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Old 08-05-2010, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My MIL is a really nice person, but she was here for 2.5 months. I think that has been WAY too long. I don't know why we don't learn that these long visits sometimes create so many problems and resentments that would not be there if we limited our visits to just 2-3 weeks. :-( I am sure she was as happy to go back to India as I was to see her off.

How do you cope with such long visits? And how do you deal with the guilt of setting limits?

My dh loves his parents and sister so much, and hardly ever sees them because of the distance thing. None of his family lives in the US. I am happy for him when he gets to reconnect with them. At the same time there are so many boundaries that get crossed, and I make so many compromises (and they do too when I visit them) and it just makes for an ugly thing because of the duration of the long visits.

I told my dh that I really don't want to have them visit anymore for longer than 2-3 weeks, nor do I want to go to India for more than that amt of time. If he wants to take a long vacation and go and see them for a month or more that is fine with me. As the kids get older they can probably spend some summers there. But as for me, I'm done. And he is hurt by this, wanting us all to just get along. Ugh.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 08-05-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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I don't know anyone who makes a trip to or from South Asia for less than a month. It a long journey and just the jet lag takes a while to recover from.

I can understand why you don't want to do it anymore, though, and think having your DH take the kids with him to India for a month when he wants to visit is a good compromise.
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Old 08-05-2010, 03:09 PM
 
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It'd almost be worth it to rent them a condo for the month the next time they come out.

This is one of those "too much" things, and hopefully by the time they want to come back, you will feel better about it. You'll still feel this way at the end of that visit, but hopefully you'll have a year or two to recover again.

It's like Christmas. I love Christmas until the end of December than I can't wait to get it out of my house.
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Old 08-05-2010, 03:23 PM
 
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For many older/elderly travelers, it's tough to ask them to visit only for 2 or 3 weeks. IME, it can take them several days or almost a week to recover from the jet lag, travel exhaustion etc. When my MIL visited from overseas, we didn't realize how much recovery time she would need and it caused us some grief. Even if your MIL is fairly young and robust now, in the future it will become an issue.

2.5 months is a long visit though. I'd plan for 6 or 7 weeks, and perhaps consider short-term rental accommodations. Perhaps the next time she visits, your MIL could do a home exchange with someone in your community who wants to travel to India.
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Old 08-05-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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Depends on MIL or family member. My parents can't tay more than 5 days and I will throw them out. My MIL has stayed 3 months with us several times. She's currently here for a 7 week visit. She's helpful but still out of the way.

She works a lot and I'm the one who has to tell her to sit down and have some wine:-) Each situation is different, if my MIL was different and difficult I would not let her stay for more than a week or two.

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Old 08-05-2010, 08:00 PM
 
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My parents recently visited for two months. It was their longest visit and it was too long. Love to have them visit though but love to have them go also!

Maggie(35) Wife to Frank(44) since 6/6/1998
Mama to Annabelle 11/10/1998-11/17/1998,Francesca 3/15/2000, Natasja 6/17/2004, EDD 08/19/2014

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