Dh and MIl speaking language in front of me in my own home - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry I just have to vent. But first of all I want to say I really love my MIL. She came to help us out while Im in nursing school this summer, to avoid the kids being put in full time day care. She cooks, cleans, and stays out of discipline and other issues. She is really a wonderful person.

However . .. she and my husband speak Tamil (their language) 90% of the time. My husband chose not to teach Tamil to the kids so they don't understand the language. I asked him to teach me some basics but he said it's too hard, and besides we live in the US so there's no need. I really would have liked for them to learn the language and I even bought language books, but it just didn't happen on his part. I have accepted that, although I'm sad about it.

His whole family is very very fluent in English and a lot of their conversations have English words mixed in here and there when the English word works better, but most of the conversation is in Tamil. So if I want to be part of the conversation sometimes I will ask, "What's so funny" with a smile, and my MIL will give a very basic idea and then to back to Tamil! And my dh just continues in Tamil also.

So, for over a month now I find myself sitting in my own kitchen or livingroom with two people who are having a great conversation-- sometimes they laugh really hard, sometimes it's serious. I understand about every 10th word, including my name sometimes!!

I have asked my husband privately over and over to please speak English in front of me. Even if I'm not part of the conversation, it's within my range of hearing and I might want to be part of it. If he wants to speak to her privately, go to her room or something. It lasts about 5 minutes and they are back speaking Tamil in front of me again. It's really super annoying and I feel lonely in my own house. Husband says he just forgets, but I don't think he's trying too awful hard.

Any ideas on how to address this further or to cope with it for another month?

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#2 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 04:33 PM
 
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Can you talk to your MIL about it?
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#3 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can you talk to your MIL about it?
I have, but she also forgets. And I feel much more comfortable speaking to my dh about it. There is still that MIL formality that exists between MIL and I.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#4 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 04:40 PM
 
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It sounds like constant, in the moment, reminders is the only thing to do. Maybe if they're interrupted enough they'll remember. Sorry, that would be really frustrating.
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#5 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 04:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It sounds like constant, in the moment, reminders is the only thing to do. Maybe if they're interrupted enough they'll remember. Sorry, that would be really frustrating.
Thanks for listening-- I really needed to vent about this.

I just need to remind myself that she's really helping us out, she's probably homesick, and missing her son between visits. But still . . I feel like a piece of furniture.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#6 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 04:59 PM
 
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I think it's a bit thoughtless though unintentionally so. I can relate to what you're saying, but I'm in the role of your DH though. My spouse can't speak the other language that I can speak with my parents. All of us can speak English very well, but for some reason my parents in the past would talk to me in the second language with a mix of English thrown in. It made my DH feel really left out even though we weren't talking about him at all. Once we were made aware of the way we were behaving, we stopped having conversations in anything other than English if Dh was present. Sometimes I catch my mom lapsing and I'm quick to point out in English that she needs to keep the conversation going in English.

I think you just have to intrude into their conversations often enough that they get the picture. "Oh..what's so funny?" "I don't understand what you're talking about. Can you tell me about it?" and things like that. Just keep doing it..the squeaky wheel gets the grease, right?

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#7 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 06:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess what makes me upset is when I do gently insert myself into the conversation, I get something like, "I was just telling my mom about when I was in school and played a joke on my friend." and then they go back to Tamil and I never hear the joke or what happened. And this is with me in the same room, at the same dinner table. No sincere effort is made to include me.

They can speak Tamil all they want in private but it's just rude when there's someone who is in the same room and can't understand the conversation. I am not sure I can change this situation. I probably should work on just having more patience.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#8 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 08:05 PM
 
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I have to say this is something that has not ever really bothered me. I understand the urge to speak the language of your childhood with your parents. My DH speaks to all his family members in their language. I speak to my dad and many other relatives in our language. DH and I speak English to each other.

I figure if I want to be part of their conversation it's on me to learn their language. If DH wants to be part of our conversation it's on him to learn our language. It's not on any of us to have to change patterns of interacting with our families that have been in place for decades.

I actually find it fun to attend to conversations in a language I know little of (but am trying to learn). It is a really interesting and engaging exercise. I consider all the DH-language conversations to be learning opportunities.

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#9 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 08:10 PM
 
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Would you be comfortable asking your MIL to engage you and your DC in learning Tamil? I think having your MIL staying there is an excellent opportunity for your DC to start soaking up the language and hopefully you will all be able to continue it with more ease after she has returned home.
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#10 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's the deal-- if it was just this issue it would not be so bad. In the past I embraced Tamil and tried to learn it but it's a HARD language and there are no classes locally. The children's books allowed me to phonetically read the language, but I can't understand what I'm reading. Grammar is hard and there is a proper way to talk (that very few use) and an informal way, and a way in between.

From the time my kids were babies (even before they were born) dh had wanted to teach them his language and I thought that was great. Dd1's first words were in Tamil because I learned them from picture books and taught her. But he never spoke Tamil to her. He grew up bilingual himself and found it easier to speak English to her. Repeated reminders led to nothing. He was just no longer interested, said we are in America now so what's the point? Dd2 was then born and she was very very sick for years, and we just focused on getting her better.

So here we are, the kids don't know Tamil at all because it was not kept up, and dh and his mom are talking non-stop in Tamil for a month. It's not just me that's bothered.

I get that dh misses his mom and they talk more easily in Tamil. He comes home from work and they immediately talk, and this continues with the two of them together non-stop until bedtime. They go for an evening walk and all that. Same with weekends when he's home all day. I know that this is a special time for them and I'm happy for them both. It's just getting really old that I can't be a part of their conversations at all, and neither can the kids.

MIL is also not that interested in speaking Tamil to the kids. Even in India on our long, long visits, I asked that they all try to speak Tamil to them, but they always spoke English to them and Tamil to each other. Most people in India do speak English except for the rural people or very old people.

At this point, I'm wondering if it's worth it to try to teach us all Tamil (since dh doesn't seem to care), or if I should just have them learn Spanish or something practical instead, as their foreign language.

I guess this issue is bigger than just them talking in another language all the time.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#11 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 08:52 PM
 
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I'm negative nancy coming onto this thread to say WTH?

He refused to share it with you and the kids, says "You're in America now" AND you have let him know about your feelings several times?

This isn't innocent at all!

I'd consider saying, "Hey! You're in America now!" every time he starts it. LOL

That would really make me mad...not the language part, the disrespect part....

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#12 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 08:55 PM
 
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Sorry I just have to vent. But first of all I want to say I really love my MIL. She came to help us out while Im in nursing school this summer, to avoid the kids being put in full time day care. She cooks, cleans, and stays out of discipline and other issues. She is really a wonderful person.

However . .. she and my husband speak Tamil (their language) 90% of the time. My husband chose not to teach Tamil to the kids so they don't understand the language. I asked him to teach me some basics but he said it's too hard, and besides we live in the US so there's no need. I really would have liked for them to learn the language and I even bought language books, but it just didn't happen on his part. I have accepted that, although I'm sad about it.

His whole family is very very fluent in English and a lot of their conversations have English words mixed in here and there when the English word works better, but most of the conversation is in Tamil. So if I want to be part of the conversation sometimes I will ask, "What's so funny" with a smile, and my MIL will give a very basic idea and then to back to Tamil! And my dh just continues in Tamil also.

So, for over a month now I find myself sitting in my own kitchen or livingroom with two people who are having a great conversation-- sometimes they laugh really hard, sometimes it's serious. I understand about every 10th word, including my name sometimes!!

I have asked my husband privately over and over to please speak English in front of me. Even if I'm not part of the conversation, it's within my range of hearing and I might want to be part of it. If he wants to speak to her privately, go to her room or something. It lasts about 5 minutes and they are back speaking Tamil in front of me again. It's really super annoying and I feel lonely in my own house. Husband says he just forgets, but I don't think he's trying too awful hard.

Any ideas on how to address this further or to cope with it for another month?

This is exactly HOW a deaf child feels with a hearing family. They often feel rejected, not important or a big obligation to their family. I'm so thankful that I have deaf parents.

I hate to say, but don't expect them to change or even try to change.

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#13 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 08:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is exactly HOW a deaf child feels with a hearing family. They often feel rejected, not important or a big obligation to their family. I'm so thankful that I have deaf parents.

I hate to say, but don't expect them to change or even try to change.
Wow that's a great perspective! Thank you!

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#14 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:02 PM
 
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That is really too bad both of them don't want to share the language or the jokes. As far as teaching the kids a new language, it sounds like you may have to move on from Tamil. Maybe you can learn French with your children and speak to them in French exclusively, turn the wheel in your direction.

ETA: the deaf child feeling is a great thing to say to your family. No one should be left out when they ask to be included.
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#15 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm negative nancy coming onto this thread to say WTH?

He refused to share it with you and the kids, says "You're in America now" AND you have let him know about your feelings several times?

This isn't innocent at all!

I'd consider saying, "Hey! You're in America now!" every time he starts it. LOL

That would really make me mad...not the language part, the disrespect part....


7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#16 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:13 PM
 
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That is really too bad both of them don't want to share the language or the jokes. As far as teaching the kids a new language, it sounds like you may have to move on from Tamil. Maybe you can learn French with your children and speak to them in French exclusively, turn the wheel in your direction.

That's a good suggestion. I have seen some of my friends turning the table against their family by just completely signing and laughing. Their family would say, "Huh, what's so funny." and my friend would say, "Oh, its not important" or "I'll tell you later." or just basically summarize what we talked about.

ETA: the deaf child feeling is a great thing to say to your family. No one should be left out when they ask to be included.

Yeah.

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#17 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:13 PM
 
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You've already told them both and they keep "forgetting". If they truly are willing to speak English but keep slipping back into the other language I'd be a bit passive aggressive in a friendlier way. Like insert myself into the conversation everytime they start to speak it and say something totally random. "Wow, I really like broccoli too. Think we should have some for dinner?" Like REALLY random, lol. I'd think they would eventually get tired of explaining what they were talking about each time and it might sink in and remember to make the extra effort. I'd have fun with it until then.

If they say they have no issues speaking English but don't intend to change and using the forgetting as an excuse, then its a completely different issue and I don't know how I'd handle it.

Either way it sounds frustrating! I'm sorry mama. And yes, if you want your children to know another language I'd just pick one that is easier to learn and you and th ekids work on it together. Regardless of what your DH and MIL speak or if they decide to participate, it could be fun for you and the kids at least.

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#18 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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At this point, I'm wondering if it's worth it to try to teach us all Tamil (since dh doesn't seem to care), or if I should just have them learn Spanish or something practical instead, as their foreign language.

I guess this issue is bigger than just them talking in another language all the time.
I think you've answered your own question here with this post. Obviously Tamil is very important to your DH and MIL. I *think* part of the problem is that he might not be used to speaking to non-native speakers and probably wasn't patient enough with you in the beginning for you to stick with it? Especially since it's not a common language and you can't take night courses.

I can relate to some extent. DH grew up in a country where he never met a non-native speaker until he was in college! And even then the non-native speaking professors had been living there for years and years. So when I was in my beginning stages of learning his language the burden was very much on me. I was able to take 2 night classes, but honestly, the vast majority I learned just from exposure and sitting down and memorizing words, listening to CDs, and DVDs etc. I did have a step up because I was already fluent in another language before meeting him so I knew the process of learning a language but I really think the major reason I learned it was due to my stubbornness more than anything else. That being said, none DH's family speak English and we've been able to build some strong bonds due to the fact that I speak their language so it was well worth it. He does have some friends that do speak English but I'd miss out on so much if they were forced to speak English.

When I learned German (my first second language ), I went abroad and had had just a few classes and a HUGE accent. Everybody kept trying to speak with me in English the second that they heard my accent. I was just pretty blunt with them and said that I paid a lot of money to go abroad specifically to learn the language and could they please speak with me in German. I did have one guy get VERY upset with me but he later apologized. Sometimes I would have to remind people multiple times but eventually I did learn the language and now many people don't even recognize my accent.

I say this all to tell you that learning a second language is very hard. But it sounds like it would be really beneficial for you to learn it but it won't be easy and you'd have to be pretty strict with his family members about speaking it with you (constantly reminding them etc.). However, I've noticed once you get over the initial barrier of knowing nothing people tend to enjoy speaking with you more, especially since many of your funny phrases are pretty entertaining for them. It takes a lot of patience and you have to be willing to embarrass yourself a bit.

FWIW, I've seen a lot of relationships of people with different nationalities. The ones that seemed to do the best have learned each other's languages.
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#19 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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Wow that's a great perspective! Thank you!
I hope things work out for you somehow.

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I get that dh misses his mom and they talk more easily in Tamil. He comes home from work and they immediately talk, and this continues with the two of them together non-stop until bedtime. They go for an evening walk and all that. Same with weekends when he's home all day. I know that this is a special time for them and I'm happy for them both. It's just getting really old that I can't be a part of their conversations at all, and neither can the kids.
I say this as gently as possible - it's not all about you. Your MIL loves her son just like you love your children. It's completely understandable that she wants to engage him in their mother tongue. If they wanted to include you in their conversations they would. Let them enjoy each other just as I am sure you'll want to enjoy your grown children one day sans their spouses.
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#21 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:32 PM
 
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You know...many years ago I dated a French Canadian..(I know I know...sorry )
We would often go out to dinner with a group of his friends, all of whom spoke both English and French. They would respectfully speak english at the start of the meal, but as the drinks flowed they would slowly lapse back into French. These dinners seemed to go on forever, just sitting there listening to everyone talk to each other.

Anyway it occured to me at one point that speaking in another language when all parties do not speak it is the exact same thing as two people whispering in each other's ear in front of a third person.

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#22 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I say this as gently as possible - it's not all about you. Your MIL loves her son just like you love your children. It's completely understandable that she wants to engage him in their mother tongue. If they wanted to include you in their conversations they would. Let them enjoy each other just as I am sure you'll want to enjoy your grown children one day sans their spouses.
I understand that you are saying this gently :-) I just need to say a few things and vent since it's a safe place to do so. It's not directed at you.


If it was all about me, I would not have spent months in India during our marriage and put up with a lot of very uncomfortable travel situations with a small baby. I love my dh and have given up so much for him, and he for me. We have agreed to raise our children in his faith (which is at the moment going about as well as teaching them the language, unfortunately), and every time we can scrape together the $ we go to visit his family in India or bring one of them here to visit dh. and they stay for months and months.

They accepted me into their family and it's been 14 years of marriage. They have been warm towards me and appreciated the way I am open to Hindu culture and religion.

I don't mind him spending all of his waking moments not at work with his mother because their time is precious. I don't mind them disappearing all day today for temple and then shopping while I watch the kids. I don't mind him staying up until the wee hours, going to bed alone with many things unsaid so he can spend time with his mom. Really I don't mind. I don't have my mom in my life and I know how precious that is to both of them.

However, as one who is living in the house, making allowances to give up my kitchen and part of our small house for MIL, looking the other way with the finances so he can make her comfortable and send gifts back to his family, all I ask is that in my own house when we are all together in the same room, we speak the same language.

I am not sure any inter-cultural marriage can be successful without compromise. He has compromised so much by moving here and becoming a US citizen, being away from his parents and sister and culture and having his children raised with different influences. I should just grin and bear this for another month until she goes home. I will be sorry when she leaves because I like her, but I really am getting tired of being a person whose is not included every single day and most conversations in my own home.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#23 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 09:48 PM
 
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I can completely relate, and this is a bit of a sensitive issue for me. My DH and MIL spoke in Russian for five years in front of me. I was able to sit in on some classes and learned the basics, but of course couldn't follow their every word. In the beginning of our marriage, my FIL (American) sat me down and asked me why I was so upset about them speaking Russian in front of me - was I afraid they were talking about me?? Eventually I was able to follow enough that I was satisfied that they weren't speaking about me (wrong), and I got over it.

Then this last January, things exploded between DH and his mother. She was (is) a very manipulative person. I had come to the place where I just didn't engage or allow myself to get upset over anything regarding her anymore, and DH had never seen anyone interact with his mother that way. Anytime he would come and talk to me about some outrageous thing she said to him, I would ask him non-confrontational, non-blaming questions that would point out the unreasonableness of the situation ("Why would someone think it's ok to presume to find someone else a job in another city, if there was no other indication that that person wanted to move?"), and also direct him to appropriate responses ("Have you told your mother that you don't intend to move to XYZ city to be near her?"), etc. He slowly began to see her manipulations for what they were, and last January he had just had enough. She sort of snapped when she saw that he wasn't bowing to her and began going off on him, in Russian. She was throwing accusations around wildly about him, me, our DD, anyone in her path. She would twist words and meanings, and when DH confronted her about it, she would say things like, "Well, that is just a Russian expression. You obviously aren't a real Russian anymore." She was very clearly using language as a weapon, something that I hadn't been sure of before. Later DH told me that his mother had all along been talking about me in Russian, and that he was sorry he hadn't stood up for me before then.

I hope this is not your situation, where your MIL is intentionally leaving you out of conversation, and your DH doesn't bother to remind his mother (or believe) that you are his wife and deserve respect. I hope that it is just a situation like other PP have described, where this is just their special way of relating to each other.

I guess the question is - do you feel that your MIL is respectful of you? Or do you feel that there is some sort of strange power struggle there for your DH's loyalties? If this is the case, have you brought this up to your DH?
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#24 of 56 Old 06-27-2010, 10:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hope this is not your situation, where your MIL is intentionally leaving you out of conversation, and your DH doesn't bother to remind his mother (or believe) that you are his wife and deserve respect. I hope that it is just a situation like other PP have described, where this is just their special way of relating to each other.

I guess the question is - do you feel that your MIL is respectful of you? Or do you feel that there is some sort of strange power struggle there for your DH's loyalties? If this is the case, have you brought this up to your DH?

wow that is tough!! I'm so glad your dh finally saw the light! Luckily my MIL is not that manipulative. A little bit, yes, but aren't we all? She does not have control issues or anything. I do feel that dh resorts back to more traditional men's behavior with his parents and family-- like letting his mom do all the cooking and cleaning. I won't put up with that and he knows it and helps me with that stuff a lot more. I let him enjoy himself, and I let her enjoy taking care of her son and showing her love in that way. I just feel like I'm excluded from a secret club in my own house.

I am going to talk to him and bring up the deaf child example. I will ask him, if we had a deaf child and we both knew sign language and so did the child, how would that child feel if we used spoken word 90% of the time, laughed and joked and argued and this child was totally excluded? I hope that allows him to see my point of view.

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#25 of 56 Old 06-28-2010, 03:13 AM
 
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You mentioned a temple and it sounded not-too-far away. Is there someone there who could tutor you in Tamil?
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#26 of 56 Old 06-28-2010, 04:43 AM
 
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I am the foreign one in our multicultural relationship so I can relate to your DH in a way.
I grew up learning English about the same time I learned my native language that I can't even tell which is my first language. However, in my family and among my friends, I've always spoken in Tagalog.
I immigrated to the US 5 yrs ago through marriage to my American DH. Whenever my mom comes to visit, DH is faced pretty much with the same scenario as yours. Yes, I do realize that it is extremely rude to be talking to my mom in Tagalog while DH is unable to understand it. And yes, DH took issue with it initially.
But here's my side of the story which DH has thankfully understood:

(1) I dearly, dearly miss talking in my own language. Except for a couple of Filipino parties every year, I really don't get to interact much with other Filipinos and even then because of husbands being around or that we have different dialects, I don't get to speak in Tagalog much. English has become our common language.

(2) Because Tagalog is the language that we have always related to (between me and my family), it is our comfortable language. Even though we are fluent in English, it feels contrived to be addressing each other in such a manner. Yes, I am perfectly aware that I can address my mother in Tagalog when it is just the two of us, thereby not offending anybody, but with my husband around, addressing my mother in English almost feels stiff.

As a PP mentioned, it is the mother-tongue. I did not realize how big a part of me was the language I spoke until I was thrust into a situation where I am unable to speak it anymore. Any opportunity I can get to speak it, I try to take advantage of.

Another PP said that it's not about you and she's right (at least that's how it is in my case). For me it is just a need to reconnect with my childhood, my culture.
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#27 of 56 Old 06-28-2010, 12:02 PM
 
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While I agree it is rude to speak in front of someone in a language, I also agree with this:
[QUOTE=yokosmile;15564982] Your MIL loves her son just like you love your children. It's completely understandable that she wants to engage him in their mother tongue. QUOTE]
Having lived a large percentage of my life in countries where my first language, English was not spoken, I can relate. I lived in Europe and the Middle East learned the languages of the countries. However speaking in a foreign language 100% of the time can be very tiring! There were times that I just wanted to speak in English. Your MIL and DH are just doing what comes natural to them. They have always communicated in their own language. Imagine having to speak to your kids in another language all the time!
Trust me, I can relate to how frustrating it is to be in the same room with when another language is being spoken and you don't understand anything! I have been there myself. At the same time if your MIL is otherwise nice to you, accepts you and you get along I would just let it go. You can always learn Tamil on your own. I learned Arabic on my own. Had I waited for my husband to teach me Arabic I would never have learned.
Good Luck to you!
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#28 of 56 Old 06-28-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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You guys are SO much more patient than I am.

I'd be very passive agressive. I'd either put on my ipod, or turn on the tv while they were in the room.

Or just leave the room. (complete with the rolley eyes as I walked out) I'd tell the kids.. "come on, let's let daddy and grandma have their privacy".

I think you are being very nice by trying to work on your own attitude about this. I hope I can learn that kind of kindness.
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#29 of 56 Old 06-28-2010, 02:34 PM
 
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Asking the OP to understand that the time her DH and MIL have together is precious is asking her to respect them. How is it possible to respect people who are blatantly not respecting you, your feelings, your house, or verbalized wishes? This sounds to me as though the OP is constantly being left out of the relationship with her DH and MIL.

I do not think wanted to have some human adult contact with her DH and MIL is being self centered. I also do not think that you are completely left to accept any behavior from someone because they offered to help you (IE MIL coming to help during a hard time for OP).

Sorry OP, this sounds crappy and lonely. I really wish your DH would understand and respect your feelings.

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#30 of 56 Old 06-28-2010, 03:34 PM
 
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I agree. I mean, I can understand the "time is precious for DH and MIL" but it is STILL disrespectful to exclude someone from the conversation or any type of interactions b/c of the language barrier.

This is also the OP's opportunity to get to know her MIL better and develop a strong relationship with her but she is not getting the opportunity b/c MIL and DH is always talking in another language excluding her. Its just wrong.

I once visited a friend of a friend's house whose had a grandparents visiting from another country (I can't remember where) but this friend told me that her grandparents knew nothing of English OR sign language but they always tried to include her by gesturing and would remind others to include her. I witnessed this first hand and I was very impressed/touched. Their time with their daughter was also precious too but they found the time and made sure that they included their deaf grand daughter and us (my friend and I) during this interaction.

Its about showing respect and courtesy of other people in your presence.

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