He gets really mad at me if there's any suggestion that I'd rather she just stay two days. And yes, you can try to frame it as "I'd like to enjoy time with my family", but the bottom line is, and he will cut right to it, that I'd like to spend time at home without her there. Is it unreasonable? Isn't it a lot of time for a mother-in-law to be staying at your house for two nights a week already? My husband will ask me but expects me to cheerfully say "of course!" "great!". How can I even say that I would rather not have her over another day without hurting his feelings? "She's an old lady. Her grandson is her only joy in her life. How many more years does she have to live?"
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#25 of 27 Old 04-08-2010, 12:40 AM
 
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Ahhhh, Mrs. Cookie. Years ago, I was starting very similar threads here at MDC about my Korean MIL. I'm Caucasian, and my husband is Korean American. We live in the U.S. My MIL lives 3 hours away. I've had a long, hard road with her, FULL of tears, stress, anxiety, stress on our marriage, you name it. I HAD to set limits with my husband about her. And I told him, in no uncertain terms, that if HE doesn't set limits with her, I will have to. And he will be embarrassed. But you know what? He does set those limits, to the best of his ability. He does it, trying to be respectful in the Korean sense ("respect" is WAAAAAAAAAY different in KOrean culture than American culture......there is not MORE respect in Korean culture. No. It's just that respect goes in one direction: UP. Korean is a heirarchal culture. That doesn't mean more respect, it means heirarchy.), and she usually listens to him. I, however, get frustrated with how long it takes him to follow thru with this, so over the years (ten), I have learned, unwillingly, to set limits with her MYSELF. "No, Omani, I'm holding the baby now. He's fine.", ...or, "No, Omani, I do not want him to eat that. Please don't give him that." ....or I would go into my room, in your situation, and spend time with my child, with the door shut or locked. If she followed me, I would say, "Oh, it's okay, Omani, I want some time alone with the baby. I haven't seen him all day, so I want him all to myself right now. Thank you for watching him today." and shut the door.

And YES, it is waaaaaaaaaay too much to ask you to have your MIL stay overnight ANOTHER NIGHT EVERY WEEK. I mean, really???? And it sounds like he didn't ASK you. I have found that I have to talk to my husband about these things when he's not angry in the moment, or write him a note, so that he can't walk away or start yelling. But there is some negotiating that needs to be done between you and your husband, if you don't want to live like this, before it gets worse. Pretty soon, YOU WATCH, she'll be staying ANOTHER NIGHT. and pretty soon, YOU WATCH, your dh will tell you he wants her to move in with you. I think it's better for you to be totally open and honest with him.

You should not be expected to act like a Korean DIL and say "Yes" and do something else. You're not KOrean, and you're in the U.S., and your husband married YOU rather than a Korean girl.

Good luck, and p.m. me anytime.
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#26 of 27 Old 04-09-2010, 06:01 PM
 
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I don't have a Korean MIL, but I have Japanese MIL and I grew up with a Japanese grandmother and a Japanese greatgrandma that lived with us in Sweden and then in Japan when we moved.
I remember than we we lived in Sweden, my mom(Swedish) wanted to disappear my grandma and greatgrandma all the time Becuase they were always behind my sisters and I, I never really cared I mean I listened to them and in my eyes my mom was overreacting becuase they just wanted to help in their one way.

Just like in most Asian cultures my DH is attached to his mother and supports her and I respect that and understand it becuase my father is the same way. But I guess it's different for me becuase I'm no stranger to the Asian culture as a whole.
Sometimes she may drive me insane but I concentrate on the good things and that she adores my children.

Mum to Hikari(8), Mika(3) and Tai (5 mos)
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#27 of 27 Old 04-28-2010, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ingriid View Post
Just like in most Asian cultures my DH is attached to his mother and supports her and I respect that and understand it becuase my father is the same way. But I guess it's different for me becuase I'm no stranger to the Asian culture as a whole.
Sometimes she may drive me insane but I concentrate on the good things and that she adores my children.
Just curious, does that mean that you are okay with her staying with you for days, going on vacation with you, things like that?
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