My DD has a very interesting kind of hair. It was completely straight until recently when it started to curl very mildly. She has down to the middle of her back now (she is 3.75). Even straight, her hair is hard to manage. If I leave it just for a few hours loose, she gets little dreadlocks.
Anyhow, I do not wash it more than once a week and most of the time I just use conditioner, no shampoo. Then I use my DP's mixture of shea butter leave-in conditioner cream and water (to make a spray) and comb it. I only put the coconut grease after I brushed as it nourishes hair but makes it more difficult to comb IME. I usually make a braid on each side (I am horrible at everything that requires my hands and I barely manage to think of brushing my own hair).
As for the negative attitude towards black women's hair, I totally agree. I am so sick of people telling me that I am so lucky that my DD does not have 'nappy, black people hair' or, worse, that I am lucky I did not have a boy with her hair and complexion, because the Indian look is ok on a girl, not as much on a boy. (Yes, I have actually heard that several times from people who did not even think they were being disrespectful)
Single mom to E (2004) and D (2010)