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Old 03-05-2012, 02:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am on bed rest right now, and have been in and out of the hospital all day today, so I asked my husband to take my daughter, his step daughter, to the park.

He is very obviously NOT her father as she is blond haired and blue eyed, and he is Asian.

So my husband had to identify himself, and give our home address, and explain his relationship to our child...

 

What???? Someone called because a man and a little girl are having fun at the park???

 

Please tell me this isn't normal, and that in two months when our son is born, I'm not going to face the same thing while I'm outside nursing my son???


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Old 03-05-2012, 02:39 PM
 
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I would NEVER think twice about this situation! Well, I may think how it's funny how genetics work, or it may cross my mind that maybe the child is adopted, but I wouldn't think anything negative! My dh adopted my oldest two daughters when they were babies. They are both now inches taller than he is, and we get funny comments, which is why the genetics and adoption thoughts would pop into my mind. It wouldn't occur to me to feel threatened or worried for the child! That is so weird! How did this all come about?


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Old 03-05-2012, 03:10 PM
 
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This would irritate me if it were me.  My daughter IS Asian.  My husband and I are not.  Families with adopted children of a different race are really common, so why would ANYONE assume something is up with that?  Obviously, yours isn't an adoption situation, but the fact that transracial adoptions are common should make the situation you experienced very rare.
 

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Originally Posted by JynxGirl View Post

I am on bed rest right now, and have been in and out of the hospital all day today, so I asked my husband to take my daughter, his step daughter, to the park.

He is very obviously NOT her father as she is blond haired and blue eyed, and he is Asian.

So my husband had to identify himself, and give our home address, and explain his relationship to our child...

 

What???? Someone called because a man and a little girl are having fun at the park???

 

Please tell me this isn't normal, and that in two months when our son is born, I'm not going to face the same thing while I'm outside nursing my son???



 


~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:29 PM
 
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I think it's fairly common (not saying it's right) for men, even men of the same race as the child they're with, to get the stinkeye from people if they appear to be out in public alone with their young child.  My DH works from home, and I have seen it myself when he was walking/playing with our DD and I was with our DSes and we were far enough away that it didn't immediately look like we were connected.  Never would have believed it until I saw it myself.

 

There is a pretty strong bias towards all men being potential molester/rapists, still.  I'm a little suprised that someone actually called him out on it vs. just giving him dirty looks or feeling him out some other way, but I can totally see it happening.  It's probably not going to happen to you, since you are female. 

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Old 03-05-2012, 03:42 PM
 
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Did someone question him themselves or did they call the police?  Either way, I don't think that's typical at all. I had a step-father of another race, and nothing like that ever happened. I know several people who have adopted children of other races and ethnicities, and I've never heard of something like that happening.  That is terrible.  

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Old 03-05-2012, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now that they're home, the situation is even more bizarre! I thought maybe because it was early afternoon on a Monday there weren't other dads around or possibly my daughter had one of her screaming fits about a change in routine or ANYTHING...

 

Turns out there were other dads around and my daughter was on her best behavior!! SO it really boils down to the colors of their skin...

 

Much as I count myself a feminist and think that all things with parents should be equal, if it was a dad thing or a gender thing, I could almost excuse it. But because it boils down to skin tone, I find I am a lot more furious than I would be other wise.

 

It's so incredibly angering, and I don't really have an outlet for my rage.... who do I get upset at? The person who called the police? The police for showing up and checking out the situation? My husband for not being white? When I pull it apart it all seems ridiculous. But as a whole, it's just infuriating!!


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Old 03-05-2012, 04:35 PM
 
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I wonder what the person said when they called 911. There's an asian man here with a blond girl? If I were in your shoes, I'd be curious enough to request a copy of the call.

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Old 03-06-2012, 08:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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As am I! I can't imagine what was said, and apparently, it was bad enough that the police sat at the park and waited until my husband and our daughter left.

He's coping with it so much better than I am.


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Old 03-06-2012, 04:05 PM
 
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It’s both infuriating and all too common. When I lived in a university town in the Midwest, I heard about this with a good bit of frequency. My African-American boss traveled with her daughter’s birth certificate and other records so that she could prove that her blond child was indeed her adoptive daughter. Someone called the police when she and her daughter stopped for lunch at a restaurant while driving to a conference in the South. Locals also had a knack for complimenting her for being such a good nanny. She is a professor. Several white mothers I know have complained about being asked by strangers how much their Asian or part Asian children cost! When my baby came out with my skin tone and brown hair, I was relieved that I likely wouldn’t have to prove that my child belonged with me. As a typically mixed Tejana married to someone who looks as if he modeled for a Normal Rockwell painting, I did worry. Depending on which features your new baby inherits, you might want to start collecting some witty remarks for when a stranger says or does something out of ignorance. Sorry that I can’t offer better advice than that.

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Old 03-07-2012, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoreBeans View Post

 

It’s both infuriating and all too common. When I lived in a university town in the Midwest, I heard about this with a good bit of frequency. My African-American boss traveled with her daughter’s birth certificate and other records so that she could prove that her blond child was indeed her adoptive daughter. Someone called the police when she and her daughter stopped for lunch at a restaurant while driving to a conference in the South. Locals also had a knack for complimenting her for being such a good nanny. She is a professor. Several white mothers I know have complained about being asked by strangers how much their Asian or part Asian children cost! When my baby came out with my skin tone and brown hair, I was relieved that I likely wouldn’t have to prove that my child belonged with me. As a typically mixed Tejana married to someone who looks as if he modeled for a Normal Rockwell painting, I did worry. Depending on which features your new baby inherits, you might want to start collecting some witty remarks for when a stranger says or does something out of ignorance. Sorry that I can’t offer better advice than that.

I'm already trying to figure out what I'm going to say when it comes to being out with my son and people ask where I adopted him from or such. Not to mention the comments or looks when I nurse him in public (though I have a feeling that'll shut up SOME of the adoption comments).

To top off the "awesomeness" of this situation, yesterday afternoon, Children's Aid (social services) called us yesterday to tell us there has been a complaint... I seriously feel like bashing my head off a wall over all of this crap.
 

 


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Old 03-12-2012, 10:26 AM
 
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Oh man, I am so sorry.  I've been steeling myself for the "did you adopt her" comments a couple of years down the line (DD looks totally like her Indian dad, not like me at all), but I never considered that somebody might call the police on me for kidnapping her... What an idiot!  Not to mention that it's the last thing you need to worry about when on bed rest!!


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Old 03-12-2012, 12:00 PM
 
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oh my word.

 

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I can't really blame the police for checking out a call like that, I'd think they pretty much have to.  But what kind of busybody/nutcase/idiot *makes* calls like that based only on skin color?????  Unbelieveable.

 

 

 

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Old 03-28-2012, 08:54 PM
 
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Here's the thing with the whole adoption assumption-- most people don't even blink anymore when they see white parents with a child of color, they'll just assume it's another typical international or foster care adoption.  But how many parents of color have adopted white children?  Not that it doesn't ever happen, but it is pretty rare by comparison.  So when this busybody saw your husband with your daughter, I am pretty sure "parent and child" wasn't even on the radar.

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