"Where is the hat?" (vent) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 53 Old 02-20-2010, 06:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mntnmom View Post
Tell them it "thickens the blood".


Quote:
Originally Posted by expatmommy View Post
We measured the seasons by when the old ladies stopped nattering about a hat & instead tried to force my babies (breastfed & nothing else) to drink their bottled water because apparently they could tell they were 'thirsty' from the sunny weather.
Yes! Babies need water! Breastmilk never quenches their thirst when the weather is hot! They say that over here too, and are almost as militant about it as they are about the hat thing. I read on a local internet forum that the lactation consultant in a local hospital was lecturing newly post partum moms. "The WHO recommends exclusively breastfeeding for six months, and not to give anything else. But of course you will give your babies water in a bottle, because they need it!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by pear-shaped View Post
My SIL puts undershirts under her sons' t-shirts in the summer here. We live in southern Italy...it gets really hot! And then she blows their hair dry and changes their clothes if they sweat.

In many cases, the overdressing results from superstitions or outdated ideas about how people get sick. If you're from a culture in which people dress to be comfortable for the weather, and in which people tend to believe in germ theory, this is real cultural difference, and it can be very frustrating. It can be hard to deal with comments that question choices you make based on your own culture when you find yourself in a different culture.
Undershirts AND socks are obligatory all year round here, too! When the no-hat comments stop, the no-sock comments start

Also, going outside with wet hair will make you get a cold, even when it is the middle of summer.

You are totally right about the cultural differences. Unfortunately, when you are a foreigner living in a culture that does all these things and you refuse to conform, not only are you judged immensely (which is annoying, but I can live with that, most of the time) but it is also seen as a sign you dismiss their culture altogether. That is such a shame, really.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#32 of 53 Old 02-20-2010, 01:26 PM
 
marsupial-mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 794
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is funny.
I actually keep hats around just to assuage the hat lovers. I'll put the hat on when they say something, then let the kiddos remove it and just smile.
marsupial-mom is offline  
#33 of 53 Old 02-20-2010, 02:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My kids and I went for ice creams at a local fast food joint this afternoon. When we had sat down and were enjoying our ice creams, the same guy who made the hate comment that made me post this topic walked in with two kids in tow. Around 7 and 5 years old. They were not wearing any hats. When he saw me, he started cursing for about a minute straight. Then, I smiled at him and asked him why his kids were not wearing any hats. He then continued cursing (in front of his kids) for a while longer.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#34 of 53 Old 02-20-2010, 03:43 PM
 
dogretro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,781
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Poetic justice!!!

DD's coats both have hoods & I put them up when we go outside, so I never get the hat comment. We do get a lot of socks & shoes comments, though. DD likes shoes okay, but I do not usually make her wear them in the summer. She never complains. We got so many "Where are your shoes?" comments last summer & we live in the US! I barely wear shoes in the summer, you think I'm making my kid do it?

jumpers.gif

DD (4.25.08)  DD (4.23.10)  DD (10.13.12)

dogretro is offline  
#35 of 53 Old 02-20-2010, 04:34 PM
 
sailorscout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: bavaria
Posts: 130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was raised in Europe even though I'm an American so my parents are very anal about being bundled up, always having babies in an undershirt even in the house etc! I'm not as particular but I still think its weird to see children not bundled all the way always. People should keep their opinions to yourself though, sorry people are being rude.

homeschooling mom to coco (9/2006)

baby house to a new little (1/2015)
treehugger.gif nocirc.gif familybed1.gif cat.gif

 

 

 
sailorscout is offline  
#36 of 53 Old 02-25-2010, 01:49 AM
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,954
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's rude what that person said to you.... I do know though that there are differences... When I first came to the US I felt everyone was wearing too little clothes! Back in Munich we always were able to spot American tourists, cause they would wear shorts and t-shirts when all Germans wore coats and long pants...
It's either genetic or socialization, but Americans DO wear less clothes than Europeans. I freeze my heiny off all the time - the AC in office buildings is always way too low, I wore heavy sweaters in summer in CA for work because it was well below 70 degrees Fahrenheit, which is my threshold of freezing. My coworkers were wearing shorts and sandals while I had a space heater below my desk (internet company, so no dress code!).

I agree with the Wyoming-Norwegian: Just last weekend we had temps around 16 degrees Fahrenheit and people wore t-shirts! REALLY? I was wearing thermal underwear, heavy jeans, mittens, hat, scarf, NorthFace coat, BearPaw boots and I still was frigging cold.
nia82 is offline  
#37 of 53 Old 02-25-2010, 01:42 PM
 
SunshineJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In transition
Posts: 1,837
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I once asked my college roomate if she had seen where my mascara was. Her answer was simple, priceless, stopped me dead in my tracks, and is something I use at random 20 years later.

"Where is the hat?"

"I ate it." Smile and just keep on going. By the time they register what you've just said you'll already be down the road.
SunshineJ is offline  
#38 of 53 Old 02-25-2010, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineJ View Post
I once asked my college roomate if she had seen where my mascara was. Her answer was simple, priceless, stopped me dead in my tracks, and is something I use at random 20 years later.

"Where is the hat?"

"I ate it." Smile and just keep on going. By the time they register what you've just said you'll already be down the road.
Love that! I also like

"Where is the hat?"
"In the same place where you left your manners, I imagine!"

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#39 of 53 Old 02-25-2010, 02:00 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"I ate it" is a standard answer to "where is X?" in this house. I can't remember who started it, but I think it was ds1.

I'm surprised to hear this is considered a European thing. I've been chided for my child lacking a hat more times than I can count. I don't get it so much, anymore...I think people see the older siblings and give me "elder" status or something. But, I've been out-and-out hassled over the lack of a hat, gloves or whatever more times than I can count. I'm not sure why people see a mom with a happy baby/child and their first reaction is horror over a missing article of clothing, but I don't let it get to me, anymore.

I also wonder how anyone keeps a hat on a child at all. DS1 flat refused to wear one - ever. DD1 did, too (she likes them now, as a fashion thing - rarely). DS2 didn't mind them, but didn't really like them. I don't think I've ever tried to put one on dd2. I just don't find them necessary most of the time...even when it's cold. Mind you, Vancouver has had an insanely mild winter this year, so it hasn't really come up...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#40 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 02:36 AM
 
MissE's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
Love that! I also like

"Where is the hat?"
"In the same place where you left your manners, I imagine!"
That wouldn't make you much better than the rude person asking you where the hat was. You'd get right down on that level.

I must agree with Nia82 (just because I'm German too ) I feel like Americans are dressing their kids in WAY too little clothes. We live in TX and it's mostly warm here but hte winter has been loong and colder than I remembered from the last years, yet there are moms dressing their girls in cutsie little leggins and short dresses while it's 40 degrees (yes...in TX that's cold ) outside. Mom's wearing winterboots and a coat but their girls have to wear summerclothes and keep all the other kids from going and playing outside cause mom didn't pack anything thicker than what they are wearing.

My DH is American and people at my parent's village were talking about us cause he went to Christmas mass in a t-shirt and crocks while we had a wintersnowstorm going on outside.

joy.gif
MissE is offline  
#41 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 09:38 AM
 
Geist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 155
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
My DH is American and people at my parent's village were talking about us cause he went to Christmas mass in a t-shirt and crocks while we had a wintersnowstorm going on outside.
He must have blood like molasses. I have a friend who grew up in Maine and he is always in shorts. If it gets really cold, like say 20F, he might put on pants. But other than that, he always wears shorts.

Mother to one (8/08) with another on the way (04/11)
Geist is offline  
#42 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 09:39 AM
 
Bellabaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Gex, France
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hear ya. I live in France and have Italian in-laws. Both cultures coer babies up to the extreme in my opinion plus act like taking them out in the cold is a death sentence. I have gotten passive aggressive comments and weird looks when I take dd2 out in a light fleece coverall. This week has been between 6-14 degrees celcius. I actually was walking the other day with short sleeves. I wear dd2 all the time when out so we get warm. There I am walknig with short sleeves, dd1 in just a ls shirt and dd2 in the fleec jumper in a wrap when we pass a baby in a stroller still in a snowsuit suitable for below 0 weather. Looks at me like I am nuts. I do the same. Whatever.

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
Bellabaz is offline  
#43 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 09:46 AM
 
Bellabaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Gex, France
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2maya View Post
Cold enough for snow=cold enough that hat and mittens/gloves are necessary.
Sorry I have to disagree with this. Sometimes it is true yes. But have you ever been out and it seems like the snow starts and its actually a bit warmer than before. I have taken my own gloves and hat off int he snow (light flurries not blizzard) because I have gotten warm. Especially walking around with big boots on and stuff. My dd1 is definitely like me and gets warm fast and will take her own hat and gloves off if she wants.

"because sweating is considered unhealthy and dangerous here"

So true! My italian FIL freaks out if he gets sweaty. DH is always telling me how when he was young (and not so young) he was forced to wear an undershirt all year round and always had to have talcom powder on him after bath or shower. Also hair must always be blown dry, even in summer. We were in Italy this xmas by the sea and it was 15C. Dd1 and us all had our coats off and were running aorund the playground. There was a little Italian boy near us with heavy winter gear on and he took his hat off. His grandmother coming running over yelling " Put your hat on put your hat on!! C'e vento (theres wind)!" LOL

I guess if I lived by the sea all the time that might feel cold to me. But we just moved here from living in a place where it snowed from October to May so 15C is almost summer to me.

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
Bellabaz is offline  
#44 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 12:19 PM
 
lolar2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,579
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So those of you who are German, you're on MDC so I take it you follow gentle discipline principles. How DO you keep a hat on a hot, itchy, uncomfortable, protesting child without resorting to spanking or force? Is there a secret method?
lolar2 is offline  
#45 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 01:22 PM
 
mommy2maya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: SE PA
Posts: 1,377
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not German, but manage to keep a hat on my kids without having to resort to any spanking or force. I just use diversion for babies, and tell my older kids that it is not an option to take it off, and they just don't take it off. Of course my kids have always just worn their hat no fuss once they have gotten past the infant stage of ripping it off. Even in the infant stage, if they are distracted from the hat, they typically end up leaving it alone. If not, I just keep putting it back on. My babies don't typically get a full head of hair til they are 3, so a hat in cold weather is necessary
mommy2maya is offline  
#46 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 07:30 PM
 
Geist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 155
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
How DO you keep a hat on a hot, itchy, uncomfortable, protesting child without resorting to spanking or force? Is there a secret method?
I think that the babies wear hats from day one, so they really don't know anything else.
Either that or superglue.

Mother to one (8/08) with another on the way (04/11)
Geist is offline  
#47 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 10:53 PM
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,954
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
@ lolar: DS doesn't mind a hat. He will take it off if he feels it is too warm for it, which is usually around 65 Fahrenheit, below he will not take it off ever. I don't have any itchy hats though, I always make sure they have a nice cotton inner or are otherwise comfy (Gymboree, Janie and Jack and homemade are usually perfect). DS also doesn't take his mittens off, he appreciates them. A couple of times he touched snow and screamed bloody murder, he hates it. He's happy to wear mittens so he can play in the snow. No discipline needed here

And when it's warm at least in my family babies don't wear hats... Never saw it! It's all about winter time, snow and icy wind chills. And my DS did wear a hat in the very beginning inside per American ped order - he was tiny and unable to keep his temperature up until he was 3 weeks old.
nia82 is offline  
#48 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 01:40 AM
 
MissE's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I again have to agree with Nia. DS is 3 and he will ask for a hat when it's kinda windy outside. DD did pull it off a few times but when she felt her ears go cold she didn't mind the hat anymore.

They both also would not keep their mittens on but when they played in the snow and their fingers got red and cold and they felt that it wasn't so cold with the mittens on they wanted them on.

I'm glad though that we're in TX where we usually don't need mittens (but hats every now and then). I must admit that - as nice as snow is - getting the kids dressed to go outside is a pain in the rear.

joy.gif
MissE is offline  
#49 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 11:58 PM
 
expecting-joy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 790
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
Honestly, I agree with him. But I would have just thought it instead of saying it out loud.


100% agreed. I admit that I would (silently) judge a mom who had kids out in snow without hats/gloves/coats. But no vaxxing is fine with me!

Bottom line is that each of us gets to decide how to parent. I think if we go "against the grain", we shouldn't be surprised to hear comments though. I had a homebirth, and lots of people had comments about that.
Meh. I have two kids. One doesn't get cold. Unless we're out in the weather for a long time, I don't make her wear much. She'll sweat to death and then be clammy. I'll let her out in light pants or a short skirt with tights, a shirt and a fleece jacket in the dead of winter. Now if we're playing in the snow, she'll wear waterproof pants, jacket and gloves and maybe a hat.

My other child wears lots of layers. She gets cold. She puts on hat and mittens, tights, warm pants, a shirt, a sweater, a fleece, a parka, a scarf - but that's what she needs.

Me. I wear summer clothes most of the winter. I run hot. I'll put on mittens and a hat to shovel snow, but not to go to the store or walk to the mailbox.
expecting-joy is offline  
#50 of 53 Old 02-28-2010, 08:12 AM
 
skreader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 681
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A friend and I used to call it "The Granny Police", because it was usually granny-aged ladies (total strangers) who would tell us that our babies were too young to be out, or the wind was too cold.

So, sometimes we would bundle the kids up a bit more than we thought aboslutely necessary, because we wanted to avoid the hassle. So, in terms of enforcing cultural norms, it worked.

It didn't really bother me though, because as I see it, it's one of the sides of "community". The old saw, "it takes a village to raise a child" - that means your fellow villagers will sometimes call you on things when they think you're not doing right by your child, and will sometimes tell your kids to do what they think is right when you're not around. So, yeah, I got told to bring my newborn out of the wind. I also sometimes tell my neighbor kids not to do something in our communal playground that will lead to injury ot breakage.

I also sometimes tell my godchild's mother when I think she's bundling up my godson too much.

I lived in a tight neighborhood from the time I was 5 until I was 11, then I moved to a very small town, where I lived until I went away to college. It was such a small town that the weekend I decided to bob my hair, that was one of the big pieces of news for that Friday and Saturday night. By Monday at school, people came up to me and said "Oh, I heard you cut your hair!"

Community is wonderful, but it doesn't come for free. People will talk and notice and comment. Sometimes it will infuriate, and other times it will amuse.
skreader is offline  
#51 of 53 Old 02-28-2010, 08:47 AM
 
karika's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you are doing what is right for you and your children. the man was rude. I guess if it were me I may say, "my children do not like hats and will not keep them on, and since they are very healthy, I respect their right to make that decision." or "They don't like hats and it isn't very cold. They are hot blooded like me (or their daddy)." ok I would be too chicken... but I do feel that way. I let my children decide what is right for them in many ways and have a 'just in case' bag of sweaters and hats. this lets them learn through natural consequences. I used to always get comments about dd1 being shoeless as a baby. she wasn't gonna get down and walk but people felt the need to tell me she should be wearing shoes. and it wasn't cold. but I realized they were from the era of the depression and they were living out their own feelings of not having enough as children. to them, shoes were very important probably because when they were 3 or 8 they didn't have any shoes. I just try hard to have empathy and continue to do what is advantageous for the advancement of the human species, pausing when possible to explain it to others that want to hear.

To begin to save the world, we must first nurture the children. Read "The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost"    saynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactlact.gifMe-hippie.gifreading.gifhelp.gif10.5 yo dd1- nut.gifreading.gifblahblah.gif ; 5 yo dd2- angel.gifhearts.gifbouncy.gif
karika is offline  
#52 of 53 Old 02-28-2010, 08:23 PM
 
karika's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I posted w/o reading the thread last night. After reading some other people's perceptions I want to add something I remembered. It was in a Life or similar magazine. A picture of Inuits on their annual seal hunt. They were standing on an iceberg type thing. The adults were wearing parkas lined with fur. (no hats tho hehe) The sun was shining strong. In the foreground there was a young Inuit boy wearing only a diaper looking thing on his midsection, also made of seal and having fur poking out, and moccasins. He didn't even have a shirt on. Cold is really an individual thing (and I do believe bloodlines and where they were born and raised has bearing) and I believe the children should be respected if they do not wish to wear too many clothes. Would you question an adult for not wanting to wear a hat? Maybe some of us that are 'mother' types would, but if they say no would you fight with them about it? It is their body and they know how they feel. As a parent, you can have a bag with 'just in case' clothes if they decide they indeed do wish a hat or coat. My daughter and I both go barefoot in our backyard as soon as possible. We like to be barefoot...

To begin to save the world, we must first nurture the children. Read "The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost"    saynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactlact.gifMe-hippie.gifreading.gifhelp.gif10.5 yo dd1- nut.gifreading.gifblahblah.gif ; 5 yo dd2- angel.gifhearts.gifbouncy.gif
karika is offline  
#53 of 53 Old 02-28-2010, 11:19 PM
 
Honey693's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it's weird too. My DD is always really warm and coat, hat, gloves and boots when it's warmer than about 15 F outside turns her into a red sweaty mess.

obstruct livery vehicles

Honey693 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off