Offensive "compliments" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 03-17-2010, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by mambera View Post
I don't find it offensive either. Actually I'm having a little difficulty understanding why it's something worth getting offended about?

Implying that it's better to look whiter, that's kind of offensive (although I'm not certain that's what was going on in the OP either). But just saying mixed babies are cute? I don't have any kind of issue with that.
I find it pretty racist to say that any race is cute. The inference is that there is a race that is less cute. As you can guess, I think that race is a social construct...Even the idea of "mixed" infers the opposite, ... pure? Don't mean to hijack. =)
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#32 of 40 Old 03-20-2010, 12:22 AM
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i've had people tell me it's good they don't "look really african".

I've actually gotten more nasty comments on going on to have a third after the first two, there are people I'm not even going to tell about the 4th until the absolute last possible moment. (These are people who know full well my intention was always to have 4. Yes, my timing is a little off from what I had ideally planned out in my head, but I am happy.)

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#33 of 40 Old 03-21-2010, 07:46 AM
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FS1-I've been told "oh he likes to dance! Well that makes sense, blacks are good dancers."
FS2-A number of people say that he looks Indian (he's AA) and that he's got nice hair. They intend to be nice, but its still offensive. Now I leave it curly so people aren't as likely to ponder his ethnicity aloud in front of us.
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#34 of 40 Old 03-21-2010, 10:04 AM
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I would give the benefit of the doubt that it was two unconnected thoughts that just came out poorly.

I think that, in general, people are more curious of how a mixed baby will "turn out" in terms of features than in the case of same race/ethnicity parents. Just a magnification of the normal wonder and observations about whose eyes, whose nose, whose whatever the chiild has. I am caucasian and DH is South Asian, so we wondered about it ourselves before DD was born. Like a PP said, it is sometimes reflected in "surprise" that a child did not "turn out" as expected (as if mixing a can of paints) which is more a reflection of ignorance about genetics than racism. While there are definitely racist people out there, I believe that most are just curious and don't express it very well.

OP, by the way, you have a beautiful family!

Apparently doing it rong and ruining it for everyone, but I don't give a crap anymorebanana.gif

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#35 of 40 Old 03-21-2010, 10:01 PM
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DS is black/white and when my sister came in right after he was born, she said "He's so PINK!" I actually thought it was funny. I think some people really believe that if you take the man and woman's skin colors and blend them, that's what the kid will look like.

My mom and dad went to a racist church and when they found out I was having a baby with a black man, they asked my mom how "black" he was. How crazy is that? I had to explain to my mom that they wanted to figure out what the baby would look like. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I have had plenty of people ask me if my son was mixed with Mexican or Native American. They are always shocked when they meet his dad. Here is a pic from when we were still married...

And here is one now. That is his baby step sister(same dad, white mom). Both have blue eyes as well. You just never know what you're gonna get, LOL

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#36 of 40 Old 03-21-2010, 11:45 PM
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I get that a great deal. My son has blue eyes like my husband and I get, "oh he is so lucky he got his dad's eyes and hair"... um.. thanks I guess?

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#37 of 40 Old 03-23-2010, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Pearl H View Post
"Oh! Half-Asian, half-white babies are the cutest!" Offensive to me.
I agree with this one. I got it all the time growing up. Always made me kind of feel like a freak show. That always bugged me A LOT more than the "You're so exotic looking" comments.
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#38 of 40 Old 03-24-2010, 05:00 PM
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I am fair like your children and have straight hair and noone would guess I was African American. We come in so many colors...LOL

Your children are precious and so are you and your hubby. Ignore the ignorant...
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#39 of 40 Old 04-07-2010, 06:03 AM
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Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
I get that a great deal. My son has blue eyes like my husband and I get, "oh he is so lucky he got his dad's eyes and hair"... um.. thanks I guess?
I got the "You're so lucky you don't look Jewish" comments all growing up.

I even once described my sister as "more Jewish looking than I am" and the woman gasped and said "How could you say such a thing about your own sister?!?"

I'm all "My sister is very attractive. Are you implying that looking Jewish is a bad thing?"

That shut her up.

Why would the "Mexican" comment be offensive? Is it bad to look Mexican? I would have interpreted it that the children didn't look typically mixed white/AA. Nothing wrong with that!

It would be offensive for someone to comment that mixed half-siblings were not "real" siblings somehow. I met an AA coworker's daughter once. She was showing me a picture of something and she had another picture of a pretty white girl in her album. "Oh who is that?" "My sister" she said causally and moved on. I had never met her dad or seen a picture and had no idea she was mixed. I made no comment.

I wouldn't take the cute half-Asian baby comment as being offensive. While it's true that all babies are cute, it's fun seeing how mixed babies display the contrasting traits from their parents. I met a half-Vietnamese, half German girl yesterday (who had grown up in France and spoke German but not Vietnamese). Black straight hair with freckles and asian eyes. Mixed children are cute because they're a little unique. Some are a definite display of one parent or the other, others a real blend and yet others, look like something else.

A friend was AA/Native American mixed and he husband was German. Her handsome son could have been a dozen different things. I told him "Do you know how many countries you can travel to and they wont know you're a tourist? I'm curious how many languages you'll be spoken to in your lifetime..." He liked that idea!

In places like Brazil and the Caribbean, being mixed is the norm!
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#40 of 40 Old 04-07-2010, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by princessaurora View Post
No advice, I just wanted to say that I worry about this all the time, since I'm white, and DH is black. I think that when we have a child, people may think I'm not the mother if she/he is very dark, or vice versa.
Apparently, when I was wee, people would stop my Mom all the time to ask her where they adopted me from as I looked nothing like her.
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