How to tame the hair monster? - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-25-2008, 06:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is af/jamacian/white

Her hair is very soft and curly on top to about the bottom of her ears. there it becomes very hard and nappy.

I have tried:
Johnson and Johnson Regular/ with conditoner
Olive oil
Coconut oil (with best results)
Pink ( Horrible)
Infusion 23 (alright)
Precious baby

Among others

They all leave her hair greasy. Not manageable either. I brush her hair before her bath and after. I wash her hair 3 times a week with the best results.

I dotn want straight hair but I dont want nappy either. Her hair is naturally very curly and I would like to encourage that.

What am I doing wrong. Can someone give a clueless mom a clue
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Old 04-25-2008, 11:55 PM
 
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Might I respectfully suggest that you re-frame how you look at her hair. It is what it is. Black girls have so many issues with hair that, as her mom, you need to encourage her to love it no matter what texture it takes or how unmanageable it is at times. I also take issue with your use of the word "nappy". Nappy is beautiful and simply means "natural state". That said, I suggest that you use natural products like olive oil, shea butter, or coconut oil.Also check out www.oyinhandmade.com I love their products--all natural and homemade. Use these oils when her hair is wet. It might be easy to divide it into sections, plait it up and comb out small parts at a time. A very cute style on black girls is a single "afro puff" or two "afro puffs"-attained by parting her hair straight down the middle and gathering with an elastic band (not rubber) on both sides of her head. Do you know how to cornrow? If not, perhaps you can find someone who can do nice cornrows. They last for a good period of time depending on circumstances. Best of luck with your sweet baby!

afro.jpg
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Old 04-28-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy View Post
. I wash her hair 3 times a week with the best results.

try washing it MAYBE twice a week AT MOST! i only wash/shampoo my hair once a week(sometimes longer) i'm bi-racial like your dd, by over washing it you are stripping the hair of it's natural oils, which in turn will make it much harder to manage .

for my dd i use Soft & Beautiful "JUST FOR ME" i love the detangler and oil moisturizing lotion.

a important key is also to keep the hair well mositurzed but not oily/greesy. For me and dd's hair i have to put in the OML(Oil moisturizing lotion) in while our hair is still damp and warm from bathing.


good luck mama! the hair monster is a pita to deal with, but once you have found the techniques & products that work for you it's much more easier to deal with
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Old 04-28-2008, 03:06 PM
 
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I use this on my hair. I love it. And believe me, I have tried more than my fair share of hair products. Now if I could just find someone who knew how to cut my hair...

Oh, and this one is good, too.
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Old 04-28-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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I use this on my hair. I love it. And believe me, I have tried more than my fair share of hair products. Now if I could just find someone who knew how to cut my hair...

Oh, and this one is good, too.
Leave in conditioners are great. I use them on my hair to keep it from getting so tangled.

afro.jpg
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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I really like the Curly Q stuff at Curls.biz
We use the shampoo and the conditioner and I like the spray.
I like their milkshake leave-in too, but for my dd's texture I recently found the Herbal Essence leave in conditioner works best. My dd has looser curls, and her problem area is the back of her head- it tends to get matted from sleeping, naptime at school, back of car seats, etc.

The oyin stuff was very nice, but definitely was not for my dd's hair.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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Old 04-30-2008, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Purple girl - I meant no disrespect. Honest. Nappy is how I have always heard hair that looks like hers described. As for her hair it is wonderful to mange and I think it is bueatifal except below her ears. Not sure why it suddenly chnages at the ear level. I have also been putting her hair in the two pony tails. I just dont know what to do after that. I would love some one to show me how to "corn row" her hair and put the beads and things in but around her no knows how and in town, the mothers that do know how have their own issues. Is there a web site that show step by step. Also her hair is very tightly curled.

I have been putting her cocnut oil on in the bath as one mom suggested with good results. My mom bought her some hair lotion. It keeps the curls, as curls and not going in one hundred different ways but it leaves a white residue on her hair no matter how much or how little I use.

I was watching one of the shows on the tube talking about chemicals in har products causing reproductive issue. With my histroy it is kinda scary. I looked at the labels in the bathroom and ALL except the coocnut oil and oilve oil contained Sodium Lura... Sulphate.

I will check out the links. Again I meant no disrepect to anyone.

Christina
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Old 04-30-2008, 03:34 PM
 
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could you just cut her hair at her ears? if it's just unruly at the ends, would that help? then you can just start kinda start over, no?
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Old 04-30-2008, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does the bueaty with out cruelty really smell bad?
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Old 04-30-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nevaehsmommy View Post
Purple girl - I meant no disrespect. Honest. Nappy is how I have always heard hair that looks like hers described. As for her hair it is wonderful to mange and I think it is bueatifal except below her ears. Not sure why it suddenly chnages at the ear level. I have also been putting her hair in the two pony tails. I just dont know what to do after that. I would love some one to show me how to "corn row" her hair and put the beads and things in but around her no knows how and in town, the mothers that do know how have their own issues. Is there a web site that show step by step. Also her hair is very tightly curled.

I have been putting her cocnut oil on in the bath as one mom suggested with good results. My mom bought her some hair lotion. It keeps the curls, as curls and not going in one hundred different ways but it leaves a white residue on her hair no matter how much or how little I use.

I was watching one of the shows on the tube talking about chemicals in har products causing reproductive issue. With my histroy it is kinda scary. I looked at the labels in the bathroom and ALL except the coocnut oil and oilve oil contained Sodium Lura... Sulphate.

I will check out the links. Again I meant no disrepect to anyone.

Christina
No disrespect taken Christina. The politics of black hair---so frustrating and difficult from a black woman's perspective. Unfortunately, things haven't changed that much since I was a kid and I don't want another child to have to endure feelings of self hate or wishing that she had long, straight hair!! I wished my mom had encouraged me to love what God gave me rather than promoting a process that further denigrated my self esteem.
You should like a very conscience mama who only wants what is best for her little one. I hope you find things that work! I know you will. You've gotten a lot of wise advice and suggestions from the mamas here who more experience with little girls' hair than I do

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Old 04-30-2008, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thatblonegirl-my mom has suggested binding her head like the chinnese do the feet to help with her huge head. I dont think it would work, just a sign of a smart kid. As for cutting her hair hair, I would try it if I though it would work but It would be more like shaved bc the area of hair that is unrully is on the back of her head and does not grow. She has really pretty hair, long with kinda flowing curls ( the kind you pay big bucks for at the salon) It also has red highlight (where did those come from?) I called our local health emporium today. The lady I spoke with recommended a leave in condtioner and shea butter.


We shall add these products to our list. I really though coconut oil was my life line.
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Old 04-30-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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thatblonegirl-my mom has suggested binding her head like the chinnese do the feet to help with her huge head.
huh? was that a joke?
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Old 04-30-2008, 05:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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huh? was that a joke?

NO. She was quite serious. We talked her in to letting her just wear a hat I know its sounds bad but she had good intentions

The doctor did remark when she was pulled out that she had a huge head. She was a c-section so no being in the vaginal cannal to long either. Her head was in the 75% at birth. She was in the 10% for weight for age so it looked even bigger....
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Old 04-30-2008, 06:47 PM
 
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What cleansers or shampoos do you use?

I also noticed you said your brush her hair, I never ever use a brush on dd's hair although we have a wide variety of combs to use.

I would suggest only washing with a cleanser or shampoo only 1X a week, and the other 2 times you could only "wash" it with conditioner.

I let dd's conditioner stay in her hair 5-10 minutes in the bath (I comb it in with a wide toothed comb) and then when she gets out I add a leave in conditioner and comb that in.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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Old 04-30-2008, 07:15 PM
 
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What cleansers or shampoos do you use?

I also noticed you said your brush her hair, I never ever use a brush on dd's hair although we have a wide variety of combs to use.

I would suggest only washing with a cleanser or shampoo only 1X a week, and the other 2 times you could only "wash" it with conditioner.

I let dd's conditioner stay in her hair 5-10 minutes in the bath (I comb it in with a wide toothed comb) and then when she gets out I add a leave in conditioner and comb that in.

Yes. I agree with this too.

afro.jpg
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What is wrong with a brush? I got it in the ethnic hair section. Its bristles are really close to one another.

When I wash her hair I use baby shampoo. I will cut back to once a week. The other days she has a water only bath. No soaps of any kind. I wet her hair and let the cocnut oil kinda seep in. If she is in the tub for 30 minutes or 10 minutes thats how long the oil is in for.
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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My little sister is bi-racial. And my Step-mom had quite a time figuring out how to work with her hair. She took her to a salon that specializes in the AA hair for awhile to have it braided.

Then she had it dreaded, basically a type of braid that you tighten up at the scalp every once in a while when it grows out, then it begins to dread. She has been doing this for the last 2 years, she's now 10. It's very cute.
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Old 05-01-2008, 01:30 PM
 
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a brush makes curly hair poof all out and frizzy and doesn't define the curls.

How old is your dd? Could you not use baby shampoo anymore? I would recommend a shampoo made specifically for curly hair that is moisturizing.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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Old 05-01-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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I'm not biracial but I used to frequent www.longhaircommunity.com and they always had loads of advice and natural things to use on your hair, even if your goal wasn't longer hair just healthier.

I lost over 1/2 of my hair so went there looking for advice.I no longer use shampoo at all, for the past couple years now, and only use water-soluble products, and now it's quite healthy and a lot has grown back.

: Hope I'm not intruding. I really learned a lot from that site.

Helping women overcome postpartum depression and birth trauma. http://www.postmommyhood.com

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Old 05-01-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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Does the bueaty with out cruelty really smell bad?
I like the way it smells, but it does not smell like your typical beauty products. It's scented w/ essential oils so it comes on a little strong in the beginning. If you're worried about the smell, the Giovanni stuff has a much milder scent.

BTW, I agree w/ the info you got about brushing. Get yourself a really wide toothed comb, or just finger comb it. My mom used to brush my hair and it took me until almost high school to figure out that my hair should not be getting brushed.

Oh, I thought of something else. I only was my hair once a week at most, but I put conditioner on it almost every day.
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Old 05-01-2008, 03:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, I thought of something else. I only was my hair once a week at most, but I put conditioner on it almost every day.


Sorry I ask to many questions.

If you only wash once a week how do you prevent buildup? Also wouldnt your hairy be oily in a bad way, not healthy looking.

How do you get the tangles out with only a comb?

My daughter will be two in 24 days. Yes we are on the countdown. I am afraid to use regular shampoo on her bc dont want to fight about soap in her eyes.
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Old 05-01-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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Might I respectfully suggest that you re-frame how you look at her hair. It is what it is. Black girls have so many issues with hair that, as her mom, you need to encourage her to love it no matter what texture it takes or how unmanageable it is at times. I also take issue with your use of the word "nappy". Nappy is beautiful and simply means "natural state". That said, I suggest that you use natural products like olive oil, shea butter, or coconut oil.Also check out www.oyinhandmade.com I love their products--all natural and homemade. Use these oils when her hair is wet. It might be easy to divide it into sections, plait it up and comb out small parts at a time. A very cute style on black girls is a single "afro puff" or two "afro puffs"-attained by parting her hair straight down the middle and gathering with an elastic band (not rubber) on both sides of her head. Do you know how to cornrow? If not, perhaps you can find someone who can do nice cornrows. They last for a good period of time depending on circumstances. Best of luck with your sweet baby!
Great advice, as a Black woman with biracial kids, 2 puffs is what I do for my dd's hair. Easy and cute, or when I detangle her I let her wear it out totally free.

Purplegirl is correct please be mindful of the language you use as your dd grows up, now personally nappy is a compliment to me, I am a nappy headed woman with locs . Yet it took years to hear nappy as a compliment instead of the negative that its always seen as, and since I am guessing you are white, it might be harder for your dd to hear that language coming from you.

By the way, it does sound like washing only 1x a week will be better, I wash my locs every 7-10 days and they are fine. My dd has curly hair that is more white textured so washing daily works well with her but when my son was a baby I washed his hair just a couple times a week.

As for tangles, order the Greg juice from Oyin, I use that on my dd as well as my los and its amazing. When I detangle, I lightly dry her head (she is 2.75) and spritz her hair with the grad juice and sit her down (takes at least 20 minutes) an gently detangle, the greg juice helps a ton.

Shay

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Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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Old 05-01-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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A wide toothed comb with conditioned hair is fairly simple to get tangles out.

A 2 year old usually doesn't have 'greasy' hair that needs to be washed that often. The more you wash, the more her pores will go into overdrive to replace the natural oils that were stripped. I am white and I only need to wash my own hair 3 times max a week b/c I don't over strip my hair and my pores don't over produce oil.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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Old 05-01-2008, 07:46 PM
 
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Sorry I ask to many questions.

If you only wash once a week how do you prevent buildup? Also wouldnt your hairy be oily in a bad way, not healthy looking.

How do you get the tangles out with only a comb?

My daughter will be two in 24 days. Yes we are on the countdown. I am afraid to use regular shampoo on her bc dont want to fight about soap in her eyes.
OMG, I WISH I could have a little bit of oily hair. My hair is dry as a bone so I never have to worry about build-up. And as the pp said, a wide tooth comb works great at tangles. The trick (and often a PITA) is styling hair while it's still damp. This is why I love a good leave-in conditioner. It really helps keep things smooth and tangle free.
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Old 05-01-2008, 08:31 PM
 
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A good conditioner like pp suggested and coconut oil works wonders along side a nice variety of combs.. Wash once weekly, condition, oil. Part hair into quadrants using a long-tailed comb. Hold each section separate with a loose braid or clip or ponytail holder. Work on on quadrant at a time. Divide each quadrant into four sections. With your wide tooth comb, comb out the first section. Switch to a finer tooth comb and comb. Then the finest tooth comb. Once I have successfully detangled that section, I like to braid it nice and tight (not too tight). Work on each section till that quadrant is done. Do the same to each quadrant. When you are done detangling, loose all the braids (or however you held together each detangled section) and you should now be able to gently comb through the hair with your wide tooth comb. The hair is now ready to be styled--twisted, braided, afro puffs, etc . . .

You can make up a daily spray for your child's hair to help keep it hydrated: I use 1 part oil (jojoba) to 8 parts water. Sometimes I add some glycerin and some of the same conditioner I use when washing. Sometimes I add essential oils like rosemary and lavender for a nice smell and to stimulate growth. Or you can just mist the hair with (a little) water and a dab of oil and run it through to help with styling it. Personally, I never combed my hair when it completely dry. Too much breakage. Oh, and like the pp, my hair is quite dry. Oiliness has never been the issue. HTH.

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Old 05-02-2008, 01:21 AM
 
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Purplegirl is correct please be mindful of the language you use as your dd grows up, now personally nappy is a compliment to me, I am a nappy headed woman with locs . Yet it took years to hear nappy as a compliment instead of the negative that its always seen as, and since I am guessing you are white, it might be harder for your dd to hear that language coming from you.
I agree with everything Shay and Purplegirl said. Negative attitudes toward black hair from society is bad enough, but your own mother is worse. Love her hair and she will (be more likely to) learn to love it too. Good luck with learning to love her hair and also learning to comb it!
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Old 05-02-2008, 09:49 AM
 
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Echoing Purplegirl and Shay's comments;
her hair doesn't need to be tamed, it needs to be loved and treated right. You can't force it to do what white hair does.

When my girls were little, it was braids and plaits all the way, and they only wore it loose for special occasions. They never had their hair washed more than once a week, and it was a wonderful bonding ritual for us to wash and oil their hair and scalps on Sunday mornings and twist it into Nubian Knots like this.
I found that this hairstyle is not only rockin', but it really gets the oil into the entire hair shaft from root to end and made their hair soft and managable and easy to comb and made for happier mornings getting ready for school.
I never let them sleep with their hair loose, either, it always went into plaits at night. I never found their hair to be too greasy or oily using olive oil or coconut oil, their hair was "thirsty" and needed a touch-up with oil several times a week.
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Old 05-02-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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Echoing Purplegirl and Shay's comments;
her hair doesn't need to be tamed, it needs to be loved and treated right. You can't force it to do what white hair does.

When my girls were little, it was braids and plaits all the way, and they only wore it loose for special occasions. They never had their hair washed more than once a week, and it was a wonderful bonding ritual for us to wash and oil their hair and scalps on Sunday mornings and twist it into Nubian Knots like this.
I found that this hairstyle is not only rockin', but it really gets the oil into the entire hair shaft from root to end and made their hair soft and managable and easy to comb and made for happier mornings getting ready for school.
I never let them sleep with their hair loose, either, it always went into plaits at night. I never found their hair to be too greasy or oily using olive oil or coconut oil, their hair was "thirsty" and needed a touch-up with oil several times a week.
O/T Seven!!

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Old 05-02-2008, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love the zulu knots. but what about something for short hair. If I were to pull her hair straight, her hair would be about 2 inches long. When it is as it is, it is in tight little ringlets ( thing shirly temple hair but much shorter)
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Old 05-02-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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I love the zulu knots. but what about something for short hair. If I were to pull her hair straight, her hair would be about 2 inches long. When it is as it is, it is in tight little ringlets ( thing shirly temple hair but much shorter)
Part the hair in smaller sections, like this
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