SOOOOO frustrated living in the US with my foreign DH - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 35 Old 07-19-2012, 12:59 PM
 
singin'intherain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

My partner is from West Africa, and we live on the west coast. I have to say that things are much different here, from the sound of it. I had to explain to him that racism is still alive and thriving in the US, because he's never seen it. Part of that may be that he just doesn't "see" it, because of his personality. But I also don't see it happening to him. In fact, we sometimes joke about the "immigrant pass", because as soon as he opens his mouth and the African accent comes out, peoples' attitudes tend to change for the better.

 

In western washington, we have people from all over the world, and this area has always been that way- so we see a lot of diversity, and I think people are just more used to it. Seattle has a large population of Somalian refugees, who are frankly known for being hard working, pious, and for adding stability and peace to a really rough part of town. We have Asian immigrants from every country, plenty of Mexican and Central and South American immigrants, a big population of Phillipinos, and our share of Europeans and Africans. I think the dominant attitude here (which is still a stereotype, of course) is that immigrants to this country must be the smartest and most motivated individuals from their countries- otherwise, how would they have made it through the process?

 

Any chance of your dh finding work in this area?

SomethingAnonymous likes this.

Mama to: Asterbanana.gif ,          Augustblueman.gif,              Emmett:nut.gif,              Ruthie: kiss.gif
 
 
Step mom to Malakiesuperhero.gif, Cameron af.gif, and Aurelia partytime.gif
singin'intherain is offline  
#32 of 35 Old 07-20-2012, 06:03 PM
 
SomethingAnonymous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 508
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by singin'intherain View Post

My partner is from West Africa, and we live on the west coast. I have to say that things are much different here, from the sound of it. I had to explain to him that racism is still alive and thriving in the US, because he's never seen it. Part of that may be that he just doesn't "see" it, because of his personality. But I also don't see it happening to him. In fact, we sometimes joke about the "immigrant pass", because as soon as he opens his mouth and the African accent comes out, peoples' attitudes tend to change for the better.

 

In western washington, we have people from all over the world, and this area has always been that way- so we see a lot of diversity, and I think people are just more used to it. Seattle has a large population of Somalian refugees, who are frankly known for being hard working, pious, and for adding stability and peace to a really rough part of town. We have Asian immigrants from every country, plenty of Mexican and Central and South American immigrants, a big population of Phillipinos, and our share of Europeans and Africans. I think the dominant attitude here (which is still a stereotype, of course) is that immigrants to this country must be the smartest and most motivated individuals from their countries- otherwise, how would they have made it through the process?

 

Any chance of your dh finding work in this area?

 



I was going to say this same thing about Washington - I honestly can't speak about the job market, but I have lived in both Western and Eastern Washington the majority of my life and cannot imagine any major discrimination.  So I do think some areas of the country must be better. I think washington has a lot of diversity and a lot of open minded people. My partner is Asian and we've literally only heard one weird comment, and it was actually across the border in Idaho and it was an old lady who was probably at least 80.  Not that that's an excuse but I think sometimes people in their 80s and 90s come from a completely different culture and haven't realized how much things have changed. He also grew up in the SF bay area and says he never experienced or witnessed any racism or discrimination there. If you want to give the US another shot, I'd say try another area. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time!

SomethingAnonymous is offline  
#33 of 35 Old 07-20-2012, 07:07 PM
 
eknuckles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 77
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My step dad is extremely smart and has a PHd. He is from Pakistan, extremely articulate to the point where others often times do not understand all the words he is saying because they are too 'big'. He is respectful and over all a good person.
Sometimes he had a good job (making YOUR computer chips) and other times he had to work for absolute rude individuals who would not call him by his name, and would even point at him with his foot while saying 'him'.
Thats seriously not even the tip of the ice burg (berg?) it caused our family to be absolutely torn apart and five and half years later we are still recovering. Him and my mother and younger sibs live in a different country now.
eknuckles is offline  
#34 of 35 Old 07-29-2012, 04:24 PM
 
nyssaneala's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 344
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedaisy View Post

Thanks for all the replies...

 

I think a lot of it does have to do with his field - he's in peacebuilding/international development.  I can understand that a lot of fields would have a lot more opportunities and better pay in the US, but his field might be the exception.   There are a lot of foreign alumni of his MA program, and those back in their own countries have generally well paying influential jobs in the government, UN, or NGOs, and those who tried to stay in the US are working in walmart, restaurants, struggling to find jobs, etc.

 

 

(((((hugs)))))

 

I worked in a similar field (refugee resettlement) before DD was born, and it is very, very difficult to break into. We lived overseas for 4 years, and I had an extremely difficult time finding a job when we came back to the US, and this was in 2006. Almost all of the feedback I received after job interviews was that they hired someone internally, and the best thing to do was to try for an unpaid internship in the organization to get my foot in the door. It was extremely frustrating, because I worked as a director of a non-profit before I came back to the US. And unpaid internships were definitely not an option; at that time I was the main wage earner as hubby had just graduated from med school.

 

Most agencies are in DC or NYC, but there are a few headquartered in Baltimore, which has a much lower cost of living than DC. LIRS, Lutheran World Relief...there are a few others but I am drawing a blank on them right now.


 

I am also a lover of books reading.gif, treehugger treehugger.gif, and occasional soapbox stander! soapbox.gif

 

nyssaneala is offline  
#35 of 35 Old 09-11-2012, 07:28 PM
 
mama.nesta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 89
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hey BlueDaisy it seems like we have some things in common.  I have a 2yo, am due with #2 in Feb, and met and married my hubby in Tanzania.  We are also considering moving back in the coming year or two.  My hubby doesn't have an extensive education but is trying to take advantage of the positive things available in the US and is pursuing his GED...but he is back in Tanzania now...he went for a variety of reasons but one of the major ones was that he was depressed and anxious living here.  His job is hard, and has long hours and we were both stressed about economics and the unexpected (but joyful) realization that we are adding to our lot coupled with his dad being ill made the trip a reality.   He will be returning in a few weeks and honestly I am really nervous that he is going to begin feeling the same way all over again.  We live very close to my family and they are so in love with our daughter that the thought of moving makes me feel guilty.  On the other hand, I miss the pace of life, the ability to spend real  quality time with my hubby and kids, and our life there would probably be pretty cushy.  I have taught at international schools in the past and could prob get a position, hubby could return to the safari biz, and we could have his sister stay with us and be our dada (you probably get this term??) ... The kids would get a great education at an international school and they would attend free or on reduced tuition...in so many ways it makes sense....but I am an only child, my dad is single and all of his family passed away, my LO is the love of his life... the thought of leaving makes me feel so bad...for him and my LO.....anyway...ranting, and so tired

mama.nesta is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off