Sad times with hair - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 29 Old 02-19-2008, 02:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was thinking of posting this on the Hair Help thread, but it's kind of different. I know HOW to take care of my dd's hair (14 month old biracial af. amer/caucasian) but I do not know how to cope with my dd getting her hair done. She starts screaming the second we come near her with water or spray in conditioner. She cries so hard she throws up and does not stop until the entire process is over. It breaks my heart!!! We practice gentle discipline and respect, but do not know how to deal with this. Help, please! Will this get better?
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#2 of 29 Old 02-20-2008, 04:12 AM
 
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it will get better. my dd hated getting her hair done and as time has progressed, we use it as a bonding time as has been passed down through the ages. somehow, my dd became more involved in the whole ponytail and barrette movement. so that made it easier, too. but it is hard when they get those tangles and don't want their heads to be touched. i feel them. that's probably why i wear locks to this day.

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#3 of 29 Old 02-20-2008, 11:08 AM
 
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I can't remember my dd ever acting like that. I think she enjoys having her hair done- like its relaxing so that's probably why. Also her hair at 14 months was to her shoulders, but pin straight so that could be why too (easier to comb etc).


She will probably get use to it and it will get better. My dd is 3 now and tells me what styles to do her hair in every morning

P.S. my dd is biracial too

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#4 of 29 Old 02-20-2008, 11:18 AM
 
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I struggle with my girls about their hair every morning and every night, it seems.

They don't like to get theirs done either.

For my 4 year old, I just cut her hair short and put stuff in it before school. For my 6 year old, it's an ongoing process.

I have, though, reeeeaaally been working on braiding without pulling hair. And that helps us a little.
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#5 of 29 Old 02-20-2008, 04:55 PM
 
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of those of you with DDs

I would have loved to have a little girl so I could have fixed her hair with barrettes, etc. My oldest ds has the perfect hair for that.

Maybe I should have anyway. All my boys were constantly mistaken for little girls.

We've been through the "hair struggles" too but now the kids are old enough to comb their own.
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#6 of 29 Old 02-20-2008, 05:22 PM
 
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My DD, now 6 has always been a problem. When she was younger she'd either go outside with jacked up hair, or I'd do her hair while she was sleeping. There were several occassions where my DH took her to his family members homes and had to explain that she wouldn't let me do her hair .


You might try when she's sleeping. Another trick is to give her her favorite snack or let her watch her favorite show, if she has one.

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#7 of 29 Old 02-21-2008, 04:32 AM
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i am sorry, i have a neice who was super super "tender headed." the whole family couldnt wait until she was old enuf to detangle her own hair.

maybe you could

let her comb her dolls hair while you are doing hers

put a kitchen timer out, say i will do your hair for 3 minutes, when the bell rings you can get up...then when the bell rings, let her go... no matter what her head looks like, gradually increase the time...

make up a hair song, explaining the process, so she can anticipate the end of the ritual. be consistent in the melody.

bribe her, give her a treat for each braid you complete...

make sure to take her to the mirror when you are done and compliment her on her beautiful hair.

i dunno. .. just some thots
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#8 of 29 Old 02-21-2008, 11:18 AM
 
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At 5, my oldest daughter has always had issues with getting her hair done, and I won't lie, it's stressful to me sometimes. What has helped was to get her products that are made for her hair so that we have less struggles combing her hair -- the source of her issue with getting it done. We use Curly Q products along with A LOT of different detangling sprays. Also, a wide tooth comb is KEY, absolutely essential. We keep things simple by doing 1 or 2 ponytails and it definitely helps that she loves the way her hair looks afterwards (and I'm not even that great with styling, it's just one braid).

Good luck and I hope things get better with your daughter soon.
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#9 of 29 Old 02-21-2008, 10:29 PM
 
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It goes against all I stand for but my DD has been more cooperative lately now that she thinks she looks "pretty" with her hair done. Barrettes and ponies make the whole process more attractive to her. We still have fights over it where she takes the comb and tries to hide it but it's slowly getting better.

Like FroNuff we use lots of spray on wet hair so the tangles are less painful for all of us to get out. Good luck!
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#10 of 29 Old 02-22-2008, 12:54 AM
 
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LOL your 14 month old sounds like mine.
I don't even try to comb her hair dry, I wash, and use a wide tooth comb in the bath, get her out put on her diaper and add some of whatever product/oil I want to use, and then mostly it's simple box plaits using these at the root to keep them neat, and a small barrett at the ends.
Plaiting her hair is drama, she'll scream her head off, and she's loud one neighbor (we live in a town house) gave us funky looks one Sat after I combed her hair, so you get the idea, lol.
I just turn on noggin (sp) and give her a TON of toys, bribery at it's best I have toys that she gets only when I'm doing hair, and if it gets bad daddy can hold her and dance, I try to finish up while dancing along, lol

It will get better, surprisingly you'll find she will hold still for others rather than you, so a MIL or friend who is willing to help braid every once in a while would be great.
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#11 of 29 Old 02-23-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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I cried and screamed when my mom did my hair until... Well until I started doing it myself. I was very tender-headed as a little girl. Anyway, ds2's hair constantly tangles into itself. I tend to just keep it short but when I have it longer I have steps I follow.

In the bath, wash AND condition. If your dd is crying that hard about getting her hair brushed, she needs more than a classic 2-in-1 kids' shampoo. I wash with the 2-in-1 and then I rub in a LOT of conditioner and comb the hair with a very wide tooth comb, the widest tooth I can find. I let that sit while bathtime goes on. At the end of the bath I rinse out the conditioner. After drying off I rub in more conditioner and comb it through. The drying off is important too, pat the hair dry to get most of the water out, don't rub. If you then have to do your dd's hair later or the next morning having done all this will make her hair easier to comb.

When not in the bath, remember to use a lot of water, comb from the ends (start at the ends and work your way up), and use conditioner from a bottle. Leave in conditioner that you spray in isn't very moisturizing. Use the kind that you'd put in your hair after you shampoo.

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#12 of 29 Old 03-07-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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I found a great book at the library yesterday...just happened to see it sitting on the shelf and thought this might be helpful for you and your daughter's hair issues...Its called, "I love my hair" Check it out!

Already!?!?! cold.gif  ~ Lori, doula, childbirth educator, wife to Jermaine 6/04, and mom to two happy and energetic boys - Tatum 6/06 and Keegan 3/09

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#13 of 29 Old 03-08-2008, 05:25 PM
 
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I distract her with a sippy cup and her favorite cartoon. and then I gently proceed to do her hair.

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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#14 of 29 Old 03-13-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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I'm going to have to ditto the TV or sleeping suggestions- it's the only way I could do DDs hair when she was little.

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#15 of 29 Old 03-14-2008, 02:10 AM
 
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I'm a special needs mama so I'm gonna have to ask if your DD has sensory issues. Maybe her head is a lot more tender than you think or maybe the sensation of water on her face is more than she can take. I was like that as a child and I thought I was just weird. Now that I have a kid with sensory issues I realize where he got them

Your kid doesn't have to be developmentally behind to have sensory issues and it doesn't mean something is WRONG with your child. It just means they process their senses in different ways.


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#16 of 29 Old 03-15-2008, 04:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by FroNuff View Post
What has helped was to get her products that are made for her hair so that we have less struggles combing her hair -- the source of her issue with getting it done. We use Curly Q products....
Must second the Curly Q products! We use the conditioner and milkshake and they have made it soooo much easier! DD is only 18 months, and she LOVES it when I do her hair. Every morning, I get "Haih-bow's, Haih-bow's Mommy?" and while she moves, it's because she's looking around, there is no pain involved. They're reasonably priced compared to something you would buy in a salon, and the effect is priceless!
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#17 of 29 Old 03-15-2008, 05:10 PM
 
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We have been doing the Curly Q's too. I used up the sample pack I got and re ordered some 32 oz bottles of the shampoo and conditioner and some more spray. I love how you earn points and can use it to discount your next purchase AND with every order you can request up to 3 samples of some of their products.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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#18 of 29 Old 03-15-2008, 05:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LaffNowCryLater View Post
We have been doing the Curly Q's too. I used up the sample pack I got and re ordered some 32 oz bottles of the shampoo and conditioner and some more spray. I love how you earn points and can use it to discount your next purchase AND with every order you can request up to 3 samples of some of their products.
Hmm, I knew about the points, but not about the samples. I'll have to remember that!
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#19 of 29 Old 03-15-2008, 09:05 PM
 
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Hmm, I knew about the points, but not about the samples. I'll have to remember that!

Just add it in the comments section when you place the order.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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#20 of 29 Old 03-16-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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Ooohh! I'm going to have to check out the curlyQ stuff. Ds has a very tender head and hates, hates, hates to have it combed. It gets bad and then I have to cut it. He screams if we come near him with a comb. He does like the spray bottle though. We live in Oregon and he loves the rain, so I hold it up over his head and say "It's raining!"
Neither dh or I really like the way he looks with his hair cut really short. We'd really like to do locs-he'd be so cute! But we can't handle the stress of getting his hair long enough for locs. Oh well. He's only 3, so my hope is that when he gets older and can help more, he'll want to.
Ds3 on the other hand, still has very soft, large curls. It's a breeze to take care of!
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#21 of 29 Old 03-16-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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Make sure her hair is good and damp before you run ANYTHING through it. Adding condition will help too.

The process is thus:

Use a WIDE toothed comb - not a brush and never a fine toothed comb.

Take a small section of hair and start at the bottom (the ends). Hold the hair above where you're working tightly in your hand and leave some slack between your hand and her scalp - so if you have to yank a knot out, the force won't travel up the hair follicles and pull at her scalp (if that makes sense). You want your hand to be the anchor for tugging out those tangles, not her head. Once the ends are combed out, work your way up in the same fashion until you get to her scalp - only then do you run the comb the entire length of the hear (from root to tip). Continue with another section of hair. Make sure to keep a mental record of which parts have already been combed out and which parts haven't.

Good luck.
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#22 of 29 Old 03-16-2008, 11:44 PM
 
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With our foster daughter and now with our son, we made a point of warning when we were going to spritz their hair. We say "eep! eep!" (don't know where we came up with it!) Now our son knows what the "eep eep" is and likes it. We just use water mixed with olive oil and spray down his head really well and then comb it with a wide-toothed comb. I'm sure you're being careful, but you can always try and be super-careful and hold the hair down near the base and kinda push it towards her head while you're combing it out, so you don't catch any tangles and pull it accidentally.

She's probably sensitive to any slight pain and is paranoid. With out foster daughter (whose hair was long and kinky enough to braid and play with), we'd set her in the booster seat with a ton of Cheerios and we put on a video that she loved (it was the only time she got to watch TV at all) and we'd have at least 30 mins to do her hair. Our son's hair isn't the right texture to braid (my partner wishes it was, cuz she loves to do hair!) so it just takes us a minute or 2 to "eep! eep!" and comb it out. (And he's almost 14 months old.)

Oh, and I second the idea of getting a book or 2 for her. Our FD loved Happy to be Nappy.

Good luck!
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#23 of 29 Old 03-17-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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I have to say - my daughter's hair is so crazy that even with all the suggestions I just can't comb her hair and that's ok! I try to finger comb it once in awhile - we wash/condition it about once a week (we use the Curly Q products, too!) but she just sports a super curly fro all the time.

It does make me sad that I can't comb it out at least some of the time...but the more she grows, the more curly it gets! I'm hoping she will let me as time goes on and she understands (I used to be able to!), it doesn't bother me and everyone loves her hair...so it's more my problem than anything.

Edited to add: my dd has a great combination of both of our hair - we both have very thick hair (mine is fine, very thick, and straight! my partner's is dry, coarse, kinky and very thick!) - dd has fine (but not dry unless it's been layed on/not washed in awhile), very thick, super curly hair.
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#24 of 29 Old 04-14-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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#25 of 29 Old 04-16-2008, 06:31 PM
 
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Amanda- I love that photo of you and DD in mirror. What a cutie! Her hair looks just like my DD's except your DD has more of it! Oh, and your DD is exactly one year older than my DS!
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#26 of 29 Old 04-18-2008, 01:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by amathyst View Post
I have to say - my daughter's hair is so crazy that even with all the suggestions I just can't comb her hair and that's ok! I try to finger comb it once in awhile - we wash/condition it about once a week (we use the Curly Q products, too!) but she just sports a super curly fro all the time.

It does make me sad that I can't comb it out at least some of the time...but the more she grows, the more curly it gets! I'm hoping she will let me as time goes on and she understands (I used to be able to!), it doesn't bother me and everyone loves her hair...so it's more my problem than anything.

Edited to add: my dd has a great combination of both of our hair - we both have very thick hair (mine is fine, very thick, and straight! my partner's is dry, coarse, kinky and very thick!) - dd has fine (but not dry unless it's been layed on/not washed in awhile), very thick, super curly hair.
Oooh, leaving it in a fro is another great suggestion!

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#27 of 29 Old 04-22-2008, 01:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Updating:

I've taken many suggestions and here's what's worked the best...

Getting the Curly Q stuff (already had it, but needed more detangler) and combing her hair daily. I've bitten the bullet and sit her down in the highchair in front of the TV with food, toys and books. There we proceed to detangle with the detangler spray and water using a WIDE tooth comb. Seriously wide. It's crazy. She sits through most of her hair but I stop when she gets upset. Everyday it's a little bit longer. Yeah!! I've also started putting in a couple of ponytails and am getting braver to work up to plaits.

I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for the advice!
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#28 of 29 Old 04-22-2008, 10:07 AM
 
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that's great! keep it up, you're on your way!

Already!?!?! cold.gif  ~ Lori, doula, childbirth educator, wife to Jermaine 6/04, and mom to two happy and energetic boys - Tatum 6/06 and Keegan 3/09

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#29 of 29 Old 04-24-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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That makes me happy that you found something that works well because it is not pretty when you have to do battle over grooming, especially with a babe who's rationale is "because I don't like it!"

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