Resemblances beyond race - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 08-01-2010, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am Asian, and DP is white. DD looks slightly Asian. Otherwise, DD is the spitting image of DP. My own parents say that she barely looks like me. All of our friends say she looks like a baby version of DP. But, ALL of DP's family keeps saying that she looks nothing like him and exactly like me, including his own father. Usually, I just smile and say, "Thank you." But after DD's birthday party, I was inundated with these comments and it's starting to feel icky. Like, they can't see beyond race.

Similar experience anyone?
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#2 of 10 Old 08-01-2010, 04:17 PM
 
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I don't really see a problem...:-) I'm Swedish, wife is Mexican and we have two kids. I think they look very much like foxy wife (thankfully so) but most people think they are a mix of both of us.

I have other friends with Swedish father and Latin mother and their kids can also be very dark skinned and look only like their mother. Nature works in unexpected ways sometimes but thats how intercultural relationships with kids are.:-)

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#3 of 10 Old 08-01-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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Ooooohhhhh yes. I have seen that a lot. Here in Germany so many people ask why kids of black American / white German couples "never look like the mom". Duh, they do look like their mamas, if you could actually see their features!

I think that actually, a lot of people can't really see that well!

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#4 of 10 Old 08-01-2010, 04:41 PM
 
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i am black, my husband is white, our son is, as he says in his 3 year old wisdom "kinda whitish--tan".

people who don't know us say DS looks "just like his dad". those who know us well can tell, though my sons skin color may be more like his dads, his features(and hair) are mine.

At first glance to strangers im sure they dont see beyond the obvious. i can understand though to have the validations that you get from others noticing the resemblance.

Sometimes i do feel the sting of hurt, but not very often and i dont let my son feel that I am uncomfortable.
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#5 of 10 Old 08-01-2010, 09:53 PM
 
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Are you sure it's a race thing? I get this too. Most people think DD looks like her Dad, however, his parents don't think she looks like him as a child at all.
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#6 of 10 Old 08-06-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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I find the opposite, people are always trying to say how much our kids look like DH as if they are trying to assure him that he is the father. DS1 is definitely a mixture (DH is Punjabi and I am white) -- he is lighter than DH, darker than me. DS2 is fair, just a little more tanned than me, with my blue eyes. Needless to say, I have had many jokes made about who DS2's father is. but then others go out of their way to say how much he looks like DH.

Loving my two wild and crazy boys -- DS1 06/07 and DS2 12/09
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#7 of 10 Old 08-06-2010, 08:32 PM
 
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We get it all the time too and it's not really race based. My oldest looks a lot like me, he has my eyes. Whereas our youngest really doesn't look like either of us, sometimes his father when he's sleeping and a friend says he looks like DH in profile. He does have blue eyes and DH's hair colour though. Anyhow, friends like to puzzle about it, but it has little to do with race, just more curiosity.

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#8 of 10 Old 08-07-2010, 05:17 PM
 
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Honestly? I think because people just give cursory glances at the kids and don't stare at them nearly as much as we (the parents) do.

Also... how old is your kid? When DD was a baby she was the spitting image of DH (and trust me I was really trying to see something of myself in her and got nothing...). Now 1.5 years later I do see some of myself there but her coloration still screams Latin American and so people think of DH first, not me. Sure, if they look then at her lips, her cheeks, etc they can see part of me there too but then they really do have to look at her and not just glance. But we have started getting a lot of comments about how DD looks more like me now. Then I again, I use to get comments growing up about how much I looked like my stepmom, so I take all comments like this with a grain of salt. And on the other, other hand, I also had one lady assume I was the nanny, so you just can't win.

And, FWIW, my best friend from HS. She was mixed but she was the spitting image of her white mother but had her father's coloration. I mean, nobody, and really nobody could say otherwise. As far as I know she never got comments that said she looked like her dad (because she seriously didn't... at all!).
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#9 of 10 Old 08-07-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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Kids change in terms of which parent they look like as they grow. When DS was born, he was the spitting image of me in so many ways, except his eyes that he kept so tightly shut for everyone except me that it was never taken into consideration by anyone anyway. his hair though darker than mine, was quite auburn. DS was almost as pale as I was. Etc.

Some where around a year though, he started looking like Dh more and more. Now he looks so much like his daddy in so many ways (he also still resembles me in someways.) DS still barely looks like he is from Dh's race though.

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#10 of 10 Old 08-07-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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genetics are very weird. my niece is White/Chinese, and my son is white/black. they are the spitting image of each other.

people usually see my SIL in the children more than my brother, and it probably is because of their Asian eyes and straight black hair.

but, my son is my clone, except in some photos where it is very obvious he is mixed. but, we don't know what his donor looked like, though, as a newborn, everyone thought he looked like my DW!
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