Advice on handling oldest DD's comments/opinions... - Mothering Forums
Multicultural Families > Advice on handling oldest DD's comments/opinions...
Silvercrest79's Avatar Silvercrest79 07:38 PM 03-01-2012

Hoping some of the more experienced Mommas can help me out here if anyone has been in this situation. I have three daughters from my previous marriage (the dad and I are the same race). My oldest daughter is 11 1/2  and does not approve of my boyfriend because he is of a different race than me. She admits he is a very nice person but thinks it is wrong for me to be with him because of his skin color. She has said a couple derogatory/unacceptable comments that I would expect from ignorant strangers but not from my own daughter. Her younger sisters (8 1/2 and almost 6) love him to pieces and don't care about his skin color. 


I wasn't sure what to do or say when the last comment flew out of her mouth but I did let her know it wasn't okay to say things like that to me because it was unacceptable. 


Anyone been through this? How did you handle it?

CA Country Girl's Avatar CA Country Girl 12:18 PM 05-17-2012
Sorry no one responded to you earlier about this post. This board can be very sporadically active. I am not perhaps a more experienced Mama (my DD is only 6) but I am an educator. Personally, I would come down really hard on an 11 year old for this. You are prepping her for an adult attitude on race. Tell her how totally unacceptable racism is in your book and express that you feel like her comments are clearly that. I would also find out if she is hanging out with people who hold these kinds of believes and squash those connections. However, also important to address that as a 11 year old, she may have issues with you having a boyfriend that are unrelated to his identity, but manifest this way. Have a good long talk with her about her concerns about your dating. Hope it works out! smile.gif
kgdg's Avatar kgdg 07:29 AM 07-10-2012

What is her dad's attitude about race? Any chance its coming from that side? If yes, then the otherwise great advice of the PP is going to be difficult. But yes eitherway she has to know racism and rudeness are unacceptable in your book/

Silvercrest79's Avatar Silvercrest79 12:41 AM 09-30-2012

Thanks ladies :) 


Don't worry I let her know on no uncertain terms that is was absolutely unacceptable to treat someone differently because of their skin color, and it was also not okay to be rude to me, or anyone else ESPECIALLY because of skin color. After the last LONG talk she only made one more nasty comment to which later she profusely apologized for and has made a complete 180 from where she started. I think she FINALLY got the concept. I'm very proud of her. :) She seems to actually not just approve of him but actually like him and has accepted him. I think my firmness on the issue, his graciousness regardless of how she treated him, and time have helped. We also got her involved in wedding ideas which she has really taken a fancy to. :) 

Tags: Multicultural Families