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Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1). "Kids do as well as they can."
Honestly, to me it sounds like it might do you well to learn to pick your battles. (i.e., Whether or not your FIL playing the rather classic baby-throws-adult-fetches game with your son is really negatively impacting his sense of cause and effect, or whether your feeding choices really do leave your in-laws with the impression that you'd shout at them if they give your son some raisins without your direct stated approval.) I know -- and especially with a first child -- how those battles can seem worth fighting ... who doesn't want to do everything right? But if we're talking parenting ideals, demonstrating flexibility and cooperation are valuable too, and those aren't one way streets. It's important that children see the adults in their lives working together. Obviously that wouldn't mean you shouldn't put your foot down about some things ... being a pushover isn't any better than being a steamroller. But, for example, deciding that putting your foot down on racism is an absolute priority and that whether or not your FIL picks up the same Cheerio a thousand times might be able to be let slide might actually do more to set good behavioral examples for your son in the long run than worrying so much about spoilage.
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