Question for Muslim families regarding weddings... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 05-29-2010, 03:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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In general, would it be considered odd for a wedding invitation to specify "no children under 16"? Are most Muslim weddings family affairs or does it really vary according to the family?

We're curious because we're not going to be able to make the wedding with this stipulation (nursing baby, childcare not available for our older child)...
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#2 of 21 Old 05-29-2010, 03:55 AM
 
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Muslims vary just as much as people of other faiths or lack of faith ... by which I mean there is no set staging for Muslim religious weddings, so aside from a few procedural basics it's all about culture and personal preference. I've never seen it done, though, and I would personally consider it a bit odd, yes.
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#3 of 21 Old 05-29-2010, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess this is why it caught my attention, it seemed odd. I understand that of course there would be variation, as in any other culture. As a Latina I can say though that I've never been to a wedding (where both in the couple were Latino) where children were not welcome, and had the impression from many of our Muslim friends that this would be the case for them also.

Having met the bride (who is non-Muslim) at a family event, I got the feeling the "no kids" rule might have been imposed by her...The community here is fairly tight-knit, and I can see this causing some ripples.
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#4 of 21 Old 05-30-2010, 09:28 PM
 
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I've never heard of a no-kids rule at a Muslim wedding. It would shock my DH and his friends to death!
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#5 of 21 Old 05-31-2010, 12:23 AM
 
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Must be a personal reason, definitely not a religious one (that I've ever heard of)!

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#6 of 21 Old 06-01-2010, 01:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Ammaarah View Post
I've never heard of a no-kids rule at a Muslim wedding. It would shock my DH and his friends to death!
I'm just trying to imagine all these families trying to scramble to find childcare, all of their childcare options have probably been invited too! For us, anyone I'd trust with my kids lives 45 minutes from us, and in the opposite direction of where we're going. It would be a baby screaming, bored, tired preschooler nightmare.
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#7 of 21 Old 06-04-2010, 01:50 AM
 
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No way. I have never been to a party of DH's friends where children were not welcome, including late-night (1-2 AM) wedding dances and stuff like that. I would think a lot of his friends just would not go. Us too.

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#8 of 21 Old 06-05-2010, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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No way. I have never been to a party of DH's friends where children were not welcome, including late-night (1-2 AM) wedding dances and stuff like that. I would think a lot of his friends just would not go. Us too.
Yeah I kinda feel bad for him, I can see a lot of people just not going and he's really such a great guy. I've only met his fiance once and she also seems nice...I can also see how inviting everyone and their kids would add up to a huge huge wedding.
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#9 of 21 Old 06-05-2010, 06:07 PM
 
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I'm not Muslim, but I designed custom wedding invitations, and handled several orders for varied Muslim couples from different backgrounds (it was in NYC, so a very diverse area.) They never excluded children.

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#10 of 21 Old 06-06-2010, 03:47 PM
 
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Is it not just the type of people rather than their religion - in every religion there must have been at some time someone asking for kids not to be there, my cousin married an Indian (from India, rather than Native American Indian - hope no one read that wrong - lol!!!) and they only had "babes in arms" and my sister, brother and I couldn't go, I married a muslim man and we decided that a wedding was a family affair - I think it really depends on the character of the people rather than their religion.

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#11 of 21 Old 06-07-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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I went to the wedding of a friend who is Muslim to her husband and the invitation stipulated no children. It is too bad that I read that after I returned home with my nursing dd from the wedding. They never even mentioned it later. But, I thought it was odd when I took the time to read it. But then again, what do I know.

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#12 of 21 Old 06-07-2010, 02:14 PM
 
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def. a personal/cultural preference, and I have been invited to a reception for a Muslim couple with no children. (It wasn't stated so obviously in the invite, but it was clear that adults only were invited.)

And I want to echo a pp, Muslims in particular, can come from a variety of cultures, and have lots of cultural traditions surrounding their weddings. For example, I'm south asian (Hindu). My best friend is SA but muslim. We wear similar styles of clothing, and have similar traditions (shoe hiding, ect) at our weddings. The actual ceremony is what is different.

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#13 of 21 Old 06-12-2010, 02:40 AM
 
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Hello Mamas!

I think that, on the contrary, most Muslim weddings have lots of kiddos at them because Muslims tend to have lots of kids, in my experience. Most of the weddings and social events I have been to have a designated area or babysitting for younger kids away from the main ceremony.


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#14 of 21 Old 06-12-2010, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh I guess I should mention as well that the main ethnic backgrounds here were Palestinian, and Jordanian...perhaps I should have placed that in the original post.
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#15 of 21 Old 06-17-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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My husband's cousin (close in age and relationship) is having an "adults only" reception and it is really upsetting everyone. His family is Vietnamese and the bride is of Hispanic origin (sorry, don't know how else to say it but she has a common surname from Mexico but I don't know where she was born, how long her family has been here, etc.) so we've never known anyone from either of those cultures to exclude children. They are Catholic. But of course in some circles the expectation is a black tie affair for the reception. We may or may not go depending on if a certain babysitting situation works out but a LOT of families are just opting to forego altogether. Maybe that's the point?!? Another issue is that the single adults supposedly did not get an invitation that said "and guest" but I can't imagine they meant you can come unescorted but maybe another way to save money?
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#16 of 21 Old 06-17-2010, 02:40 PM
 
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I think as there are more and more native born Muslims in America (and likely the same goes for other cultures integrating into this country) you'll see more and more Muslims holding receptions that specifically request to not bring children. AFAIK it's usually an artifact of formal per plate catering and rented facilities with enforced seating capacity, and not an actual distaste for children. As more people have more strictly American-style weddings, so too will there be more people thinking of ways to work their full invitation list into their budget.
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#17 of 21 Old 06-17-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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hello mamas!
i am muslim and i think it is a bit odd to stipulate no children. muslims (in general mind you) have lots of children around all the time. as earlier stated every person is different no matter the religious or cultural background but what i am wondering is if the couple would like to have a more mature wedding to remember rather than having family members chase kids around all night long. just a thought.
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#18 of 21 Old 06-17-2010, 08:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by txbikegrrl View Post
Another issue is that the single adults supposedly did not get an invitation that said "and guest" but I can't imagine they meant you can come unescorted but maybe another way to save money?
I don't know about in the bride's and groom's cultures, but in the US, "and guest" is of rather recent vintage and not at all expected by etiquette. If the person is in a serious relationship, the other half of the relationship should get their own invitation (unless they are co-habiting, in which case they share an invitation, but the invitation would have both names on it, not "Mr. One Name And Guest" but "Ms. One Name and Mr. Other Name" or whatever). If the person is not in a serious relationship, "and guest" can be a nice courtesy, but is not required. The person supposedly shouldn't be lonely because if none of the single people were invited with guests, they can mix and mingle with one another, plus some of them probably are already friends or relatives with one another anyway.
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#19 of 21 Old 06-26-2010, 05:25 AM
 
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that happened to me and hubs a few months back, it was a no kid wedding, her family wanted it to be kid free, so they begged us to find child care and hubs told them we cant go we have no child care, well it was very odd cause on the grooms side he had family comming in from lebanon and cali to go to the weddding and most of his family didnt even make it cause they had no child care, hubs went to the wedding without me cause it was his best friend and he didnt want to miss it so i said go have fun, it is very rare for a muslim to have a kid free wedding, and we r muslim and went to alot of weddings

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#20 of 21 Old 06-27-2010, 08:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
I think as there are more and more native born Muslims in America (and likely the same goes for other cultures integrating into this country) you'll see more and more Muslims holding receptions that specifically request to not bring children. AFAIK it's usually an artifact of formal per plate catering and rented facilities with enforced seating capacity, and not an actual distaste for children. As more people have more strictly American-style weddings, so too will there be more people thinking of ways to work their full invitation list into their budget.
I will REALLY cry if Muslim weddings move away from ginormous buffets to sit-down-get-waited-on events. Gad, I love a good Muslim wedding spread. I'm still full from a wedding I attended two years ago in Chicago.
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#21 of 21 Old 06-28-2010, 01:40 AM
 
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I will REALLY cry if Muslim weddings move away from ginormous buffets to sit-down-get-waited-on events. Gad, I love a good Muslim wedding spread. I'm still full from a wedding I attended two years ago in Chicago.
Best ever: convert wedding in Philly. Huge Carribean Hispanic family with an equally huge buffet. I almost died. Possibly literally.
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